MattTheStudent

Well if you guys are in college and have been together for years, it is no one's business but yours and hers. She needs to stand up to her parents and sister or else they will continue to control her forever. You should tell her this, but if she won't even get in touch with you, I suppose it's over right? I've NEVER heard of parents who don't support dating in college. They must be oppressively conservative. How old are you, and how is she? Good luck my friend! Just be careful and remember to take care of yourself.

Like anything, preferences vary- I am a 22 year old college student and I really like both. Lacy for hardcore, straight-to-sex encounters, silky for hours-of-foreplay encounters. Hope that helps. Oh yeah- the three best colors are red, white and black. Good luck!

Twisted Metal Type of relationship: Serious Length: 2 years What a roller coaster of a relationship I've been in for the past two years. I feel like I don't know where to begin, but I guess I'll begin with the beginning. I moved away from my state to start a new life after a bad relationship a few years ago. After living in the state I live in now for awhile, an old friend from my old state said she had a friend in my new state, so we met. It was really nice, she was very sweet and basically the opposite of my ex-girlfriend. We did the semi-long-distnace thing for awhile, and my commitment to my job ended, so I moved closer to her, got a new job, and went back to school out where she lives. She was very good to me, we went lots of places together, it felt like a really strong and healthy relationship. However, it was not. At some point she became emotionally and physically abusive towards me and I became emotionally and physically abusive towards her. I was uneasy around her, scared to really act myself anymore unless other people were around, and just kind of sad about the decline of the relationship. We started fighting alot, just back and forth annoying each other, and it began to suck. So we did the breakup/makeup thing for awhile and my friends got sick of hearing it. I come from a very abusive background, and she is overly critical and controlling sometimes, and it reminds me of the way my mom treated me. So a couple of months ago we got in a fight and I grabbed her and she clawed my face and I pushed her down. I really lost control and she did too. After this fight she said never to call her or contact her again. We had basically been living together up to this point, so I moved all my stuff out and left her alone. Two weeks later I dropped off some stuff when she wasn't home, left it on her porch, and she texted me a few minutes later, asking me to come over. So I did and we talked and cuddled and had sex and it was nice. So we've been spending time together again, but she seems to always be upset and now I see her old patterns of control and criticism coming out. I've been going to men's groups and therapy for myself, so that I don't react physically during arguments, and I have to say I've learned alot. I find it much easier to walk away from her fights now. Basically she thinks that she was never abusive in any way towards me, and that it was all in my head because of my childhood, and that I was the one who was always abusive. But why then does she keep calling me and texting me and wanting me? My family and friends say, stay away from her. I have no self-esteem anymore, but I pretend I do so people think I'm ok. I just can't say, "Stay away from me," and stick to it myself.

So yeah my girlfriend and I broke up like 4 weeks ago. After two weeks of NC she contacted me and we hung out. So that first night after 2 weeks of NC we talked for like 4 hours, went for a hike, and had awesome sex. For the next week, we saw each other for a couple hours almost everyday, and she asked me to spend the night a couple of times. We decided not to get back together yet, and it seems like she keeps going back and forth between wanting to see me and not wanting to see me. We were hanging out the other night and she was like, "We shouldnt be seeing each other at all." Five minutes later she said, "Maybe we should go to couples therapy, and we should spend time together on the weekends so that we can fell good and not have our time together interfere with our schoolwork(we're both in college)." So we made plans to spend the night together Friday night and then do something together over the weekend. I was very excited about just relaxing and hanging out, but then on Friday night she texted me and said, "I don't think we should hang out tonight." That was that- I scrapped my plans and didn't go over to her place. We talked later on that night and she said she needs space and that's she's nervous about getting back into the same old relationship...blablabla. So I said, ok whatever. So then on Saturday she calls me, and I am out of town and she is like, yeah I just wanted to call and see how you are doing, and then she called me again and I didn't answer and then she started texting me last night and I just really don't get this back-and-forth stuff. People say that it sounds like she doesn't know what she wants, and I think maybe I shouldn't even talk to her until she figures it out. This is driving me nuts, starting to feel one way about her and the relationship, and then she changes her mind and it just leaves me holding the bag. Anyway, any help would be greatly appreciated.

