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Aurian

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Everything posted by Aurian

  1. Aurian
    On the flip side, the Internet has places like this one for advice and help. I definitely got the help and support I needed here to leave my abusive marriage. It may have dragged out for longer if I didn't have some impartial people tell me that he was full of BS and that I WASN"T being "too sensitive" to his nasty emails and demands.
  2. Aurian
    I'm a coy flirt...
  3. Aurian
    I dunno about being aloof or girls constantly being chased by guys. I'm not bad-looking, yet I don't get chased on a regular basis! In fact, if a guy is too aloof, I get the feeling he's not interested and drop out. I like attention from someone I am interested in (and I give a lot of attention back!), so if I am feeling ignored or like he is too "cool" I move on and stop pursueing. In my mind, it means he is either uninterested or playing games, neither of which causes interest from myself. Different girls react differently to different things though. That's why men can never figure out women! In the end, its best to get yourself out there, take some small risks and most of all, act like yourself!
  4. Aurian
    I`m sure she`ll understand it was just business. If it makes you feel better, you can send her a friendly call or email and ask about her day. You can say that you get a one-track mind at work or something!
  5. Aurian
    I think he may have been trying to cheer your friend up, but if I were in your shoes, I'd want to know why he dumped me in the first place and whether it would happen again if I made up with him. I'd be willing to give him a second chance (everyone makes mistakes), but only one second chance if I understood and accepted his answer. I do not like being hurt needlessly, and if I felt like nothing was resolved and I would likely be dumped again, I would move on.
  6. Aurian
    Depends on your build I guess... but still, I hope the OP was referring to height, not weight!
  7. Aurian
    In real, you can DO more stuff and not have to fill up every moment of your time together with chatter... Perhaps try figure out some online activities - take some silly online tests together and talk about the results (or try pretend you're the other person and take the test for them). Try some online games, like MSN Game Zone, and play them together. Chess, Checkers, Othello... You can also buy some games and play them together through linking sites or chat programs.
  8. Aurian
    212 is overweight for 6'1"???
  9. Aurian
    Community classes... To meet girls - yoga, cooking, art classes (although mostly older 30s)... To meet guys - take up woodworking, lots in there!
  10. Aurian
    At least he paid you back... my ex destroyed about $3000 worth of my stuff when I left the relationship, and I had to cancel a $1200 vacation I paid for US and was non-refundable. I also paid for the damn lawyer and divorce (made more expensive because he kept avoiding being served). All money down the drain and things that can never be replaced... *sigh*
  11. Aurian

    protection

    Aurian replied to monkey1's topic in Sex and Romance

    Currently on Depo-Provera, but after being off it for awhile (out of relationship), I am noticing some side effects now that I've taken it again. My sex drive nosedived and I can't get wet anymore. When it wears off, I will be switching to a non-hormonal IUD. I've reacted REALLY badly to pills in the past (nasty mood swings, perma-bleeding, etc), and with the Depo also showing side effects, I've had enough of hormones! I also don't trust the effectiveness rates of condoms (86%), and spermicide just seems like a messy mood-killer...
  12. Aurian
    As far as sex goes, I would not talk about it - to me sex is private between two people. I would say it is good and make the topic drop. That goes for size, frequency, etc too. I do gush about fun dates or things we did together. I talk about how he makes me laugh or how considerate and thoughtful he is. I talk about how he appreciates the little things I do for him, and how happy I feel with him. I am a bit reserved when talking about a new relationship, because my last one went very wrong, but I do feel happy and do feel cautiously optimistic that I have found a winner this time.
  13. Aurian
    For me, I just try be aware of the negative stuff and when I "hear" one, I stop and say... why am I saying this? All I am doing is hurting myself. Does it even make sense?
  14. Aurian
    A partner involves a bit more than a parking spot... some spots are next to wayward shopping carts, near a garbage dumpster or just have a lot of traffic... Anyways, do you have to say you're a Republican? I can't say I've ever gotten into the political debate on the first date. You can still be Republican and not like Bush. You can talk about your views on stuff without aligning yourself with a very unpopular political figure. I'm leaning NDP myself (Canadian) but I don't like Jack Layton much...
  15. Aurian
    Well, for me, it was a matter of simply stopping the negative talk. Some positive talk would filter in to replace it, but if I stop and actually TRY talk positive, it feels weird and forced for me. Nevertheless, I feel loads more happy and confident now that the negative talk is discouraged and I actively rationalize with myself any that does leak through (usually I am feeling a bit insecure and the negative thing isn't true, so I acknowledge the insecurity instead of encouraging the negative thought that pops up - "i'm boring", "I'm fat", "he thinks I'm stupid..."). So I talk it out to myself and "prove" its wrong. I guess in the absense of negative talk or reinforcement I do have more positive thoughts, but that part just came on its own.
  16. Aurian
    I had no intention of getting back with my ex, but I told him that I didn't want to talk to him anymore and stuck with it. I would feel wrong to just drop off and leave him wondering what was going on even if he was abusive and kept hurting me when I tried to reconcile or end things gracefully. Especially since we were married. I just couldn't take being broken down and screamed at anymore. I gave him my lawyer's contact and told him if he had any questions, to ask her. I then cut off all contact and deleted my email addresses. Anyways, I told him because I wanted him to know it was absolutely over and didn't want to leave him in limbo (especially since the lawyers move damn slow!). I also wanted to end it clearly for myself - I made a vow and I honoured it for myself as well.
  17. Aurian
    I still feel awkward about telling myself positive things, but I noticed a HUGE difference in simply stopping the negative self-talk.
  18. Aurian
    He did. You should read the story of Cupid and Psyche sometime.
  19. Aurian
    Touching my hair is a personal thing. I would hate to have random strangers and aquaintances touch or play with it. I have shoulder-length, thick wavy hair. I love it when my bf puts his hands in it though, and he can't seem to keep his hands outta there
  20. Aurian
    Accept that you are angry, and maybe set aside some time once in awhile to vent and beat a pillow or just write and write and write about your anger. I was in an abusive marriage. Loved him, supported him, and got sh*t back in return (and it was "my" fault too). I had a LOT of anger, I still do have some. I went to counselling, and one of the most important lessons I learned was not to get angry or frustrated at myself for the things I was feeling. I found that when I accepted my anger and sadness I got over it very quickly, much faster than when I was telling myself that the jerk didn't deserve my energy or my tears. So accept it and let it come out. If you let it out in a gush now and then, the pool of anger inside you will drain a lot faster than if you try cork it and let it out one drop at a time...
  21. Aurian
    Just go for coffee and be honest if you feel no spark. Likely she won't be feeling it either. About the photo, it might only mean she doesn't have any photos below the waist!
  22. Aurian
    One reason she might be holding her breasts when working out is that it can be damn painful when they bounce around! I'm a DD myself, and I can't seem to find a sports bra that stops it from hurting when I jump or such. So I have to hold myself or simply refuse to do any jumping when working out.
  23. Aurian
    Have you tried talking to her about it? What her thoughts on it are? Worked for me in my relationships, I am always very slow because sex is an extremely intimate act to me.
  24. Aurian
    I've only kissed two... My ex was a long distance relationship. He asked me via email before we met if he could kiss me when we first met at the airport. I said yes. My current boyfriend, we just kinda leaned into each other and kissed at the end of the first date
  25. Aurian
    I'm more confident online, and interact with more people my age. I have been hit on more online than I have offline, shame most of them weren't even in the same country! Online dating worked well for me for the same reason - confidence and availability.
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