Karibo

Well there's this guy who I've known for years because he was the younger brother of my best friend's (now ex) boyfriend. We never really talked because we didn't know each other that well and we are both shy. I always got the impression that he liked me because he would never look me in the eye but i would sometimes catch him looking at me but I also knew he was extremely shy. A few months ago i bumped into him when i was shopping and I said 'Hi' and he just looked very embarrassed. A few months on I bumped into him in the pub on a night out with my friends and he looked a little drunk and freely came up to me and talked, asking me about our neutral friends and my friend thought he fancied me. A few months later still, we all went to our friends party and he wanted to dance with me but I was with someone else at the time so I declined. Well, the other night I went out with friends again and I could see him staring at me from the other side of the room. Eventually he came up to me (I think he had had a few beers lol) and was asking me how I was, what I was up to and if I was still going out with my ex, which i said no. We chatted for a few minutes then he went off with his friend. About an hour later he came back and was hovering around me then we started to dance. I looked at him every now and then as if to say "If you want to kiss me, here's your chance." I did this several times before he plucked up the courage to do it. We danced and kissed for about twenty minutes then I realised I had to go. He asked me for my phone number, so I gave it to him and he text me that night asking me where i live (because he wasn't sure if i was living at uni or at home). But i am wondering if he was implying hooking up or something that night (he seemed a bit drunk and very forward which is totally out of character). Well, I have a feeling that he is feeling a bit of an idiot for texting me that now because I haven't heard from him since (two days ago lol). Also I know that he is usually incredibly shy and usually can't even look me in the eye. I think this is because he has low confidence and because I am two years older than him (I'm 21). The thing is, he is going travelling for three months in three weeks, and i'm not sure what to do. Should I text him to show that i'm still interested because he might be feeling like an idiot for his message the other night? Will this scare him off because he is soo shy and i might intimidate him? I do really like him because he does seem like a genuine guy and I was thinking about him lots at one stage after I had bumped into him in town that time. What do you think i should do? thanks

The key to this is communication. She cried, so obviously she cares about you alot. I think you just need to talk some more, find out EXACTLY why she said she wanted a break, then you'll both have to decide how to proceed with this relationship.

Well I text him last night being quite casual saying, "Hiya how are you? did you have a good time the other night at ****" and he hasn't replied!!! I don't know, I have been getting the impression that he has liked me for so long but now he's not reponding! I'm trying not to clutch at straws but do you think it could be because: - I'm older? - or because i don't think he has had much experience with girls and he knows i have been in a three year relationship with his brothers friend a couple of years ago? - Because he was a bit drunk, he might assume I think he is always that outgoing? - He's going away for three months in a couple of weeks? (By the way I don't think he has much expereince with girls in general because there is only his father and two brothers because his mother died when he was quite young, and because he went to an all-boys school) I just get the impression that he has low confidence and is possibly thinking, "why does she like me? What do I have to offer her?" I just dunno what to think

Well there's this guy who I've known for years because he was the younger brother of my best friend's (now ex) boyfriend. We never really talked because we didn't know each other that well and we are both shy. I always got the impression that he liked me because he would never look me in the eye but i would sometimes catch him looking at me but I also knew he was extremely shy. A few months ago i bumped into him when i was shopping and I said 'Hi' and he just looked very embarrassed. A few months on I bumped into him in the pub on a night out with my friends and he looked a little drunk and freely came up to me and talked, asking me about our neutral friends and my friend thought he fancied me. A few months later still, we all went to our friends party and he wanted to dance with me but I was with someone else at the time so I declined. Well, the other night I went out with friends again and I could see him staring at me from the other side of the room. Eventually he came up to me (I think he had had a few beers lol) and was asking me how I was, what I was up to and if I was still going out with my ex, which i said no. We chatted for a few minutes then he went off with his friend. About an hour later he came back and was hovering around me then we started to dance. I looked at him every now and then as if to say "If you want to kiss me, here's your chance." I did this several times before he plucked up the courage to do it. We danced and kissed for about twenty minutes then I realised I had to go. He asked me for my phone number, so I gave it to him and he text me that night asking me where i live (because he wasn't sure if i was living at uni or at home). But i am wondering if he was implying hooking up or something that night (he seemed a bit drunk and very forward which is totally out of character). Well, I have a feeling that he is feeling a bit of an idiot for texting me that now because I haven't heard from him since (two days ago lol). Also I know that he is usually incredibly shy and usually can't even look me in the eye. I think this is because he has low confidence and because I am two years older than him (I'm 21). The thing is, he is going travelling for three months in three weeks, and i'm not sure what to do. Should I text him to show that i'm still interested because he might be feeling like an idiot for his message the other night? Will this scare him off because he is soo shy and i might intimidate him? I do really like him because he does seem like a genuine guy and I was thinking about him lots at one stage after I had bumped into him in town that time. What do you think i should do? thanks

