SunnyScott

i agree, I think that the best age is mid to late 20s. it's probably the best age to bear children, but 18-19 to me is waay to young.

i've had my fair share of childhood sexual molestation and rape. I've bottled up my emotions before. i think that for now, the healhiest thing for her to do is to join a sexual assault support group. yes, the experiences are debilitating, but talking it out, slowly helps. i did also have tendencies to commit suicide, several times, but now, i'm pregnant, and that's what i live for. my child is the most important thing that's keeping me from harming myself. it's true how it's hard to reveal that part of you to your spouse. i hope to eventually tell my fiance about it. may God bless all of the survivors. We will make it through!

i think so, but both parties should have the same intentions; otherwise, one person will end up having hopes, while the other person doesn't.

just be careful. i got pregnant the same way about 3 months ago. i missed my period for the first 2 months, which was quite common with my cycle, it was usually off, plus i started using the pill, which was not effective during that time i guess, and now i am into my first trimester. i have read about incidents about those who break up and find out that they are pregnant. i guess i'm lucky b/c me and my fiance just recently got engaged and found out about my pregnancy recently too. Luckily i have good christian man who loves me, and won't leave me. so be careful. i'm no expert about the pre-cum thing, but wear a condom to be safe.

I'm pregnant, by a fluke accident. i was on the pill for about 5 months. now, me and my fiance to be don't know what to do with my pregnancy. we will keep the child, but it's tough b/c i was not prepared for this to happen. so be careful, just b/c u're on the pill, it does not mean that you are 100% protected. wait at least 1 month b4 u take the test. i did. the results are more accurate after 1 month. now i'm 3 months into my pregnancy. wish me luck!

I'm in the same boat too. I'm close to 130 pounds, so I'm borderline diabetic. I'm pretty medium for my height, however, i feel as though my blood sugar levels are low too.

I don't mind if a guy is depressed. it's not a turn off. in fact, i relate more with guys who are depressed because atleast they are more understanding. it makes me feel at comfortable because i get to share my depression with them.

I'm naturally blond, but sometimes feel like changing my haircolor. Sometimes I like dying it cherry blond, since I have green eyes, it just looks better than just having it blond, which looks beautiful with blue eyes. I love it when my hair has a tint of red, because that's how it looked when I was young, and as ai grew up, i went completely blond. I love dying my hair pitch black sometimes too. I guess it just depends on the mood.

she might have, but you don't know. I've got a girlfriend who cheated on her b/f. They kissed, but didn't go further. I think it's wrong. If she's not spending weekends w/you or going at late at night, I'd be worried. My friend's still with her b/f. Now she's totally into him, and no other guys.

Hi Pheonix! How are you? I'm glad to see that you're feeling better. Sounds like your BF and you clash. It doesn't seem like he's willing to change himself for you, so maybe, you should reconsider leaving him. You're still young, and if you guys clash, this small incidet/sexual value/interests of yours don't meet, then you shouldn't waste your time on fixing someone/something that's irrepairable. You did also mention that he gets easily frustrated b/c you're small, and he's too big. Well, if he's getting angry over something like that, he sounds like a jerk. Don't try to bend over backwards to please him. He should be aware of your likes/dislikes as well. Just think about it...doens't he sound a bit selfish/inconsiderate?

I know exactly how you feel. I have a hard time trusting men as well. I hope that you are moving on with life through. You'll have your ups/downs, but somehow these incidence still kept you alive and 'normal'. You're stronger than what you think. From your experience, you have a ressilliant ability to use your intuition on which men are good or bad. I've gone through sexual abuse counseling, and learned a lot. I hope that you will do that too. I am truly sorry to hear that your father did that to you, but hope that you'll find the confidence to pick up yourself again. Seriously, counseling really helped me, I am considering group therapy too. After going to counseling, I found a new perspective on how/why things happen. I really wish you luck, and hope that you realize that there are great people out there, like the ones on enotalone who offer supportive advice. Thanks to the advice at enotalone, I've gained other prospectives like, taking the sexual abuse/rape/molestation incident as a new start to a new life.

