Jump to content

Mr.Mister

Silver Member
  • Posts

    370
  • Joined

About Mr.Mister

  • Birthday 02/03/1984

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

Mr.Mister's Achievements

Community Regular

Community Regular (8/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done
  • One Month Later

Recent Badges

13

Reputation

  1. I shouldn't have mentioned the dishes. It just so happened that she went to clean some dishes, but that is mostly irrelevant to what I was trying to say. There were only a few dishes, and we'd usually keep them until later, when I would usually do them with all the others. That is not the point. 😋 I was saying that my wife feels that spending time relaxing or doing things that are not productive is just wasting time that could be used moving and getting stuff done. She will even make up stuff to do, if there is nothing to do (like "maybe we should move all these books from here to over there and sort them by color" or something like that). Relaxation is important for my mental health, but my wife seems to be content with like 15 minutes of relaxation a day; she'll do some yoga or something and then go right back to work. It probably has to do with how she was raised, but it's very difficult to me sometimes. Also, my previous posts aren't really important to this topic as well, especially when taken second hand and out of context. It's a bit annoying that a simple question like "does anyone else experience this?" becomes a "look at this ***. Here's something he said before" and the original topic is ignored. 😋 Thank you to those that legitimately tried to help. I don't have time to write everyone individually.
  2. I've been married to a woman I love since 2017. We have two daughters, which take a lot out of both of us, but we try to help each other as much as possible. Well, the other day, our daughters both went down for a long nap and we finally had some time to do what we wanted. I chose to play one game of cards online while she was messing about on her phone. She finished with her phone and took a 15 minute nap herself. After that, she got up to be productive and do the dishes. My game of cards was still going. I know I had things to do, but I always have things to do, but am almost always unable to do said things because of the kids. Also, I am unable to relax and have no free time. The problem is my wife got really upset that I was "still just playing a game" instead of getting things done and being productive. But, I need relaxation time and quiet time comes once in a blue moon, so I was trying to enjoy it. Am I wrong in wanting to relax? The way she gets angry, it's like she wants me to feel guilty about not working hard all the time. It seems like she can be productive all the time and doesn't mind like 10 minutes of relaxation time a day. But, I am exhausted, burned out, and need more time to relax. Is there anything I can do to make her understand how I feel? Anyone in a similar situation? Thanks.
  3. You can't delete your account, but you can edit your post and start again. Just delete what you said, so people can't use it against you.
  4. We want to have a second child, so our daughter can have a sibling. The Japanese healthcare system not only makes childbirth cheaper, it is extremely subsidized; they pretty much pay for everything. Also, my wife gets an extremely long maternity leave; with our first daughter, she took a two year maternity leave. She got paid half her salary every two months during that time as well. Healthcare here for me is also very nice. I have a pre-existing condition, so it cost me like $500/month for insurance in America. Here: around $150/month. Plus, the subsidy program for my medication in the States would only cover the meds. Subsidy here covers the hospital visits, MRIs, etc. So, until we know what's going to happen over there politically, we are also hesitant to return. Let's wait and see who's president in 2020. Trump has been trying to destroy healthcare for people like me, so that's not good. I am looking for a different job, but this is kind of how jobs are here. That's why I'm thinking about working from home with an American company. I have friends back home that do medical stuff from home and get decent money. Most of what I've found so far is ultra competitive, hard to get projects, and/or doesn't pay well. Maybe I need to go back to school or something... She has a very hard time taking care of our daughter and doing all the housework. She is working 24/7 (with work and the kid), so my 12 hours is nothing. Plus, she does do the dishes from lunch so she can make dinner. She often cooks for me, so I can do the dishes. It mostly takes forever because we live in a tiny Japanese apartment. It feels like I'm doing dishes in a Hobbit hole. Haha Our relationship is actually very strong and we are happy to have each other during this tough times, so I'm not even going to worry about divorce. She just turned 2 years old and my wife tries to get her in bed by 9:00, but our daughter always fights her. Some nights she won't calm down and will cry and fuss until 10 or 11, though she'll be in her bed by 9. My wife is an amazing chef, and she happily makes food for our daughter, herself, and me. However, when she cooks, she dirties up like everything in the kitchen; there are an hour's worth of dishes to do every night. And that's just one meals worth of dishes, as she washes the dishes from breakfast and lunch. The reason it takes so long is mostly because of the apartment's kitchen, not due to how many dishes, though that is a factor. I bet I could do them in like 15-30 minutes in America, but here, our kitchen is so small that I have to find a place to stack everything and clean out the sink so I can use it. We don't really have counter space, so it's hard to find room for all the dishes. It's fine. Dishwashers here are tiny, like a breadbox, and they sit on the counter, which we don't really have much of. So, it would take maybe 4 loads in the dishwasher to do one meal's worth of dishes. Everyday. Sometimes we can watch a movie or something, but that usually requires us both to stay up late at night, and we both are falling asleep so early. My wife wakes up early and goes to bed around the time I get home from work, then I'm tasked with doing my portion of the dishes, sometimes hanging the laundry (no driers in Japan), etc., so I go to bed late. I'll reply to more later when I have time.
