Karibo

Yeah I know what you mean. Recently my frustrations are very extreme and I keep wanting to sleep with the ex again but I keep having to hold myself back! What makes it worse is how he always tries to convince me to! It can be sooo annoying at times!

I don't know but a doctor will.

Hiya I am not close to my family. I am 21 and still live at home with my mother, father and brother but I don't feel as if I can talk to any of them when I have a problem. When I have problems, I always talk to my friends, but can never tell my parents bacause I don't feel as if they welcome me to talk about my feelings at all. I love my parents to bits and we get along very well, but only in a shallow way, as in we never talk properly about whats going on in our lives. I feel as if I'm a stranger in my own home because over the past couple of years alot of things have happened in my life with uni and a guy I had problems with where I have been feeling very up and down, but they know none of this. They literally know nothing about my personal life except for my friends and that i am single - this is it tho. Whenever I have tried to initiate a deeper conversation with my mother, she just looks very uneasy and it makes me feel uncomfortable too like she doesn't even want to hear if i'm ok or not and it makes me feel that i don't have the right to express myself to her because she doesn't want to know. I am scared writing this because I know you will say to just talk to her, but i honestly find the idea very scary. I can just invisage her looking at me thinking 'what the Hell are you talking about' because i know she won't understand me at all. She got married to my father at 20 and he was her first boyfriend and it was no sex before marriage. I know she has told me that she thinks it's ok for me to make my own decisions and in the past she has let boyfriends stay the night etc, but i know she just won't really get it because she married so young. I really can't bear to feel rejected by my mother again if i was to start talking deep and she just tried to change the subject again or have selective hearing. It felt really painful when i saw her looking like that before. Do I have to be close to my parents? Is our family really bad because we aren't close. I dunno, part of me even likes feeling alone at times - home is like somewhere where i can escape from everyone, just go up into my room and think, and even if i am upset, i can go downstairs and no-one will be any the wiser. I dunno, sometimes i even get very frustrated if all my family is about - i just want them to go away sometimes because I enjoy being alone, coz i feel a bit claustrophibic when they are around at times. Is that abnormal?

This happened to me a couple of months ago. I would say go with your girlfriend to the nearest pharmacy and get the morning after pill.

Hiya! I can realte to this because my ex sounds exactly the same from your previous posts - He wanted to be with me yet because he suffered a bad childhood of neglect he finds it extremely difficult to get too close to anyone. thereforeeee we would get very close, but then immedietly he'd get very scared and would be really cruel to me in different ways - anything to push me away and stop us from getting too close. Eventually I ended it with him when he had been particualarly nasty in threatening to hit me when he got angry and said I didn't trust him (too right I didn't!). Well 1.5 years on and he is still trying to get me back, but hell I deserve so much better, but everytimehe asked I am tempted - i almost got back with him last week because he was contacting me again. Like you, my problem is I feel sorry for him and sometimes I fool myself that he might change, but I know he won't unless he gets professional help, which i think is very unlikely. I can see all the pain he has inside as if it shines through so much it is almost apparent in his physical appearance. Sometimes I feel as if I have forgiven him, alot of the time I did and I went back to him and he seemed surprised that i had forgiven him - i think part of him was horrible because he wanted me to end it because he knew he couldn't say no (but now he is constantly harassing me to come back years on!) I would be wary about expressing your forgiveness to him, because from my experience that made him feel like he was in more of a chance of getting me back and this made him contact me more and go to places where he knew i hang out and follow me around and not leave me alone in the hopes that I would give in and go back. This is still going on and it's so annoying! And every time I am almost tempted he sees another ray of hope and he carries on harassing me and it makes it harder for me to get over him! Also I found that if I forgave him too easily without him even attemting to appologise (because I fet sorry for him as if he just needed someone to understand him and help him out to get better) this just made him feel as if he could get away with increasingly bad behaviour. I felt as if I was a mother and he was a naughty child - him clinging onto me because he couldn't face the world without my unconditional love and support, trying to get my attention all the time even if that resorted to him being horrible, me clinging on because I felt responsible for him and thought I had to look after him and help him alll the time. Bottom line: This relationship and yours is UNHEALTHY. I say, carry on with the no conact otherwise you are just fueling the situation to carry on - it will make him try and persue you more again (and yes, i think this is partly why I expressed my forgiveness and sympathy to him after we split up, because I was addicted to him as much as he was to me and i knew this would get a reaction and make him want me more) Good luck!

