TooNiceAGuy

He's hurting himself if you ask me, you don't sound like a horrible person. To me it seems very few horrible people find these forums at all. I think you've done what you could, now he's just acting really weird. Hiding caller id is plain desperation.. Don't call him back, leave him be. And if you can screen your calls, I'd say do.

Thanks, you all helped I guess I'll try to play it as cool as I can. Get my things, transfer the site, and just go NC (forever). She doesn't deserve my friendship anyway, I clearly couldn't trust her as a girlfriend, so how could I trust her as a friend? I couldn't. If Anger is the second step, then acceptance shouldn't be far away, yay!

My girlfriend of broke up with me 2.5 weeks ago (I posted about that back then). I was miserable for two weeks, had NC, and then she picked up contact (email then phone). We talked some, I said I wanted my things, and that we needed to transfer a website I hosted for her.. all that was fine. She still really wanted to remain friends as I'm "such a great guy", and I said I'd try. I thought maybe I actually could try... then.. Over this last week however, some stuff has popped up of things I'm finding out (she claimed she wasn't ready for a relationship, and yet I saw her on a dating site with a reactivated account), she was going to invite me to her birthday party at a house she owns and said she'd send out an eVite. She did and I wasn't on the list (friend of hers told me). and lately my feelings have gone from "missing her", "wanting her back" and "still in love".. to just sheer anger, wanting to bring up things that would hurt her (like things her mom said about her, and their relation is somewhat sketchy already), bring up lies she told me that I know the truth about, and not even help her with the website (she has no IT skills on that end, so she'd be lost) and tons of other things. I'm actually worried about myself, I realize some sort of hate and resentment against the person who dumped you is normal, but I'm getting to the point where I really want her to be hurt emotionally (not physical!! I'm not like that - at all) over how she treated me in the relationship. I'm not usually an angry person, and I'm boiling. I'm not sure what I'm asking for, maybe someone can relate? and have some ideas on how to deal with this anger.. My friend who's supported me throughout this says I need to just play it cool. I'm trying, but I feel so used.

In my case it took almost two weeks (she dumped me). She took a trip to Mexico during that to "think" about things (I know who she went with, so no, it's not a new guy) .. anyway. It took two weeks, and it was via email. After that we've had a few email conversations, and one phone coversation at the end of those because the emails started to get misunderstood. Phone call lasted 17 mins. Mostly it was talks about me getting my things, and I told her some things I just wanted off my chest (I felt like "I don't care, I lost her anyway", but I kept them short and non-needy). She knows I still love her, obviously. We also had the "friends" talk, (she wants to remain friends, I have a hard time seeing that ever happen). Overall I'd say the outcome was pretty good. I felt some closure, which is what I needed. Do I miss/love her still? Absolutely. Did NC for two weeks work? Yeah, I'll have to say it did. Is there a chance of us getting back together? Probably not. She admitted she's too busy for a relationship. Can I be friends with her? probably not. Hope that helps

Do you want your EX back? Is there a chance of getting her back? If "No" then she has no right to check up on you (she has no right anyway), she lost that right when she became "Ex". As much as I'd love to know if my Ex is seeing someone else, I can't deal with that, it makes me sick inside just thinking it. I'd rather move on and forget, I suggest you do the same.

I find that the "usual" method seems to work well. Basically, you're both sitting down in the couch, you lean over and kiss her, and keep kissing her. Use your hands, and don't go directly for breats/etc, caress her hair while you kiss her, let your hands go down her back.. after a while when things heat up, ask her if she wants to move to the bed. You're not saying "lets have sex" but you mean it. If she/he is ready, and feel comfortable, you'll move to the bed, and clothes should soon come off =) (btw, this works without a couch too, against a wall, standing up, or wherever). Be bold, make the move. Good luck!

Good thread. You're clearly moving in the right direction. She doesn't know what she wants, those women scare me. My girlfriend didn't know what she wanted, she finally told me last night (2 weeks after breakup) that she wasn't ready for a relationship. I had known that for a good while, I just didn't want it to be true. She was too focused on career, friends, etc, which caused me to have trust issues. We're going down the "lets try to be friends" path now, and I figured I'd give it a shot. But I need to get over her 100% completely before that. Or there's no way that will ever work. Getting over love is so hard. Keep updating, I want to hear how this plays out.

Hi Hayleyrosa, I think you both have issues you need to deal with here. Yes you're both young, but emotions run wild no matter what age you're in. The fact that you get suicidal thoughts when your loved one is treating you bad is very very bad. You should never get into a state where you want to end your life because of someone you love shouting at you, or any other reason for that matter. You love him, but at the same time you hate how he treats you. It also sounds like you both ended up being in a long-distance relationship when you went of to Uni, which are hard in themselves. You need to ask yourself if the way the relationship has been going is how you want it to continue. I'm pretty sure your answer here is "no". If you're thinking about ending your life because of him, then he is NOT good for you. Period. You need to start thinking about yourself, and your well being. And I think you need to go hang out some more with your best friends, and tell them what's going on, they can support you through this as well. When you meet him, tell him the truth. Tell him that you love him, but the way things have been going is not the way you can continue living, with him. You need to move on, and break contact for a while. I checked your blog, and it sounds like you're doing better. Just post here if you have feelings of suicide and what not, we'll all help as best we can. Just remember, this is about YOU feeling happy. That's where you need to get to.

