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filmraven

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  1. filmraven
    I have one more question... Since I last posted the "big talk" came up and was initiated by my boyfriend. He told me that he has been looking for a ring for awhile but realized that he really wanted my input. I agreed with him completely and felt very relieved to have had the talk. It seemed like intentions were now clear and we both knew where we stood interms of marriage and getting engaged-luckily we agreed on most things. My question is: one thing that my bf mentioned was the fact that he wanted to talk to his folks when he goes to visit at Christmas (he's from another province) about us getting engaged. I'm a little nervous about this (as I assume most would be) as I have only met his parents twice for two week holidays and although I feel like they like me you can never know for sure! Now, he is coming home in two days and I'm wondering: is it appropriate for me to ask how the talk went with his parents? Or should I leave it alone and not bring it up? I really want to know but am hesitant for some reason about asking. What do you guys think?
  2. filmraven
    you remind me of myself at 18! I had been asked by one (and one only...) guy and I wasn't even attracted to him-and I don't just mean physically. For the rest of the year instead of taking it out on myself I just threw myself into life and the enjoyments that can come from that. I work in film and have a huge passion for different facets of the industry so I started taking courses and became reeeally happy from taking those classes. As a result I grabbed the attention of a guy I didn't even catch a glimpse of in one of my courses (because he said I looked really happy and confident...to be honest, it was just because I was having a good time!) and the rest they say is history. Well, that relationship was, ha! But it somehow got the wheels going and I went on to date several people with out a problem. Five years later...I live with my bf and I am as happy as a clam! My biggest lesson: it's all about feeling genuinely confidant in yourself and in what you're doing with your life. Once you arrive to that point it seems to rub off on people and especially guys.
  3. filmraven
    Thanks everyone, I really appreciate all of your advice. I think I'll lay low for awhile and if it happens to come up again then perhaps do what DN or Beec suggested. I was tempted to not even post about this "issue" because it's not really an issue and it almost seems petty but it's been nagging at me for a good while so I figured I could use some opinions. Annie: it does go through my mind when he tells me he's going to buy another guitar which I know is worth more than enough $$$. In the same instance I could never bring myself to say, "shouldn't you be saving up for ___..."
  4. filmraven
    what could I say to him (that doesn't sound pushy) that I'd love to be engaged to him too? I've been "trained" my whole life to never ask for anything-especially expensive things-and so I never quite know how to bring up the engagment talk when it's coming from me. When he brings it up I'll tell him what kind of ring I like or tell him that I'd love to be called his fiancee too and I thought that would be enough to make him realize we both think the same thing...but the comments keep on coming.
  5. filmraven
    I need some advice... my bf who I live with has been dropping hints for months now about getting engaged. He frequently asks me what kind of rings I like when we pass by jewelery stores and recently told me that he'd really love to call me his finacee since he feels like we're at that point in our relationship (I fully agree). My problem lies in the fact that despite him mentioning these things all the time (and he has for at least six months now...) I don't feel like he'll be asking the question any time soon. He tells me he desperately wants to get rid of his "debt" (car payments, etc...) and is really broke. He also told me that we shouldn't spend a whole lot on each other at Christmas and instead buy one another small gifts (which is fine with me) because he is so broke. I guess I just don't understand why he keeps bringing it up if he has no plans of doing so until later down the road. I can't complain, I LOVE my boyfriend more than anything and adore our life together but was wondering if anyone would have any insight as to why he would be doing this.
  6. filmraven
    I know I'm a little late responding to this post but I'd like to give my opinion too. Marriage is a huge committment not to be taken lightly...and I know its been said many times in this topic. The first thing I thought of after reading your post was my present boyfriend. We've been dating for a little over a year and a half and a few years before he knew me he almost married someone else! He's told me countless times that in hindsight he just didn't know how much better his life could be now that he's with me (and I'm not trying to toot my own horn) and that he would have most definitely made the biggest mistake of his life by marrying this other girl. Despite his previous relationship having some tremendous flaws in it (she cheated on him three times!!!...I don't even understand why you'd consider marrying someone after that...) he just didn't seem to think he could "do better" and although he was "happy" he wasn't reeeally happy. To this day he is thinks that breaking off his engagement was the best thing he ever did so that he was given the chance to meet me which just goes to show you... I think the person you want to marry should be someone who you are reeeally happy with, someone you have absolutely no doubts about. That nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach is a way of telling you something...doubt for me has always = no and over time that's not a feeling that's going to go away. Trust that instinct.
