Karibo

I dated a marine and it was very difficult to maintain because he was away so much. it puts alot of pressure on the relationship. But I agree with the others that getting involved with brothers is a bad idea - I've been there and done that and it just caused alot of hurt, especially between the brothers.

I would read 'How to Win friends and Influence People'. It has a lot to do with winning over people in business situations and is very helpful.

Well the worst has to be when i met up with a guy who I was friends with at uni last week. We went on a date and he ended up touching my breasts and crotch area even though i kept saying no and he kept on and on, then pressuring me to kiss him and kept forcing my hand onto his erection. What a sh**! I can tell you I quickly left! There was another time when I tried to give my then bf a multiple orgasm - it worked but he shouted at me saying i was cruel to suddenly stop the pleasure just as he came which made me feel humiliated.

Do you think it's weird if a guy closes his eyes during sex? Is he imagining someone else or just concentrating?

There is a guy whom i was dating 2 years ago. Although I knew we had to split up because we wanted different things and had little in common, I honestly believe that I will never feel what I felt for him with anyone else. I did not love this guy, it was an incredible strong infatuation that we shared and he has taught me the biggest lessons in my life so far and that's why I care for him so much. I am relieved we have parted because I was just filled with anxiety when we were on and off all the time, but am just sad to think i will never feel so connected on a certain level with anyone like i was with this guy. I was with another guy before him for three years and i loved him dearly, but there was never the same amount of infatuation in that relationship. It's just kinda scary to think I might never find anyone who i will feel that with again.

Don't beat yourself up too much about this. We've all been there. Just the other night i finally got the courage to say i didn't want to be used sexually by my ex and that it was time we just moved on without each other in our lives. Personally, i carried on having sex because i was hoping to get back together too. I'm sorry to hear you are hurting so much. He probably isn't doing this to purposefully hurt you, just it takes time to get over someone and this is probably his way of just easing out of the relationship. All i can say is learn from your mistakes. I's try and do the no contact thing again. It will take time (It's taken me 2 years!) to get over the relationship and to realise that you deserve someone who wants what you want too.

Hi guys! What a weekend! It's been a time of great fun, but also a time of ironic and almost rediculous coincidences which has left me feeling rather shaken up! We had a festival in our town which lasted all weekend so that was the fun part! Well, i've been dating quite alot recently and am looking for someone serious but it's just not happeneing and that's where the rediculousness comes in! Firstly i have been seeing a guy on and off for two years but although i really liked him, we were headed in different directions and i knew it had to end although i was sad to do it. i ended it with him sat night which was saddening. Secondly there's this guy i work with who is incredible sweet and attractive and we have been flirting quite alot. that was until sat night (another strange thing which shook me up a bit). Well coz it was festival times and we work at a cafe, he was run off his feet. I wasn't working at the time and met up with some of my friend's pals who happened to be drinking at this cafe where i work. Well, one of these women was quite drunk and started shouting at the guy im attracted to, my co-worker and it was horrible because she was humiliating him whilst i was sitting there and i went and appologised to him later and he said it was fine but i could tell he was humiliated. Thirdly(!) On sunday my friends tried to set me up with one of their other friends (without my knowledge!) and we got on well but i told him i wasn't interested and he got all upset and stormed off! Ironicly the guy i like at work also (typically) saw me with this guy so probably assumes that he's my boyfriend, which is another complication which is getting in the way because i think he likes me (well idon't know now because i haven't seen him to talk to him since all this!) Fourthly, last week a guy who i was friends with at uni came to meet me and we had a good time (i told him that we were just friends) but then he was touching me and I was saying no and he wouldn't stop until i managed to get away before anything really bad happened. What the hell is going on??? Why is everything been so weird this week?? It's stressful! And what should i say to the guy at work? He was humiliated by someone I was sitting with at our table, then the next day he sees me with some guy and probably now assumes im in a relationship!