Strike up a conversation with her about classes, teachers. She'll kind of get the clue. Then, ask her more about personal stuff like what she wants to major in. There are no simple rules. Just be yourself. Work up the courage to talk to her. Most girls don't like phonies. I remember this one shy guy who liked me in high school. We both were shy, so the conversation did not go anymore. Wish it did though. So yeah, talk to her about what her goals are. That's showing that you are personally interested in her. Just let the conversation flow from there.

I believe in the 'contact' rule in certain situations. For the most part in being that contacting will show you again, why that relationship didn't work out. It re-enforces the fact that the relationship is going no where, nor will it ever! Some people learn their first time, while for others it takes several times b/c they love the other person too much (so, they cannot truly comprehend why the other person doesn't love them equally). I can't speack for all situations, so in your case, it's seems necessary, but it's your call. After all, her message is telling you that, "Hey buddy, now I feel like talking to you, but when I don't need you, I guess you should get out of my life!" I know that she's not actually saying this, but your patterns sure do communicate it. And, it sounds a bit selfish don't you think? Plus, she's saying that you need to appear more confident????! I've been in that situation before, with an ex, who I did say the same thing to. Honestly, in my eyes, even if he did change and become confident, I will always see him for the person that he was when I dated him. In other words, you can try your best to impress her, but in the end, you're always going to be you, and she'll always be herself. She's basically expecting you to change, and NOT loving you for the person that you are. That's not right. So, a person who loves you should accept you for everything that you are.

I'm sorry but I've never had that situation before, not dramatic to the point where doctors had to patch me up and throw me behind closed doors. Your plot sounds very dramatic. I'm pretty sure that you know and watch/study abotu lots of films. Some movies that come to mind for me is: - A Beautiful Mind (the part where the psychiatrist pins him down in front of Harvard, and then shock him in the lab with some kind of drug, don't know the name, but if you want specifics, I guess read more from A Beautiful Mind website. By the way, it was based on a true story, don't know if John Nash is his real name though). -Girl Interrupted (lots of drug injection scenes in that one)

I love a guy who knows what he's doing and is confident. I once dated this dentist, wow, boy was he different in his office and uniform. I didn't know that he was a dentist when I met him. He was like a kid in person, but when he was in his office taking my x-rays, boy was I turned on! He was so confident and knew what he was doing. But, I found out that he was overly confident. So yeah, 'stuck-up' would be a trait that turns me 'off'! Other turnoffs: men with unecessary facial hair that doesn't match their face! Men who are pre-madonnas (those who are cocky and way outspoken), men who always check themselves out in the mirror, men who buy more expensive clothes than women (the ones who invest too much into looking good), and wanna be players (the ones that try to dress up like pimps in funny looking suits). Oh and last but not least, men who try to be someone that they're not. Turn Ons: Humbleness, talent (anything, just good with what they do), educated, cleancut, straight teeth (just kidding), I just like a guy with a sincere smile.

Just flat out tell her that you still care, and don't want to lose her. Tell her. If she's truly into you, then your responses will be quick. Beating around the bushes will just kill you. I know what you mean though. I tried everything like buying new clothes, taking aerobics class, and basically wasting my money just to try to forget about my ex. (I tend to do that when I'm depressed, that's why I'm broke ) Yeah, so, once again, tell her, then you'll get the answer. P.S.- Love means equality. Your perfect soulmate should love you and share an equal attraction for you. When she mentioned space, I think that she's not feeling that equal attraction (or she feel suffocated). In any case, ou should invest in someone whose your bestfriend, and she does not sound like it.

Hi Emma, The best answer to your question is to: sit back and let his actions answer his intentions. If you're planning on calling him, it sounds like he's passively pursuing you. In otherwords, you're going to be the one who's giving way too much in the relationship again. After all, he needs to regain your trust. And, despite the barrier, ethnic/religious, it all does not matter. Yeah, culture has a lot to do with socialization of the person, but everyone is unique. The only cultural barrier that you might have to overcome is dealing with his parents. However, that's way too far from this point. Whatever it is, love means honesty, and if he's keeping you on your toes, since you did mention unpredictability, then it sounds like he hasn't truly let you into the inner core person that he is. Love also means genuine sincerity. If his love is genuine, again, going back to my response earlier, sit back and let him do the action. If he proves himself to you, then you could start giving back. I know that your heart is constantly wondering, but what the heck, go with your instincts! B/c whatever answer that anyone gives you, despite male/female, no one can predict his behavior. It's all situational, but chances are, the past problems will repeat itself. So, you're better off going with your instincts b/c you'll always be questioning. So let your soul rest in peace by just actually learnining from your bad experience.