  7. filmraven
    Thanks for the replies. I've thought about going to my boss and telling her what happened yesterday but the only thing that's made me stop is my lack of knowledge regarding the relationship between this co-worker and my boss. I don't think they are friends but my work environment tends to be one where all the people who have been there for the last couple or more years seem to hang out together quite a bit and I'm scared if I go to my boss and she already takes a liking to his girl (hard to imagine for me!) then I might be the one to get the boot. I do have some good examples on my side. She left me half an hour early one night so she could go on some date and left all her crap that she hadn't completed up for me to finish. I was really not impressed! A few weeks ago she spent a good portion of the evening not working but sitting at a table doing homework with her ex-bf so it's insane that she would even point the finger at me for taking "long breaks" or not doing enough (which is a whole lot of *hit.)
  8. filmraven
    Where to begin... I'm a student at the moment who is working in a coffee shop for extra money so I can pay rent and school etc. I've been at this job since last June and can mostly say that I really like my job since I've started up there. Recently though it's been a completely different story.... I work with this girl who I've been getting bad vibes from for awhile. Often when I go out of my way to be nice to her (I am, by the way, a really easy going, wants to please everyone kinda person) she'll ignore me or barely give me a response. It's like she chooses when she's going to listen to me or give me the time of day and the rest of the time I often find her staring at me in a sort of intimidating kinda way. Anyway, despite all that I've stayed friendly and continued on with my work. As of yesterday that all changed. I came to work and despite struggling with a cold for the last week and a half am still kinda sick. She got really pissed off at me for being sick and at work and told me she didn't want me to touch any of the food or coffee (which pretty much comprises of most of what we do!) so I told her, "Fine, I'll do cash." Then later in the evening started to get angry with me because she has to do EVERYTHING. Yet it was only because she refused to let me do anything so she totally set me up!! She then proceeded to tell me, "I don't know if something is going on in your life lately but you seem to be tired all the time...*and then under her breath* and then I do ALL the work." Which is ridiculous because I work reeeally hard every time I go to work! I felt so attacked and violated. I felt terrible. Then to make things worse she said, "Either you go home an hour early tonight or....you wouldn't want me to tell *our boss* would you??" Which totally made me feel like she was cornering me. She's a co-worker, my equal, not my boss but I TOTALLY feel like she was bossing me around yesterday and I feel mad that I didn't stand up for myself! What do I do about this situation?? I know I'm a hard worker but I feel like she always sets me up to make me look bad. Does she just not like me? Is she intimidated by me? I find when my bf comes in she's super friendly to him and then goes back to being mean to me. Is she trying to make me jealous??? I'm so upset by this whole situation.
  9. filmraven
  10. filmraven
    Hi Beyondthesea, Oh, my whole family is made up of Hypochondriac! We thrive off of odd body symptoms and ailments and honestly, 99% of the time-we're FINE! I know someone else mentioned it on here but I think I'll re-inerate: I know it's not easy for people like us but going to the doctor and getting a full check up (including blood work) is the best way to put our minds to rest. If you know you are all around OK, then you'll have nothing really rational to worry about. Another thought: Think of all the times you've worried about an ailment and out of those times if anything actually turned out to be something to worry about. You start realizing that you may have been worrying about a certain series of symptoms for two years past and yet you're still rationally healthy. It's a good way of realizing you're OK. Hope that helped!
  11. filmraven
    Is it just one or is there several? His very best bet would be to go see his GP and get tested as well as examined. There is a virus called: Molluscum Contagiosum (sounds like a spell out of Harry Potter...but it's not..) which can be persistent and attack the immune system when it's low. That said, you need to come into contact (either sexually or simply by using a dirty towel at the gym) with the actual virus. Once again, have him visit the GP-he'll be more than embarrassed if it's anything serious.