I understand how you feel as I am going through something similar at the moment. This guy would never commit to me - most of the time he said he couldn't because he was too insecure, then sometimes he would say we should be exclusive. Well in the end I split up with him because I couldn't take it anymore, and now 1.5 years on he is still trying to get me back for sex or maybe something more - i don't know, dont care. All I know is i deserve better, and so do you. As long as you keep allowing this to carry on, so will he. I don't see him stopping or wanting more in terms of a relationship with you because you are freely giving him all he wants now. The best thing to do is no contact (I know that's hard - last week I almost went back to him coz he kept calling/texting me) but you just gotta be strong and treat yourself with respect. You gotta think about what you deserve, not what you desire.

Avman - I couldn't have put it better. You took a chance. If you hadn't you would forever be wondering what could have happened and then you would never have known and would be kicking yourself for that also.

I think also, because I have asked a few guys out in the past and on some occasions I have been rejected, I am worried it will happen again. I dunno, I just seem to aks out the shy guys because they seem to scared to do it themselves, then I think i just scare them off coz maybe I intimidate them or they just weren't interested.

I'm not sure - I think it's because he seems a few years older than me (about five or six, but I can't be sure!) and I just don't know what I'd say! Also my friends have also commented how they think he is sexy, so it's like why should I be the one who asks over them (even tho I know they definetly won't)? And it adds pressure if they were to know I was asking and he was to say no. It's just the pressure really - plus i know the girl who works with him because she used to go to my school. But yeah, I see that it has to be me who makes the move, coz he's working.

Thanks - I thought about doing that but I just feel too shy to do that really coz everyone will see! (It's only a small bar!) As I was leaving, he made an effort to smile at me, but I had to just look away coz I felt too nervous! God, he might think I was being rude! Hopefully he knows I'm just shy! But yeah, I see how if I do nothing, then it probably will just carry on, coz if i think about it, he can't exactly come and chat to me when he's working - it has to be me, the customer who wants to talk to him!

Arg it's so annoying! Do you ever get it where you really like someone, but there's just no way you could ever have the guts to tell them? Well there's this guy who works at our local bar and our eyes always meet and he always smiles at me and looks at me when he's working and walks past me, but we both seem shy whenever I order something from him. I know nothing about him, except his name, I don't know if he's with anyone or anything, but he does seem to flirt a bit with me and there seems to be a spark there. It just frustrates me because once he was there, but was off duty, and I wanted to just go up and chat to him, but then a load of his work buddies went and sat with him so I couldn't just go up and chat in a big group. I saw him outside of his work once in the street and he gave me a beaming smile! I saw him tonight and he was smiling at me again and watching me when ever he went past. He seems so sweet!

Oh my God this guys sounds exactly like my ex who was in the navy! He too, was hurt by his ex who cheated on him when he was away, but he also cheated on her! We got together and he said he was falling for etc etc, but also kept saying 'I can't do this' one minute then sleeping with me the next, saying he was in love with me etc. Whenever I got too close to him, he was like 'You deserve better' and would push me away, but when I went away, he would keep reeling me back in again. To top this off, he suffered neglect as a achild so was EXTREMELY SCARED to 'fall for me', which apparently he already had, just incase I abandoned him. Our relationship was on and off for about six months, then one day, when we were drunk and I was being all clingy and kept asking him if he meant it when he said he wanted us to be exclusive, he got really mad and said I didn't trust him, then he threatened to hit me because i wouldn't let him storm off! I had to end it there once and for all. Now two years on he is still trying to get me back again and sometimes I am tempted, but I know i deserve someone who is more clear about what they want and will be more consistent with their signals, not hot and cold, oh and someone who won't threaten me!!! All I can say is, be wary of him - he could turn into like my ex was.He may just want his cake and eat it - by having you when he's home, but having others when he's away. He might genuinely be confused about what he wants, but to be honest it sounds as if he doesn't want you, but doesn't want you to stop wanting him. I found that my ex just couldn't handle rejection, from his childhood and from ex's who did leave him (no wonder if he treated them as bad as he did me!) so he would push me away to save himself from hurt, but at the same time, couldn't let go of me fully because he couldn't take that I did reject him eventually and ended it with him. He wanted to control me, and make me pine over him all the time, as if he wanted to feel good about himself, as if I would never forget about him and never stop wanting his, thus never really rejecting him. Just go with your gut instinct - it will always be right. Just don't cloud your own judgement by seeing just what you want to see. Hope I've helped.

I seem to have changed alot as a person really when it comes to men. A few years ago, I used to be one of those people who would always wear my heart on my sleeve and wouls become very attatched to a man very quickly, so much so that I would be over clingy and would turn them off. This happened so many times! But now I seem to be the complete opposite! I had a bad relationship a couple of years ago, where I was sooo clingy again and tried to change myself to impress an abusive man to try and make him love me, but didn't work out. Well since then, I have been looking for a new man and have been on numerous dates, but I just cannot seem to get interested in anyone. I mean I may start to like someone, but it is only ever luke warm and I move on really easily because im not that interested. I mean i have been single for that long and I have become to respect myself so much more and come to realise that it's ok to be on my own and even more fun at times. I dunno it just seems very weird because I used to latch on to people extremely quickly even if they weren't right for me. I want to find someone, but I'm just finding it tiring.