Come on men, do we have some tips for her? I hope some guys will respond to your post, but as much as you'd hate to hear this, over and over, the second time around does not necessarily makes things better. In some cases, they do work out. I have an auntie whose marriage is still working out. They went their second time, but I don't live with her, so it could be a facade. Anyway, from my experience, you'll regret ever letting the ex back into his life. It's like he's made you his spare tire, and decided to settle for the time being, and when he sees new eye candy, you'll run into the drama again. I think that you all ready know your answer. If you have that urge, then do so, because you won't learn until you've truly convince yourself. Again, I'm telling you as a precaution, chances are, don't get your hopes up, and don't expect. Let him be himself, and watch his actions. Ask yourself do his actions justify what he says. Then, you'll definitely know from there. The answers are within you. I think that you're sincerely hoping that things will work out that's why you're asking specifically, that men will respond to your post. You still care about him. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here, putting your time and emotional efforts in him. A nice girl like you, deserves so much better. I wonder if he's putting as much thought into you. Whatever you do, best of luck.

Hi Morrigan! I just wanted to say that I HATE those who are mentally abusive! I know how it feels, and think that it's best for you to take some legal action. Perhaps, you can change your address, if you haven't signed your life away (in terms of real estate). It's nice to hear that you are strong, and seems like you have moved on. Your kids don't deserve his unhealthy behavior, and neither do you. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but you sound like a wise woman, making wise decisions! Best of Luck!

Dear: SpecialOne, mrsmalakian, sidehop, & The Morrigan Thank you all for your insights. It's refreshing to hear your advices. Thank you. I love your advice, it sounds motivating and all, starting out with a new life...but, it's up to me to take that challenge. Everyday, I am affected by how my past hurt me, how my mom hurts me, and all of that trauma that I went through still affects me as an adult. I wish I didn't go through what I did, so that I could be 'normal' and happy. I'm glad to be able to share my feelings at enotalone b/c first of all, my identity is confidential, and you guys are not here to judge me. I really appreciate it. Most people know me as the smiley happy, shy, quiet girl. They think that I am happy, but truly I am dying inside. It's like I wake up every morning just dreading to wake up to life. My soul is so tired. I want to feel motivated, but I'm trapped to the person that I've become. I also developed a social anxiety disorder. Most people can't tell b/c I bury my feelings inside, and never reveal truly who I am. It's emberassing to admit the things that happened to me. I feel really degraded, devalued, and abused as a human being. All of those men who hurt me, continue to hurt me, because the men that I date turn against me only to use me for my body. I'm not saying that I sleep around. All I'm saying is I want love, and the men in my life, in my age, are just looking for sex. They 'act' nice to me in the beginning, and in the end, treat me lower than scum. It's like they all had a master plan to just pretend to want to be serious with me. That's why I choose not to party and go out. When I do, I feel like I am just lying to myself. My condition goes deeper than what's expected. At this point, I just either need more time or a quick fix solution. But, once again thanks for taking your time to listen.

t's 4:45 in the morning, and I still can't sleep. I am tired of life. The story of my life might sound a bit disturbing, but I'm in desperate need for a solution. I tried counseling (free service), and tried taking medications, but nothing seems to work. The men that I date are among the perpretrators who abuse me. My counselor says that often, women of child abuse/molestation will often, subconsciously, look for someone who will portray the perpretators as a way to mend the past. At this point, I'm ready to die. I am tired of getting hurt consistantly. I am tired of the abuse from my mom. She always criticizes me, even when I try to please her by cooking/getting good grades, it's never enough for her. She's always saying something negative to me, and it kills my self-esteem. I feel like I'm dying inside. I want to die. I want to lay in peace. I want to be with my dad.

