ladyspirit

Great replies. I am still recovering from the confusing and mentally abusive relationship I chose to be in for 3 years. It's been 6 months since we broke up. My feelings fluctuate between feeling guilty for having ignored the red flags, and feeling that I did my best and that I want to forgive myself now. i don't know when this cycle ends...but as with all things, time heals wounds, and this is what I am holding onto. Mintblossom, I understand the feeling of guilt for having tolerated unacceptable behavior. And the loss of self-respect. It's really hard to get passed this...I have felt like sh*t quite a bit since the break up, because with distance all I accepted from him became clearer, even things I'd forgotten had happened. I think you're on the right track to healing. You will go through the dance of two steps forward, three steps back, but I'm sure you, I , all who go through such an experience, grow stronger and smarter from it, and forgive ourselves with time. Perhaps we should have a bit more humour here: we are not perfect, we made mistakes, ok already- let's not dwell on it and take ourselves too seriously: let's learn, let go, accept our failures, have humility, and move on. Perhaps that's an important stage in order to heal. That's what I am trying to do. Good luck.

Hi there, Thanks for your responses. I did read that book. It initially helped. I think I will read it again. Thanks a lot for your support. Ladyspirit

Thanks Macgyver4ever... I had read your story, and I'm happy to hear that you are moving passed the anger. We unfortunately didn,t end it on good terms. I tried, but I couldn't let go of the anger I had for him. I couldn't believe all he'd said, and how it just became lies, and he had a history of being flaky and self-centered and...well, so, as I write this, why be mad, ey? What did I lose?... I guess I'm upset I saw and experienced some good with him, but so much bad and instability too. It upset me throughout our *relationship*, until the end, when he just left in such disrespectful terms. So, our memories are already tainted, and it ended badly..how can I proceed now?....

Heyya everyone, As some know from my previous post, my ex was a very confused man ( had a manic episode; narcissistic streak too) and i became very lost during the relationship, but I loved him and supported him emotionally, and then he left with someone else 3 weeks after professing his love for me, saying he wanted kids with me, blah blah b.s. . That was last november. Since then, I've had recurring dreams, nightmares, and loads of anger. I'm becoming aware that i was often pissed off during the relationship. Instead of taking that as a sign that I was pissed off way too often, and to move on, I held on to it. My explanation is this: the anger allowed me to continue trying to change the situation, instead of accessing my feelings of hurt and sadness, which leads more easily to acceptance, and to letting go and moving on. I'm feeling like although he had issues, I didn't help by being so pissed off all the time. It didn't make me the better person, mature person, I thrive to be. I look back, and I'm disappointed at myself for having been this way towards him, for having let this situation transform me into a monster for 3 years. 3 years of fighting. Why? To express my discontent and hope to God he change? It only prevented me from expressing the better, happier, lovelier parts of myself, which I could have done by breaking up. I feel awful. Well, now I'm by myself, trying to let go of anger still, the anger of ALL of this ( I'm so confused- , the anger that HE didn't try to become a better bf for me; instead, he left and chose to invest in someone else. I have no clue if it's working out with her though. How do I get rid of this anger , and how do I become at peace with the frustrated person I had become, how do I make peace with these bad memories? He had faults, yes. But I should've left, instead of allowing a relationship to affect me this way, to allow me to have such hurt and anger pour out of me and make me become this out of control angry person, as though my anger could have changed his mind about how he was with me. It never did. I can't believe it. I was unhappy so often. Yes, there were good times, but the bad times were really bad, and he basically wasn't treating me as good ( consistently) as he should have. Do you follow me? Any advice? ....Many thanks...

The boobs ARE the message ( i.e. the medium is the message- ha) Seriously, what ELSE is there to say? I swear, I must've found this website to help people get away from bipolars... I dated an unmedicated bipolar- see my thread. Oh my God: don't marry the guy!!! You are asking for trouble!!! Get out!!! This is serious....

Your story really touched me. You sound just like me, 5 years ago. I'm sorry for what you went through. You will see, it will pass, and you will trust again. For sure, you have boundaries now, but it will simply make you careful about whom you choose to share your life with. I know it hurts, especially since you feel vulnerable, and you were vulnerable with someone you cared for , trusted, and who betrayed you. I completely understand. Your words were once my words. But I promise you: time heals, and wisdom is nothing more than healed pain. You have become wiser, and we all become wiser as we grow and face lessons of this world. You survived. Don't give up.