  12. filmraven
    that's quite the story...I totally didn't expect it to turn out that way! I'm going to add to this because I too think it's very important to go after what you want in life and I think that includes the person you are longing to be with. About a year ago I went through this terrible break up where my ex-bf was really mean to me in the end. He was far from civil to say the least. The very following day after he broke up with me I was feeling incredibly down and very sad. I got a phone call from a friend who asked me to come down to watch a film at an arthouse (which just happened to be on the Rawanda genocide....mmm, something light!), I refused, she begged and I finally said yes simply so that I could get out of the house. Anyway, that night she brought three guy friends and one of them she had considered setting me up with months earlier before she knew I was already with someone. Anyway, I met him, thought nothing him and kept my distance. Somehow as fate would have it, we inadvertantly started hanging out as he was friends with a friend of mine. He turned out to be a SUPER nice guy but incredibly shy. It wasn't before long that I developped a serious crush on this guy that wouldn't let go. The problem was, that despite me totally fawning over him I had no idea if he liked me at all. He'd send me an email and it was always very professional and conservative. He even started calling me each day but would have an excuse for every single time he called! So I believed him! Finally...he asked if I wanted to come over on Friday for a movie...I still didn't know what was going on...and... He sat the entire night at the other end of the couch-and didn't so much as make the slightest move. Of course we talked all night and that was great-but no signs, nothing! It wasn't until 5am that I realized I really had to go and had been stallling the entire time. So I spent about an hour putting my shoes on, stood up, took a deep breath (bc by now I was reeeally nervous) and said, "So...what was all this??" He looked awkward, mumbled something about wanting it to be something else...which still didn't tell me anything. I told him I had to go, he got really quiet, nodded his head and just as I was going to go out the door (bc I figured the night was a bust and all he had intended was to be friends) I turned around and asked if I could at least give him a hug. He grabbed me and squeezed me so tight I thought I was going to turn blue And we've been very happily together ever since... point made: as hard as it is there's nothing you'll regret more than if you don't say something. And if that doesn't work...try asking for a hug. I'm forever grateful that I did.
  13. filmraven
    and YES, he asked me out lastnight. He called me yesterday night, we talked for awhile, he mentioned something about having left film at his place and he wasn't sure whether or not he should develop it (which lead me to believe that he was only calling because of this once again). Then just as he said he was about to let me go he asked if I had plans on Friday night. I told him absolutely nothing because I've been working so much and he followed with, "do you want to get together and do something?"...so yes, there we go. The really lousy part: He's more than likely moving away permanently for his job and I literally want to fall to my knees because this is not the first time in the last couple years that I've met someone and shortly after I fall for them they move away. He's a reeeally nice guy and I feel like I finally got it right and-he's moving. It hurts the heart.
  14. filmraven
    thanks for the advice... he called yet again yesterday evening and we ended up talking for two hours Tonight I purposely stayed at his apartment longer than everyone else in hopes he would "open up more". We talked a lot but by the end of the night he looked like he wanted to say something, there was plenty of awkward silence and pauses and i finally just wished him a good night. I have to say something though...it seems as though it's the only way anything is going to go anywhere. I'll keep you posted!
  15. filmraven
    he sent me an email today that was all "professional" and spoke only of a request for me to take photographs of their band...that was it. I just don't get it! I think I'm going to ride it out, see where things go this coming week and perhaps tell this friend of mine who was originally going to set me up with this guy about my little ordeal. Does that sound like a good idea? Maybe she's heard things through the grapevine?
  16. filmraven
    Yes DN, my bf and I broke up about four months ago... It seems like a sure sign, I'm just (despite what people think) quite shy when it comes to asking people out. I guess I fear what we all fear-rejection and humiliation and have honestly never asked anyone out before. I just don't want to lose out on a good opportunity if it's available, if that makes sense?
