Karibo

I think it's because when we first started seeing each other we both had low self-esteem. I was like 'how can this amazingly gorgeous guy fancy me?' and he was the same - he was like 'You could have anyone in this room, why do you want me?' I think that is why we might be addicted to each other - we both make each other feel sexy! Lol I think we are just both a confidence boost for each other.

I know what you mean. Why do we want so much attention from each other? I think you've summed it up perfectly.

I don't know what it is. It's like I don't want to be with him in a relationship, but I still want him in my life and I've fantasised about having sex with him soooo much since we split. Its like I do wanna be friends, but he's sooo attractive at the same time.

Well we were knid of in an open relationship when we were together anyway, and neither of us seemed too bothered when we knew the other had been with someone else.

annie24, we split up a year and a half ago and he lives down the road lol!

yeah I say just be upfront and say that's what you want. I have been tricked into having sex with the promise of so much more and it's really hurtful. I think it's fine to want someone just for sex as long as both know that's all it is.

How many people have had regular sex with their ex's? Did it work out ok, or did one or both of you become too attatched again? I'm considering having sex with my ex, but I don't know if we can handle it, but I really want him and he seems to want me! I mean we hurt each other pretty bad, but have been split up for 1.5 years and both still have a lot of sexual chemistry (we haven't touched each other for 1.5 years either). I know a full-blown relationship wouldn't work, and i don't think either of us are looking for something too serious, but what if we start to have feelings for each other again? It just seems to fit - neither of us want anything serious, and we are both extremely attracted to each other still and want to have sex with each other.

I can't take it anymore! Tonight I've been extremely stressed out and panicky about all this! It's dawned on me that over the past year and a half I have thought about him constantly! I cannot get him off my mind - it's like im obsessed! Why are we still feeling so strongly for each other? It's doing my head in soooo much! Part of me feels like just giving in and going back to him, but I can't because my friends all hate him and we cheated on each other with friends/family (to try and make each other hate each other enough to not go back to one another) and we will just get hurt all over again. I am obsessing so much, he's put on two stone because he has felt this break up as strongly as i have! My God whenever we see each other it's like we both still feel the same and he tries to start it all over again as if nothing bad has happened. I soooo badly want him and I don't know why! can't take it anymore!

I can't take it anymore! Tonight I've been extremely stressed out and panicky about all this! It's dawned on me that over the past year and a half I have thought about him constantly! I cannot get him off my mind - it's like im obsessed! Why are we still feeling so strongly for each other? It's doing my head in soooo much! Part of me feels like just giving in and going back to him, but I can't because my friends all hate him and we cheated on each other with friends/family (to try and make each other hate each other enough to not go back to one another) and we will just get hurt all over again. I am obsessing so much, he's put on two stone because he has felt this break up as strongly as i have! My God whenever we see each other it's like we both still feel the same and he tries to start it all over again as if nothing bad has happened. I soooo badly want him and I don't know why! can't take it anymore!

Please don't make judgements about us. I simply want to know how I can get over him and stop thinking about him so much. Thanks

The other night I cried for an hour and a half, part of me feeling those feelings which I had assumed had disappeared forever of feeling like i needed him there with me to hold me and partly through a sense of happiness that I am experiencing that feeling of fondness towards him and have accepted that we are over. We split up a year and a half ago.

I would stop seeing him for now as he is clearly having his cake and eating it at the moment. He doesn't want to commit, yet he wants to have sex with you all the time. maybe he is genuinely confused, but maybe not. How long were you together? I would just say to him that you aren't going to see him at all, even on friendly terms, until he makes up his mind what he wants, then he can tell you. If he takes too long without making a decision you should try to move on from him completely. If he doesn't give you an answer, or he says he doesn't want to be with you after the no contact, then you know for definate that you deserve better and you can move on with your life, without him in it. I know how scary that sounds, but in the end, yuor happiness has to come first and if he carries on fooling you around, you will end up seriously hurt and miserable.

I totally get what you mean. Check out my post called 'One and a half years on and we still aren't over each other' and it says how I am sometimes not interested in other guys because I never felt so strongly about anyone, before or since. It can be very frustrating. I know how you feel.

I would say you should wait a bit longer. As you said, you are confused and you might just be craving a relationship. This is exactly what happened to me - I thought I'd fallen for a male friend and I told him and was all clingy and he just didn't feel the same way and now I realise I just wanted to be with someone. I stupidly told this guy that I loved him more than a friend because at the time I thought I did, but when i eventually got over my ex, i realised that i hadn't really been in love with my friend in that way at all! Wait until you are entirely sure and until you are over your ex. It's not fair on anyone, to date them and still be wanting the ex.

