MattTheStudent

Seven years is definitely a long time; do you think that the issues that tore you apart can truly be overcome, or do you think that they will just come back out when you two begin to spend time together again? If you think you two should be back together, let it happen slowly, readjust to each other, and be sure to be aware of your own needs as well as hers. You still are in the honeymoon phase of your new relationship and experiencing the thrill of being with someone new. That might last for awhile but will taper off as you grow accustomed to the new relationship. Good luck and take care of yourself.

He's playing with you by remaining emotionally unavailable. Right now he knows it's safe- that is, you won't say no and you'll continue to spend time with him- if he just leads you on without commiting to anything. Be careful, and remember that you deserve a man who will commit to you, and not string you along. Good luck and stay strong.

If you want him back, and you want to be with him, call him and spend some time together, and just communicate- talk alot about your feelings, ask him his feelings, and be sure that you are both being totally honest. Think about what he says, give it a couple of days or a couple of weeks, and then decide what you want to do. If you don't want to be with him, I would suggest NC. As a guy who's been there, I know it's too hard to go through the whole keeping in contact thing after a breakup, wondering if she still wants me or not- you owe it to yourself to think about what it is that you miss- him specifically, or just someone to be with?

Just think about it before you act- be careful- it might just be that you miss the feelings you felt when you were with her, but not actually her. Good luck my friend. Oh yeah- have you tried talking to someone about your feelings during that relationship? I've been through similar situations and I find that just getting it out there, talking about it, helps alot.

He's probably feeling regret about ahving treated you that way, and yes it does seem that he is playing games with you. Don't let him get to you, and even if you do want him back, do it on your terms this time- not his. Take care of yourself and trust yourself.

So yeah my girlfriend and I broke up a couple of weeks ago and we haven't talked at all. The relationship ended in a fight that got physical on both of our parts, but not hitting- I grabbed her and she clawed my face; I know I shouldn't have touched her and I take responsibility. My brother and asked him to relay to me that she doesn't want me to contact her in any way. We had been together for two years and things had been getting worse lately- she had been on my case alot and I wasn't very happy, but I thought that things would work out. This fight really opened my eyes and I haven't called her at all. I emailed her twice BC her grandma was in the hospital and I just wanted to offer my support. She basically said thanks I'm fine. So yeah now I just hurt inside but at the same time it's very reassuring to know that I can take care of myself, which I have been- I've been going out alot and making new friends and trying hard to make me feel good about myself. Everyone I know thinks I'm a great guy and loves me, and I get hit on alot, but I have self-esteem problems, and when my ex was harsh on me it really affected me negatively. I was no angel, but I guess I thought that things would work out. I had asked her if we could go back to couples therapy(she walked out a few months ago and left me stranded there) and she always said no, and I urged her to go back to her therapist and she said no. Now we don't talk anymore and she doesn't want me to call her and she's been doing things like taking me on and off of her IM buddy list, so that sometimes I see her online and sometimes not. We haven't talked on IM, but I feel like she's messing with me. We have no common threads(we live in towns miles apart, I go to a different college, no common friends nearby(we have mutual friends but they live in different states), so that's not an issue but I just feel really sad alot of the time. To be honest, before we broke up, I was unhappy for a very long time, I felt that she wasn't attracted to me anymore, she's been pretty depressed for awhile, and alot of girls I know really like me and I would never ever cheat on her but I wondered what it would be like to be broken up. I guess I just wondered, I didn't want it to really happen, and now it has and I feel sad and kind of alone. What I miss most is not having someone to hold hands with, share my travels with, be intimate with(not just have sex with). It hurts me that she doesn't want to talk to me at all, but in my mind I know its better for both of us. I haven't really spent much time on my own since we've been together- we've talked like pretty much everyday for the past two years, and slept apart maybe 18 days total this past year. Anyway I am just feeling alone and back and forth on what I should do, and how I should feel about her. She's been pretty harsh to me for awhile, but she didn't used to be, and I guess I've been waiting for her to go back to the way she used to be. Can anyone help me with some advice or support? I just really need someone to say, "Yeah I went through something similar," and tell me about their experience- I need as much advice and insight as possible.