Well there is this guy i dated a couple of years ago but it ended because we both weren't ready for a serious relationship but we both really liked each other. It was a case of the right combination, but the wrong timing. A couple of months ago we got back in contact and it was obvious that our feelings for each other had not lessened one bit - in fact it felt as if our feelings for each other had increased. However, though i feel i have changed considerably in this time apart, he still says he is not ready for anything serious, and it's not just with me, but with anyone because he feels he doesn't love or respect himself enough to be able to love and respect me the way i deserve to be. For the whole two years we were appart, i tried my hardest to forget him and to get over him. I prayed to God that we would stop loving each other because my life seemed in total anti-climax since him and still does. I tried my hardest to ignore him, cast him from my thoughts, but everything I did didn't work. I had re-occurring dreams about us every night where we were at opposite sides of a huge crowd of people just staring at each other. We then kept bumping into each other and I tried to be pollite but i couldn't handle seeing him. Then one day he came to me and told me how he'd quit his job so he would be home all the time and he was very excited at the prospect of seeing me more often. The trouble is he is still not ready to commit to anyone and you can't force these things. I am a religious person and I just know that God is telling me to stay open to him. I know for sure that this is not just wishful thinking because for two whole years i wished to fall out of love with him but God had other plans. The day i realised that this was a 'knowing' - a gut feeling, a sign from God, was when I got into an argument with my friend who just didn't 'get it'. Logically I couldn't even understand it myself, but that day and everyday since I feel a knowing - a calm but intense sensation in my stomach that just made it feel so right to stop resisting him and travel back towards him. When i tried to forget about him for those two years it constantly felt as if i was trying to travel upstream in a canoe with no paddle - that day when i knew inside what i had to do - it felt amazing. I never felt so clear in my whole life. suddenly all the struggle evaporated and i felt in my gut and heart that i was on the right track 100%. The thing is, i know at this point in his life he is far from ready for anything serious. I know he deeply cares for me but the time isn't right. How long is God going to make me wait? I will be patient, but sometimes my mind buts in and says "it will never work out?" "What if you're wasting your time?" "what if you miss other opportunities?" "What if he finds someone else?" "What should I do???" but then my gut says, don't worry it will all work out - you will be together. It's just scary to know how to react to my gut instinct.

Hi guys. I was wondering if anyone here has ever followed their gut instinct about something quite major in their lives. I was wondering if you went for something because it just felt so right even though logically it seemed that the odds were against you and no-one else could see you succeeding? What happened? Did you succeed how you felt you would? Were you glad you followed your gut instinct? Thanks.

Hi guys. I was wondering if anyone here has ever followed their gut instinct about something quite major in their lives. I was wondering if you went for something because it just felt so right even though logically it seemed that the odds were against you and no-one else could see you succeeding? What happened? Did you succeed how you felt you would? Were you glad you followed your gut instinct? Thanks.

Hi guys. There's this guy I was seeing about two years ago and I wanted a relationship but he said he couldn't have one because he was away in the Navy most of the time and he had bad experiences with women before me and was known as a bit of a player. I think he also had a bit of a bad childhood. Well, we slept together alot then, but I ended it because I couldn't take it anymore as we weren't properly together. He fell in love with me and finally said he did want a relationship with me but was petrified to be with me (I think because he was scared of getting hurt) so he always pushed me away whenever we got 'too close'. Well, I never stopped thinking about him for the year and a half that I avoided him. He never stopped having strong feelings for me either. He quit the Navy so he could be home all the time and started to contact me again constantly and said 'lets make a proper go of us this time'. Well, we ended up in bed again (I know, I know) but then when we talked again I told him i still loved him and needed more than sex with him, so im not sleeping with him anymore. I suggested us going on a date sometime and he agreed and sounded enthusiatic (we never used to go on dates). He said 'when i am off work, we will go somewhere. I will let you know when im free'. That was two weeks ago, and I have heard nothing since (sometimes he used to contact me months apart!) My question is - how can I get him to let me into his life? I know he is extremely scared of getting hurt and he has low self-esteem. he said in the past that I am 'too good for him' and he has never had a serious relationship before, ever. He only knows how to be a player coz he only got to meet girls on nights out at the weekend but I honestly know that he cares really deeply for me (I really do know, i'm not just delluding myself) He joked about getting married and opened up to me more than ever when i saw him last, but I just dunno how to get him to stop being so petrified. I'm trying to be patient. I know it sounds like he's just after sex, but I honestly know he does really like me more than that. Why is he so scared? Thank you so much for any advice - I would really appreciate it.

