jester5536

Sorry to hear that you got side-lined sweet, good luck over the next few days. Here are my results so far: Saturday: 3 completely random walk ups in the mall. This was VERY strange, I just spotted a woman in the crowd and without doing anything imediately walked over and started (tried to start) a conversation. This didn't prove very helpfull, but it was really good for working up the confidence. I didn't know these people and would never see them again, so they got to be guinee pigs. 1 eye contact/smile/approach This worked signifigantly better. Again at the mall, I walked around the mall slowly trying to make eye contact with every person who passed me. Most people woudn't make eye contact, or would turn their eyes away imediately. Anyway, the first woman I passed to hold eye contact was sitting having lunch, I gave a smile then broke eye contact. Reestablished a few seconds later, she smilled, I went over and had a very nice conversation with Sara Who is a very nice girl going to a nearby community college. We eventually exchanged emails. So that was productive. 1 planned meeting of a friend of a friend. I actually was supposed to go out on a date saturday night. The girl, who shall remain nameless was really ummmm.... not my type, either physically or mentally. But I think I should still get credit because I did at least care on a pleasent conversation with her and did get to know her. So that brings my total for saturday to 5. I slept till noon on sunday(today) so not sure how productive I'll be today, we'll see.

My assesment of this situation is that I fail because I am NOT an egoiststical person, they tend to do fairly well from what I've seen. I'm the type of person who is very quite and reserveed around people I don't know. I don't speak unless spoken to (rude?), and I find it IMPOSSIBLE to make eye contact with anyone I don't know. I would say that people consider me to be polite to the extreme. I dunno, I just really WANT to be social but I feel like i'm being a rude jerk if I go over and impose on other people. I realize this is irrational in some sitations, but I don't know the first thing about fixing the problem? I suppose it is at least a good thing that I realize that I have a problem, but only if there is a viable solution. Further even if the stars do align and I'm able to actually make a connection with someone I have no idea how to handle the situation. It invariably ends up with me saying whatever I'm going to say as quickly as possible, then excusing myself and retreating for no apparent reason, to walk/sit/stand alone (kicking myself). rrrrr..... I'm just so frustrated!!! My freakin roomate who never leaves his computer for longer than 10 minutes at a time and who has the personality of a dead ferret, has two attractive women fighting over him and the best I can muster is a 2 to 3 minute converstation with a girl. .....Thus ends tonights session of Disaster Piece Theater...... comments requested

Ok, I'm sick of being alone (female wise that is). But the "normal" way that it seems to be done around here is bar/club thing, which I've never done and have no one to "guide" me as it were. I'm thinking that tomarrow I'll try going to one of the local bars and..... well.... drink I suppose; I have no idea how to act in a social situation, I think too much. So advice, I'm painfully self contious in situations where I am alone and have nothing to do (sit and look at the ceiling), but I don't really have any friends who I can ask to do this with me. Everyone I've asked for advice just says, "well, go to bars, go to clubs". But none of them can answer the "then what" question. Pity there aren't people out there to show socially inept people like myself how to do these things

Thanks for the post, I appreciate the sentiement. I'm in a bit better controll now. The depression is still hitting me, but it is further and further in between. I was way out of control there for a while. I doubt I'll bother talking to her about this, I may be an awfull person for saying this but I knew it at the time that it was a poor match between us. I suppose I was just overjoyed that someone would actually be attracted to me in that way. I probobly would have followed her to the end of the earth, just because she would have been the only person to ask it of me. I guese I have low self esteme or something. Thankfully my best friend was able to drive up from Austin to help me get it togeather. Anyway, I suppose I'll just go back to living from day to day. I've racked my brain for hours and hours and I can think of no other solution until I graduate and can leave this place forever.

dying alone

Ok, so I've been rather down lately. Since about the last two weeks I seem to have lost all control of my emotions, it's like a constant shift, one moment I'll be just outragously happy, the next I'll be sitting here thinking about ways I could kill myself. It's wild. Here is the whole story, any advice would be appreciated, probobly sounds a bit "schizo" from my other posts recently, but I seeing as I've lost control, what do you expect..... This started a while back, I don't usually have a lot of luck with women but this really cute girl actually started flitting with me in one of my classes, being the horribly niave person that I am I was rather overjoyed. Anyway, as usual, I didn't know how to react and she took my shyness as lack of interest and moved on (as she probobly should have). Since then I've been a wreck........ It's one thing to live in a world without hope, to believe that you will never have anyone care about you. That was an easy world to live in, no worries about the future, no ties to bind. I could always have killed myself, no one would have cared. Somehow that was very comforting. I was in control. But that world was shattered in just a few weeks, to think that I actually meant something to someone, it tore my world apart, turned everything upside down...... but it's gone now, so where do I go? How do I go on from here. There is no up, no down, just limbo inbetween two worlds. Since then I've been drinking alot...... for someone who was never drunk in their life to someone who blacks out nightly in just under 2 weeks is a bit of a shift. The misery is killing me........ I don't really have any friends here at school who I can turn to. If there was just a place I could go to be with friendly people it would help. I feel like I'm the only one of something, what's the point of going on.

