CATLOVER

HMMMM...yeh classic rebound I AM AFRAID. Just stay way for now...actually she will be thick in breakup emotions for quite a while even if it doesnt seem so on the outside. I just came out of something with a guy who had just come out of an eight yr relationship. Thing is I didnt even know till i had dated him for over four months. Then it all came out, I had feelings for him by then but he still wasnt over the last thing...anyway needless to say it was a rebound thing and I was definitely used and abused. It is the lowest feeling when you like someone and they are using you to boost themselves up.....Im still hurting. So thats why my advice is stay away for now....because it will just be more of the same until she is over it....and no point you being her get over it tool.

Oh Dear, yes heartbreak is the pits. You sound like your going through the grief part. Everything you are missing is magnified and it hurts like hell. No Contact will be the quickest way through trust me but still takes awhile to get through the loveshock experience. I am 34 and have had 3 heartbreaks one more heart wrenching than the other two but they all hurt bad. I felt all the things you say u are feeling so that goes to show you will come through it and you will heal and you will love again. By the way not that it lessens the pain but doesnt sound like he is a great guy to be with anyway, doesnt sound like he is offering you love and respect. You deserve better.

Hi There, I broke up five weeks ago after 16months in a relationship. I made the break because he was a very bad choice on my part. I did care for him but I admit I never or I thought I never did open my heart up to him fully as I could see that the qualities needed for a healthy relationship were not there. So anyway I have been so good, ok I had the odd day here and there and a bit of a cry here and there but mostly i felt good. Even though he was calling I was doing NC thinking he would soon give up. In fact he did for about 4 or 5 days. The tonight he called and I thought it was my friend as we were in the middle of texting each other so I answered. Oh dear...so he wants to chat...I was very clear and probably quite straight forward in stating that I was not interested in his calls. Anyway he goes on a bit and then i just say i have to go. Now this is the thing Im beside myself now.....The hugest wave of grief and pain hit me and I could just sob my heart out, even my soul feels in pain. THEN THE ANGER HIT.....he was just so awful for months at the end and did so many things to break my heart and now its all bubbling up. What Im feeling is actually more rage.......every cell in my body hates him and detests him for hurting me so bad.....and I have to admit I even text him a while ago and poured out how much I hate him... and I dont even care...because I do and he deserves it!!!!! Ummmm so why is this guy causing such a strong reaction. I am a very logical person and I have a great understanding of people and I can usually control my emotions quite well. But tonight I feel like an enormous open wound that someone has just rubbed salt in

I think you are spot on when you said you miss the idea of love not specifically him. I broke up with someone a month ago and know it was for the best as he was just not ever going to be a good choice for me. Mostly I feel good about my choice but even so still have a big sob my heart out session here and there. When this has happened Ive asked myself how I can be so upset about losing someone who was just not that nice really and I realised my grief is more about losing the possibilty of love.....anyway I applaud you on no contact, Ive done the same and also had him calling all the time but I dont answer because I just cant. I am not ready to talk to him...i know id still get upset and i know he would be saying all this stuff to try to win me over.....

Yes I have been through this perplexing situation. Years ago now but I remember how awful it was. My first love broke up with me after 2years and then he closed down and would not speak or even look at me. Not a thing...it felt brutally cruel at the time. The break up was sad but his total shutdown near killed me at the time. Anyway you know what he basically acted like that for a few yrs after that. Now it was just a normal breakup there was no cheating or whatever else to bring on the total shut out for such a long time. Well years later I know now it was just him and the way he deals with anything emotional. You see its like 13yrs later and he has been a friend for yrs now. Once I got passed all the hurt and rejection and lots of time had gone by and I had seen how he dealt with other emotional times in his life I NOW know it was not me at all it was just the way he is. As long as I have known him he goes into lockdown and almost pretends whatever is causing upset does not exist, thats his coping mechanism. What Im trying to say most things are never as they seem at the time, and when someone is acting not how you would in a certain situation doesnt mean it is about you....Its about him....

wow 7years...I gave my ex boyfriend the flick because he was waffling at 15months.Not about marriage...but he didnt know where he wanted to head as he already had a bust up and a small child. I just realised it didnt matter what love was there...I knew what i wanted and where i wanted to head and at 33 was not willing to spend years with someone who had no idea what he wanted. I decided that it was best for him to be let go so he can find out and best for me to be free and available for someone more on the same page.Not easy as it sounds, but Im glad now.