Hi guys. I was wondering if anyone has any success stories where a 'player' has clamed down and has actually settled with someone for real. Thanks

There was a guy I was seeing about a year and a half ago who was incredibly scared of getting hurt, so although he really liked me, I think he thought he liked me too much to get close to me. He told me that his ex's had cheated on him and he got really hurt. Basically he would want to be with me, but whenever things got too good and we got too close, he would push me away again to protect himself. Well, I had enough one day and walked out of the relationship (a year and a half ago) but in all that time we have still really wanted each other and he has always tried to get me back again. Well we met up a couple of weeks ago and it was lovely and he said that 'it's now time for him to grow up and give our relationship a proper go'. I think he has realised over our time apart how much he does really want me. Well we chatted more than ever about our lives (before he'd kept us at arms length by not discussing our lives etc) but then i text him the other day, and he replied asking "who is this?" so he'd obviously deleted my number (to try and stop himself from getting too close again). I said it was me and that i was upsdet that he'd deleted my number. The next day he text me with some excuse that he'd "lost" my number, then was asking about my day as if the whole deleting number thing had never happened, like now he was back to thinking, no I can't lose her. To be honest, in the past relationship we had I was incredibly clingy and tried to force us to get together, so I'm not surprised if he still assumes i will be like this again, but I have changed alot and am no longer clingy anymore at all. I know this guy really likes me (he told me he loved me two weeks ago) and I really like him, but we are both scared of being vulnerable and getting too close. How can I open him up and reassure him not to be so scared? The more he has feelings for me the more he pushes me away. However, I have noticed that he is far more willing to get closer to me if I'm the one who is keeping some of the distance. How can I help him let me in and be open to feeling more vulnerable? Thanks

I really like it - I think it's really sexy.

Oh my god! Your situation sounds exactly the same as mine! I was seeing one guy, then when we split up, things happened with his identicle twin brother! How strange! As long as their initials aren't dm and cm then thats fine lol!

More mature as in he was telling me how it's time for him to grow up now. I'm not sure what to do.