Hiya I went through something similar and i understand how difficult it is to leave when they act all sweet and as if nothing has happened. But this sweet act is just that - an act, to try and reel you back in. Believe me if you put up with this any longer he will get worse and worse and I've found that even two years on from my bad relationship he is still pestering me and thinking i'm gunna run back to him like i did in the past. Im glad to hear you've kicked his stupid butt out of your life! Stay strong

So i got out of an emotionally abusive relationship just over a year ago. It was very messy and almost escalated into physical abuse, but I got out before that happened. He was in the Navy so has been away for 9 months which was good because I didn't have to see him at all and I could get over him. We both tried to split up several times before that but we kept getting back together and we were addicted to each other. We knew we were wrong and couldn't stop it. We were both very insecure at the time. Well, I started to love myself and now I have more confidence and realise I will not put up with any relationship like this ever again because I deserve much better. Well, the thing is, he has returned! He's been back a couple of months now and he keeps showing up wherever I go! So we started going somewhere else to avoid him but he showed up there once and now always turns up. The other night he spent the WHOLE time "accidentally" bumping into me and my friends even noticed how desperate he was to get my attention. Eventually when he realised i was ignoring him he tried to talk to me. i tried to ignore him, but he persisted and eventually i just let him say what he had to say. Well he looked so excited to see me and told me that "this time next week I'll be free, coz im quitting the navy! Now i'll be home ALL the time." implying that we could see each other again on a more permanent basis (when he was in the navy that was one of his excuses to not commit fully). So now i know he'll always be round. I just don't know what to do. I know i definetly don't want to be with him but i know that he's not gunna leave me alone. I feel really clostrophobic because I feel as if he is starting up the mind games again and trying to drag me back into all the mess. Just the fact of seeing him all the time and him trying to win me over constantly makes me feel really scared coz i used to always go back to him. I know I don't want to get back with him, but im just scared because i feel as if i am constantly battling in trying to ignore him and its stressing me out! I feel so upset and sorry for him because he is still the same guy - i thought he'd grow up a bit and realise we shouldn't be together, but he hasn't. I just don't know if i can bare to see him all the time, but part of me felt really excited at the thought of him being around a lot more. I just did something stupid that now i really regret. I messaged his friend on my friends phone asking for him to give me my ex's mobile number so I could tell him once and for all that it was over, but his friend wouldn't give me the number so I told him to tell my ex to leave me alone. I feel this would have just aggravated the situation even more. I dunno what to do?!!???

Well i just did something stupid that now i really regret. I messaged his friend on my friends phone asking for him to give me my ex's mobile number so I could tell him once and for all that it was over, but his friend wouldn't give me the number so I told him to tell my ex to leave me alone. I feel this would have just aggravated the situation even more.

So i got out of an emotionally abusive relationship just over a year ago. It was very messy and almost escalated into physical abuse, but I got out before that happened. He was in the Navy so has been away for 9 months which was good because I didn't have to see him at all and I could get over him. We both tried to split up several times before that but we kept getting back together and we were addicted to each other. We knew we were wrong and couldn't stop it. We were both very insecure at the time. Well, I started to love myself and now I have more confidence and realise I will not put up with any relationship like this ever again because I deserve much better. Well, the thing is, he has returned! He's been back a couple of months now and he keeps showing up wherever I go! Whenever I am on a night out he shows up, so we started going somewhere else to avoid him but he showed up there once and now always turns up wherever i am. The other night he spent the WHOLE time "accidentally" bumping into me and my friends even noticed how desperate he was to get my attention. Eventually when he realised i was ignoring him he tried to talk to me. i tried to ignore him, but he persisted and eventually i just let him say what he had to say. Well he looked so excited to see me and told me that "this time next week I'll be free, coz im quitting the navy! Now i'll be home ALL the time." implying that we could see each other again on a more permanent basis (when he was in the navy that was one of his excuses to not commit fully). So now i know he'll always be round. I just don't know what to do. I know i definetly don't want to be with him but i know that he's not gunna leave me alone. I feel so upset and sorry for him because he is still the same guy - i thought he'd grow up a bit and realise we shouldn't be together, but he hasn't. It breaks my heart to think of him unhappy, but don't get me wrong - i know its his life and he is the only one to sort it out. Just don't know if i can bare to see him all the time, but part of me felt really excited at the thought of him being around a lot more. Basically I love him, but I know we can't be together. it is very hard.

