CATLOVER

Um I know exactly what you are talking about and in the end the spark was just not there for me physically....sometimes a woman can warm up to a man.....its not impossible...but i found when I felt like you it just didnt happen that way for me...goodluck

Actually it sounds like you have already answered yourself.....your not happy and have said you dont feel like your getting your needs met. Look its not your fault she has a problem and really she is the only one that can help herself. Is she getting professional help or just expecting you to do all the support work......if she is not getting help, whats going to change? I know what this situation is like, I tried to be support and help to someone with a few big problems and all I ended up feeling like was a washed out rag.....I felt like I was being sucked dry and the person because of all their dramas couldnt seem to return any support. I felt like their mother in the end and when I asked myself if thats what I wanted....the answer was no I didnt. Its a two way street.... best of luck, dont feel bad about needing something for yourself.......

Yes its a hard position...but you know what you want right now and thats the main thing. Its not your fault, its always a risk when entering a relationship that one person needs to exit at some stage. He is now learning this....we all have to learn it at some stage. Please dont feel bad...you are doing the right thing for yourself and for him if you feel it is over for you....although it might not feel like it right now. As was said above you cant control if he does anything to himself and you cant just placate and be with him so he doesnt...thats not right either. So hold your ground. Is there anyone he is close to.....like a parent or friend you could have a private talk to. Maybe telling someone he is close to that you are worried about him and could they help him or keep an eye on him....maybe then you can know you did all you could and hopefully feel free of the situation.

Uugghhh.....Horrible feeling isnt it. I dont want to be with you but I dont want to completely let go either...just in case. This is the meanest of all situations I think and know EXACTLY how it feels. Its confusing...one part of you wants to protect yourself and the other part misses them so much you feel like taking what ever is offered. But thats what NC is about...because she is gonna turn up , chat to you, flirt with you, and then say when you feel like she is giving you all these signs....No I told you I dont want to be together and then your gonna feel even more like crap. Trust me becasuse Ive done it all a million times before......NC is the only way until your feelings have diminished....dont do it to yourself. Tell her she cant come because its not what you want at the moment and that youll let her know when your ready for contact.

He shoved you??? Thats not on no matter how mad or whatever he is.....just another sign he is not for you. You KNOW you can do better and have said it out loud yourself....so believe in that knowledge.....something better will come in time.

Yeh I can understand everyone has there own feelings on this. And I still hold firm that I would prefer a man to cover the bill for a coffee the first time....the next time I would offer to get it. The thing is the guy I had a coffee date with today almost ran to the counter ordered his coffee....The lady looked at me and at him and said anything else and he just went nup...paid his money and almost ran over to a table and left me standing there. I was rather mortified to tell the truth and embarrased......it was just plain rude in my book and to me is a red flag of what would come later. Na...I just cant get past this one Im afraid.

Yes thats how I feel exactly...this...whatever it was that happened this arvo just felt dead wrong.....This guy has straight out told me he is interested...so if thats the case then.....Im definitely at a loss......I underdtand guys might think and feel why should they have to pay....well I dont think they understand when a man looks after you its the way to feel if there is any romantic chemistry.....for me thats a part of it....I cant help it......What happened this arvo just makes me think ...this guy doesnt think Im worth the 3.00 for a coffee........

Hi There, I havnt got OCD now but was displaying signs of it many years ago when I was about 16 through to about 19. I also at the time was suffering an anxiety disorder. I remember I just had to use blue pegs on the line , if I used the red ones it meant something bad would happen, I remember that one but there were other things I had to do to avoid bad things happening as well like sitting in a certain chair etc and it was a horrible feeling and it does control you I know. I thought I had gone nuts at the time.....the way I got over it was to read up on everything about it and I started challenging my thinking....I literally made myself do the things that I didnt want to. Like I used the red pegs and then waited for impending doom that i was sure would follow, and it never did...so I slowly got myself over it. I also cured myself of severe panic attacks. Understanding the problem inside out was the first step. But I think there are varying degrees of this problem and if yours is severe you may be wise to reach out for help because it will affect everything in your life.

Hi everyone, Just want to see what others have to say on this topic. I have dated a fair bit over the years and I am maybe of the old school in that if I go for a coffee or drink with a new male aquaintance the male pays. I know men will feel this unfair...but to me its not about the money its about the male/female dynamic.....If I go for a coffee (and ok its like 2.50) and a guy just lobs up pays for his own and waits for me...I dont feel very special and I also feel like he is saying im not willing to share what I have. I just went on a coffee date and the guy rushed up to the counter ordered his own drink paid for it and rushed to sit down. So I ordered mine and payed and went and joined him but I have to say Ive never had that happen before...and have no idea what to think. Ive always had the man offer to pay or in alot of cases flat out refuse that I would pay.....sometimes a guy has paid and then if we are enjoying ourselves I will pay for the next drink. So its not that I am not willing to contribute.....I am more than happy.....but I would think he would at least order the drink and then split the bill. Oh I dont know...he is a bit younger so maybe the rules changed or something......Guys give me some views and let me know whats happening on your dates and what you think on the subject.