Hi all. I'll just explain my situation and hopefully you can give me some much appreciated advice. A year and a half ago I was involved with a guy who I liked very much and he really liked me too but he always pushed me away because he suffered a bad childhood of neglect so now he is too scared of loving someone and have them leave him. We were what relationship counsellors call 'intimacy avoiders'. He was so scared to 'need' me and thereforeeee commit to me (as in no cheating) that whenever we got close, he would immediately start arguments to push me away again. Then because he wouldn't commit, I would try to move on by finding another guy, then he'd want me back again. We both ended up cheating on each other because it was like both of us were too scared of needing each other too much (me because he'd hurt me before). It was like he kept ending it before I would end it, like he was scared I would neglect him, so he'd do it first, but then it just kept happening over and over for six months. I think this was also because I was way too clingy and he felt smothered, but I have changed this about myself, so I am far more relaxed rather than trying to chase a guy now. We were a case of 'can't live with/can't live without' and over the months our connection through this behaviour made us want to be together even more, but at the same time feel more scared of being rejected by each other and hurt again. Our relationship was basically both of us wanting the other to say 'I really want to be with you' but we were both too scared to let our guard down. It's like we were both thinking, 'I'm too scared to need you so much, so I'll get some of my needs met elsewhere.' The stronger we felt for each other,the more we got scared and backed off before getting close again, and it was gradually building and building, until one day it just snapped and I couldn't take it anymore. Basically our cheating was a self-defence mechanism by keeping enough distance between each other so that if break-up occurred it would feel less painful as we were getting some of our needs met elsewhere. Well, one of his main excuses for not being exclusive with me before was because he was in the navy and was away alot. Also he said that his ex's cheated on him when he was away so he was too scared of getting hurt again. But now he has quit the navy and has said that 'it's time to grow up, let's make a proper go of us this time'. I have thought about him constantly since i split with him a year and a half ago, and from the times I have bumped into him over that time, it is clear that he has been thinking of me alot too. I really like him, but am scared that if we get back together, I will just get really hurt again (he's probably still scared of that too). I get the impression that i am the first girl he has ever felt this strongly about (he's 22). Also, my friends hate his guts because of what happened in the past so that's a big issue for me. I think I might have made a mistake this weekend tho - we slept together and I'm thinking that was way too quick! We had a really nice chat the next morning about what we'd been upto over the year and a half and he did seem more willing to let me know about his life (before he would keep me at a distance by not talking about our lives.) We didn't talk about our relationship tho - it's as if we are both too scared to rock the boat - I am too scared to say what I want just incaes he doesn't give that to me, and I don't think he knows how to communicate either. He seems to have finally realised how much he does actually like me since we have been apart. he has always tried to initiate things when he's seen me. What should I do??? I am scared. Have I already blown it by having sex with him?? I want to be with him again I think, because what he said seems more mature. Plus i do not think it is just lust otherwise we would be over this by now. Thanks

I know exactly how you feel. I've been single for one and a half years and I have been on loads of dates which haven't amounted to anything. Some of the guys I didn't feel that 'chemistry' for, some were only after one thing, one guy said I was too good for him coz he suffered from depression and didn't want to make me unhappy, and recently, the other day the guy said that we just had different things going on in our lives! It really is disheartening at times and can sometimes make you take it personally, but I believe in fate, so whatever hapeens happens! Whatever is meant to be will be.

I'm 21. I know that's not old or anything and that I should be 'going out there, living my life' but I am, just wish there was someone to share it with! Yeah I think I'll try and chat to him. The only problem is, the last guy I went on the date with is one of his housemates! (I found that out later!) and that might be a little weird.

I am unhappy with my love life at the moment (or should I say, lack of it!) I have been single for a year and a half, so I feel as if I have learnt about myself better and it has been fun at times to be on my own and not face all the complications I see my friends going through who are in relationships. Overall, however, I do wish that I was in a long-term relationship too. I was in a 3 year relationship three years ago and I miss how that feels so much. Since that relationship I have had so many experiences which just haven't worked out! I was clingy to begin with, I admit and that is why those dates didn't work out. But now I am not clingy at all - I realise that it is far better to be alone than with someone who is not right for me. I do not 'chase' anybody, just have been going on dates and seeing how things pan out. The trouble is, none of these dates in the past year and a half have been right. Some I haven't felt any chemistry for, one guy was diagnosed with depression so he couldn't be in a relationship, others were just sleazy, and the other day I went on a date and we had a fantastic time but then he said he thought he was too old for me (8 years older!) and that we were moving in different directions. It's just so disheartening. I look at my friends and am envious. I am happy for them, but it just doesn't seem fair. (One of my friends has been with her boyfriend for 8 months now and they met through me and the guy who has depression!) Well, there's this guy I have liked from afar for 2 years, but I just don't know if I could ever tell him. The more I get rejected, the more I think there is something wrong with me and I take it so personally. I think I would be hurting incredibly if he turned me down or it just went pair-shaped. All the dates I have been on say I am beautiful and sexy, and many have said I deserve better than them, but I am sick of people saying this to me. I have people trying to chat me up whenever I go out, but it has just got to the stage where I am turned off because they just seem sleazy. I'm tired of men just 'wanting some fun'. I dunno if I should just chat to this guy i like who works in our local bar. He does seem attracted to me and I know he is single. I am happy at times when I am on my own, but it just feels like i've done the alone bit now, surely I have waited long enough and have got to know myself well enough by now??? I mean, I feel as if I have. Just dunno if I can face being rejected again.

