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orangecounty

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  1. orangecounty
    Hey hun, been there done that! Anxiety can make you feel very overwhelmed, you start magnifying everything that you "think" is wrong with you. I did Lucinda Bassett's program Attacking Anxiety, it may sounds cheesy but it did wonders! I'm by no means perfect, I have my moments. I know anxiety is something I have to work on day by day, it's apart of me but that's ok because I have it under control! If you go to link removed there's a lovely message board with people just like me and you who are incredibly helpful. There are still things popping up that I thought were personality traits and yet they're actually characteristics of anxiety, who knew! I know that what you're feeling right now feels incredibly scary and you want to jump out of your skin but take a deep breath. You're going to be ok. Find out if there is a support group for people with anxiety in your area or consider seeing a therapist. I've never taken medication for it but some people do require some meds (low dosage) in order to start off and become a little more grounded. My dad, my sister and myself have all done the program and greatly benefited from it. Ailec, I know you were just trying to help but panic attacks don't lead to heart attacks.
  2. orangecounty
    I have to agree. In some cases it works great when it happens right of the bat but I've seen so many situations where it took time to build. The guy my sister is currently seeing, she didn't have much interest in him when they first met. But over time they became friends and one thing led to another and now she's completely and utterly crazy about him. I would shoot someone down just because you don't hit it off immediately.
  3. orangecounty
    Sounds like a plan, Frisco I appreciate the help. I wish things could be simple for once, but what would be the fun in that?
  4. orangecounty
    Thanks Friscodj, I'll try my best. Do you think this at all hurts my chances of going out with his brother?
  5. orangecounty
    I find it difficult because his brother is with his bandmates, getting ready for the show. And he's just hanging out, with no one else to talk to. Or even if there is, he'll find his way back to me. I'll move around and whenever I turn around, there he is again!
  6. orangecounty
    Oh where to start? This is by far the strangest situation I've been in. I need some desperate help and advice. My sister's boyfriend is in a band, which I go to see play every now and then. I went to a show about a week back and ended up running into a guy whom I knew a long time ago when I was about 10. He was a friend of my brother's. I talked to him a bit but he's always been a rather odd guy, nothing has changed. He was starting to make me feel sort of uncomfortable and luckily my parents who came along as well, were like, we should be heading out. Before we left he introduced me to his brother whom I hadn't seen in all these year either, wow! He's by far the most gorgeous man I have ever encountered. Since then I have developed this huge crush on his brother. A few nights ago I was at another concert (his brother plays in one of the bands) and this guy (not his brother) would not leave me alone. I thought he'd get the message that I wasn't interested. He's just a very strange character. I plan on going to future shows but I know he'll be there and he just doesn't seem to get it. He's not a bad guy, just plain weird. Not sure what I should do.
  7. orangecounty
    Please don't go out and be a jerk, there are TOO many of them out there to begin with. You know what worked in this situation? Your teasing her. Think about it, when you're quiet, polite and nice, you may not give off the vibe that you're interested and rather that you're just being polite and nice. In this situation you teased her and it showed like you were interested and she picked up on that. What I suggest is that you keep to the teasing, but drop the jerk act. No one likes a jerk. You can still tease in a nice manner without calling someone trash or any other jerkish names and come out looking like one heck of a guy.
  8. orangecounty
    I agree, I have had a lot of bad luck with guys. BUT, when I start thinking about it, all these guys were jerks, not the types of guys I should have been going out with. So in someways you could say I've had bad luck with guys, which I have but how many people have had bad dating luck, nearly everyone! Don't let your perspective of bad luck stop you from trying twice as hard to meet people. I know it's not easy, I feel sometimes like there's a forcefield keeping me away from guys,ahaha But I know that's not really the truth.
  9. orangecounty
    Kevin, so strange, I was just thinking about this VERY thing while driving to work this morning. I thought to myself, "would I be happier, more upbeat, more this and that if I were in a relationship." Of course I would most likely be happy (maybe not all the time) but then I thought, I don't want to rely on someone else for happiness and I don't want to put such high expectations on my future boyfriend that when we do meet, I'll think why aren't you fixing me. So I realized I have to resolve happiness issues with myself, because that other person has absolutely nothing to do with how I feel about myself, even though it may seem like it. I'm not saying they won't bring loads of joy into your life but I think you just have to stay realistic and don't build up the expectations so big that you're disappointed.