If that ever happens again, tell her you love her and ask her name.

Two years ago I was broke and in a mental ward because I had hacked my wrists to bits and electrocuted myself. Now I'm in school, I have a new car, and I'm doing well. I did it all myself- I did have the emotional support of my family and friends- but I made all my own money and I rebuilt my life from the ashes of lifelong depression. Good luck, hang in there, and never hesitate to talk about your feelings. Just think, if this is as bad as it can get, then things will only be better from here friend.

We we together for two years. I hadn't talked to my ex in two weeks. She and I broke up with a nasty fight(a little over two weeks ago) and she walked out the door and that's it. We didn't talk at all for two weeks, I got all my stuff out of her place after the fight, and she said she didn't want me to contact her at all. So anyway, I dropped a couple of things off at her house last night when she was still at class. When she got home she texted me, asking me to come pick up a couple of things I had forgotten to get. Up to last night, we hadn't been in touch at all. I am a recovering alcoholic, and I have been sober for over two years. I was on my way to an AA meeting when she texted me, so I said I was on my way to a meeting and that I would stop by after the meeting. So then she replied, telling me how happy she was to hear that I was going to meetings and taking care of myself. I felt that it was great, simply opening a channel of communication. I went to my AA meeting, and we agreed to meet in a public place afterwards, and have ice cream. So we talked over ice cream for a really long time, then we decided it was ok to go for a nighttime hike at a local pond. So we talked more and reflected on our relationship. In the weeks leading up to our breakup, we had both become extremely depressed and abusive towards each other. She has been going to abuse counseling and I have been going back to AA and men's support groups. We used to spend ALL of our time together so we had both lost a sense of ourselves. Anyway we have broken up before and we both realize how bad it would be to fall back into the same pattern of spending all our time together and growing to despise one another. So we talked for hours and decided that we'd stay in touch for the next couple of weeks, but not see each other, and not talk on the phone- only emails and texts. I don't want to get in the way of her treatment and she doesn't want to get in the way of mine. I really love her and I want things to work out, but I know they won't if I don't get better and if she doesn't get better. We have both had problems with depression and self-esteem lately, and I am really glad I decided to go back to AA meetings. I felt guilty after hanging out with her last night because my friends and family think I'm not gonna talk to her again, and her friends and family think the same. I'm feeling very conflicted right now because I am scared that this will just result in more heartbreak if we don't learn to take care of ourselves independently of each other. Any advice? P.S. She said she had a wonderful time with me last night, and I felt the same way. Neither of us is interested in anyone else in any way.

Love is pure and true, sex is just really sweaty and animalistic, which is not a bad thing. It's not spiritual your first time though, and if two virgins are involved, I would be surprised if anything actually gets done...lol. I was 17, I had known the girl for a few weeks and she was wicked hot, she knew EXACTLY what to do(pretty experienced) and that's what college is all about. Here I am 12 women later and it's still best when you just met the person, or if you don't even know their name. I swear. Love is cool too though. Good luck!

Be careful my friend- sounds like she might break your heart again if you let her. Just be careful and maintain your distance. Ask her a sobering question, like, "Why have you been neglecting me for the past (however long) and now all of a sudden things aren't too hot with your new boyfriend and you call me?" Try not to be harsh about it, just express your feelings. Good luck.

Hello there. Perhaps I can give you a little bit of perspective that I've learned being around many alcoholics in recovery. I am 22 and have been sober for two years(yes, no alcohol, pot- nothing), and although I didn't have it "as tough" as some of the guys out there, I have met many a person who went from being the scum of the earth while they were out drinking and partying to being saints in recovery. I don't agree with messing around when you're married, but I don't blame you- I also don't agree with people neglecting their families to drink and drug. So I guess my point is, talk to him about it, share your feelings with him, be careful while he's in early recovery (it might be a good idea to talk to him while he's still at treatment), or wait and see if you want to get back together, if the love you once shared is still present in his sober self. I would defnitely recommend seeing a professional either way- things like this are best not done alone. Good luck and stay strong my friend.

