filmraven

Thanks for the encouragement These boards have proved so helpful, I'm so glad I posted. Now off to the library I go....!

It does stink! Annie, what you said though about there being warning signs is something I've thought about since reading your post and I could actually say "yes" to every example you made. Skipping out of going out on Sat. night, being really "busy", prioritizing other things above me (like friends, sports, etc...), it all rings true and yet at the time I kept thinking to myself, "Oh, things are just getting more comfortable in the relationship and that's why he's being this way..."! How do you know when things are just getting comfortable or if they really are warning signs??

You know it's interesting because I always heard of scenarios like this where the guy is madly in love with the girl and then goes to being nasty and completely uninterested. Maybe somewhat ignorantly I NEVER thought that would be me! It honestly kinda scares me because I fear how I will handle relationships interms of trust. I guess everyone's different and not having too high of an expectation as to where it will lead up is the best way to go?

Woooow. Your comment totally just struck a "lightbulb" moment in me Sparkey. YES, he was somewhat controlling-not overtly-but it is something my parents have mentioned recently that they noticed ever-so-slightly. He definitely had that macho, real guy mentality and liked to show that he took care of me and make me think the same...god, that makes so much sense. Thanks for that comment, that really helped.

thanks for the kind words Luciana. This past week and a couple of days have been an emotional rollercoaster but I'm making it through. I totally understand what you say by staying with this guy and making him make me feel worse and worse. I was thinking about it this morning and thought of things he'd say to me that made me more insecure and less reassured about myself. And in that very moment when those situations arised all I could think was, "My boyfriend isn't suppose to make me feel insecure!! He's suppose to encourage me..." More and more things are starting to creep back into my mind that make me realize this guy is anything but gold. I guess I'm just having the hardest time understanding how a guy who was so madly inlove with me in the beginning, who said it would absolutely kill him if I ever left him (I kid you not...) would suddenly want nothing to do with me. That's what stings most.

Thanks for the encourgement you guys...appreciated as always. Break up's just suck BIG TIME, but I understand that this too shall pass and that time will only heal my wounds. I realize that it does not matter what others think of my ex since they truly didn't know him the way I did and for that matter didn't see him in the same light as I did either. I agree that their comments are insensitive and inappropriate and I guess I have to realize that that's the unfortunate world we live in. Thanks again.

I feel sick right now. It's been exactly one week since my boyfriend broke up with me and suprisingly what's bothering me the most is the way relatives are responding to it. The most common I've received is, "But he seemed like such a nice guy..." and it feel like someone is stabbing me in the heart every time someone says it. Perhaps because it feels like they are siding with him and not me. More like a, "so what did you do wrong then??" instead of supporting me. Granted they saw a very different person from the one that I saw but I really don't know how to deal with that comment everytime it comes along. He said REALLY hurtful stuff to me, didn't treat me right and I know this is all true yet when I hear that comment from anyone it just makes me move backwards and deeper into my upset. What do I do?

wow, I feel for you because I've been through the emotions of what you described. My boyfriend actually just broke up with me almost a week ago by tomorrow (Saturday) and it's REALLY tough. Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling, to think about him, etc. But give yourself a time limit and then jump back into life. I've been busying myself too with friends and theatre and any thing else that really makes me happy. For me I alot a certain amount of time each day-usually at nine pm-to think about my ex, think about the good things we shared and the not so good things too (which is usually what I end with). Just a suggestion... Interms of being cheated on-I've been there too in my last relationship and nothing makes you feel sicker or more in pain. But you must realize that when a boyfriend goes to that length and committs such an act he automatically goes into the jerk bin. Immediately. You deserve somebody so much better than that and you must believe that about yourself. Embrace life and make all the best of it without this loser. It is then that someone will come knocking. Hope that helped.... ~Elle

yeah...this weekend is going to be the first for me too without a boyfriend in as long as I can remember...it sounds lousy when I say it but I purposely made plans to "keep busy". The best way to get through these times Shiminimo is to accept that you feel the way you do as loooousy as that is and remember that you won't be stuck in that sort of feeling forever. Life cycles emotions and moments and the more we get to know that happiness, pain, and elation just keep on repeating themselves we know that happiness-at some point-is on its way. Hope that makes some sense.... We all feel alone sometimes, feel like know ones around for us, that we live the boring life with nothing to do. It's overall a really negative thought and the feelings that go with that are the same. Just know you're not alone and this too shall pass.