  10. orangecounty
    Kevin, the line "heck, you know you will never be," really struck me. You're creating your reality. I'm sure you don't want to be alone, I don't either. But I realize for ages now, I constantly told myself I wouldn't find anyone so I couldn't find anyone. I was totally setting myself up. That doesn't mean that once you think, hey, maybe I'll meet someone eventually, that she'll land on your doorstep. I'm 22, I've never had a boyfriend, there are some days that I am SO incredibly frusturated out of mind, completely fed up and at the end of my rope. But I still keep hope that I'll meet someone, its what gives me energy to keep an open mind and get out there and meet people. I started forcing myself to get out more often and I'm starting to meet people, I've made a lot of friends. I haven't snagged a boyfriend yet but it's nice just building friendships with people, and by meeting those people, I've met guys. A girl I made friends with is trying to set me up with a nice guy and I'm trying to set her up with someone. So you see, the more people you meet, the more opportunities you'll receive. And I think you have to change that inner dialogue of yours, it can be incredibly damaging. There's someone for everyone, and I truly believe that.
  11. orangecounty
    I think that your therapist said has a lot of truth to it. When you're unhappy in a current situation it's easy to look what could have been or what is not and think how much better that situation would be. Though it's not reality. We tend to get nostolgic about the past or people in our past and we build it up in our minds as being perfect. Work on what you have. Are there any children in this marriage?
  12. orangecounty
    I find that I tend to be more comfortable around someone I don't see as a potential mate. I should be able to act in the same way around someone I am interested in but it doesn't seem to work that way. So these guys I'm not interested in, seem interested because I'm being outgoing and friendly without desire to be something other than friends. Could that be the reason you're attracting girls you're not attracted to?
  13. orangecounty
    Sheyda, I think you're my long lost twin,hehe Well, I'm 22 and I've never had a boyfriend. I consider myself an attractive girl and a nice person. I get attention but like you said, never any ask outs. So I started asking guys out that seemed interested and was rejected or went out and they stopped calling. I just don't get it.
  14. orangecounty
  15. orangecounty
    I'm in a bit of a pickle. Well you see, my friend and I both like the same guy. She's a really good friend, super cool and I would hate to lose her as a friend. The problem is that she tells me all the time how much she likes him and how great he is and has no idea that I'm interested in him. I honestly don't know what to do. I feel like if I acted on anything, I would come off as a horrible girl. I've never been in this type of situation. We're both in our early 20's, not in our teens anymore so the whole thing seems so stupid. I have no idea if he likes either one of us,haha So maybe I shouldn't be worrying. Any advice? Thanks!
  16. orangecounty
    Oh boy, it really depends. There are guys I've been incredibly attracted to but that's all it ends up being if they don't have a personality to back those good looks. Then again, I while ago I met a guy who was shorter, a little on the pudgy side, not incredibly handsome and I got all giddy and couldn't stop smiling. I couldn't figure out what it was that was attracting me to him, I still haven't figured it out,hehe I guess it's just him, everything that makes him up as a person. Not really a short answer, but I don't think there is. For some people it's incredibly important, others not so much. I think you should be somewhat attracted to your partner, it's important. It doesn't matter how unattractive anyone else thinks he/she is, but rather how you feel.
  17. orangecounty
    I completely agree with one of the other posters, that child should not know you exist right now. Not that you've done anything wrong. But I think this man should be keeping his dating life VERY separate from his family life. Not to say you can't build a relationship with the son if things progress in the future and you end up being a permanant fixture in this man's life. But for the sake of his son, who comes first and far most, keep it separate. Take things slooooow. Being the product of a divorce, I speak from experience.
  18. orangecounty
    Not all girls are hung up on men having to be tall. It's funny, I myself am attracted to guys who around my height (5'5) I find something really attractive about shorter guys, never been that attracted to tall men. I always thought it was odd because I know a lot of girls are attracted to very tall men. I guess not everyone.
  19. orangecounty
    I'm sorry if someone mentioned this already but I don't see it anywhere. Her being a virgin, it sounds like her hymen still may be intact and that's what's causing so much pain. It'll eventually rip, yes ouchy!, downwards and there will be a much larger opening. I'm surprised no one brought this up. That's my guess.
  20. orangecounty
    Not all woman are like that. But the ones who are, like myself are fearing the very thing you men fear, rejection. I have such a tough time completely letting lose and showing someone that I truly am interested in them because I'm afraid he won't like me back. I think that's what it honestly comes down to, no matter how attractive the girl is.