That just plain weird and he seems to be a bit of a mental case.....just ignore him.....there is better

That just plain weird and he seems to be a bit of a mental case.....just ignore him.....there is better

Im not trying to freak you out......and only a test will tell for sure. The symptoms you describe could be a variety of things...BUT they are definitely signs of early pregnancy also......off to the chemist to buy a test for you....You need to know asap. Let us know the outcome...I have a feeling I know what the answer is

Ummm sometimes making contact again and talking like friends can give closure to the whole love shock experience (getting throught the grief etc) and sometimes can start an honest friendship BUT you have to be so over it and have no hidden agendas and good boundaries and as mentioned above also have no expectations on how the contact will go. If you are fine with the fact he may not want any contact at all and also fine wiht the fact he may go...Oh hi, yeh I met the love of my life and getting married next week......then it will be ok, but if you know it will affect you......leave it for now. Only you know inside BUT be honest with yourself also P.S Wow isnt it amazing how wise and easy it is to give others advice and then when your in something cant do exactly what you advise other people. They say people teach best what they need to learn themsleves ......just a thought

Yeh I have the same problem....and after too many infected ingrown hairs and now even some scars.....I give it a miss, its not worth all the problems. I just do the sides and umm bottom area...cause i cant stand a hairy butt on me...he he.

Well im the opposite Im not interested in chasing....for me the dynamic feels wrong. When I was younger I hated having to be powerless and waiting for some guy to call....but now it doesnt bother me at all...because it gives vital clues about a guy for a start.....like if they say they will call at a particular time and then dont for a few days...that can tell me alot about a man.....also I dont wait for the calls....I just go out and live my life and if they call great and if they dont well I havnt wasted any time staring at the receiver and feeling all hurt and powerless. But thats just how it works for me, everyone is different.

Hi Guys, For those of you who know my scenario - been about ten days of the renewed NC and I even sorta met a guy Ive been having coffee with which is nice for me.......and tonight I get the knock on the door and open it up to the crying EX....six foot six and 130kilos of him crying....I mean what are you supposed to do......thats a hard sight to see and I honestly even though I shoulda turned him right around and sent him off.....I just dont have the heart. So I took him outside gave him a drink and let him blabber on about how his life is all screwed up and blah blah blah, tried my best to offer some help....I sound a bit cold but for but those of you who dont know the story this is a man that given an inch will turn my life into painful mess and he is only comfort seeking....when its me that needs some kindness its another story....and he has put me through way more than should ever even taken place. But how do you turn any person away that needs an ear....I dont know. Ive sent him off home now - I am suspicious of his motives...and wary but with lack of knowing what to do I gave him a bit of friendship and sent him off. He said Ive treated you terribly and I said I know and your actulaly really lucky Im even talking to you. Now Im sitting here and thinking I hope Im not setting up another pattern for him.....running to me for comfort.....what do u do.

Yeh be careful of Im gunna Im gunna people. My Ex was always going to this, going to that, he was going to give his heart once this was done, once that was done...Whatever.Then I realised if he wanted to , really wanted in his heart to be trying with me he wouldve been....I think him saying when this happens when that happens was a way of extending time in hope that his heart would open wide to me all of a sudden. Basically if you want a commited relationship and he cant or wont or is not ready or whatever.....after a certain amount of time you have to face that fact and get moving on.......otherwise you start to enter PAIN territory. If your meant to be together he will show back up in your life when he is also ready...if he is not meant for you...all you have done is avoided pain and made room for what you want to come into your life.[/b]

LOL DARKBLUE I was wondering that as well. May as well just send our babies straight to the pub after they are born....seems to be getting younger and younger.

Oh yeh....dont you love his style.......he has a girlfriend and he still wants to make sure someone is in the background grieving their hearts out for him....PPPFFFFT...... Firstly congratulations for not rising to the bait...well done....that would really be bugging him...GOOD! Secondly you havnt done anything to him....its not you...ITS HIM...ITS HIM...ITS HIM! Ive had this happen where an ex dumped me and then proceeded to act like he hated my guts for like the next two years....I remember being not only devastated but humiliated and perplexed.......I learnt years later when we became good friends again...that all it was about was he didnt know how to deal with the breakup and that was his screwed way of dealing with it.....it was his guilt. So dont let it get you down just keep the NC going.