ahahah heeheheeh....., fail/? not likelly this is Texsa, the homeland of guns if I eat this round, not likely, even if I did wouldn't be in a place to care

*slightly drunk, been drinking since I last posted* Quite a good idea, find something I'm good at. I'm good a my job, by all accounts I am actually GREAT at it. I'm good at alot of things, but it doesn't make me any more like them. It doesn't make the world spin in a different direction. In the end, I am not like them, I am left with a whole lot of me, and nothing else, other people don't care that I can do my job well, others don't care that I have a good GPA, in the end there is something missing, something that defines reality, that is what I don't have, something that everyone else keys off of, that thing that brings people togeather, I've always lacked that thing.

*sigh* don't really know why i'm getting all depressed now. Nothing has changed, nothing ever changes. I try, I try so hard to make a difference to be the best that I can, but it never gets me what I want, no matter how hard I try no one will ever love me. I'm just a man who will go through life alone. A joke. A failure at the only goal I put any value to. This is all just a waste of time. My job, my school, everything. I have a million friends, but they aren't like me. To any liberals out there I would suggest getting/staying out of Dallas, it is a waste of life. This city knaws at me, day in and day out. Everyone just wants to run around and better themselves, they don't care about anyone, they just want to make a cheap buck, to find a scapgoat. So, I'm a failure when it comes to just finding someone like me, someone to share my time with. I suppose I'm just a broken part, never to have been loved, never to be loved. I just want to curl up and sleep, sleep forever. "I have no fear of death. It just means dreaming in silence. A dream that lasts for eternity." At least in dreams I can fool myself that hope still exists.

hrmmm.... not sure it helps, but I feel much the same way most of the time. All these horrible things happen in the world and you just want to create a shell, a barrirer behind which you know you'll never be hurt again. So, not that it's any help, but I think I can understand where you're coming from. Sorry I don't have any advice on dealing with it. If you have any sort of ephiphany on the subject feel free to share.

Thanks for the replies, I guese what I lack is just a general understanding of how to approach strangers. In gen. I tend to see two groups, people I know and people I don't know, I don't really seem to understand the bridge between the two. Perhaps just jumping in and introducing myself to everyone is what I should do, seems a bit pushy tho, dunno, suppose it would depend how you did it.

Ok, got some very nice replies to my last post, but that leads me to the question of how. Being a recovering dork I've never actually been to a proper bar and am anxious about being a loner in that type of situation (a shy loner at that). I have tried the club/dance scene and found it not to really be my style, too many people (think I might be slightly agoraphobic). So any good suggestions of where to go / how to behave, in such a manor that a very shy person like myself would be able to meet QUALITY women? Preferably I'd go with quality women who I have something in common with, but I'm willing to start anywhere. (Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find a liberal woman in dallas? ) So, ideas, pointers, starting points, anything would be appreciated. The bottom line is this, to me, being single is a HUGE problem, really the worst problem I've had in the past 8 years. I place more value on companionship than I do any other goal in life, always have. It is a problem I always thought I would never be able to fix, but I took the chance when I moved to college to completely reinvent myself to become a better person both physically and mentally, I'd like to think I've really improved myself. So, now that I've taken the time, how do I apply these improvements to this problem? Sorry for the manifesto length of my posts, I like to rant

Good point however, I would say I don't really come accross as a party animal. I mean, people seem to view me as just a "likeable kinda guy" I think I'd do better if I were a party animal. Personally I don't do college parties like most, I have an intense dislike/ distrust of drunk crowds. If I want to go out with someone I want it to be a sober person with a real personality, not some stoned/ drunk wench who can down more beer than I can. Not that drinking is bad, but I'm a very moderate laid back type of guy, I don't push anyone or anything, I just let it happen. And while this is works great for job, friends ect... women seem to be only interested in guys who force themselves on them like crude slobs. bah

Ok, feel free to laugh and point. Yes I am a freak, I'm 22 years old and I've never so much as kissed a girl. What is worse however is the fact that acording to the rest of the world there is no reason out there that I shouldn't be afloat in women. 1.) People say I am fairly attractive 2.) I'm talkative in all of my classes and well regarded by students and teachers. 3.) People are always tellin me how much they enjoy my humor 4.) I have a good paying job (apparently supposed to be highly attractive?) So why is it that I am always alone. I have all the pieces that people say are important for what women want. why the...... why am I unable to put these pieces togeather to at least get a date? It's almost as if someone just came over and said, "oh, here is where you are going wrong", I could fix it and go on with life. So, not that any of you know me, or really understand the exactness of my problem, but hell, at this point stabs in the dark would be better than nothing. I gotta tell ya, this time of year is ALWAYS the most depressing for me, Valentines day makes me just want to go get freakin wasted, which is something I only do about twice a year .