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CATLOVER

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  1. CATLOVER
    Hey....how long after he was divorced did you start dating? Just wondering?
  2. CATLOVER
    Honestly in your heart do you think you could just break it off now and go no further. I bet if you really do like him you wont be able to not give it ago regardless of all the issues. Since when is love logical anyway......Ive always found that even when my head can bring up a million reasons not to go ahead , im literally pulled into it. I think some relationships whether they are transitory or long term are just meant to take place because there is something I need to learn from it. I think the big issue is knowing when something is for a short term and not trying to make it the one for the rest of my life. Anyway..... I have a girlfriend whose husband is 17yrs older and they just fit together....everyone who knew them thought it would finish in 6months...they have been together for over thirteen yrs now..... So just do what feels right to you
  3. CATLOVER
    I agree it sounds as though he is testing the waters to see if he can still have you around as a booty call. Im really glad you havnt let it go that way as the above mentioned that can be a fast road to feeling used and crap. You know what if you saying out loud to him what you want and what you dont want scares him off.....then good....at least you know he definitely just wanted the sex and you can let it go and move on. So I recommend if he brings up the sex thing again and starts hinting at it, all you have to do is come back with a playful reply like....Oh you know Id never be anyones booty call.. or something like that. This will let him know straight up where you stand and what you are not willing to do.
  4. CATLOVER
    Personally I think along the same lines as her. I am 34 ..had three serious relationships and never lived with any of them. The men wanted to.....but I think that living together before marriage is saying that hey I really like you alot even love you but not enough to commit to you. Its like having one foot in the door and one foot out.......and not being married is an escape route. Thing is that if you go ahead and live together , not get married and then break up...it is going to feel like breaking up a marriage anyway. My view is you can in fact work out if infact you want to commit to someone without having to live with them first....so if you are not sure if you want to yet.....just take your time and enjoy the relationship as it is until you know in your heart that you either want to commit or not. Everyone is going to have a different view on this...but the most important element is that your girlfriend and you are on the same page.
  5. CATLOVER
    luke2005 Oh bummer Luke. I know what your talking about...I am well trying to come through something very similar. My Ex also has a small child with his former partner and he also keeps swinging in his feelings. He says he loves her because she is his childs mother but says he loves me to.......he keeps saying how he is in love with two.......But bugger that.....I want someone for myself. I went to no contact for three months but then caved the other week....and when he was talking I can tell he is still just as confused as before........all it did was hurt to hear him still crapping on. I know its hard and its sad and it hurts, but a lifetime of that business will hurt far worse and destroy me....no one is worth that. Im back on NC now.......and I sincerely hope heading towards something healthier and happier for myself.... What I do is try to focus on what it is I want.....if I ask myself honestly do I want to share a partner with another women...do I want a partner whom I cannot rely on, do I want a partner that can change his mind when he feels like it......I definitely would not want that for myself....so thats the answer. Also like others have said......by being there with waiting arms it only enables their behaviour....and they have no reason to change it. Goodluck Luke....be strong
  6. CATLOVER
    Hmmm listen to your fear at the moment......and if its meant to be that you two should be together you will be.....but there is no rush. I would ask him if he is willing to start going to counselling for his commitment issues....if you can see he is working on it then you may feel a bit safer...but I think if you just jump back in.....as soon as it get heavy he may back off again.....because thats just the nature of his problem. Protect yourself, you are worth it.
  7. CATLOVER
    Well its possible he shoved it down (the anger that is ) because he wanted to try for the relationship. And unfortunately he has not been successful and its rearing its ugly head.....just a guess
  8. CATLOVER
    Ok....what you are describing the lips and hole are perfectly normal. Hasnt anyone given you any education on your body yet? If not talk about it to the doctor when you go in to see him. If you are too embarrassed to talk about it...go tot the library and look at some books on anatomy....... Now the other problem...the itching....sounds like Thrush to me actually...which is harmless but very irritating. Of course Im not 100% sure if it is and you need to see the doctor to check and so he can prescribe you some cream to clear it up. Most women get it at some stage and its not from anything you have done. You do have to go to the doctor though...you need to treat it otherwise it can get much worse and become a real headache.
  9. CATLOVER
    Um did you say you dated his best friend while you were broken up......Um that would probably be a bit too close to home for any guy or girl for that matter.......he might not get past that......
  10. CATLOVER
    Be careful, he is definitely on the verge of chucking it in.........BUT..... from what the emails says I think it can be turned around if you be careful for a bit. Honestly it sounds like you love each other and thats hard to find so treasure it. I would just back up a bit, give him some breathing room and let him recuperate....tell him its all ok and let him rest. In the meantime you need to work out how you are going to deal with your moods or insecurities or whatever it is that is draining him. Its not his job to use his energy to try and pep you up......it up to you to make yourself happy. I have a feeling if there are a few changes this could turn out all ok
  11. CATLOVER
    I also hope you are genuine because its very worrying to hear someone in need of help..... PLEASE go to the doctor.......I know what suicidal depression is like and It is an illness and it is treatable and it does pass...but the first step is to get help.
  12. CATLOVER
    THANKYOU for the replies and the points of view, they all have something to offer me..... Im a bit confused and down....I guess I just need to accept I am how I am...but at the same time I always wanted to have a family......and being a free spirit and wanting a family seem to be worlds apart...unless of course I get the opportunity to do it alone......but thats another story with all its own issues....ho hum THANKYOU
  13. CATLOVER
    Can I truly say it's over? I know its hard but the BEST thing for you would be to assume it is over and just move forward with the thought that it is only you from here on in. Honestly this is the best way to approach it at the moment. What could she be thinking at her point of view? She may be thinking a zillion things....ranging from Ive done the right thing for me to OMG I just let the love of my life slip away. Thing is you couold go crazy tring to work out what she is thinking and any guess would most likely be wrong. Is it normal to even at this point still want love from your ex? Yes Honey...Its so perfectly normal to still want love from her......its natural...you loved her and feelings dont just turn off like a tap on demand......dont act on the feeling though......just acknowledge them and let them pass... You are doing great.....a day at a time
  14. CATLOVER
    Yeh the STD comment is harsh and way out of line.....its an infection not an STD....so it doesnt make any sense anyway. Does she know its an infection? Maybe she is ill informed and thinks its an STD......dont know.....but I would be setting her straight on that for a start. Sounds to me like she is starting to walk all over you........Dont let her do that......stand up for yourself when you need to ok.
  15. CATLOVER
    Hi All Ive know for years I have big issues with commitment....Ive done alot of work on myself but I know its still operating in my life. I only need look at the men I choose to know its still happening. Nearly every guy Ive ever chosen has bigger commitment issues than mine which covers mine up quite nicely whilst in a relationship. Only had one boyfriend who was generally a emotionally healthy individual ready to give me a healthy commitment and off I ran for the hills... So yes Im clear as anything I have issues......the problem is I have tried so hard and worked so hard to try and heal whatever it is inside that is holding me back and keeping me in this pattern....I just dont know what to do anymore.......I even did a spiritual healing course...Ive done it all and Ive read it all. So for what its worth is has anyone recognised this in themselves at some point and overcome it....and if so....how? Im at a loss.........Im really starting to feel like ill be forever having crap relationships.
  16. CATLOVER
    Yes, back to NC.....there is no other way..... I feel like a dam fool......and I cant even blame him....he is just being his normal inconsiderate self absorbed self.....and I already knew that.....and I still chose to go in for a round of pain. Yes your right I have learned in that I didnt let it get seriously sexual......But now I know it hurts anyway. Thing is he spends the whole time he gets any contact crapping on about how much he loves me and I ASKED HIM why he says that when we both know he doesnt.....He says he does but cant commit until he gets all this other stuff sorted out. Im like firstly no one is asking you to commit and secondly all women know 'Cant Commit' just means dont like you enough. So he says ok I understand you have to do NC then...he says I promise I wont contact you...but you can contact me any time you want, and if you need anything call me. WHICH to me just translates to.......if I work this so you call me...then I dont have to feel guilty. ANY way the details dont really matter - it just hurts anyway
  17. CATLOVER
    Im mortified at myself.......Ive been reading this board for months since my breakup 4 months or so ago. Im 34 so I have oodles of experience of NC on breakup. So what do I do.....yup you guessed .... I let my ex back in after months.....I let him take me out the other night.....I thought I was good, I was cool, Im feeling all strong and it shouldnt be a problem........what a dam fool......its taken oh ABOUT THREE DAYS for him to upset me. Now Im really upset AGAIN and all the past STUFF rose back up to bite me in the ass......Honestly I dont learn......I must really like pain...seriously! Oh and mind you I didnt let anything serious happen sexually.......THANKGOODNESS or Id be TEN TIMES WORSE. So anyone thinking of breaking the NC please learn from my mistakes since i DONT SEEM TO!!!!
  18. CATLOVER

