Frank1607307300

Starion, I hear you. She called last night and talked for about an hour. This time I didn't get put into any of her confusion and felt more at ease. Her main concern is her mother's health at the moment and wanted to be there for her right now. Other than that it was small talk. I decided to continue focusing on myself and keep a limited contact. I know she was somewhat hurt when I ignored her during our 6 months apart. Since she contacted me to meet up, I lost my focus. I stopped going to the gym, hanging out and talking to friends. Thanks for the advice...I have a much better feel of what to do and handle this fragile situation.

Starion, I feel exactly that way in your 5 points. I'm totally lost in her confusion and it has brought me back down which was the reason I am backing off. Sure I want her back but I am starting to get iffy. You are right that she is trying to set things on her terms which I'm upset about. It's been 3 days since we talked and it feels like the beginning of NC all over again. I don't try to get answers from her, but she just starts saying all of these things out of her A double S. Well if she wants me to call whenever I want to and then tells me she's still confused, it's hurting and pushing me away. Now here is some insight that I am feeling that will push me totally away. When we first broke up 6 months ago, I got stupid and asked the question who the guy was because I was hurt. She told me these following things about him. 1. His name was Dan and she met him maybe around 10 years back at a wedding. 2. Her cousin told him she single again and they ended up talking by phone. 3.He lived in LA and was a mechanic. Saw each other only here and there because she lived in San Diego. Almost 2 hours apart. Fast forward to just a few weeks ago during a phone convo after our first meeting. I had asked her why she was not acting cold to me now and I though she was seeing someone new. She said it ended sour with him going back to his ex. So I asked the same stupid questions again about him. 1. His name was Dan and she happened to just meet him at Starbucks. 2. He is a software engineer. 3. He lives in San Diego too and they meet each other often after work. I did not say anything. I just kept the lie she made about him to myself. I was just in disbelief. I've realized that I cannot trust this person anymore. I cannot believe anything she says. I don't have any sense of honesty within her anymore. Sure if I love her I must look past this man but I just cannot look past her lie after lie during the break up process. The confusion she puts me in is awful. During our relationship I was always the person to bring issues out to light and talk about it while she always kept things to herself. Right now I feel like I must end this once and for all, but I do not know how I will build up strength and courage to do it. When and if she calls again, which I know she will soon, I don't know what to say. I think you can see the confusion that I am in. I feel like I am running out of time.

Well I sent flowers to the new girl on Valentine's Day and everything seemed so wonderful, but recently it has fizzled out. I left her messages asking her out before the Valentines and after and never got a response. I do not have no idea what so ever...I'm totally stumped about this because I took her out to a couple of concerts and met her family during her b-day and all of a sudden...NOTHING. She was always suggesting we go out and when I found something to do she was all ok. I did not tell her about the ex calling or even meeting up with her. I left her another message a couple of days ago and she never replied. I thought there was something here but I guess not. I do really like this person and I expressed that to her, but it just seems I'm getting no response from her. I met for the 2nd time with the ex at her father b-day party. This time she seemed distant then our first meeting after the break up. I chatted with her mother whom got into a car accident a few days earlier. I left that night without and we just hugged. We were in the same house but felt 100 miles apart. She called me later that night sounding more warm and I asked her if everything was ok. She gave me the "I'm confused and need time" to clear her head line. I got a red flag here and we talked again the next day. I told her I was backing off because I felt I was getting mixed signals. She asked me about how I felt about her, which I was very hesitant in telling her. I gave in and told her how much I loved her and what she meant to me. I didn't want to be brought down again by her confusion and I backed off. She then called me 2 days later and her mother took a blood test after the accident and has asthma. Furthermore there is a possibilty that she may have lung cancer. My ex was very worried and she was very down. I gave her some support and told her I still need to back off from her. We haven't talked for 3 days now and I'm feeling a little down all over again. I think I need to go back into full NC unless it's an emergency concerning her mother. I'm not sure what to do here.

There is no pain in me anymore about the break. I took the break and learned from it. I'm not saying I was the best man and she would never find no one like me at all. Neither am I taking the complete blame for the break. Honestly I deserved to get dumped after reflecting back at our relationship. If I were to lose either one of them or both...I know I will be ok. I am OK right now all by myself. I am not obligated to anything or anyone. Sure I may feel lonely nowadays when the weekend comes and don't have someone to hug or make love to, but I am so use to it right now. I am not going to rush any decisions and if I lose them both then so be it. It's all about ME! Yes I would keep the emotions very distant if I were to date not just either one of these women, but any woman that will ever come into my life. I learned alot and my guard is heavily up. I'll just keep it moving in the meantime which got me to where I'm at.