Just strike up a conversation with her and over time trust will build. Go to link removed or link removed for a good card. Good luck!

I think you are exactly right about the whole security blanket thing. I don't think she's crying because of the loss of her friendship with you, she's probably crying because now it gets tough- she has to make a decision, and either way she loses something. Stick to your guns- its tough I know, but it's not fair to you to be hurt thinking of her with someone else but still having to deal with it constantly. Good luck and keep in touch my friend.

Is there any way that both of you can be friends with the same friends? I am kinda going through the same thing right now, but my friends are all far away so that makes it easier to maintain the relationships with them. I would definitely not suggest bringing the new girl along- it will spoil the good time you might have if your ex freaks out and you get in a big fight, or if she just is a b**** to your new love. Good luck and be strong my friend.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. It's awful to realize what people have become after they start acting that way. It's good that you told him to stay away from you, and I would definitely suggest seeing a counselor- it's really comforting to talk to a professional about these matters- they can give you a great objective perspective on things. Good luck and keep in touch my friend.

One time my girlfriend and I went hiking in the woods and had sex on top of a mountain and she took pictures of my member. Well they got mixed in with the other hiking pictures so she showed them to like everyone by mistake, and the only one who noticed my ding-a-ling haning out of my shorts was her mom. Haha she's didn't care at all though. To make a long story short, I'd say just let it pass- it WILL blow over in time, just don't bring it up, and if someone else does, say "I'd rather not talk about it." Good luck and keep in touch my friend.

I don't think things have gone awry in this situation, just be sure to do your part not to let them. Bascially she wants time to alone to be with herself, and to realize how much she really loves you. Give her that time, repsect her wishes, and things will stand a greater chance of moving right along. Time alone is kinda like a scab. If the scab is healing and not being messed with, it will heal faster and cleaner, but if it's picked at and bothered, it takes longer and leaves a scar. Anyway, my point is, I know exactly how you feel my friend, and I know that your mind and heart are probbaly racing just thinking of her, but just give her what she needs and give yourself what you need- peace of mind knowing you've done the right thing. Good luck.

Long distance relationships are built on trust. I suggest that before you leave, sit down in a nice quiet place with her and ask her how she's feeling, like ask her to really open up to you about the issue. Tell her how you feel, ease her mind, and make sure that your relationship will be built on trust. Keep in touch but don't spend too much time missing her while you're gone, or else you'll just be miserable, and so will she- think of it as your time away, and when you return your princess will be waiting for you.

Back off, don't pay any attention, or at least don't constantly dream about her, and she will come to you. If she doesn't, oh well- there are MILLIONS of cool, sweet girls out there. Good luck my friend. I was the same way when I was your age- I scared lotsa girls off and then I chilled out and realized that if I just play my cards right, they'll come to me.

You've been together for four years. Why don't you just call her? I'm sure it's totally fine to call her, even if she is with her family, right? I would not worry too much unless she actually said I don't wanna be with you anymore, which she didn't. I'd recommend calling her ASAP to find out what's up, like if she's ok or if she's sick or something.

I am doing alright today, much better than I have been recently. I cthink my ex put herself on my buddy list, either that or unblocked me from her buddy list, and it just messes with my head. It's been a little over two weeks and I am just feeling kind of lost and lonely inside. The worst times are in the morning, when I wake up and no one is there cuddling next to me. There's this other girl I've known for a couple of years and she wants to hook up, and I am a very sexual guy, but I feel sick whenever I think about getting with her. I miss my ex soooooooooooo mcuh, and I want to work things out in our relationship(we were together for 2 years), but after a big fight two weeks ago she told me not to contact her, so I haven't. She keeps adding me and taking me off of her buddy list, and she leaves dreadfully sad away messages, so I am very confused as to what I should do. I know that if I maintain the NC, she will just mis me even more and it will be her who comes around- she broke up with me, and I have to be strong and not break down and call her. Part of me thinks she'll never get in touch with me again, and the other part of me thinks she'll call any minute. My moods are up and down thinking about her, but at least I am taking care of myself- going to school every day, going to support groups, etc. Any advice?