That is definetly not love. I guarentee you, SHE IS NOT REALLY HAPPy deep down. I think she is extremely insecure and has just latched onto him and is doing everything he says and copies his ideas/thoughts, and forgives him for acting terribly just because she is trying her hardest to mould herself into what she thinks he wants her to be, to try and make him love her, for real. She is totally disillusioned by him and the situation and i think she definetly needs you and her other friends to try and make her see that she deserves better. It's only been a month and she is already doing dangerous stuff. I bet when she looks in the mirror, she can no longer recognise herself - i was like that once before when i tried to change myself so a horrible guy would fall in love with me. I definetly don't think people are happy with just anyone. It sounds as if she needs time on her own, without trying to get a man all the time. I f she takes time out to get to know herself and respect herself first, then she will meet someone who truly deserves her and will genuinely make her happy. This current guy is just chipping away at her confidence and she is going down hill pretty fast by the sounds of it.

How do you handle rejection? My ex never really committed to me (as in he wouldn't go exclusive for ages, then when we did he cheated). He was neglected as a child so was too afraid to commit to me because he was scared I would leave him, so he kept enough distance between us so that if I did leave (which I did) it would feel less painful. Well this all made me feel terribly rejected, how he wouldn't commit. Even though he said it was not my fault at all, I couldn't help but take it personally that he wouldn't commit (his ex cheated on him too). And when he did finally commit I was over the moon, but then he started doing horrible things to push me away again. Well I just felt so rejected and knew I didn't deserve to be treated like that so I left. Now he tries all the time to get me back again (1.5 years on!) I think because he can't handle that I walked away when that is what he feared most. How do I get over feeling rejected by him? It's our rejection that keeps us longing for each other, as if to prove to each other that we both want each other, when really it's just our inability to cope with the rejection we both caused. How have you got over your rejection? It is so painful and really hits a nerve which is so hard to get over and not take personally.

yeah I know. I think part of me is addicted to the game too because it's the same for me, if I was to click my fingers he'd come running, but it's hurting us both so I really need to stop it because I know he's not going to. I think we both have low self-esteem and neither of us can face rejection - he was neglected as a child, so he's scared to be rejected, but at the same time this made him push me away alot when we were together, so I felt very hurt that he was rejecting me, and it makes me feel accepted when he wants me, thereforeeee that is probably why this has carried on so long, but now I know what it's about, i can ignore it more easily. But how do I cope with rejection? It hurts so much.

1.Does your ex still contact you? Yes, through text message and by stalking me whenever I see him out 2.Do you respond when he does that? If he doesn't make any attempts,would you respond? Yes, stupidly I responded the other day and was almost tempted to go back, now he'll probably try it on even more 3.How do you feel when you see bump accidently at your ex on the street? Strange. He always hovers around me, tries to get my attention, literally bumps into me so i will 'notice' him, then eventually comes up to chat and is all charming 4.Have you moved on? No, he keeps cropping up all the time and pstering me, which makes it hard to move on so I've almost been tempted to go back a few times, which probably makes him do it more 5.If he/she asked for you to try again,would you agree? He asked me the other day and I said ok, but then i came to my senses and said no! 6.What has helped you most to heal from your break-up? Thinking about how he threatened me, how he cheated in front of me and how I seemed to change into someone I didn't recognise when i was with him. Realising that infact i did not deserve to be treated like this and that he treated previous ex's similarly helped me see he was the screwed up one.

How do you get over an ex if you keep bumping into them and they still try it on with you and sometimes you're still tempted, but deep down you know you can do sooo much better? It's just the mind games I can't take and sometimes they really get to me and confuse me. It's been a year and a half since i ended the relationship, but i feel that I am not getting over him because I keep seeing him about where I live and he tries to tempt me back all the time even though he knows he hurt me so much in the past. A few days ago I almost gave into the temptation and now I feel that he will carry on because he can see that I almost gave in and went back. I think part of me is tempted at times too because I haven't met anyone else I have been that interested in since. I don't want him back, but I seem to be stuck on him, as if I have tried to figure out how much he did actually like me. It's like, the more he tries to win me over, the better i feel in a way coz it shows that he did want me, but at the same time we need to move on from this, both of us. Will I ever get over him if this carries on?

