Anna12

My ex and I are back together after a 3 week breakup. We had been together for a year and a half and things all of the sudden took a downhill turn. We just couldnt make it work. He broke up with me and I was absolutley devastated. I couldnt eat, sleep, concentrate on anything. But, I was determined to keep some dignity and I tried my best to move on. THe hard part is that we are next door neighbors. So..from the day we broke up, I had 0 contact with him. I did my best to meet new people, joined some community groups and make new friends. I slowly started to feel better day by day and feel like I was going to be "ok" without him. Let me stress that if I had had ANY contact with him, I know I wouldnt have started feeling better as soon as I did. Then one day, he called out of the blue and was in pretty bad shape. He grovelled, and after many long talks, we agreed to give it another try. That was well over a month ago, and things are unbelieveable. He is the same guy that I fell in love with and we are even BETTER than we were at our best before the breakup. I am cautiously optimistic---but I feel he is worth giving a second chance. I know that he truly thought I would come back begging and crying, but I didnt. And I know he heard about me out having fun without him. That is why I really believe that No contact is the key to any breakup. It will either give the person who broke up with you regrets b/c they will realize what they lost, or you will move on MUCH faster and with your dignity.

I wanted to give an update since its been a month that my now-boyfriend again have been back together. Things have been wonderful. We have such a healthy, happy relationship, like we used to for the first year and a half that we were together. Those couple of months leading up to the break up were the toughest and most excruciating times, as well as the couple of weeks after the breakup. He has told me that he was absolutely miserable after we broke up and wanted to call, but didnt. Honestly, I am so glad he didnt. You know why? Because through all of the pain, crying, not eating for 3 days one week, ANXIETY and sleepless nights....I found out that I would be OK...heck, in time, even HAPPY without him. And that has given me something priceless in this renewed relationship. I am no longer co-dependant on him and as needy because I know I will be fine if he doesnt want to be with me. And he knows I will be OK as well and not go begging back or even contacting him in any way. Sometimes you truly have to set someone free and put it in God's hands. NOt trying to be too religious on here, but I did. I am cautiously optimistic about this relationship right now and am enjoying what a healthy relationship is. I will never be a doormat like I was and I am enjoying having my dignity back. The thing that MOST gave me my dignity back was NO CONTACT. I swear it was close sometimes and it was so hard being neighbors...but if i can do it living next door, YOU CAN TOO. And honestly I think thats why he came back so soon...He heard that I was out and having fun and smiling again and I think he realized that he needed to move or I was gone. After many long talks and tears (from him mostly) I am giving this another chance. I have said from the beginning that I have always truly felt deep down that he was "it" for me. Not to give anyone false hopes, but I just want to emphasize how important NC is...it is THE KEY to either getting over your ex, or getting them back. Thanks again for all the support. It helped more than you guys know!

Well you're not going to believe this...I am in total shock. He called last night. Says he cant live without me, has done some soul searching, wants to spend the rest of his life showing me, has seen "signs" that were supposed to be together, is an idiot for letting me go, etc, etc. I dont know what to do!!!! I saw him and he just clung on to me and kept saying "I love you" over and over again. I didnt do anything more that stay the night with him, but he was so loving and needy. I told him I just dont know if I can, but he says that he will wait for me as long as I need and spend every day showing me that hes in it for the rest of his life. HELP! This AM he's left me a message and sent me an e card. All of this progress...and this happens! I REALLY need some advice this time!

Just wanted to give an update...Its been two and a half weeks of NC and I am feeling much better. I cant believe I havent run into him with us being neighbors and going to the same gym, but I am feeling so much better. It is still a struggle not to look for his car outside and ask about him, but I am moving on with my life. I started a new job, so that is helping. I have gone out and joined a couple of local organizations (one community service group, one social sports group) and I have been meeting new people and making awesome new friends. I still have times where it still stings, and I havent seen him with a new girl yet (which will really upset me, im sure). I guess it still bothers me that he hasnt called, because I wonder if he even misses me, but I know he has to. And truthfully, I dont want him to call because I feel like I am making leaps and bounds to putting this behind me and moving forward. I got the book "Its called a break up because it's broken"- If you havent read it yet...do! It is great. So, anyway, I am def. feeling better and the anxiety is gone for the most part. I never want to go there again. Thanks for the support here! It really has helped!

Thank you very much...it has been two days of NC now and i am feeling very up and down. I realize this had to happen, but I miss him so much. Last night I went out with some friends and they proceeded to announce that I broke up with my boyfriend and was newly single. We got in free to most places we went for that. A lot of people were toasting me, saying "welcome back" I met this really nice guy and kissed him. He wants to go on a date this week. It felt so good to have someone complimenting me and not talking down to me....BUT this morning I felt so terrible when i woke up...I just missed my now ex boyfriend. Last night was like a temporary fix, but it felt good to be desired again. I dont know what to do! I feel like i have been going through these "breakup" feelings for two months now. I am doing better than I thought i would be, though. I think its because ive been trying to prepare myself for this. Its still so hard!

I know how you feel! My now ex (as of tonight) lives next door and I have been trying to stop looking out of the window for his car for awhile now b/c I had a feeling we were falling apart and wanted to stop myself. It is so hard! That is going to be the worst part of getting over him..living next to eachother and the weekends, which we spent all of together. Hang in there! You're not alone in the neighbor thing. I hope it will get better for me too!

Well, tonight it happened. We finally broke up for good. Actually, he did it but I knew it was coming. He said he thought things were getting better, but after our conversation this afternoon, he realized that nothing has changed. I told him that I love him and want us to work, but he said he had nothing left to give (again). I know he loves me and I think he is just going through a very selfish phase. I think one day he will regret it. I have been crying all night but right now I feel strong, like this is the right thing. I hope this feeling lasts, but to me, the mornings are always worse! So tomorrow will start NC day #1. THanks all for you support-it helps. I know these next few weeks will be the hardest for me....especially being neighbors with him.