We were what relationship counsellors call 'intimacy avoiders'. He had a bad childhood where he was neglected so he was so scared to 'need' me and thereforeeee commit to me (as in no cheating) that whenever we got close, he would immediately start arguments to push me away again. Then because he wouldn't commit, I would try to move on by finding another guy, then he'd want me back again. We both ended up cheating on each other because it was like both of us were too scared of needing each other too much (me because he'd hurt me before). It was like he kept ending it before I would end it, like he was scared I would neglect him, so he'd do it first, but then it just kept happening over and over. It was a case of 'can't live with/can't live without' and over the months our connection through this behaviour made us want to be together even more, but at the same time feel more scared of being rejected by each other and hurt again. Our relationship was basically both of us wanting the other to say 'I really want to be with you' but we were both to scared to let our guard down. It's like we were both thinking, 'I'm too scared to need you so much, so I'll get some of my needs met elsewhere.' It was like, the stronger we felt for each other,the more we got scared and backed off before getting close again, and it was gradually building and building, until one day it just snapped and I couldn't take it anymore. Basically our cheating was a self-defence mechanism by keeping enough distance between each other so that if break-up occurred it would feel less painful as we were getting some of our needs met elsewhere. Well, it didn't really work, and now that I ended it once and for all, it still hurts like hell at times, and he has always tried to get me back as he is hurting like hell too. Please don't make judgements about us. I simply want to know how I can get over him and stop thinking about him so much. Thanks

Hiya I know exactly how you are feeling. I have just post about this, except I have been broken up with the guy for a year and a half and I still think about him constantly! I told this guy that I definetly couldn't be with him anymore just recently when he tried to initiate things again. Even though I told him to not contact me, whenever my phone buzzes, a big part of me hopes it's him, but it isn't. I know how hard it is and sometimes it just drives you insane. I think we just have to hang in there, and it will eventually pass. I think there will be times when you think about the person constantly, and other times when you will forget for a few weeks. This has been my experience, and this has created a pattern with my thinking about him.

The other night I cried for an hour and a half, part of me feeling those feelings which I had assumed had disappeared forever of feeling like i needed him there with me to hold me and partly through a sense of happiness that I am experiencing that feeling of fondness towards him and have accepted that we are over. I

You sound just like my ex from your post. I don't mean to be harsh, but this is a clear sign that she is over you. My ex always asks me what ive been up to and trying to find out if im with anyone etc and it's just very annoying because it's like, we're over, you shouldn't even care! I'd be happy if my ex was with someone else, for one thing it would stop him bugging me all the time. I loved this guy, honestly as we were together for three years, but hell, if for the next three years after splitting up, he is still going on about how i ignore him, how im dishonest just because i don't happen to tell him everything about whats going on in my life, then yeah, i will purposely try to ignore you! I do not ask him about his life because i am not bothered about knowing anymore. As long as he is happy, thats all i need to know, but he's not and he blames it on me not loving him. The more i ignore him, the more he will come to realise i don't love him and i am over him, and the sooner he can get on with his own life. I tried to be friends, but he just wasn't getting it.

Hi I'm just writing this to get it off my chest. at times because it is very intense, like tonight.

I think you've worked out the main issue yourself. I think you know that you aren't just after sex, i think you are after something alot more meaningful. I get what you mean - at times when i'm out I do just feel like having meaningless sex with someone, but there are increasingly more times where even if i think the guy is hot, I am just not turned on by the idea of sex so soon because it's like, what's the point, im looking for something more meaningful, and just having sex seems like a waste of time.

Yeah sorry they were two different guys! Yes he was wearing a condom. Thanks makes me feel a bit better

Hi The other night me and this guy I've known a while ended up going home together and we had sex. We were having so much fun, that this went on for about two hours! We were both a little drunk and he seemed quite nervous (he asked me if I was nervous, as if he was himself) Do you think this is the reason why it didn't happen for him? We seemed to be having such a good time. Also, why would a guy (a different one) who has just come immediately rush to the toilet afterwards??? I mean did he actually come or was this an excuse? Also we seemed to be having a good time. This is something that happened over a year ago, but I still cannot work it out - he just rushed off (but came back again lol!)

No I have always expressed how much I liked the guys, maybe a little too much even - perhaps they thought I was expecting too much from them, as if i thought they were perfect or something, but i knew they weren't, no-one's perfect. They just seemed to make assumptions which were true about how I felt for them, or how they were gunna screw up or something.