  21. orangecounty
    Hey guys, I just totally need to vent. I'm 22, still at home, my sister just moved out and my brother hasn't lived with us for a long time. I live with my dad, my stepmom and two wild half siblings. My stepmom has always been a really cold, stuckup type woman. When I was much younger she left a piece of paper in our den (where us kids would play) it was a little family tree (she was pregnant at the time) it said "mama" "dada" and "bebe." She taught my younger sister this phrase to say over and over again. It gave me a strong message that she didn't consider myself nor my siblings apart of the family. Then they started taking family pictures together, just the four of them. Am I out of line to be upset over this stuff? Then a few months ago, I was living in Florida by myself for the summer. While I was gone she went through all my stuff in my room and "reorganized." I feel like she was snooping. I don't get it, I've was always a good kid, I'm a nice person, I don't get into trouble and I'm hard working. She is SO lukewarm with me. I've tried expressing myself to my dad but he just says we have to accept her for who she is. I feel somtimes like the silence is so loud it's hurting my ears, that best describes my current living situation. I pretty much just keep to myself now, I've tried talking to her for years but she never seems very interested. And she LOVES to take the opposite view on absolutely everything I bring up, even if she doesn't believe what she's talking about. I still have a few years left of university so I cant move out just yet, that'll be a ways down the road. I absolutely adore my dad, I love him with all my heart. I don't think I really have a question, I just needed to vent because I have no one to talk to. Thanks
  22. orangecounty
    I'm 22 and in the exact same boat. But I've broken it down in my mind and realized that the guys I've asked out have been losers. I thought they were nice guys but they turned out to be the exact opposite. I haven't found the "right" person. And I think I need to work on my self esteem, which I am. There's times when I feel like I just don't get why I've always been single, but if you break down and think about it very carefully, usually there is a reason. Try and adopt a different attitude, if I can do it, so can you! I've realized that I've been really negative about a lot of things, so I'm working on it and already noticing a difference. I do understand that it does suck sometimes, I feel so lonely at times, really really lonely. But, I don't have a choice about it right at this moment, so I might as well positive, the only other choice is sitting around depressed and unhappy. I'd rather be content. I empathize, I really do. Jo
  23. orangecounty
    I'm sure you boyfriend really cares about you. It sounds like he may be detaching himself from the emotional part of the situation because I'm sure it hurts him to see you in pain. A few months ago, my sister burnt her hands badly on the stove. I had to drive her to emergency, I felt so matter of factly and in charge. Then after she had gone home and I got home, I was so upset all of a sudden, I had pushed all the emotion aside. Have you tried seeing a therapist? I think you honestly need someone outside of that family of yours. My aunt cuts herself as well, I understand what you're going through. You can't change anyone, but you can tell them how you feel. I've learnt over the years that I can't change any of my family members but I can try and change how I react to them. It ain't so easy though sometimes is it? Take care, Jo
  24. orangecounty
    Oh I can relate with you guys SO much. Lucinda Bassett's program is definitely worth it. I have done the program myself, afterwards, my mind felt somewhat "normal." I was rational, which was REALLY strange for me. But I've slipped into my old ways, you really need to stay on top of it. I need to do the program again.
  25. orangecounty
    I just finished talking to my sister on the phone about this very thing. You know, it's tough finding and maintaining relationships. I don't mean romantic relationships, just platonic friends. We both agreed that neither one of us has ever had really close friends, the kind you call up at any time to go out. I've always felt like my friends had really close friends and I wasn't one of them. It's just the way things go, I think I'm at peace with it. I remember when I was in high school a few years ago, my english teacher told us how few people we would be friends with forever. He said friends come and go all the time, it was a very small percentage of people who actually remain friends for years and years. I think I'm more selective with whom I make friends with now too. It does take some work as well, I've realized how easy it is to lose contact with people. Then again, that's ok sometimes, because you'll meet more people, then lose contact with them and the whole process begins once again. And about not having a girlfriend, I know its' not fun. I'm 22, I've never had a boyfriend, I'm a perfectly nice girl, I'm attractive and fun but I sort of on the shy side. I feel like I've always been in the wrong place at the wrong time, I just haven't met the right guy. But I empathize. Just don't worry about it, just get out there and have fun meeting people.
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