Definetly give up on her. How rude of her. I can't believe how rude that is! Don't get hung up on someone who can't keep their word. She'll only mess you around again, and if you let her, she will carry on. Forget about her. She seems like a right loser!

Oh my God! I am almost scared at how similar your story is to mine! It's as if I have written this! I was with a guy for three years and we had a fabulous relationship, he went to uni so we broke up after a year realising that there was more out there to be experienced. Then I fell for a couple of guys (brothers lol) who I expereinced amazing physical chemistry with, with great sex but they were emotionally unavailable and became abusive. I have realised that I am generally more attracted to the bad boys because it's something about the amazing sexual chemistry that they have, but I now realise I deserve to be treated with great respect, and that looks definetly aren't everything. I understand however that these kind of relationships are incredibly addictive. Two years on from my fling with the first guy and we still have the exact same addictive sexual chemistry and its incredibly hard to stop. You can read about my earlier post if you like - "I can't take this anymore". I advise you to try and look for a balance in future men - Look for people who you find quite attractive but also have a great personality - difficult I know! I know what you're thinking - that there won't be so much of that exciting sexual chemistry, but surely that is far better than being abused by these men?? Anyhow, sexual chemistry grows and develops over time when you are genuinely in love and respect the other person. I've begun to realise that yes, sometimes it is fantastic and I feel totally ok with just sleeping with these types of "bad boys", but ONLY if I know for sure i will not become emotionally attatched, but even then, that is near to impossible and you end up getting hurt, or addicted. Please start to respect yourself as a person and not just your bodily desires. It is good to have fun and gain expereince, but please be careful, with your emotions and with protection. Hope this helps Karibo

Hi. This is a complicated situation. Please don't judge me. I am writing this here because I need genuine advice and not judgement. A couple of years ago I was with a guy called Mark for about six months where basically we shared a HUGE amount of attraction for each other and I think we were both so infatuated that we thought we were in love, but he couldn't handle the thought of commitment because we are "too young to settle down". (We were only 20 then.) He seemed to think i was after marriage or something, but I just wanted to be with him. Well, the attraction grew more and more between us, which meant he got more and more scared of getting close to me because he has had a bad childhood and can't allow himself to get close to anyone. He was too scared of getting attatced them abandoned by me. Well, we were still seeing each other and I was confused because he was saying one thing and doing the opposite so I thought he was changing his mind. anyway, one night we had a huge row and he threatened me physically because he couldn't handle me badgering him to reassure me that he meant it when he had told me he wanted to be with me too in a relationship. Well, I was totally shocked and hurt by this bullying attitude so tried my hardest to forget all about him as he went away for months the next day with work. Well, the second his brother John found out that we had broken up, he started to become very interested in me, flirting and saying he wanted to be with me etc. Well, to be honest I liked the attention from him and we too shared the exact same VERY STRONG attraction for each other. Basically we started seeing each other and he turned out to be just as insecure and cruel because of the bad childhood thing. Well I kept seeing him every time i went out and he'd always come up and try it on with me and I found it soooo hard to keep saying no because I wanted him too. Just before Christmas I caved in to my desires and we ended up sleeping together again and he told me he was "falling for me", but i thought it was just sex so avoided him ever since, because he is a ladies man. I've been going to a different club with the specific reason to avoid them both because they constantly come up and want me, stare at me, try to get my attention. Well I have been happy for the past month because I haven't seen them at all, until, oh my God! last Fri they both turned up at this new place ive been going to avoid them. Well John saw me and looked very unhappy as if he was jealous because he knows I have stronger feelings for Mark. Mark, however looked so excited because it was the first time we have seen each other in months! My heart was racing too and throughout the whole evening we stared at each other, smiled at each other, but when his friend tried to tell me to talk to him i refused. I couldn't! I still am so attatched to him and I know it has to STOP! I am really surprised that he even wants to talk to me because he knows about me and his bro. I feel like im in the middle of a tug of war. On one side there's Mark who is trying to desperately get my attention and at one point literally bumped into me so i would notice him, on the other side there's John who is getting angry and jealous and is trying to impress me by starting a fight with some guy right next to me. This is all so childish. I am trying desperately to get them out from under my skin! I know I do not even think these are nice guys, but nonetheless I keep fantasising about them, dreaming about seeing them again as we seem to be EXTREMELY attracted to each other. My mind knows for sure that they are definetly not suitable for me, but my heart daydreams and fantasises about them, especially Mark and my body wants him. It's extremely frustrating and sometimes very upsetting because I just wanna forget about both of them, but whenever I see them the attraction is still extremely strong from both sides and I can feel the sparks from the other side of the room! Why do I still feel infatuated by them, even though i know they are not right for me at all? It feels as if I cannot escape them because they keep cropping up wherever I go and they NEVER stop flirting, begging me to be with them, and I am only human and I find it so hard to say no when I am soo attracted. I do not want to hurt them or them me anymore. I know I have to be strong, but I cannot cope with keep bumping into them and then them dragging it on and on and on. I am trying to stop this but they are clearly trying to carry it on, and it is preventing me from moving on. I do see that i have contributed to this, but i desperately do want it to stop. What should I do????