Today is a rough day for me. I know my ex is having a hard time at this breakup, but that's what she wanted, because she broke up with me. I am still maintaining NC, because I know that's the only way to heal. It's just soooooooooo hard because I can feel my own depression setting in, and I have always been there for her to help her feel better, but this I cannot be. God I want to call her, but I know that won't truly accomplish anything. If she calls me, I am going to play it loose and not go running back to her- even if there is a chance this will all work out, it can ONLY work if we take our time to rebuild our trust and get back to having open hearts and minds again. I know it's ludicrous, because the fact of the matter is that we won't be getting back together, that nothing has changed, and that no miracle is going to happen today. Good luck my friends. I can feel the depression setting in again, and I hope I'll find the strength to fight it off as I have in the past.

I broke up with my gf of two years two weeks ago tonight. I haven't talked to her since then- we got in a huge, ugly fight and we both lost our tempers. She ended up crying and I ended up with three long gashes on my face from her fingernails. The next day she said she didn't want to talk to me anymore so when she was at class I got my stuff from her place and that was it. So I am doing ok, just sad because my future with her has vanished. The mornings are tough because I am accustomed to waking up next to her everyday as I have for the past two years. I have gone to see a school counselor and she said she is amazed by how well I am doing. My ex and I were very very close for a long long time but she seemed to grow more annoyed at me for just being myself. It was like we were always squabbling about the most simple and silly things, but the fights were real and the pain associated with them was very hard to deal with. I began to feel unsafe in this relationship, like, "Man she is going to stop loving me at any moment," but I figured it would all pass. We started doing the breakup/makeup thing and it happened so many times that I stopped calling my friends for support- I didn't want them to know about all the drama. I am a laid back, goofy, social guy- my ex is more reserved and less receptive to my silly jokes than she used to be. I began wondering a few months ago what it would be like to be with a woman who cared for me being me more, and who was less critical of me. I still loved my gf, though, and stayed with her because it's what I knew, and we did have some good times together. I have always thought that I do better in relationships than I do when I'm alone, but now that I am alone I realize that I am much better now, and that when I get together with someone I change myself to make that person happy. I now realize that I can live without her and that everything will be fine. All my friends say I deserve better and that I deserve a relationship where I am cherished and now argued with all the time. I know they are right, I just have to convince my heart of that and get used to the idea of spending time alone again. I don't love myself right now, and I hear that's essential to having a healthy relationship. Please let me know if any of you have anything to add. Thank you for your help and support.

I agree about healing and NC. Think to yourself, and I know this is tough, "If this girl isn't that interested in me anymore, why do I want her to come back to me?" The reason of course is that you love her. I just went through the same thing with my gf- we broke up two weeks ago and I haven't talked to her at all. It's ok, though, because I know I will be fine and so will you. I hgighly recommend no contact, and if you really do want to be back together with her, and you all are meant to be, she will contact you regardless. It will take some time either way, to realize it's truly over, or for her to come back to you, so in the meantime just try to focus on yourself and stay away from her. I have had the problem of thinking that it's really my ex I miss, but now I realize that it's just that I miss having someone to be with- she was kinda cold to me, and I deserve better. You do too- you deserve someone who will always love, cherish, and respect you, and who will never ever want to break up with you. Good luck and keep in touch my friend.

I would recommend that you go see a school therapist and see what they have to say. You don't have to tell your parents you are going, if you don't want them to know of if you think they might be unsupportive. Depression is a medical condition that affects people of all ages, and it is not your "fault" that you fell this way. You do not have to feel this way and there is help. It took me a long time to admit that it was more than just feeling sad, and it took me even longer to actively seek help and accept that just like a physical injury, it was not something I could "fix" myself. Good luck and keep in touch my friend.

Masturbating is absolutely normal behavior- many guys view it as completely separate from intimate contact and sex with their significant other. I love to have sex with my gf but masturbating is my time. I know many many women who are the exact same way- think of masturbation as his time, and ask him if he would like you to join. Don't feel inadequate at all, as it has nothing to do with whether or not you fulfill his sexual desires.