marthaceleb

I know that what you are saying is probably right, but for some reason I feel that I cannot make the decision right away. I know that ultimately I will have to forgive him, or walk away from this relationship. I continue to make very bad remarks, I'm very sarcastic as well, which only ends up hurting me in the end. Right now I feel that the hardest part to get over is not the sex, but trying to understand how someone who knows they have a chance of loosing their spouse and disappointing their family members still takes the this kind of chance. This is what I cannot get over. The problem is that I still love him. I am deeply disappointed, and upset and really angry that he has disrupted our lives and caused so much pain. For someone who wanted to start a family with me, I just can;t understand what he was thinking. Just a few months ago he expressed how much he would like to have children with me. Does this make any sense?

I am so devasted by finding out about this OW that I have not even addressed the "massage place". I know he is not being completely honest with me, and in a way I don't even know if I want anymore details. Once is bad enough, now if he did it more often, well that doesn;t ereally change much, he still did it. I think I would feel even worse if I knew all of the details. He know that if it happens again that I will leave him. I have made that very clear. Now I know I'm putting myself at risk, but I still love him and cannot leave him right now. I'm really scre wed.

of course my first thought was to stay with him, as I didn't wnt to be alone, and thought that I could forgive him, but as the days go by I find that it's getting harder to try and forget all of this and move on. We have been together for over a decade, and we really know each other well, and are really good friends also, which makes all of this really hard to digest. I don;t have a clear answer as to why he did this. He says it's not me, meaning he's still attracted to me, and still loves me, so the questions is WHY? Why does someone do this? He is really trying to makes things better between us, and I think I do want to stay with him, question is will I be able to forgive him.......

Well I hvae posted here before, last time was about my husband visiting an "erotic massage place", but now I have found out that that he has actually been having an affair and possible has visited this massage place as well, that I'm not sure about. So I have now found out that this OW loves him, and he has told me that he only slept with this OW one time a year ago, and that that was all that happened. He told me that this OW woman was someone that had some dealings with the company he worked for and that she would come by from time to time, and that is how he got to know her, and that is why he was still in limited contact with her a year later. He told me that he does not love her, and that she continued to contact him and told him that she was prepared to leave her husband, who she doesn't love and only married him for money, and my H told me that when he realized how serious this OW was and that she was obviously reading too much into what happened, that he finally told her she should not come around his work place anymore. Now the only reason all of this came out into the open was because recently I heard a voice mail message on my H cell phone which was " I'm not coming back, sorry bye, I love you" well of course I freaked out and confronted him finally and that is how all of this happened. Now the message I heard was somewhat confusing, and didn;t really know if I should believe my H explanation. Still struggling with this as I can't really believe much that he tells me. I have not left him, as I have not decided what to do yet....

Thanks BellaDonna, for all your advice. I really really appreciate it. I will consult with a counsellor and let you know what I decide to so. Again, thank you so much. I think that I will have to confront him very soon..

well he is certainly keeping himself busy. It happened again yesterday afternoon. Now he spent $300.00. I don;t think I can take much more of this. I am ready to breakdown here.... I asked him where he was yesterday because I told hin I tried calling him, and he said he was at work and probably away from his desk.. This morning he told me that he also has to meet a client at a coffee place, what a lying $%^&*(@ you know what. Now because we drive in together I kept a record of the km. It is exactly the correct km to this "place" he's going to, same with last Friday. I just can't believe that he can look at me and lie so much. I mean how can someone that you know for so long do something like this. Like I said> i'm really in rough shape here. I think that I will seek some kind of counselling.