  17. filmraven
    I need advice on this one... Usually when a guy likes me, or vice versa, he asks me out and it's all pretty simple but...this time around is quite a different story. I've been good friends with this girl from Uni since last year-and early on from the time I met her she really wanted to set me up with a friend of hers because he's a really nice guy. I had a bf at the time so declined her offer and that was that. A year goes by and since then for the past couple months I've started hanging out with her friends a lot. They're super people and one of them just so happens to be that guy she was going to set me up with who is-still single. I've only gotten to know him the last three weeks or so but low and behold find out that he really is a very nice guy and have since developped more than a crush on him. (oh, and I'm no longer with my last bf) We get along really well and lately have been hanging out a fair bit along with the rest of our friends but...whether I spend the evening with him or the early afternoon, he always calls me the same day just to chat or see how I'm doing despite having just spent a lot of time with him. He did it again today-I saw him last night, slept over (not what you would think...on his couch-nothing going on) hung out with him this morning, he left for a band practice and the afternoon left me a message on my cell to see how I was doing and to talk...he called yesterday to talk and the day before that too. Am I reading into this too much because I really like him? Is there a chance that he may be interested or do you think I'm just reading into this all too much like a young school girl?! Basically, I'd love to go out with him now because he seems like a really terrific guy but I don't want to say anything in fear the feelings won't be reciprocated make things severely awkward. Any suggestions? Oh, and he's terribly shy...yesterday a friend of his said he would never make a move first because he's waaay too shy to even try...
  18. filmraven
    What you describe is identical to my ex. Completely. I never knew I could love someone so intently that it would reach to the depths of my soul. It seems to be a rare thing since I have yet to come accross someone since and despite all the heartache-I still miss him. I don't know why at times we have such crazy strong feelings for someone when the relationship in itself isn't good. I have come to the realization that-love just is. It doesn't have to be functional or healthy all the time to feel that depth. At the same time I don't believe in staying with someone when things are that unhealthy but it definitely leaves an amazing void that feels like it will never be filled. It sucks but I'm so grateful I got to experience it.
  19. filmraven
    I'm going through the exact same thing as everyone else here and probably so many more in this world. It's so hard. What I've noticed though is that when I have more time on my hands and less to do that's when I begin to get really sad, and miss my ex a lot. It's true that if you keep busy you really don't think about them quite so much. I must say though I could relate entirely to your mention about driving by certain places and it bringing a thought to mind about them. I have a hard time passing certain ends of the city just because there is an immense connection to my heart with that location which floods back memories. Do you have more time on your hands lately? I know personally that's been my problem...And the weight issue...I dropped ten pounds-went from 120llb to 110 in about a week... oh the hands we're dealt sometimes.
  20. filmraven
    At times I think it's just the thought that your ex-the person you loved and adored down to the core at one point-is indeed-moving on with their life. I think this is often hard to accept for those of us who have been "dumped" (I hate using that word but it gets the point accross) because they inflicted so much hurt, pain and agony on us only to pick up and move on seemingly unaffected emotionally by their actions. In this case I am only assuming that the thought of him returning to the country when he made you lose a LARGE sum of money, and a lot of heartache seems like a slap in the face after what you've been through. I don't know if this advice is much help but I had to reply because I've been there and ironically just today was looking through a website for the union I work for only to see my ex working on a present project while I'm running around trying to find work. I don't know why it bothered me so much but just the thought of know that he's busy, he's moving on really upset me. So I hear where you're coming from and know that in time this issue will become a non-issue. Just make sure you allow yourself to feel the way you do right now and it will eventually subside.
  21. filmraven
    Could you possibly give more concrete reasoning behind why you believe your husband is having an affair? I trust to believe that you do know your mate well after having spent more than 10 years together but it'll be helpful in replying to your question if you can provide more details Often common warning signs of a cheating spouse/partner, etc. are (and these are only possible suggestions): Your spouse seems bored. Bored with you, with job, with kids, with hobbies, with life in general. Your spouse seems to want danger or thrills in his/her life. There is considerably less intimacy in your relationship. Your sex life is practically non-existent. Your spouse has a low self-esteem. You notice your spouse has a sense of confusion about self. You spouse has become lazy, especially around the house. You can't get your spouse to communicate with you. Your spouse gets very defensive if you mention infidelity or affairs. Spouse is suddenly more attentive than usual. Mate is working longer hours at work. Your spouse is dressing nicer, looking nicer. You notice charges on credit card statement that don't make sense. Your spouse is indifferent to family events like birthdays and holidays. You find your partner has been lying to you about a variety of things. Money becomes more of an issue between the two of you. He/she doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything with you anymore. You can't even get your mate to fight with you. You feel as if you are being avoided. Your partner abandons religious faith. Your spouse seems more secretive.