I know how you feel. I have experienced something similar. I don't believe anyone is all bad or all good, but just because someone has 'a nice side' doesn't justify them disrespecting you and treating you badly. I think it's natural to wish he'd call coz you want to know that he does really want you, but to be honest, why would you want him to want you? So he can win you over again with his lies then treat you badly again? Thank God that he's gone. He sounds like a right loser. The other girl can have him (if she even wants him in the first place!) I know it's extremely hard to get over someone you have strong feelings for, but at the end of the day you have to think about your own happiness. Does he really make you happy? It doesn't sound like it. At the end of the day, sometimes you have to realise that your feelings cloud what's really going on so you have to override them with your gut instinct. You know you deserve better, so I think you should go no contact and move on without him messing up your life.

I've just told him that I can't hook up with him because I don't wanna get hurt because I don't feel as if the issues we had before are resolved. I've realised that deep down I do want him more than something casual. The only way I would get back with him is if he actually showed me he really wanted it to work, rather than just tell me that. Actions speak louder than words.

Yeah I've just told him that I can't hook up with him because I don't wanna get hurt because I don't feel as if the issues we had before are resolved. I've realised that deep down I do want him more than something casual. The only way I would get back with him is if he actually showed me he really wanted it to work, rather than just tell me that. Actions speak louder than words.

I'm going through the same thing at the moment. He wants me back and part of me is tempted because I still see some good in him and i am so incredibly attatched to him. My friends are getting angry with me because I keep going back on my word about not speaking to him. I know how stuck you feel.

I feel like such a mess. I can't get over my ex. He was bad to me - never committed, threatened me a couple of times when he was drunk when we had heated arguments. Once when we'd been drinking I asked if he had really meant it before when he said about becoming exclusive. He said that he did mean it, but I kept asking over and over and he got really angry saying I didn't trust him, then he tried to storm off and I was literally following him and no matter how many times he shouted at me to just leave him alone and go home I wouldn't and that's when he threatened me physically, and when he realised that that didn't even make me go he literally ran off and left me standing there! The next day though, he just acted like that hadn't happened and was back to normal, but that's when i left him. I can't get him off my mind - wherever I go he comes with me too, in my head. Recently we've been chatting and he wants us to get back together which will probably be the same way as before, with us both being too scared to need each other too much. He always pushed me away because he suffered a bad childhood of neglect so now he is too scared of loving someone and have them leave him, hence the non-commitment before. It's like we can't live with each other can't live without each other. We are still sooooo attatched tho. But whenever I see him, the attatchment we have for each other is still incredibly strong. I But he doesn't leave me alone. Everytime I see him out, he stares, hovers round me, tries to talk to me ALL the time because he wants me back, and part of me loves the attention because part of me wants him back, but I don't know why. Why do I want him? Why am i still thinking of him so much? Why does he still want me? We light up whenever we see each other, he quit his job (before that was another reason for him not commiting coz he was only home at the weekends), he's put on two stone coz he's been so unhappy about our split. I've been so unhappy, but I was getting over him, but now he is living down the road permanently and I see him all the time. My friends absolutely hate his guts. I confessed to them that I had been talking with him again and my best friend hit the roof. She was so angry and said she'd find it hard to be my friend anymore if I got back with him because she can't handle me getting hurt because she says just looking at him makes her feel sick. They just don't understand tho - at all, and she said this to me. She can't see that there's any difference between the heart and the head - she'd never been in love and thinks it's simple to just cut ties and move on like clicking your fingers. I am torn - I can't get over him. part of me wants to try and be with him again. I dunno - I don't want him to be my boyfriend - i just wanted an open relationship. It's my life and I hate how my friends will be so affected by this. I don't want my friends thinking I am a total fool, but most of all I don't want to think i'm being a total fool. Why does she have to make it so I chose her or him? I think that is very unfair. I want him so much it hurts. I cry so much about this. We just seem to be stuck on each other. But I can't lose my best friend. I am so upset. I know most of you will say do the NO CONTACT thing, but that just makes me feel sooo upset because a part of me is still soooo attatched and no contact hasn't helped. It's been soooo hard trying to get over him. I fell like I'm back at square one again and I dunno what to do. I'm soo miserable. Please help me.

By the way, we haven't even discussed this together, we just started talking again after NC for a year. But everytime I've bumped into him, he has tried to initiate things again with me as if he wants our 'relationship' to start all over again. And he randomly text me the other day saying, 'Who knows what the future might bring' (this was after we'd chatted a few days previous about how we are, what we're doing now etc.) So it's kind of up in tha air at the mo. I'm just trying to figure out what to do.

I don't know. I think maybe he wants us to go back to the way we were before, where we were just in an open relationship because he was too scared to 'need' me so much. I know he'll say 'it's just sex' but I think really it will be more than that. Basically we aren't over each other completely after all this time! I'm so confused about what I want!