I think that if I try to call this place theat they will keep all names confidentila, if he's even using his real name.. If I do not have proof, he will talk his way out of it.. He'll come with something like, " I called to arrange something for a customer/client or for someone else, and the money, well he will make something up for that as well, maybe he had to make a purchase on the companies behalf.. he will definitely lie. I think that belladonna is right, I need to get a private investigator. The problem is that he handles all of the financial matters and will certainly notice if I take out a lot of money. Right now I have him thinking that I don't even know how to view banking on line, so he thinks that he can remove money without me noticing...I guess I will have to try and remove money in smaller amounts. The other problem with hiring a private investigator is that you need to give them at least 24 hrs notice. I usually don't know until "that" day, if I check the bank account and notice money missing, also, it seems that he's going to this place approx. once a month so it will be quite costly for someone to track him.. I inquired and it's approx. 65/hr + mileage + 45 for a video tape. Once again this situation really sucks...the hardest part of course is putting a smile on my face and pretending that nothing is wrong. Maybe some of the guys can answer this for me. When something like this goes on what is the guy thinking. I mean is there any feeling there at all, or do they think of these women as w hores and it just something that they need to do? Assuming that there isn't any intersourse, do men think that a Rub & tug is nothing because they're not involved with someone??? and they didn't have sex with them???? [/url]

well he's at it again. Friday I notice that some money was missing from our account, $240.00. I asked him later that afternoon if he went anywhere, as I tried calling him at work in th afternoon, and he told me he dropped by at a clients place, as he is in sales. I checked his wallet later that night and sure enough all the money was missing from his wallet. It seems that he was gone for about 1 & 1/2 hrs or so, and wow was he in a great mood later on Friday, he even mentioned to me what a great day he had. Now for those of you who actually saw the website, it seems that the going rate for an hour is approx $ 60.00-100.00, if I remember correctly, so he must be getting the royal treatment, unless of course he is actually seeing someone who works there and getting a really nice hotel room for $240.00. Well I didn;t confront him as of yet. We had an argument about some other nonsense, and we didn't really talk much all weekend. The fact that he would even argue with me and not want to talk to me all weekend after everything that he is doing, is just unbelievable. Now he's giving me the cold shoulder?????? Maybe is just guilt, I don't know... So the situation really sucks. I still do not want to confront him right away, as he'll probably try to get his way out of it somehow, he's really quick with come backs, and he's never nervous, really cool all the time which really makes me sick and it's becoming very difficult tl put on a happy face... I have to find a way to catch him in the act, that's the only way. Problem is that we drive in together to work, so I cannot leave work to follow him.... What to do?

thank you all for your opinions, and for checking the website for me. I need to think about what I'm going to do now. As I mentioned to BellaDonna in a pm message, "we" well more so me, were finally thinking of having children as we have been married for 12 yrs now, and my clock is ticking, and to find this out now is really devastating for me as I obviously have to put this idea on hold because I don't even know if I still want to continue this relationship. I don't really know how to handle this, it's just starting to sink in about waht he has done,or is still doing, and not to mention that this is all I have found out, who knows what else he might be doing.

you certainly have a point BellaDonna. There is a website, but it's not very specific, and I'm willing to bet that if you have enough money there are probably a lot more "extras" you can get, again only an assumption, but I'm probably not too far from the truth.

I think that belladonna has the right idea here, unfortunately I don't know anyone that could possibly call there to find out all of these details for me. I will try to find someone, but unfortunately all tof the men that I know also know my husband, so that won't work.

"could he tell me details", not at all. I have had a feeling now for awhile that something was going on, and he swears to me that he hasn't done anything, and has even gone so far to suggest that I'm the one that is paranoid and insecure...many fights about this issue, but again he will never admit that he has done something like this, I would have to catch him the act, otherwise he will deny it until he dies...

i would love to confront him, but he will just deny it and tell me that I don't have any proof. He will definitely come up with some kind of excuse to get his way out of it. Not to mention that I would have to admit that I was snooping around his things and checking his phone bills etc.. and if I tell him that then maybe he'll be a little more careful.

I have had a feeling now for awhile that my husband has been cheating on me. Now I have found out that he is calling a number, which is an adult massage place. which is the web address, which unfortunately I haven't had a chance to view for very long, only a quick view, (cannot get access often). It's certainly not your regular message. Does anyone know what really goes on in a place like this. Is this considered cheating? I'm really upset, and do not know what to do. I have not confronted him yet, I'm not sure if I should right away.

It sounds like it might be an ingrown hair, which has now clogged the pore and is building up inside forming a lump. The suggestion made by another to soak with a hot/warm cloth should help to open up the clogged area and drain. If it doesn't go away I strongly suggest you have it checked by a doctor.