Melrich, I do talk to the new girl as much as I can. I really would like to talk to her more but we have opposite work schedules. I am talking to her on my IM as we speak. When my ex said she was ok that I date someone else while she sorts things out. I felt I more at ease to let go some of my feelings for her and really pursue the new girl and take it a little further. Yes it does feel like I'm against the fence but I want to be really careful on the decision I make and yes I know I will lose one of them for good.

Ex called me just about an hour ago. Wished me a Happy Valentine's Day. Told me she told pretty much everyone she knows that we are starting to talk again. I wasn't really talking at all but just listening and listened to her very closely. She was doing a heavy load of talking and got a sense of her opening up. She mentioned the followings and I'll lay it in the order she said it. 1. She is happy to hear and see how I changed myself. I seemed more warm. 2. She still wanted to sort things out before she decides to date me. 3. She wanted to start fresh and on a clean slate with me...she would not ask me any questions about my past anymore and neither would I ask her about hers. She said it just sucks to have to talk about past dates. 4.While she is sorting it out...she is OK if I decide to date other people in the meantime. She owes that to me she said. 5.She said she would like me to call her whenever I wanted to. After this we kept it to small talk about what she was watching and what she planned on cooking for her tomorrow's work lunch. I said I had to go and needed to eat myself. I'm taking things very slowly. I am leaning to keeping my options open. I still love my ex and I want to be super careful with any person I date including my ex. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone including myself. I just feel like if I still love my ex...I'm not giving anyone that I date a true chance at my heart... BTW new girl just sent me a lovely text about the flowers I sent to her for Valentine's Day as I was typing this reply.

I actually told both my ex and the new woman about each other. My ex did say if I wanted to further pursue the new one, that she owes it to me. The new woman helped me out so much in my healing process because she has been through a break up similar to mine before. BTW I met the new girl around the same time as my ex. I didn't mean to compare her to my ex, but it happened and she is so amazing. Very spirtial and very loving. Much more understanding than my ex. We just got in touch with each other about a month after my break up. I just wanted to make sure I didn't hurt my ex because if things go the way it has been, I feel I will completely move on from my ex. Sure she hurted me but I wouldn't do it back to her in anyway because I still care for her. I just love her so much still and that's why it's such a difficult decision. Why do I love her when she left me for another man? Even willing to date her...I guess I'm not over her or I'm just wishing for it to have a happy ending. Is it wrong to date them both at the same time without telling either one while I do it? I just think that if I would tell either one, I will create drama. This weekend will be a true test because they will each want to hang out. I'm going to take it one step at a time like I have been up to this point. I will see the response from the new woman and also see if ex makes contact tomorrow on Valentines Day.