I think alot of women are scared to be more forward incase they get labelled as being desperate or worse, a man-eater! Men and women are very ficle when it comes to dating - If people are too passive people complain that they aren't forward enough, if men/women are too forward then some might label them players/easy.

There's this guy I have had my eye on for 2 years! (I only see him quite rarely so I haven't been obsessing from afar on a daily basis or anything!) He works at a local bar and I think he is attracted to me because he always smiles at me and looks at me when he walks past etc etc. We have never said anything to each other except 'Hi', 'thanks' and 'bye'!!! But I honestly think he likes me. Anyway, I would like to try and chat to him more because he seems really nice. He is usually working though so it's kinda dificult. The only thing is I just went on a date with one of his housemates (I found out later they lived together!!!) and this date didn't really work out. However, I did happen to find out that this guy I like is single. Do guys like being chatted up by girls? Or does that just make them flattered but wanting a girl who they will chat up first? What would I say to him? Thanks

Hi all. I posted last week about a guy I'll call Jon who works at a bar and i think might like me as he always seems quite flirty and I catch him staring at me openly. I have liked him from afar for about two years now but have never plucked up the courage to go and talk to him because he's always working. Well, last week he was looking at me lots and smiling and it was the first time I'd seen him in months so my thoughts were about him all week. Well, this weekend (boy what an eventful one!) I was at a different bar and I ended up hooking up with this really nice guy I'll call Pate. It was REALLY REALLY weird when he told me that he lived with some guys, one of them Jon who I have liked for so long! It felt like fate or something (I dunno, maybe it's called intuition???) because I'd been thinking about Jon all this time and wondering how to get close to him. My friend even said it was fate hehe, and that if stuff didn't work out with Pete, then maybe stuff would happen with Jon. I found out that Jon is single. Well Pete asked me on a date yest and I agreed because he was such a nice guy and we got on incredibly well and I was very attracted to him too. We had such a fantastic time, but then (another really weird thing!) we discovered that he played in the same football team as my brother! He said my brother was 'a really nice guy' but he seemed really scared that he's get beaten up by him (which definetly wouldn't happen and I told him so.) Today he text me asking if I had been able to chat about it with my brother, and i said i had and that it was all fine. Well, I was devestated when he told me that this changed everything because him and my brother are mates and he found it too weird as if their frendship would be akward, so he said we couldn't see each other anymore, (just like my friend had said - if this didn't work out, atleast you've gained the knowledge that Jon is single). But why? Why is he scared of my bro, when my bro is smaller than him and is a really passive guy??? Well, today I have been feeling extremely upset because it's literally been nine times now that I've been on dates and people are initially very keen, but then there's always something that happenes so they can't go on with us (one guy was diagnosed with depression, this guy is friends with my brother(or is just plain scared of him!), the other men just wanted casual relationships!) The thing is, it's so hard to be rejected all the time - I can't help but take it personally. I even gave up looking and this guy came up to me, but still it didn't work, but then I think, was that intuition I had telling me that I should look to Jon now? Do I sound crazy? And if so, what should I do about it? I dunno, I just can't face the risk of being rejected AGAIN for one reason or another. It hurts so much and is making me scared to even try dating anymore. Do I try and chat to Jon now? Sorry this is so long. Any advise would be well appreciated. Thanks

No it wasn't with the ex thanks for your concern.

I recently had sex with a guy and we both seemed to be having a whale of a time and it lasted for about 2.5 hours! The only thing is, I was very loud in bed, but he was very quiet. Why do you think this is? Do you think he was just concentrating?