So yeah my girlfriend and I broke up a couple of weeks ago and we haven't talked at all. The relationship ended in a fight that got physical on both of our parts, but not hitting- I grabbed her and she clawed my face; I know I shouldn't have touched her and I take responsibility. My brother and asked him to relay to me that she doesn't want me to contact her in any way. We had been together for two years and things had been getting worse lately- she had been on my case alot and I wasn't very happy, but I thought that things would work out. This fight really opened my eyes and I haven't called her at all. I emailed her twice BC her grandma was in the hospital and I just wanted to offer my support. She basically said thanks I'm fine. So yeah now I just hurt inside but at the same time it's very reassuring to know that I can take care of myself, which I have been- I've been going out alot and making new friends and trying hard to make me feel good about myself. Everyone I know thinks I'm a great guy and loves me, and I get hit on alot, but I have self-esteem problems, and when my ex was harsh on me it really affected me negatively. I was no angel, but I guess I thought that things would work out. I had asked her if we could go back to couples therapy(she walked out a few months ago and left me stranded there) and she always said no, and I urged her to go back to her therapist and she said no. Now we don't talk anymore and she doesn't want me to call her and she's been doing things like taking me on and off of her IM buddy list, so that sometimes I see her online and sometimes not. We haven't talked on IM, but I feel like she's messing with me. We have no common threads(we live in towns miles apart, I go to a different college, no common friends nearby(we have mutual friends but they live in different states), so that's not an issue but I just feel really sad alot of the time. To be honest, before we broke up, I was unhappy for a very long time, I felt that she wasn't attracted to me anymore, she's been pretty depressed for awhile, and alot of girls I know really like me and I would never ever cheat on her but I wondered what it would be like to be broken up. I guess I just wondered, I didn't want it to really happen, and now it has and I feel sad and kind of alone. What I miss most is not having someone to hold hands with, share my travels with, be intimate with(not just have sex with). It hurts me that she doesn't want to talk to me at all, but in my mind I know its better for both of us. I haven't really spent much time on my own since we've been together- we've talked like pretty much everyday for the past two years, and slept apart maybe 18 days total this past year. Anyway I am just feeling alone and back and forth on what I should do, and how I should feel about her. She's been pretty harsh to me for awhile, but she didn't used to be, and I guess I've been waiting for her to go back to the way she used to be. Can anyone help me with some advice or support? I just really need someone to say, "Yeah I went through something similar," and tell me about their experience- I need as much advice and insight as possible.

I understand how you feel. When I've been in your situation, I look to the idea that I haven't been with the other person for all that long (in your case two months, in my case two years) and if things work out after the time apart, wonderful- but if they don't, it hasn't been that long that you've spent. Don't worry- if this doesn't end up working out, there will always be another wonderful man who will love you and stay with you. Good luck my friend.

So yeah my girlfriend and I broke up a couple of weeks ago and we haven't talked at all. The relationship ended in a fight that got physical on both of our parts, but not hitting- I grabbed her and she clawed my face; I know I shouldn't have touched her and I take responsibility. My brother and asked him to relay to me that she doesn't want me to contact her in any way. We had been together for two years and things had been getting worse lately- she had been on my case alot and I wasn't very happy, but I thought that things would work out. This fight really opened my eyes and I haven't called her at all. I emailed her twice BC her grandma was in the hospital and I just wanted to offer my support. She basically said thanks I'm fine. So yeah now I just hurt inside but at the same time it's very reassuring to know that I can take care of myself, which I have been- I've been going out alot and making new friends and trying hard to make me feel good about myself. Everyone I know thinks I'm a great guy and loves me, and I get hit on alot, but I have self-esteem problems, and when my ex was harsh on me it really affected me negatively. I was no angel, but I guess I thought that things would work out. I had asked her if we could go back to couples therapy(she walked out a few months ago and left me stranded there) and she always said no, and I urged her to go back to her therapist and she said no. Now we don't talk anymore and she doesn't want me to call her and she's been doing things like taking me on and off of her IM buddy list, so that sometimes I see her online and sometimes not. We haven't talked on IM, but I feel like she's messing with me. We have no common threads(we live in towns miles apart, I go to a different college, no common friends nearby(we have mutual friends but they live in different states), so that's not an issue but I just feel really sad alot of the time. To be honest, before we broke up, I was unhappy for a very long time, I felt that she wasn't attracted to me anymore, she's been pretty depressed for awhile, and alot of girls I know really like me and I would never ever cheat on her but I wondered what it would be like to be broken up. I guess I just wondered, I didn't want it to really happen, and now it has and I feel sad and kind of alone. What I miss most is not having someone to hold hands with, share my travels with, be intimate with(not just have sex with). It hurts me that she doesn't want to talk to me at all, but in my mind I know its better for both of us. I haven't really spent much time on my own since we've been together- we've talked like pretty much everyday for the past two years, and slept apart maybe 18 days total this past year. Anyway I am just feeling alone and back and forth on what I should do, and how I should feel about her. She's been pretty harsh to me for awhile, but she didn't used to be, and I guess I've been waiting for her to go back to the way she used to be. Can anyone help me with some advice or support? I just really need someone to say, "Yeah I went through something similar," and tell me about their experience- I need as much advice and insight as possible.