Lol cold turkey hasn't really worked so far as I have been avoiding the club where I keep bumping into this guy, only to have him show up at the new one i've been going to!

I am only 5'4" and i love taller guys - The taller the better lol! - makes me feel more feminine and I think it makes the guy feel more masculine in alot of cases. Makes me feel looked after, and the man just wants to look after me

I was wondering where people have met their current partners. I have heard a few interesting places from people I know and was wondering what other places people have met. So where did you meet your current partner?

Have you ever been infatuated with someone who you know is totally no good for you, but nonetheless you keep thinking about them over and over? Me and this guy have had flirtations for over two years and sometimes we have ended back at his house and have gona all the way, but I know that he is not right for me. I know I do not even think he is a nice guy at times, but nonetheless I keep fantasising about him, dreaming about seeing him again as we seem to both be EXTREMELY attracted to each other. There was a time (before I really knew him) where i did think he was smeone special, but know I know for sure he is not. I have been trying to avoid where he hangs out because I cannot seem to get past him. it seems that my mind knows for sure that he is definetly not suitable for me, but my heart daydreams and fantasises about him and my body wants him. It's extremely frustrating and sometimes very upsetting because I just wanna forget about him, but whenever I see him the attraction is still extremely strong from both sides and I can feel the sparks from the other side of the room! Why do I still feel infatuated by him, even though i know he is not right for me and sometimes think he's not a very nice guy?

I feel exactly the same way. Thank you so much for writing this down because i couldn't have put it any better. I have been feeling down about this recently too. I am looking for someone who wants the real me and not just my body. I have had experiences too where guys have pretended to be more interested in having a relationship, but then when they find out that i won't just sleep with them in the first few dates, they take off and i know they were just feeding me bs all along. It's really depressing, especially when you think that yes, atlast this looks like someone who is genuine and caring, they turn out to just want the same as the others. This was the post I have been searching for. Thanks and good luck.

This might be a silly question, but how long does it take to get over someone, or in my case, two people? I was involved with a guy called Phil for about six months and it was a messy ending. Then his brother and I rushed into something but we know it will never work out because we have nothing in common except for huge sparks of attraction. I have been split up with Phil for a year, and his brother 8 months. I don't want to be with these guys but I still find myself thinking of them lots. It doesn't help that I keep bumping into them and the sparks are still there for us all! I just find it irritating to keep thinking of them. I have been on dates since and started to like another guy, but that didn't really go anywhere, but I just don't want to think about them at all, but at the same time I enjoy thinking of them. How long will it take for me to not think of them at all?

Hiya! There's a guy I will call Lee , that i have just started to get to know. We met and got on really well and there was a lot of kissing and cuddling and we text each other every other day and got on so well. He told me he would love to have a girlfriend like me because i was "lovely". He has a lot of insecurities though, which i thought were not as serious as they are when i found out a few nights ago. My friend and his got together through us and they are now going out, so we went on a "double-date" sort of thing because those two wanted us two to get together. I was really happy because we were all having a great time and he is a seriously nice guy. As it was getting late, my friend and bf left me and Lee alone and we were talking philosophically about our own little insecurities and we thought it was extraordinary how similar we were to each other. I thought it was great because we were being so open with each other. Next thing I know he is saying how bad he feels because he feels he cannot have a girlfriend because he is (to quote) "so messed up". I was very disappointed. He said he felt like he's wasted the last four years of his life (he's 25) because he is so insecure that he doesn't look for a job and his parents are really angry with him because they just think he is being lazy. He said he didn't even have the guts to go to uni either because he used to suffer from acne and he is allergic to hair products so he is convinced he is very ugly when he is not at all! He kept telling me that i could do much better than him, but i think he is so lovely. He said he has never had a girlfriend or been intimate with a girl because he feels not good enough for it. He sits at home all day and is broke and even told me he has suicidal thoughts! When we met at the start of the night i could see he was shaking and trying to hide his face with his hands because he was so self-conscious! Basically he said it wouldn't be fair on me to go out with him because he is so depressed and it would bring me down, which is fair enough. We started kissing and he said it felt so good that we were hugging. The problem is, I just wanna help him somehow but i know it has to be him who helps himself. There is seriously nothing wrong with him, but he is so low about himself and thinks he is a monster and stuff. I saw him the other night and we chatted together quite well and I just kept seeing him staring at me through the crowds. We started talking about this guy we both know and he suddenly blurts out "You fancy him don't you?!" which i don't - but he's even insecure about who i fancy too! How can i help him? I want us to be together but i understand why he feels we can't be. I want to help him, but i don't want to get hurt either. He is a lovely guy and i can'd bare to think of him wasting his life like this.