I would definitely prefer to leave it all behind and usually would but...I have a really expensive pair of skates at his place that I want back mostly because I almost never used them and I paied a lot for them. As for the dvd that I referred to, I definitely could do without and would gladly go out eventually and buy a new one. Thanks for the advice, I'll consider it and think about what everyone has said. I think relative idea might not be a bad idea and I wonder if my brother or sister couldn't go get it for me...

I have one more question guys... I have some things of mine still left at his place and I really don't want to go pick them up. First and foremost because I don't want to see him but also because I think it would be too painful to go to his place, see his parents (who really liked me...), etc. The other reason is that he doesn't live close to me-I live in the city and he lives out in the country so it's about a forty minute drive from my place to his. The long trip would be waay too emotional for me yet I really want my things back including my Love Actually dvd that I know would cheer me up. What do I do?

thanks so much for the comments guys-greatly appreciated here. I'm in a state of denial at the moment but have been finding this inner calm on and off during my day and I have no idea where it's coming from. I thankfully have some REALLY supporting friends who have been really helpful and trying my best to cope. The more I talk about it the more I discover so many things wrong with this guy and it just makes me realize that it's for the best even though my heart is aching so much right now. I truly know that I deserve waaay better than this and that I have so much to offer and need someone who will appreciate it fully in order for things to work. So thanks for the comfort, I'm glad I have a place to come to for support.

well, he broke up with me lastnight and I am absolutely beside myself at the moment. I feel SO hurt and mostly because of what he said and the reasons behind it. He told me that I was a hassle and that he thinks I'm too "artsy" for his taste along with my style of dress (which seriously, consists of usually always jeans and a t-shirt but he doesn't like the way I cuff my jeans!). He said that he thought we were too different because we don't share the same sense of humour (not of importance to me), that he's sporty and he wants somebody sporty around who's not into ballet. Basically we're too different to be together according to him even though we can spend hours talking together and share the same values and morals. I just feel SICK and I don't know how to cope with this. Please if someone has suggestions on how I can deal with this please let me know. I just want to cry.

Lastnight I got really upset and I need advice, comfort and suggestions regarding my situation. First some background...my bf broke his leg about four weeks ago. He's very athletic and usually is always moving and full of energy. He had surgery about three weeks ago and ever since has been stuck at home most of the time bored out of his mind with not much to do. At first I started to realize he was cranky more often and not very cheerful like he usually is. It's lately and especially yesterday that are really starting to concern and hurt me. I went to his place yesterday evening and he wasn't overly affectionate. Didn't think too much of it but by that night everything just went downhill. He didn't want me near him (he's not in pain anymore but depressed) at night, told me he doesn't feel like having sex anymore, doesn't want me close to him, and was all around totally aloof with me. I asked him why he never tells me he loves me anymore and he said, "Why should I say it if I don't feel it." That was the most HURTFUL thing that came out by that point and I unfortunately began to cry. I don't know what to do! I feel like I'm not even dating him. He has no desire to call me anymore, and said he doesn't even really care if I come over not. I feel SO rejected all the while he tells me that I'm making too big a deal over this, that it's because he's focused on his leg and that I'm not his number one priority right now-his injury is. I could understand if it was because he's in a lot of pain but he isn't-just depressed from having no motivation after being stuck at home for the last month. If someone could please tell me what to do with this situation and how I can best handle it PLEASE let me know-my heart feel so heavy right now.