  22. filmraven
    My stomach went into a knot when I read this post... A couple of weeks ago I was walking down a street downtown and out of the blue saw my ex walking my way not alone but with another GIRL! We had only broken up a month prior so the whole visual just made me want to run and cry. And I did. I happened to be crossing the street to get to a store and lost all focus and composure. Literally locked myself into the bookstore washroom and just tried to calm myself. It was horrible to have to see that so soon after and weeks later I'm still wondering what lesson can be found in what I saw. It'll sound perhaps childish but...my only consolation was that this girl was nothing to be desired. Short, plain, matted hair and not attractive. I probably shouldn't say that but that was the only humor I could find in the moment!
  23. filmraven
    I fully understand where you are coming from and I think there are a few things to consider regarding your present situation. I can't say that I have completely been there because I have fallen head over heels with someone in my past and although we are no longer together I still can't describe the intensity of love I felt for him. Regardless though, I am back at square one and have been for the last couple years. I've dated numerous other guys and yet that same intensity has yet to cross my path again which can be very fusterating. What struck me most about your post is the idea of being mature at age 22. I am 21 and at nine I was going on forty five! For me, what I've noticed personally, is that at our age the average person hasn't quite all grown up yet and so we come accross the paths of a lot of people who do not "match" or on our own wavelength. My previous bf was like that cause he liked to party, and tell dumb jokes which I couldn't come even near to relating to along with a lot of other stuff. The other factor is that falling in love, although not a one time deal (according to what I believe), isn't something that comes along everyday. You date to have fun, to gain experience, and to hopefully meet someone really special but it doesn't guarantee that you will fall in love with the person. It's probably one of the biggest clichés ever but it's when you're not looking that something reeeally special comes along and perhaps for you, your time has yet to come...but I guarantee eventually it will. I promise. I hope that helped even if just a bit....
  24. filmraven
    I just need to vent right now cause I'm about to be sick over what I saw today and I don't know how to make myself feel better. I was downtown today at school and had an hour or two to waste before my next class. Seeing as it was such a nice day outside figured it would be a good idea to take a walk. I went for my walk, got some tea, talked with my sister for a bit then slowly made my way back to school. On my way there I saw something that has made me feel ill and completely astonished by its "flukiness." As I crossed the pedestrian walk there in front of me was my ex-boyfriend who broke up with me just over a month ago. There he was walking towards me with another GIRL, walking hand in hand He saw me, quickly looked away and veered to his right to try and avoid me. I felt SO sick to my stomach and just felt like running and crying. I ran to a washroom in the mall and just did a "seething dance", crying, trying to collect my thoughts over what I just saw. I don't know why,out of ALL the places he could have been today, (and especially because he doesn't like downtown and lives out of the city) I had to run into him at that very second. I feel like it happened for a reason but I just don't know why and sadly hours later it's still been a great source of anxiety for me. Does anyone know why I feel this way even though I really don't want to be with him anymore? And how to I help make myself feel better?
  25. filmraven
    Good for you for keep up on the NC! I read your post and can completely relate....It's the second weekend since my bf broke up with me and this has been a low point for me too. Prior to this weekend I was busy out with friends literally everyday of the week and keeping super busy. I felt confidant, and good and as of now...yesterday I had a great evening but just spending the day alone before the evening came made me feel really depressed and lonely. I can't figure out if its lack of sleep that's making me feel this way but I'm letting it be. Today is shaping into watching About A Boy-which I have but have not yet seen-and bumming around the house, woohoo! Oh yeah, and a long night at work, booo! Thanks for bringing up the question cause I felt like that helped to vent.
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