I haven't posted in so long because I've been busy healing and working on myself. Thanks to all that helped me when I posted about my break months ago. To try to summarize the break up, it happened back in August 26th. We were together for 7 years. She met some other guy and wanted to see what she wanted. "Space n Time" speech. I was in so much pain until a week or so before Thanksgiving. Started NO CONTACT and move on. Focused on myself. She called Thanksgiving day, Christmas Day, New Years eve, my B-day Jan. 5th. and many other times between these days. I ignored all of them completely. Soooooooo hard it was to do. She even called my nephews cell phone to try to find out how I was doing. Well later on my B-day I gave in and finally returned her call. She was so excited to hear from me. I was so surprised because during our break she talked to me like I was nothing. Now she was full of excitement. I kept it short and thanked her for her well wishings. Never asked why she called or what she's been up to or about her new date or dates. Weekends that came after this day, she had called me and invited me to meet up with her on 3 occasions. I brushed away those offers by telling her I had to work which was the truth. This weekend she invited me once again to meet up with her at her sisters which wasn't far from where I live. I took up the offer and went to see her. They had cooked dinner and her family chatted with me like old times. I was there feeling so confident within myself. I had it in my voice, my looks which I worked in the gym for, and my attitude. They even all said I looked very good. I was a train wreck the last time they had saw me. She and I had some alone time and made talk that made each other laugh and smile. Stayed away from how we felt talks. Finally she told me that she had missed me and felt miserable. She even cried . I told her I've worked extremely hard to heal myself and let her go because that was what she had wanted. She told me she cares for me still and loves me. After this I couldn't resist and asked her about the guy she met and wanted to date. After all this was what broke my heart into a million pieces. Leaving me for another man. She told me the 1st guy she dated went back to his ex. The 2nd guy which she dated since October decided to not talk to her no more. He told her "let's end it hear" which happened just a couple of weeks ago. He also went back to his ex. I told her I was sorry it happened. She said she ended up not knowing them as well as she thought at the end of each date. She thought of me while she was with them. I did in fact tell her I met someone but we are just talking only. We do like each other but nothing has happened but a few dates and talking. I still needed my time to know what I wanted. Here is what I got out of our first meeting since the last time I saw her back in September. She got hurt about the guy that left what she thought was a good thing between them for his ex. She said she did not like the way it ended. The idiot just said lets end it hear and he was getting back with his ex. I guess he used her as a rebound. She asked me if I would like to go out with her this coming up weekend and then bring her back to her sisters house so she can spend a night there. I told her just call me when the time comes. What am I going to do if she calls for the date??? I'm scared that she really likes this guy still and if he ever decides to call her up...what will she do? Will she see him? Is she using me to rebound from this guy? Here is my dilema. I still love my ex with all of my heart. I am happy that it didn't work out with the new men. I'm happy she said she missed me during this whole time and told me she cares and loves me still . I felt bad that I felt good that she said she was miserable. I happy and all that she invited me so many times to see her. Very flattered she asked me to pick her up this weekend for a date and drop her off at her siters house which is almost a 2hour drive. Feeling all this, I really like this new girl I've been talking to but haven't took it a step further. I kinda closed myself to this new girl because I was scared how much I liked her and moreso now since my ex started contacting me more heavily. I'm starting to confuse myself. I'm just afraid if I give my ex another try at our relationship she may walk back to the arms of the last guy she dated and I would have lost my chances in going further with the new girl. I'm in a dilema of giving up one oppurtunity for another. How can I take her back after she left me for another man? I need some advice and takes.

Sorry to hear that. My ex ust told me not so long ago she is dating a 2nd guy since our break up of only 3 months. This guy she is digging though. She told me that she has moved on very far from me. I didn't even feel a thing because I thought about what I needed to do for myself. I even wished her good luck and best wishes and it was sincere, I wasn't faking it. I started excercising and going out to the clubs every weekend. I forgot how much of an attractive guy I am since I was so committed to this girl. Meeting new people is fun, and made me see how much more people is out there to enjoy. I met so many women so much more attractive than my ex. Give yourself some time brother and things will be ok.

I did the writing the e-mail thing myself but did NOT press the send button. I just released my feelings that way and then after reading for a couple of days, I delete them. I save them in the draft box, but never send them. It works real good for me too.

Give yourself time to heal. That is all you can do. Looking for answers will do nothing but have you lost and confused. Everyone here on this forum knows the pain you are going through. Sorry you are going through this and I am going through I break up from my ex of 7 years. I am so strong at this point and the feelings is starting to snowball and I owe it to this forum and the ppl that helped me. NC is working for me and I never thought I would. I broke it many times and all that happened from not sticking to NC was alot of backfiring and set backs. link removed Hope this helps. Stay strong!

It means you need to leave her ALONE! NC is no game my friend. It is used to heal yourself. Being apart from one another to reflect on what has happened and what you will decide to do. You want to keep feeling that confusion? Keep contacting her and smothering her space. I wouldn't recommend this at all. She broke up with you and she is telling you she needs to figure out what she wants. You think you will help her decide what she wants? You only know what YOU want. Stop anayzling anything from here on out. If she loves you and wants you back...SHE WILL TELL YOU! Until then: LEAVE HER ALONE AND DO NO CONTACT HER UNTIL YOU ARE OVER THE BREAK UP! HEAL YOURSELF!

I agree with Echo 1000%

You will increase you pain and I guarantee this 100% because I DID IT ! ! ! You're setting yourself up for some hurt. Did I feel closure when I met up with her? NOPE! Did I feel more hurt and more confused? YES! Don't do this my friend. Time for you to start healing yourself immediately. Go into No Contact phase now. It's the best thing for YOU. It has worked for me tremendously.

BACK OUT OF THIS...DON'T DO IT! ! !