OH well yes it does depend on the situation and emotions involved...its all relative. My first love broke my heart into a skizillion pieces and th epain was so bad I thought I would die. It took near 3yrs to recover. He never cheated on me or abused me.....he just wasnt as in love as I was and he didnt want to continue...easy to say now....but the hurt i felt at losing him was extreme because my feeling were way deep. Then recently I broke off with a guy whom after 15moths of struggle turned out to be nothing but a low down rat, he constantly lied and manipulated and Id even be confident with a guess there was other women.......I really cared for him...butonly 3 weeks later I only get the pdd twinge of sadness and loss and mostly im just fine and glad im getting that outta my life.... SO the situation , the time of life, the length , the amount you let yourself love...etc etc are all relative to pain felt. Had the first love done the thingsthis last ratbag did it would have killed me Im almost sure of it.

hmmm Simon I think I saw the message you wrote last week when it actually happened and remember the part where she withdrew her comment with an I was drunk excuse....sorry but has she contacted you again since? I know its hard but my advice would be hold it back for now. I know when u heart feels so much for someone it almost feels impossible not to contact them and pour it all out. Thing is in my experience this laways ended up making me fifty million times more heartbroken when the response was not what i was hoping. For now can I suggest you write all your feelings out in a letter to her....NOT TO SEND.....just to get it out unfettered. Then you can either rip it up or hide it somewhere to look back at in six months to see how far you have come. I wish I could tell u something to make it better.

OMG your an 18yr old male that wants to really be loved and love before you have sex.....that is the best thing Ive ever read....Im so happy to see you write that. Where were you when I was 18. All I can say is I applaud your morals and there will be a girl that will come along when the time is right and she will be very lucky.

What a CREEP I forgot to read how old you are but you know what as you get older life becomes more complicated what with work and bills and children an so on, the last thing I can assure you that you will need is a man in the picture with an abuse problem. By the way he has only just started ...if u accept his behaviour it will escalate and it is abuse. Now I dont think for a second you can just break it off and not feel a thing. You have 2yrs and it will hurt to go.....but only for a little while...if you stay with him though, the pain may just turn out to last years more or even a lifetime. You deserve better. Hope this helps

Hmmm ok well only you know how you feel but the problem for you is clarity. I dont have the answers but I can tell you many years ago I went out with and nearly married a guy whom I had feelings for similar to what your explaining. After me pushing an pulling the poor guy all over the place and nearly doing my own head in I realised that I wouldnt be able to marry him and I couldnt imagine being with him forever. You see I loved him dearly but was not in love with him. Now further along my journey and only recently actually I ended up with a boyfriend who felt as your feeling now, and everything he said and did became a mixed message. He said the same things you said. He said I really like to be with you and I miss you and your so kind to me but sometimes it just doesnt feel enough.I gavehim more time but in the end I just couldnt spend anymore time being with someone who is not certain and anxious about how they feel...think I deserve better. So from these two experiences all I can say is that if someone is feeling not quite right about the relationship on any level whether it be you or the other person its really an intuition thing of knowing something isnt quite clicking. You need to listen to the internal messages you are getting...Remember your girlfriend may be really close to being right for you and you obviously love her as a person....but is that enough for your long term happiness and hers for that matter. Anyway all food for thought for you Best of Luck CATLOVER

Take your time is always best. Give her that call and ask her out on a date to do something fun like ice skating or u know something that is light and fun that you do with friends. Not a romantic date if u know what I mean. You want to do some activities together so you can find out who she is and if you really like her first. Then maybe after a few of these dates and you have decided you do want to turn it more romantic you can start going to the movies or out to dinner and just do small things like hold her hand. I cant speak for all females but I like slow...and I like a male to take the time to find out who I am before he starts making moves, then when the time comes to respond to his advance I can respond genuinely knowing that it is me he likes. Thats my view anyway Goodluck with it

Hey There honestly...GO FOR IT...the time may be perfect now. There has to be some reason she is still in your mind. Worst thing you could ever do is not follow up on it.....even if it turns out there was nothing in it....this way you will never have any what ifs to haunt you. I agree with the post before that you just ring casually, make it a friendly catch up call and find out where she is at ...if she is hooked up or single....if she is single..then you can start building a friendship with her again and see where it takes you. ACTUALLY DONT U DARE NOT AT LEAST CALL HER OR ILL COME KICK UR BUTT.