OK so ... 1) Girls love being asked out...even if its someone they dont at first fancy....its a compliment and it gets a girl thinking about you...I mean isnt it human nature if someone is interested in us....alot of the time that then generates an interest in them. 2)You are sometimes gonna be a fool, feel like a fool, and come off as a fool even though you are not a fool.....if you can accept that and get past it.....then you are doing better than most and will take more risks which will produce more results. 3)The thing is when it comes down to it dating is a numbers game....the more girls you approach the more no thanks you might get but also the more yes thanks you will get. YOU WILL BE REJECTED AT TIMES.....thats all part of it and we all get rejected...... Goodluck

Heartbroken, It hurts doesnt it! I know I know.After months of NC and finally speaking tomy Ex because I was looking for closure....he convinced me to let him take me out for the night against my better judgement (but I bloody missed him). Anyway he weedled himself into staying the night (though I didnt give him any mojo becaue I HAVE learnt at least not to do THAT from past experience). But he still got to sleep next to me all night and to cuddle me and to booody well grope me......and I dont care what anyone says for a woman who cares it still feels intimate and it still hurt like hell when he backed off a few days later. Back TO NC for you...BACK to no contact for me!

Well I can say I have just finally dragged myself away from an emotionally abusive man....thing is it takes a while to work out what is going on. It can be subtle and hard to work out whats going on until your self esteem is shot and you dont know how it happened. Its true what Beec said above as well...its addictive and hard to break away from. For Example my Ex would Spend a weekend being sweet as honey, doing all the right things and saying all the right things....being very seductive is what I would call it then he would just go cold and become unreliable....like he didnt really give a dam. I would feel very hurt and retreat and start closing down my feelings. The he would become seductive again and lure me back in...only to again back off again. At first the pattern was drawn out, but then it became quicker and quicker until in a 24hr period the temperature could go from hot as hot to below zero. I thought I was going crazy. It was a roller coaster ride to hell and back. Thing is Id find myself so depressed and unloved and if you talked to him he didnt even seem affected. Then I would get myself back on track and he would ring crying and all emotionally so he could get the hooks back in. He could tell you he loved you in one breath and then act like your a vague aquaintance in the next. I could write a book on some of the behaviour. Thing is the red flags were there near the beginning in hindsight. All I can say is watch and listen in the beginning the clues will be there. if something doesnt quite seem right or anything doesnt add up...do yourself a favour and query it.

Thanks Beec I dont want to waste any more time walking around feeling bitter......Thanks for reading and replying...I have no one around to talk to as I live alone so this board is really helping me sort through the healing process quicker. Thanks CATLOVER

Hi Everyone.....Im sorry if this post may be a bit boring but I need to use this board to get something out. I wrote on here at the beginning of the week after I had broken no contact with my ex a few weeks ago whom I broke up with over four months ago now. I broke no contact because I felt ready to forgive and was looking for closure but unfortunately being who he is he just saw it as a sign to push back into my life and just screw me over AGAIN. Anyway Im glad to say after returning to NC on Monday and after a few days of feeling low as low with a hurting heart I feel ready again to forgive. Ive learnt however that I cant tell him directly otherwise Id be going in for another round of pain......and I could write this in my diary but I feel more validated if its witnessed by others.......so Im going to write a letter to J below so I can get this out of my system and hopefully move forward to find some real and lasting love. Dear J I forgive you. I forgive you for lying to me. I forgive you for playing me for your own gain. I forgive you for manipulating me and causing me so much pain. I forgive you for thinking its alright to do what you have been doing to me. It was not alright and it never was alright to do some of the outrages things you have been doing while you have been in my life. I was only looking for love and wanting to give my love....that is all. It hurt me like you wouldnt believe and will never know to have my love and good nature abused the way you have done. Im sorry that your heart is so closed and I know you are in a lot of pain inside but that does not give you the right to make everyone else hurt as well. It took me a long time to realise you are a very sick man and not capable of giving me the love that I deserve. It took me a lot of pain and struggle to get that my love is not enough to help you in any way. I made a big mistake thinking my love was so powerful it would make a difference. I am happy to forgive you for all of it because I can not walk around with a closed heart, that hurts me too much. I really hope for you that one day you will heal and be able to open your heart and love someone fully... I wish for you nothing but happiness and love in your life. I am moving on now J, Im done......I want to thankyou for being my teacher....through the pain I have learnt many things that I would not have learnt if you didnt come into my life to teach me. Its time for me to let go and move forward to something new. Its time for me to have some loving soft gentle lessons in my life... I also want to say I have forgiven myself for my part in all the drama that came to pass. I forgive myself for thinking things I had no right thinking and doing things I had no right doing. I forgive you and I forgive me. Goodluck and best wishes Love D Thanks guys

O Look, who the hells knows what goes through some peoples heads.....I had something similar happen recently but I didnt even bother trying to work out what he was up to...I just chalked it up to the ... a bit weird catergory. I had a guy ask me out for coffee...he kept texting me leading up to the grand event..LMAO. When we met I could tell he really enjoyed himself and was attracted....BUT in the conversation he mentioned the girlfriend.....????????????? All I could chalk it up to is he likes to date for his ego....or he was fishing for a bit on the side....WHO KNOWS THESE DAYS!!! Anyway it wasnt what Im after so...whatever