Hi everyone, I've been a bit down over the past couple of days and finding myself being jealous of men because i feel as if women are sometimes very hard done by and that men are seen as the dominant and more important sex. I was just wondering if anyone could share with me why they are proud to be a woman, or i would like to hear men's opinions too. Thanks

The other night i acted like such a fool. There are a group of guys who I've chatted to and been involved with for over a year now. I was seeing one of them and he treated me like crap and I got really hurt. His brother always tried it on with me and I really fancied him too and we ended up sleeping together once i'd broken up with his brother. then there's their friend who always tried it on with me too and when i was drunk I slept with him too. I know that makes me sound like a #### but to be honest I saw them sleeping around with anyone they could get and I suppose I was just a bit jealous and wanted to be 'one of the lads' too. Well over the past few months I decided to treat myself with more respect and leave these guys totally alone and I have felt much more positive about myself and my life for it. But over the past few weeks the friend who I'd slept with before kept texting me saying how much he had loved it and how he wanted us to do it again. At first I was like "no way" but then I decided it was just a bit of fun and agreed that we should. but the other night when i saw him, i was so nervous that we had said we were gunna go home together I drank way too much and was absolutely out of it. According to my friends (I can't actually remember) I was arguing with them because they wanted me to get in the taxi with them but i was refusing because i wanted to go home with this guy. Apparently all his friends found it hilarious and on the way home I was talking absolute rubbish to this guy saying that i wanted to be his girlfriend and stuff when that isn't true! Anyway it was a complete disaster and i can't even remember if we had sex and i made a complete prat out of myself infront of my parents because they were waiting up for me coz my friends had rung them saying they had lost me. I rang the guy the next day to ask if i needed to go to the chemist, but the second he knew it was me he made some excuse and hung up which was really rude and hurtful. All i wanted was a bit of fun that night but it turned into the total opposite. I am so confused and frustrated and angry. Sometimes i just want some fun, other times i want a serious relationship. i seem to take it really personally when these guys try it on but just want some fun because i seem to crave acceptance from them for some reason. I am jealous that they are men and i am a woman because they seem to just have fun and not get attatched to the women and use them but i and other women get attatched to men. sometimes i feel ashamed of being a woman and getting so attatched so i try to prove to myself and others that i don't always get attatched by sleeping with these men then not talking to them for months afterwards. trouble is i do get attatched and it makes me angry that they don't. I don't know what i want. I think i want a serious relationship but then i am ashamed to get attatched and be all needy and pathetic. i always feel very flattered when these guys want to take me home with them, but at the same time i hate them because i know they just want "some fun". I don't know why i am so jealous and want to be like them because if i'm honest they are not very nice guys and deep down i know they aren't really happy. Am i turning into them and using people to create a sense of self-power? what's going on? i don't want to be a horrible person. i want to feel normal. Why are so many men like this? Why am i like this?

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yeah i know, i have to let it go and leave now, no looking back

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I have been in a similar situation where I was with my ex boyfriend for 3 years and we split up a year ago because we were too young and felt we needed to experience life before settling down. I still care about this guy very deeply and he recently told me that he thought i was 'the one' and he wanted us to get back together. However I have moved on from our relationship and only see him as a very close friend - things have changed too much for us to get back together. I love him, but i'm not in love with him. I have cried my eyes out because of this though, because no matter how much i wanted us to be how we were before, i couldn't force my feelings to be that way again. Maybe this is the same with your ex. Maybe she does really want it to be the way it was, but believe me, it's impossible to force those feelings and i couldn't live my life pretending to myself and him that i was in love when, really, those feelings have just evolved. The main thing is not to blame yourself in any way. i think you just need to talk with her, but try not to force her into any major decisions too quickly. Good luck, i hope everything works out for you