  5. No. She's from Japan, but up north, so her family is far away. Plus, most of them are either incompetent, too old, or too busy with their own children to really be much help anyway. My family would love to watch our daughter, but we are on the other side of the world. We don't really have any friends here either, except each other. My wife has some mom friends she met through the nursery school or whatever, but they are busy with their own children. Sometimes they can get together to chat, but usually it's a playdate for the kids at the same time, so they can't really "get away". Babysitters aren't really a thing in Japan, and neither are cleaning ladies. People often recommend we get a dishwasher, but our kitchen is so small that we can only fit a small one in it. Then, we'd be running it like constantly, because my wife uses a TON of dishes every day. So, just doing them all by hand is usually the best bet. Ha! Not sure if the pun was intentional, but still punny. Well, I actually have one day of my weekend free, as I mentioned, whereas my wife has Fridays to herself while I'm at work and our kid is at nursery, so we do get solo time for ourselves sometimes. But, our solo time usually involves things we've been putting off all week and not anything relaxing. Don't know much about Japanese work culture, huh? Haha Actually, we've been talking about moving to the States again in like 3-4 years, whenever our kid is ready to start school. We think a US school would probably be a better education. Plus, we'll have my family to help support us. But, right now, we are here. Neither one of us drinks alcohol, but I understand what you are trying to say. I work all day, usually more on the 2nd shift kind of hours than 1st shift, though I often start early. For example, I might start work at 9am and work until 9pm, and I have like an hour commute both ways, so waking up at like 7:30am to be there by 9 and then getting home at like 10pm, just to eat supper and get ready for bed. At the same time, my wife wakes up really early, like at 6am everyday, takes the kid to nursery school and only works until like 3pm or something. Her job is very lenient about her needing to take time off for the kid or whatever, but she pretty much has to do like 90% of the work when it comes to our daughter. I feel bad, but that's how it works in Japan. If the dishes are left dirty in the sink when my wife gets up, she will be furious. If that keeps happening, it would not be at all good for our relationship. I actually think our relationship is pretty good right now, because we try to support each other as much as possible. Like, I do the dishes every night and she does the laundry. And, on days we have time to ourselves, we do as much as we can alone, to help the other when they eventually get home from work. It's just difficult right now. I'm sure it'll get better some day.
  6. I used to be extremely patient, relaxed, laid back, and never really got that angry. And, I was content with my life, but not happy. Then, I moved to Japan, met an amazing woman and I felt truly happy just being with her! Now, we are married, and being with my wife is wonderful and I love her so much. But, nowadays, since we have a kid and I have a job that takes up almost all my time, we don't really get to hang out anymore; I don't have "me" time, she doesn't have "me" time, and we don't really have "us" time either. It's mostly a routine of: get up early, go to work, work hard all day, come home very late, do lots of household chores, go to bed really late, repeat. I am extremely exhausted, and I have become easily frustrated, easy to irritate, and have lost most of my patience. It even surprises me sometimes, because something little will be enough to make me go " it" and give up, rather than just say "oh well" and keep going, like I used to. I know life will get better eventually and I'll find a new job at some point. Also, I'm sure, as my child grows older, she'll be able to take care of herself a little more, and need my constant attention and everything less, which will give me more time. I get I just need to be patient and wait. But, as I said, my patience is very short now, and I am miserable. Sometimes I feel, if I just left Japan and moved back to the States, I could get a job there easier, wouldn't have to deal with the terrible Japanese work culture, and wouldn't have to worry about all the household chores and all the stresses of home. But, I can't leave, because of my family. So, at least for now, I'm trapped here. I'll keep looking to a future, long from now, when I'll be able to have time again, and my wife will have some time again, and I/we can be happy again. This is mostly a rant, but does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with stressful home and work life in the time being? Anyone in a similar situation? Thanks for reading all this.
  7. She sleeps in her crib, at first, so we can fool around or whatever we want then. Even so, I come arrive home from work kind of late, and often my wife wants to get to bed earlier, since our baby gets up at 7am, regardless. So, it doesn't happen as much as my wife would like, but it's a decent amount. Even so, after we are done, we kind of separate on the bed, so there will be room for our girl to sleep if she wakes up in the middle of the night. I'd often prefer to just cuddle with my wife to sleep.
