Aurian

Chocolate syrup and whipped cream? Some places sell these weird sex-themed board games (land on this square, you have to french-kiss your partner...), might be fun for giggles.

That's awful, Charley. That's a pretty lousy thing to do to a friend... I only want to continue being friends with people who act like my friend - who help me when I need it, along with accepting my help when they need it. If one treats me in a bad manner or blows me off, then I simply fade out. Its not worth trying to be friends with someone who isn't interested in maintaining a friendship.

- Rent a game system and play video games together. A little competition to get the blood going... Heck, loser has to give winner a massage? =D - Rent movies and cuddle up on the couch - Pool/snooker - Bowling - Board games (also potential for fun bets)

For me when I started out, I just wanted intelligence and a sense of humour. My not-so-lovely-ex ensured that my new list of desires is a bit more concrete. I am 27 so I am looking more for a life partner rather than a fling, so my responses are geared towards that. - Intelligence (I don't want to feel like I have to dumb down, I want someone I can talk to and debate/discuss things with) - Humour (making me laugh is a turn on, and people with a sense of humour are usually better at shrugging off some of the pitfalls in life) - Career - He doesn't have to be rich, just have his life in order and have a job that supports him and is going somewhere. My ex spent most of our time together on welfare and didn't do much to get his butt off it (this job/boss/schedule/coworkers suck!!!). I don't want to be supporting or waiting around for someone anymore. - Shares my hobbies and interests, the big two that are shareable are hockey and video games. Its nice to be able to DO things together and have a good time. He doesn't have to share ALL of them and I don't have to share all of his but we can explore each others' interests and expand our world a bit too. Some things will remain mine or his, I know, but some compatibility is needed. - Kindness, generosity, no anger issues (yeah, not going there again). I also more on the alert for a guy who acts in a good way instead of just acting good once in awhile and having a lot of empty sweet words (talk is cheap!). - Basic compatibility. Do we agree on issues like kids, politics, morality, etc? If not can we respect the other's position? - Oh and just for the shallow side... I like someone tall with a bit of muscle

Logically there is no chance of a relationship if the other person wasn't interested, so my three heads are not in agreement after all. Now if I came out and asked the other out, I would feel uncomfortable. If I found out another way (or a subtle way) that the other wasn't interested, then friendship is a possibility.

Or is it an insecurity thing perhaps? You don't want female friends because then you'd have to accept her guy friends....?

Well, sometimes it helps to look a BIT if your usual schedule doesn't take you to single-friendly places! (no dates to be had on the couch in front of the TV, eh?) Many self-professed nice guys also have a lot of insecurity and constantly put themselves down. Nice is good, but a lot of insecurity is a turnoff. You want a nice, fun equal without feeling like you need to be a counselor (once in awhile, yes, everyone needs a boost, but I have enough insecurities of my own without shouldering someone else's constantly!). I do appreciate a nice, shy, introverted guy who is also comfortable with himself and knows how to have fun too. Sometimes the real jerks are good at pretending to be a nice, confident guy, but eventually their true colours show when the girl is entangled with him. Very few women actively seek jerks. Many just have good camoflague.

On their part? Jealousy On his part? Pride. He needs to pretend that he's still the same guy he always is when he's around them. He wants to pretend he's still macho would never DREAM of using any goopy words like "hunny-muffin"

Yeah, my ex pulled that on me too. He provoked me over and over until I was a mess of tears and then had the nerve to tell me that I was overly emotional and was abusing him. Ugh! I would recommend some counselling. Yes, I do have a few lingering issues still from my own nasty ex, but I have regained my faith in people, feel like a stronger person now (not only from during the abuse, but I feel stronger than I was before i ever met him!) and feel ready to find someone who really IS who my ex initially pretended to be.

Oh, that kinda gossip. I'm never in the loop for that kind. I was thinking of celeb gossip like the skanky stuff Britney Spears did this week or what's Lindey Lohan is doing now...

That does sound odd... if you were dating her, then she would have a good reason to be feeling hurt (although this is something that might need to be discussed first since not everyone buys into V-day or celebrates it to the same degree). However, if she is just a friend, why is she expecting something from you? It sounds like you don't usually do something for your friends on that day... I would say she was having unrealistic expectations for some reason, or she expects cards from her friends as well as significant others... which is a bit unfair because not everyone can be expected to know this. Last thought is that she's sweet on you, built up her hopes for some romantic gesture that would indicate interest in a romantic relationship from you, and disappointed herself.

Wow, so you're good at listening and a problem-solver! Best of both worlds! One reason I like spending time with guys is that they like to DO things more than women. I like to play video games, talk about hockey, get outside and run around a bit, kick a ball around, etc. I'm more of a doer than a talker offline - sitting at a table talking ranks pretty far down on my list of things I like to do. And I really don't care what Britney is up to these days.