I just found this quote from a guy called 'Likes The Porn' on here. Explains it perfectly: "Where am I... the Middle Ages? Porn is fine. I am downloading some porn right now. In fact, I only found this forum because I was doing a search for 'porn forum' in the hope of finding some free movies posted by other pornlovers. (really) I was compelled to register just so I could clear this up. There is nothing wrong with porn. Men watch it because they like it. They like it because it's a fantasy. There is nothing wrong with fantasies. Men and women have them. Perhaps women don't use porn as much, but they certainly do (be honest) fantasise. And the subject of their fantasy is not always their boyfriend. I have a girlfriend of four years. I look at porn. I rarely masturbate when I am looking at porn, but I may use it when I want to masturbate. I look at porn while I am surfing the net... purely because it is a lot more interesting than watching pages download (I have a slow connection). I fantasise about my girlfriend a lot too. Fantasy is essential to men and women as conscious sexual animals. A fantasy is your own, for your own pleasure. it teaches you about yourself, about your desire and about your sexuality. just like masturbation (let's not regress so far into the stone age as to suggest that masturbation is bad). If a man cheats on his girlfriend, it has nothing to do with porn. Porn is not related to cheating in any way. There is no physical contact, there is no relationship, there is no interaction. The man is pleasing himself. He can't cheat with himself. Porn is generally tailored for men. I let my girlfriend know that I look at porn (well, she caught me looking at it, but I never tried to hide it... I didn't tell her beforehand as I was afraid she would react exactly the way most of the posters in this forum have reacted). She tried looking at it with me, but she didn't like the sight of facial shots and all the other degrading stuff. she didn't like the fact that it was all so synthesised. She wanted to watch people that really loved each other having sex. So we bought 'The Lovers Guide'. If you haven't heard of it, it's a sort of documentary about making love, with real-life couples illustrating scenes. You should buy it. It was realeased in the mid-80s. The narrator explains how important fantasies are... which backs up my above points. There's some interesting bits in it, but the most important thing about it was the love scenes. They were real. My girlfriend found them very erotic. We still watch the video on occasion, together. Sometimes she uses it on her own. We went and bought the whole series of Lovers Guides so she didn't get bored of the first one. This is as close to female porn as I have seen. My girlfriend fantasises about it. She likes to watch the men masturbate and the couples make love. She is not by nature a kinky or highly-sexed girl. Quite the opposite, actually. However, this fed her fantasies, and I accept and support that. Ahem, she also thinks Brad Pitt is gorgeous. I'm sure most women do and have perhaps thought about him a few times. I'm sure a lot of women have gone to see a movie PURELY because Brad Pitt was in it. Why? To look at him, cos he's cute of course. He's a fantasy. Not quite porn, but born from the same idea, the same urge that drives people to watch porn. Bottom line: Porn is fantasy. Fantasy is good. thereforeeee: Porn is good. Women fantasise too. If you feel inadequate as a woman, it is not because of the porn. Perhaps it is your boyfriend's attitude, perhaps it is your attitude. Men are put in the same position when women fawn over famous movie stars. I collected my girlfriend from a Chippendale concert once. The women were going ab-sol-ute-ly mental. Should I feel inadequate? Probably. But we love each other and that's the end of it. We like the way each other looks. Neither of us would be movie stars of models, but we are attracted to each other, physically and emotionally, and that is enough. We are honest and open about it. If it is the dishonesty that is upsetting you, then there is a problem with your relationship. Honesty is the cornerstone... blah blah blah... Of course, it makes it a lot harder to be honest about looking at porn when the prevailing attitude amongst women is that porn is the enemy and looking at it means that he is not satisfied with the way they look. If he didn't like you, he wouldn't be with you. If you have a problem, it is not the porn's fault. So QUIT RAGGING ON THE PORN ALREADY."

I think women/men who hassle their partners to stop watching porn will just be seen as a nag to be honest. Fair enough, relationships are about compromise sometimes but you have to get a grip! The whole point of porn is that it's a fantasy! it's not gunna happen in real life! It just shows that alot of people who dissaprove and feel angry are unhappy within themselves and feel threatened by this, and your insecurities will just shine through and become a bit of a pain to your partner if you keep nagging and stressing them about it. If a guy asked me to stop watching porn for him, i would think he was being rediculous. I mean porn is definetly not everything lol but I need someone who is secure enough in themselves to not be bothered about it. Luckily, most men seem to think it's brilliant if a woman likes watching porn!