    Indecision

    CATLOVER replied to freedom's topic in Dating Advice

    I hear you! LOVELY isnt it ending up with the feeling like a piece of meat........when you realise the one you care for has a look around for something a bit better....pfffff....Its not nice! I noticed alot of people dont have the capacity to break one thing off...heal...and then move on in a respectful manner.......
  19. CATLOVER
    I was drinking too way too much...so I started replacing some of the cups with tea instead......then slowly changed down to only drinking tea(which I dont like that much)....so I ended up only drinking a cup or two of tea a day....then I stopped and didnt have any for a about 4 months....now im back to drinking about two cups of coffee a day...the break was good
  20. CATLOVER
    Oh yeh! Good grief I think I actually posted about my anger when I broke up with my Ex.....I remember feeling like not angry but full on enraged.....it felt horrible...I was thinking terrible things.....but it passes
  21. CATLOVER
    OH and asking questions about the girl and her life is a good thing to do as well. We appreciate being drawn out and its special to feel a man is interested in us as people...
  22. CATLOVER
    Erm it just depends on the guy I think. All I can tell you is guys that get heavy and pressurising are a turn off..... One thing I do know is I know guys have grabbed my attention at times doing something nice that I didnt expect....just something small and thoughtful. Umm like bringing you a chair or seeing you need help with something and offering your help.....that sort of thin shows you have the ability to care and can make a woman open her eyes to you.
  23. CATLOVER
    I think Id hold off for a bit longer actually....I know you say he is shy...but I think it would be really good if it was him that initiated anything this time around. Also I cant help thinking if a guy really loves you and wants you bad enough he will find a way to let you know.......enjoy the friendship for a bit longer and see how it goes....what i am saying is really when you think about it he broke up with you last time...so the ball is in his court....and it would be nice for you and reassuring for you if he made the moves this time. Just my thoughts anyway
  24. CATLOVER
    Yup, just someone using the dating sites to pull some customers in Id say.
  25. CATLOVER
    Yes I get nothing is going good.....believe me nothing does when you feel low like that....thats why Im suggesting some help...but if you dont want to get help....well then i guess it will continue on the same
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