Update: Things have continued to get worse. Some days are wonderful and others are just plain bad. We had a talk last week and things seemed to be getting better afterward, but last night was just too much for me- We went out to dinner for our year and a half anniversary. Dinner was wonderful and we had great conversation-things were looking up! Afterwards, he dropped me off at an event I had to go to and said he would pick me up in two hours. When I was done, I called him, and he was drunk at a bar with a friend. He couldnt drive and I had to fend for myself and have a friend come pick me up. THis is a guy who rarely drinks, and can control his alcohol intake. He was such a jerk on the phone and wasnt telling me the usual "i love you "before we got off the phone. He called again and I didnt answer the phone...he called this morning and I didnt answer either...he left a message that said "oh yeah sorry about last night, but anyway..." and left some nonchalont message and still didnt say I love you. I havent heard from him since. He normally calls by now, but hasnt..I really just think I need to end it. I dread the aftermath of how I will feel, but last night's antics were so selfish and inconsiderate. By the way, I was left out amid a tropical storm last night and was wet from head to toe b/c the wind kept blowing my umbrella out...and he was at a bar drunk!

zcloud- you wouldnt be the first to tell me that...yes, he has an extremely large ego! He recently got a job promotion and around that time a lot of our problems started. Hes very good at being manipulative. I know it when he is doing it, but sometimes, I start to believe it. I feel like a doormat! NotMyself- Thank you so much for the message and the post. I want so badly to believe that he, like you, just needs space. I think part of the problem is that I feel sort of codependant on him and it is hard to give him a lot of space. Your post makes perfect sense, and I hope that if I am able to let him go, we will work out. But I have to be able to tell him how I feel and as of now, I cant tell him anything. THis is proving to be so harmful to my happiness right now. THis weekend was terrible..I ended up going to my moms and crying my eyes out. I got so upset I threw up. I just dont know how much more of this up and down I can take from him. I spent the night with him last night and it was ok...we got along and went to sleep. Today he's called me twice already and kept asking if anything was wrong. I just couldnt tell him. I know when I tell him how im feeling it will lead to a break up. I dread the days and weeks following when we actually do break up. It will crush me. Im starting a new job and leaving the security of my old job, so it will be hard to go through this now. I just feel like we are past the point of no return. I am questioning ever word, and every move now because Im not so positive that he really wants this anymore. I used to be the center of his world, and now he is the center of his world. THanks for the advice, it helps more than you know. I just wish I could figure things out and move on with my life!

Thanks for the response and the welcomes! I just took a nap and I woke up feeling so bad...I havent heard from him in a while and I feel really sick about this whole situation. It was a very intense relationship. The reason why we broke up the first time is that it was the second time in a month that we had gotton into a big fight and he said that he felt like he was giving me everthing and that it wasnt enough..he said he had nothing left to give. THe thing about this guy is that he is a master at making me feel like everything is my fault. He is ALWAYS the victim. THis is a new side i am seeing of him. When we got back together, we decided to spend more time apart and with our friends, and to not talk about the future....just take it day by day. This is proving to be much harder for me to do than it seems for him to do. I know the only fighting chance we have is if we go our separate ways and he realizes what he is losing. After time, maybe we can try again, but there's always the chance that he moves on or I do. I cant break lease...my roommate and I just renewed a couple of months ago..I think he is looking to move around the first of the year. I am supposed to go out with friends tonight....all i want to do is go crawl in bed at my mom's house and cry. By the way, this is not my first serious relationship. I was with a guy for four years and I ended it without a bit of regret. I have had my heart broken after a year long relationship a couple of years ago...but this is different. I am so sure that once my current boyfriend and I are finished, he is going to really regret it, but he's such a proud person, I dont know that he'd ever tell me. I just feel worse by the minute!

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. Everything was perfect...we were "that" couple that was so in love. We started out as friends, but once we started dating, we were stuck together, every day and every night. He would constantly bring up marriage and tell me it was coming sooner than I thought. After a year and a couple of months of being together, i started getting a little insecure about if he still wanted to marry me b/c he had hinted it would be sooner than that. This is a guy that would tell all of my family, co-workers, etc his proposal ideas and drag me into ring stores. I never ONCE pressured him into this..it was always him bringing it up. This insecurity i started having made me question everything he said to me because I just didnt understand why he led me to believe we would be engaged and he hadnt done it yet. Once, I asked him and he blew up at me. THe last few months, we have been fighting about little things that turn into big things. We trust eachother, and there is not suspicion of him seeing anyone else. I should know...we are next door neighbors and he is always where he says he is and calls a couple of times a day. About a month and a half ago, he broke up with me and 24 hours later called to say he wanted it to work out. Since weve been back together, we are going through the motions of being together, but something is missing. He calls about 4 times a day, I still see him almost daily, he says I love you baby, etc. I am walking on eggshells around him and he is easily angered. THings were going well until last night we got into another small argument. We spent the night apart. Hes called twice this morning and we are just making small talk. I know that this is no longer a good relationship. I was just so sure in the beginning that he was it for me. We are both in our mid 20's. I dont know how to cope if we break up, yet i think we need to. It is so hard being neighbors. Any advice would be appreciated. Ive lost 15 lbs in the last month and a half and I cant shake the feeling of anxiety i have throughout the days when were arguing...why did he want to work things out after he ended things? I didnt beg and scream when he broke up with me the first time, so its not like i pressured him to call and want to get back together. Sorry this is so long..Im so confused and in pain. Please help!