As I was reading your post, I realized how much of myself I hear in your voice. My voice is probably deeper, though, because I am 22 and a guy and I have a deep voice...lol. Anyway, this IS not who you are, just what you're feeling. Two years ago today, I was so convinced that I was such a piece of sh__ that I didn't deserve to live anymore, and the only way out was death. I put dozens of slices into my wrists with a razor blade and dropped an electrical cord in my bathtub as I laid there bleeding. My ex-girlfriend found me and I spent two weeks in the hospital. Now, I live far away from where that happened, no one knows about my past, and my life is actually pretty great. I did just break up with the girl I've been with for the past two years, but I'm not letting it tear me apart. My point is, no matter how bad it gets, or how awful you feel inside, it gets better. Another important thing to remember is that depression is not a state of mind- it's a disease, and it changes your brain chemistry, the way you think, the way your mind works. I once thought I'd be institutionalized for the rest of my life because my head was so trashed, but I just had to keep living, a day at a time. So if that's what you need, just wake up every morning and say to yourself, I only have to make it to bedtime. That's it. You can do this, you'll be alright- and remember, it is NOT your responsibilty to take care of anyone but yourself. I've let girls take care of me in the past because I've had a pretty rotten life, but I've realized that before you can truly love someone else, you've gotta learn how to love yourself. Anyway, I hope I provided some sort of help my friend. Hang in there.

I have emailed her twice- once to ask me if she wanted me to walk her dog while she was at work, and once to offer her my sympathy- her grandmother was in the hospital and came close to dying. She said, thank you, Matt, but at this time I can not look to you for anything right now. She also said she was not ready for me to be at her house. I called her the other day but hung up after half a ring, realizing I shouldn't bug her. She saw my number on the caller ID and called my brother and told him to tell me not to call her.

My girlfriend of two years and I broke up after a huge fight last week. I came over to her place(where I have been spending most of my time- she says she likes to have me there) after school and we were both in a bad mood. We started yelling at each otehr, for no particular reason- just both pretty angry and not expressing it constructively. I was going to leave and then I decided I didn't want to because I was in the midst of a panic attack and I really didn't want to be at my house alone. So then she said she was gonna leave and I said ok. She went to take the computer cables out so I couldn't use the computer when she was gone. I grabbed her by the shoulders and she turned around and clawed my face up. Then she went out to my car and grabbed my baseball bat, threatening to break my windows, and then she even kinda threatened me with it. I grabbed it out of her hands and she fell down in the process. That really upset me because I felt like she was just being dramatic. This fight kept going for a little while until she finally left. I am disgusted with myself- I was abused alot when I was younger and when we got into that fight, I just felt exactly like I did when my parents would abuse me. I didn't wanna leave her place and she asked me to, but I was so scared during that episode- I feel unsafe with myself when I feel like that. Anyway, she said she doesn't want to talk to me anymore and she called my friends and asked them to call me, saying that I probably need a friend to talk to. We've gotten in similar fights before, but never as bad as that. I lost control and now I hate myself for it. I go from feeling alright about the breakup to being completely heartbroken. I want to break down and call her but I am trying as hard as I can to respect her wishes for me not to contact her. I don't know what to do- my brother told me that I just need to take care of myself for a little while, and I won't be able to see a therapist for at two weeks, so I am in a really tough spot right now. I have been with her ever since I moved here, ever since I quit drinking alot and doing drugs, and I feel lost. I didn't quit for her, but I quit shortly before we met. I had invested so much of myself in that relationship and I know she had too, but in my heart I knew it needed alot of work that neither of us have been doing recently. Anyway, one reason this is so hard is because today marks the two year anniversary of my suicide attempt. I am so sad and confused and a mix of all sorts of emotions right now. I feel very unsafe and I don't know what to do. All the times before we got back together pretty quickly and usually things are good, but when we fight it's bad. I hate to say this, but I don't know what I'm going to do without her. Logically speaking I know I'll be fine but my emotions keep hurting inside. I've been going to Cambridge every night to hang out with my sister but I live like 1.5 hours away from Boston so the drive to school every morning from Boston is getting old. I feel so lost. Please give any advice you can. By the way, I'm 22 and I am in college. Thank you.