He's been gone a month. I'm trying to put myself in his shoes here. He came out of a divorce, he got cheated on. He's had some time. I see this as a few possibilities; 1 - You're his rebound, he's still thinking about his Ex and the possibility of forgiving and getting back with her. 2 - He's having a really hard time, just doesn't know what he wants. 3 - He's too afraid to commit again because he got hurt (cheating is a horrible pain, I've been there). 4 - He loves you, but doesn't know how to show it, and because of 1, 2, 3, he's having a harder time than normal. I hate to say this, but regardless of the reason, it's not fair to you. You feel really bad because you put all your love into him, but you get none back. That's not a way to live. You need to bring things up with him. He needs to make a choice. If he can't, do NC. He might come back, but move on in the meantime. Sometimes guys need a wakeup call to snap them out of their reality, you need to wake him up.

Excellent post. I was dumped. It's been two weeks today. It's hard. She broke NC last night via email, making life harder. I've noticed that trying to turn things into comedy works pretty well, but not everyone can do that. Not even myself sometimes. I think we all sooner or later come to the realization that the juice isn't worth it anymore. We move on, forget, find someone else. It's just the time up to that point that's hard. Great post!

I don't want to be blunt, but it sounds like she has strong feelings for the other man, and that she doesn't really have as-strong feelings for you. You don't want be her shoulder to cry on when her other ex gets married, the last thing you want to be is her fallback option. That won't do any of you any good. If she loves you, she'll come back for that reason, and she obviously needs time to think about things right now. It's been 14 months if I understand your post right. You need to move on with your life, or you'll be stuck wondering forever, and you'll never feel any better. It's hard. But you deserve to be happy.

Just read most of the posts here (started at 9 am!). There's some fantastic advice in these forums. They do make me feel better, which is hard right now. I've been doing NC for 2 weeks, hardest weeks of my life. No one can tell you to "move on", and you just do. It's hard. Takes personal time. Reflection. I'm having an insanely hard time. Crying randomly. All of us recently-dumped are. I want to post something my childhood girl friend just emailed me (I replaced names with Jill & Mike): "So sorry to hear about Jill. Mike, nobody is perfect. Perhaps because you hadn't had a long-term girlfriend for a while it was easy for you to put her on a pedestal. I always believe that we meet people for a reason. They have something to teach you or vise versa. When the lessons are learnt and there is no more to teach, then we move on..." I had to read that probably 3 times before I didn't take it as a harsh sentence. I think she's right, no matter how much it hurts to say it. Of course I want my GF back. But it's true, I have to focus on me. Try to keep busy. I've joined up with link removed (again), eHarmony etc, not to find another girl right away, but to feel like there's interest in me. It feels nice to get flirts, I actually suggest all you others consider something similar. Just to get the feeling you're wanted. And yes! Call your friends first, DO IT. They are your support. Your EX will give you no comfort. And thank you SuperDave, you're truly an inspiration. Without you and everyone else here, I would have broken NC by now, and just have felt worse. People on these forums are good people. Bad things happen to good people. I know someone out there will love me for who I am. I have to find them. PS. I wrote this after feeling a little better about myself. I'm sure I'll have more downs, but I'll go back and read my own post then, and try to find my way back to feeling like this.

Thanks for the advice! Funny how when you talk about NC, she breaks it. She emailed me last night. She says "I hope this doesn't come accross as superficial, but I really did want to send you a note to see how you are doing. It's hard not to talk to you daily and it's a bit of an adjustment. I do want you to know that I'm thinking of you and hope you are well". Then she proceeds to send me an eVite to a Halloween party that I knew about since before we broke up.. mixed signals here. God I hate that shred of hope. Is this just her guilt-tripping? continue NC or reply?

I can't just delete the website. It's a money-making site, and as much as I hate her for breaking up with me, that's simply not a thing I could do. If it's truly over, it'll have to get transferred.

My gf of 4 months broke up with me two weeks ago on monday. She gave me the "need space" speech, and claimed some things I had said scared her off (aparently I had talked too much about marriage and kids, not even knowing). And if that's not enough, I go the "lets be friends". Then she emails me saying how much she missed me (thankfully I just read the "guilt" post someone did, that really helped!) We spent alot of time together, and everything seemed fine (although the more time I've had to think, the more I realize maybe that's not so true, she actually didn't treat me that great). I know I treated her too nicely, and was too available, but I guess I learned that lesson. I'm in horrible pain still, and I cry my eyes out randomly, and even though we had a talk on the phone the day after where she basically said "I need space, lets see how I feel in a few weeks", it's dawning on me that there is probably a 1% chance of getting her back, or less. My friend adviced me to do NC from day 1. I did. We've been NC for almost two weeks now (tuesday is 2 weeks). I'm trying to move on, but as everyone knows, it's very, very hard. I actually felt better last week. The problem is, she still has some of my things, camping gear, wine (we both collect), movies etc. I obviously want them back. When we spoke on the phone I said "let's deal with that later" (as she said let's see in a few weeks), and she said "thanks". I also host a website for her that I built which (if it's really the end) somehow has to be transferred to her. It's a bit of a process. So as I'm in NC, what should I do? There's two things I want really. One being her telling me it's truly over, or that it's back on. (I just want to know at this point), and two, I want my things. But at the same time I don't want to screw up the NC part... Any ideas are much appreciated. What should I do? Should I wait longer for her to contact me or should I contact her? I don't want to look like the weak link, and there's the "what if" in the back of my head.