  8. This is a good suggestion. Thank you. Maybe I can use this to convince my wife to let our friend take care of her while we go on a date. That'd be nice. :)
  9. I was diagnosed with MS 12 years ago, after a spinal tap and MRI results, after having optic neuritis. So, yes, I have MS. Also, I have a lot more than one lesion, as you have to have at least like 10 lesions to be diagnosed with MS. I believe I have just over 20, though I haven't had an MRI in many years.
  10. I've heard this too. That's what I'm waiting for. Thanks. Yes. Hit the nail on the head there. Our baby has a crib, but usually sleeps between us in bed for at least part of the night. I have to keep my distance from my wife in bed, so that we can have space in between of us for our daughter, if she wakes up and won't sleep in the crib anymore, which adds to the feeling of being distant from my wife. Babysitters aren't really a thing here, and nursery schools are so congested that they are super expensive to get in for a day. There are lots of rules too. Even so, as I mentioned, we do have a family friend that would take care of her for a short time, but we did that one time since we had our girl, and my wife spent the whole date worried about her; she couldn't relax. Work culture here is crazy, so no time to go out with friends, though that doesn't really interest me anyway. I don't really get vacation time, and, the days I do get off, are usually spent watching the kid so my wife can get stuff done that she couldn't do because she's watching the kid all day. She's exhausted all the time, so she needs the break.
  11. That's not even an option. I love my wife more than anything in the universe, and would do anything to make her happy. So, I could never leave her! You are right though. I will try my best to make the best out of what I've been given, even if I'm not really enjoying it all right now. Thanks for the reply.
  12. My wife is Japanese, so we live in Japan now, so the day care/nursery schools are run differently than in the States. We could pay a buttload of money to a daycare for them to watch her for the day, but my wife is not interested in having other people watch her. She enjoys hanging out with her and loves being a mom. She's happy; just has to deal with wrist pain and things like lack of sleep. It's me that's complaining, not her. We have a family friend that would be more than happy to watch her for a few hours, while we go out somewhere, but my wife doesn't want to leave her somewhere where she'll not be comfortable. She's at the "stranger danger" phase still, so it takes a couple days to get used to someone enough for them to just hold her without her crying a bunch. I also want time to myself, and having our baby in a daycare won't address that at all. If my wife wants to go back to work, then she will, but who knows if/when that'll be. Just gotta give it time.
  13. Thank you for the nice reply and the suggestion. I'm sure things will get better as she becomes more of a person and has more of a personality.
  14. My neurologist has talked to me about this before. He said the area that controls emotion is fully intact, but there is a lesion there, so that's why I'm more logical thinking. That could be part of it. Also, I have heard mood swings are common in people with MS, so that might explain why I get so pissed at my daughter sometimes, though that rarely happens anymore. It's gotten a lot better, though she can still pick me off sometimes, but that's not her fault and I try not to let her see I'm upset.
  15. Many years ago, I met a beautiful woman, whom I fell madly in love with, and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. So, we got married. Everything was going great, until we had our daughter. I always hear other dad's saying they fell in love with their children the minute they saw them. And, even with all the difficulties of raising a child, their hearts are filled with joy from having a child. I don't know why, but I didn't feel any different when my baby girl was born, and I still feel no different a year later. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter, but she doesn't bring me this, like, life-affirming joy a lot of people claim to receive from having kids. My wife is wonderful, and I feel as though she completes me, so I'm very happy to be with her. But now, ever since she had the baby, we seem distant; like, we barely get to spend time together. Also, my job is actually pretty decent (good pay and very lenient employers), but I'm starting to get sick of it, and feel somewhat stuck going there, whether I want to or not. I feel extremely sad lately, since I have no time to do anything that I wish, I barely get to have fun, and I miss my wife. But, I feel even worse because I feel like I'm not allowed to feel that way, as others near me have it a lot worse. For example, my wife is currently a stay-at-home mom, so she has to deal with our crying baby through all the tantrums and sicknesses and whatever else happens, all while trying to deal with severe wrist pain she started having after giving birth. I'm sure things will get better as our kid gets older, so I probably just have to suffer through, but it's hard. Like, really hard, and it makes me cry. Even so, I'll just deal with it, and will continue to look towards the future to have my life back somewhat. What's also nerve-racking is that my wife wants to have a second baby, since she thinks having an only child won't be so good for the kid. I'm ok with having another one, but that just means it'll take a few more years before I can do anything again. Ugh. I doubt I'll get much sympathy on here, but I mostly just wanted to vent my frustrations. Not really sure what else I can do to feel better, besides just waiting patiently for things to get better...
×
×
  • Create New...