From my experience, most women in gyms don't like to be hit on. I think you should let her make a move if she's interested to get to know you. In a gym, no offense, but many guys are there checking out women...and some women really just go there to train, and don't enjoy feeling "observed".

Well, you seem sure that he's not into you, in my opinion. I would listen to my gut, and I wouldn't go. I'd rather go out with someone who seems into me, and excited about spending time with me.

he'd be devastated to lose you??? a month into it??? red flag...

Yes they are manipulators: it is unbelievable. I thank God he's gone, but I can't believe what I've been through, what I allowed to happen....I'm sorry you've been through it too...Well, at least we are now aware...my boundaries and alarm system are very very alert now. Good luck Freeindeed- let us know what happens...

Hi there, Do you need to call, or can you not email? I wouldn't try to help her. I know it hurts, but she should learn on her own now...and maybe that's the way she'll snap out of it...often is. But you mostly shouldn't help her because you need to let this go.

Hello there, The reason I signed onto this website is because I had a horrible experience with someone who was narcissistic/ bipolar, and he actually was diagnosed, and I actually work in a psychiatric hospital ( the irony...but we started dated before I started to work there). So....pathetically, most of my posts have been about such topics because although I realized what was up with him, and thought I : 1- could help him/ enlighten him about it/ change him/ whatever cure him, call it what you want; and that I: 2- was smart enough to handle it because I knew what was going on and could access for him the resources he needed, I was NOT able to help him, and it only has left deep scars ( which is what I'm trying to heal by being on this site). Let me just warn you: READ ME POSTS. Get out of the relationship, whatever label or non-label he has: he sounds too, too self-centered. You are still early on in the relationship. Don't think you'll be able to change him. It will erode your self-esteem slowly but surely because ( as I noticed already) you are (healthily, for now) questionning if the problem is you ( "if you enabled him to be like that", you said). And Newvenus, I don't know your situation enough, but if you already know he has histrionic personality disorder, I hope you are sure that you'll be leaving. Because (as I think you said, and it is correct) they do not change. They don't.

What about those who dump really quickly to go to someone they just met? What is going through their head? If they were saying just a month ago (real-life example here...) that they were in love with you so much, want to have your kids, etc, and then they meet someone new out-of-the-blue, and dump you for them? How can their feelings just switch from on to off so quickly?

Hello Buba, I know how you feel. I was dating an unstable man and it messed with my emotions. He is with someone else, and although I don't want him back because I know he was unhealthy and verbally abusive, I have my moments where I still cry about it ( like today, actually). It's been around 5 months, and we were dating for 3 years. I have days when I'm fine, and others when I am in disbelief. When you wrote about the beautiful things he would say to you in the beginning, I understand how it is unbelievable that someone could express such things, and then just turn around and not give a damn. But yes, some people are like that, and my ex was. I have tons of moments where I think: oh my God, how could he have said this and that, and then be the complete opposite? This is what is hardest for me to get over. People affect us in different ways, and some relationships affect us more than others. It's absolutely normal that you are still mourning over this person. You have been through a lot with him and because of him ( including the abortion). He made you believe he was a great man, with deep feelings and a loving heart. He manipulated you. He was not what he claimed to be. And by the way, my ex smoked pot too, and it will affect their behavior...becoming aloof and selfish. You ARE better off without him. Pot heads can't feel things normally. They are disconnected from feelings: their own, and those of others. Continue writing to us if you need to. You're not alone It will get better. It's just cycles; that's how the mourning process goes. Some days are good, others not as good...but what is certain is that with time comes insight, and with insight comes release. You will get over this. You will release it, Don't give up on yourself. You can do it. Be patient with yourself.

Just read that you want to delay taking antipsychotics. But nowadays, they don't have as much adverse side-effects. The symptoms you have are caused by chemicals in your brain that are imbalanced and not working properly. Antipsychotics help reestablish that balance. As with other medical conditions, the longer you wait, the worst your future symptoms and episodes will become.