Based on a lot of your previous posts, I read through some just to find a little insight before I could give you my advice, I realize that this is probably not the first time that you felt as if he's cheated on you. I think that you should trust your hunch, and go with it. A lot of times, love will blind you, and cause you to deny the truth. Love of course, does include irrationality. However, the girl next door does make it really convenient don't you think? There are some potential signs that you should be aware of. I found that a lot of the topics link removed really gave me some true (and very accurrate) insight as to if my man was cheating. A lot of the discussions were true. For instance, if his habits suddenly changes; you confront him for cheating and he yells at you; when you want to talk deep with him, all of a sudden he's too tired or acts cold when the topic comes up. Whatever it is, I think that you should check out those topics. However, what's most important to know that if a man keeps you on your toes, and consistantly makes you feel weary about the relationship (half of the time it could be personal insecurities, but most of the time a caring partner will help you to gain their trust enough so that your insecurities lessen), then the relationship is 'NEGLECTFUL', and is very unhealthy. Everyone deserves to be loved equally with the most respect. So when you notice the signs of least respect, of course you've got reasons to worry. Your post caught my attention, b/c I just recently got out of a very abusive relationship. Unfortunately, the world isn't a very nice place, but it doesn't mean that you should let the wrong person drag your life down. Take care, hope this helps!

It really depends what you are looking for. I think that if you want a long-term relationship, then you shouldn't worry to much as to where/how to meet/converse with a girl. You should let it flow, and not force things. Just let things flow naturally. That's how you'll find the best loves of your life. Sometimes by putting extra effort in finding someone will only direct you to the wrong path. Like the old saying, "You'll run into the right person when you least accept it." Just think of it as a gift from God, a present that will be waiting for you when the time's right. On the other hand, if you just want to chat up with some ladies just to date and not to be so serious with, then I suggest going to places that you love, hobbies, bookstores, places that are generally of your itnerest. And strike up a conversation with the lady, and then let the conversation go from there. By going to a setting that you feel at ease, and less superficial, you will find people who have common interests like you. Unlike bars, you might find a feel phonies who might just want to hook up for a cheap thrill. From that point on, if the conversation flows, ask to hang out, talk on the phone...say something like, "I think that you're a cool person, maybe we can keep in touch..." If you want to not seriously date this person, then tell them upfront, "I'm not financially ready, emotional...whatever, just as long as you tell them that you're not ready to be serious, then at least, no one will hurt in the end. It will be a fair game. After having those experiences, you'll eventually break away from your shell, and more natural at conversing (and getting to know the opposite sex in general). I hope this helps. Sorry it had to be so long, but just wanted to give you some insight! Good Luck!

I think that this girl does sincerely like you b/c of the fact that she did break up with her ex. If she was still with him and told you that she likes you, then she's playing games. But, it doesn't really sound like the case. I think that both responses above are good advices to consider. You should go with the first response and give her a little more time to mend from the last relationship. After all, she's flat out telling you that she doesn't want to get into a 'rebound' relationship. However, just as the 2nd advice says: 'don't chase her', I think that you should be a little skeptical, and stop reminding her how much you like her, b/c that ccould potentially turn her off. You all ready told her how you feel, and she most definitely knows it. So for now, I think that the best thing to do is to carry on with your life, leave her behind, and if she truly has interest in you, she'll contact you when she's ready. Meanwhile, explore new interests that might seem more emotionally responsive (girls who might actually feel mutually strong for you). In other words, don't waste too much time in this chick.

Okay, her response to you kinda sounds a bit contradicting. How do you stay with someone who you think is honest, but cheated on you? Hmmm...could it be that she did the same thing too? Anyway, since she is your fiance, and declined to have sex with you, I see this as a serious issue. When I stopped wanting to be intimate with my partner, it was when I started getting tired of our relationship in general, and even though we were really close, inseperable, he just started to seem more like a brother to me. Clearly, at that point, I just couldn't invision feeling that physical desire for him. It just faded, and it will never be there again. He just doesn't do it for me anymore...(Actually he never really did in the beginning, but as I fell in love with him more, my attraction to him grew even stronger). Hope this helps!