I don't think so... yes, I do have my insecure moments, but part of my counselling helped me realize that my ex was one in a million... in a bad way I don't find myself looking at men weirdly or automatically expecting them all to turn out the same way (I did when I first left though. I was terrified at the idea that if one guy could sucker me so badly, the next could too). But I feel a bit more confident of myself now, and I realized that while my ex was very good at talking the talk, he didn't walk the walk nearly as much as his pretty words implied he would. New guy doesn't have the same way with words, but his actions show far more, in many little thoughtful gestures.

I was with the ex for 5 years, married for three. The marriage years slowly went into the toilet until he was threatening murder-suicide towards the end. I ended things back in July and have not had any contact with him since. I did counselling almost immediately and I think that is why I have recovered as fast as I have. I went onto the dating market practically on New Years Day, had a few lousy dates online, and met my new guy online in late January. Been emailing almost constantly and been out on about 8-9 lovely dates. No red flags (and believe me, my red flag meter is quite high-strung now I'm not looking to create problems or anything, I just want to get rid of the ghost that is popping up. I just don't want to think about the ex, especially not when I am with someone who makes me happy.

Nah, seems to be true to me too. There is the big ol logical streak that asks if there is a mental connection there or if there is compatibility - location, where the guy is in life, does he fit my "practical" requirements (must have a job, be going somewhere and support himself, must not be living with his parents long-term, must not have apparent anger issues, etc), am I having any doubts, etc. I have to say my logical streak is dominant in the early relationship. Only if my "Spock" side says yes do I let my emotional self get involved. Emotional side - does my heart go "wub!" when I see him or get an email from him? Do I like him? Does he make me laugh, feel safe, do I have fun with him? Animal side - yeah, there has to be some physical attraction too. Guy doesn't have to be a ten on the scale, but some initial appeal has to be there. I find that if that initial appeal is there and the other two parts like him, they colour my eyes and make a 5 into a 10 anyways Anyways, 3/3 leads to a relationship. Missing one of the above, then I don't let myself proceed any further down a relationship track.

I assume you're in the minority then. Most guys seem to prefer to keep their gossip centred around this or that sports star

Just looking for a bit of advice... My last relationship was at the time my only serious relationship. I married him, he abused me, and I (eventually) divorced him. I took time out to pull myself out of the emotional pit he put me in, and I thought I was done with all the negative feelings and "healed." But... I am in a new relationship now, getting quite serious. Making this only the second serious relationship I've ever had. I like the guy very much (I'm not quite ready to use the other L-word yet, but maybe...). Anyways, I find my ex' ghost keeps popping up in my mind. I am not acting differently or pulling away or anything, but I do end up comparing them all the time (new guy comes out better in every way). I would like to get my ex outta my head. I guess he's popping up because I'm doing couple-stuff I've only done with him before, so that's triggering the memories and comparisons. Anyone got any advice to telling him to bugger off outta my head? I am stopping myself when I realize my brain doing this, but advice?

Its easier to do some naughty things down there when its trimmed. Don't shave, the shaving rash is deadly! >.

Sounds good to me. Why wouldn't you want your SO to be a great or best friend as well? Okay, so I'm sure he'd rather skip the girly gossip stuff, but you two should be close, share things in life and enjoy each others' company outside of the bedroom As for whether guys and girls can be friends, I say yes. My hobbies are more "boyish" than girlie, so I get along with guys more easily than with women.

Heh, I thought the same thing hazey... I was dating online too and only ever had two boyfriends (current guy is number 2!) Anyways, a bit of shyness/nervousness is attractive. What isn't is putting yourself down! Try watch what you're saying there, because when you tell yourself that you're no good, you believe it and the people who hear it believe it too. Tell yourself that you're good, and you'll believe it and carry yourself with far more confidence. Confidence is very attractive. I've gotten far more admiring looks these days even though I am on the heavy side now. But the difference is that I am confident, and walk like it, instead of being slim, hunched over and sad.

Hmm... I guess so. I think it depends on how secure the guy is. I made way more than my ex, and he got very insecure and abusive to try put me in my place. However, with a more secure man who knows he has more to offer than just his salary, it shouldn't make any difference as long as the OP isn't obnoxious about what she makes.

Some things are negotiable, but some things are not. I know I would refuse to give up my desire to have a dog of my own when I can afford one, and I would expect anyone I am with to accept that. I am willing to adjust (not give up, only adjust!) some of my habits and hobbies - playing video games by myself all weekend is a wee bit antisocial (maybe if we played together... ;p). The guy I am seeing wants a cat eventually, and I am not wild about them. But I accept he wants one and if we have a cat and a dog, then we'll both be happy. In the case of allergies, then someone will have to make a choice between pet and allergic person, or ciggies and allergic person. Or peanuts! Otherwise, you should accept who the other person is. Adjustments, yes, but not outright changes.

How would he even know what your income was unless you plan to pull up covered in diamonds and driving a Ferrari?