RedDelPaPa

Yea, I think in situations like this, just go NC. They didn't ask for you to keep them updated, so just do it. If they care at all, they will eventually ask you what's going on, at which time, you can tell them politely and adult like, that you're just not ready to be friends only yet. Sorry, and you hope they can understand. Try looking at this whole situation like this. They wanted out of your life by leaving you, so fine. Maybe in this situation it's best to give them what they want. Push them out of your life. You wanted out, you got out. I hope it's everything you thought it would be and then some. This outlook feels like it's helping me.

Hi again folks. And thanks for all the great incite. Originally, I broke up with her(my ex). I was quite upset with her, and it was a spur of the moment thing. It wasn't more than a few weeks later, that I approached her like a gentleman, told her I'm sorry, and I would like to give us another go. She dodged the question and wouldn't give me a straight answer. This was like 6 months ago. 1 month ago, I found out she's dating a new guy, so I approached her gentlemanly and asked her in a confident, professional manner(no whining or begging), one last time for reconciliation. And if not, can I have closure. I asked her to simply tell me sorry, we're not compatible or something like that. She didn't have to say anything rude. Just politely make me understand there is no chance of us ever getting back together. So I could stop pondering it and move on. Once again she dodged the question. So with this said, she hasn't shown me any respect for my feelings, and the ball was long ago moved to her court. She well knows I'd like reconciliation. She refuses to be straight with me, so I don't feel like I owe her anything. This is what's making me lean towards just going NC without giving her any heads up. I like the idea of communicating to her what's up, but I don't know that I want to, or that she deserves it. Thoughts? N8

Good points folks. Thanks. Some say yes, and most seem to say no. What's up with this? I've heard some people say "Friends tell friends what they're doing. If you have an ex that you want back, the last thing you want is to end up just a friend, so don't do it." Makes sense.

Hi everyone. Should I tell my ex what I'm doing if I decide to go full on NC? Or should I just do it and let her ponder why I no longer converse with her? She hasn't given me any explanation for why she doesn't want to be with me. So, whatever. Your opinions please? Thanks, N8

Naa, it doesn't bother me too much, but a bit. I've monitored the way she acts towards me, and then other co workers. She'll completely ignore me, and act like I don't even exist, then out of the blue, she'll call me up. It's pretty lame, and pisses me off a bit. I'm like, make up your damn mind. Either you hate me or you don't. She's got some issues I think, and I need to stop making her problems my problems.

Thank you. I hope you're right. I have to do it. Or else how am I going to feel about myself? Still in pain, and totally ashamed of myself. I've heard her talking to others about quitting and finding a new job. Damn I wish she would. Honestly, I think this would be almost cake if I didn't have to see her 9 hrs a day, 5 days a week. Hey, I have some advice for all of you now. "DON'T GET INVOLVED WITH CO-WORKERS!" Unless one or both of you are on your way out. Thanks, N8

It's a situation in which I've paid attention to, to figure out what makes me feel worse. It bothers me to talk to her regardless of who talks to who first. If I talk to her first. I feel ashamed of "me" on top of pain. If I ignore her if she talks to me, I feel ashamed of "me" on top of pain. If I talk to her only if she talks to me first, I still feel pain, but I feel dignified and proud of "me" for acting mature and gentlemanly. With any luck she'll "catch on" and talk to me less and less. Making things easier for me. Or else, she'll crack and want reconciliation. Thanks, N8

I try really, really hard not to do any of that stuff either.

Thanks folks for the replies. I was under the impression that full NC meant that I could not say one word to my ex under any circumstances. No matter who made contact. Well, here it goes then. Starting right now. I will not communicate a single word to her unless she speaks to me first, and at that, my response will be very short and simple. I've asked her for reconciliation, she beat around the bush, so if she ever wants to give us another go, nothing short of "I want you back" will do. Speaking to her only if she speaks to me first feels much more adult like and mature. The ball is in her court. I hope she's happy. (N)o ©ontact it is. Wish me luck, N8

I think the dumper, or the last person to be asked for reconciliation will eventually break and contact the other. The person second guessing their decision will lose this silent treatment.

Hi everyone, I'm thinking about going NC, but in a different manner. A manner in which I see more mature and adult like. I understand that pure NC is for the person trying to get over the other and move on, but it seems a bit childish to completely ignore them if the ex tries to make contact. That's what grade schoolers do. I think true NC would be easier to accomplish however, but I'd feel childish and stupid if my ex simply said hi to me in passing and I ignored her. What I'm thinking about doing is going NC, but only applying that to me making contact with my ex. With the possible exception of saying hi in passing. I work with my ex, so it's going to be virtually impossible to not communicate with her at all, ever. This method may take longer to heal and get moved on, but I feel like I will have acted more adult like and gentlemanly in the process. Am I being foolish? Should I just go full on NC and not worry about how I'm behaving? Your thoughts? Thanks, N8

Hi again fellas. I just realized something. I've noticed a pattern developing here. Every time she reaches out to me in some small way(flirting with me, calling me, etc), I've noticed the very next day, she's not nearly as friendly with me for a few days as she was previous to her extending herself to me. Regardless of how I respond to her(extending myself back at her in a small way, remaining unchanged, etc.) Has anyone ever encountered behavior like this before? What does it mean? It's like she gets ashamed and upset with herself that she gave in to some remaining attraction for me or something. So she takes it out on me. I would think that if a genuine, decent person started thinking maybe they wanted their ex back, and they took the chance to reach out to them in a small way, and that person reached back to them in an equally small way, that it would make her/him happy. Not pull back. Am I giving her to much credit in thinking she's a decent person inside? I'm beginning to wonder if she's just a total game playing fraud. I like to think I wasn't in a serious relationship with a ruthless, mean person. I have a hard time thinking she might have been just a total bucket of evil, all this time, and I never really recognized it. But I guess it's entirely possible. I did sense some enjoyment from her in steamrolling my feelings at the club 2 weekends ago. Your thoughts appreciated. Thanks, N8

I wish it was easier to get that through my head. Thank you. Good advice.