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JimmerJammer

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JimmerJammer last won the day on May 1 2008

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  1. Like others I have skipped ahead past most of the posts to add my two cents to this. I have been saying for a long time that as the saying goes "it takes two to tango". Those who want to kid themselves into thinking they have played NO part in a relationships demise are only fooling themselves. I really believe that I have come to know either women or people in general in this area and I feel it's like this. This is a crude analogy, but stick with it. A fat, ugly person who ends up with an attractive, fit person may end up compensating through love and devotion to make up for that fact. Ergo it follows that those in that position to give more of themselves than what they get back may be actually compensating. This is where childhood drama could play a part as it may subconsciously cause one to overcompensate to obtain what they didn't from youth. Such as approval or attention. The reason I say that is to think back to any point in the relationship in which you gave up part of yourself for the sake of making it work. Compromise is important in a relationship because we all come from different places and that difference is what separates and brings us together. The point of when it goes from being healthy to destructive is a fine line, but also is as easy as being aware of how you feel. If you feel you do more than your partner does then you have three choices: 1) do nothing and keep giving love 2) withdrawl and deny them love or 3) confront them and work it out (or find out they won't do anything). So without making a mountain out of a molehill I will end it like this. We all have our wants and needs and our ways of dealing with situations. We have our desires and our expectations for our lives. I doubt anyone wanted to give, give, give and be tossed aside like a rag doll. The part that makes me laugh is when I have been told I'm pathetic for having given so much of myself. All experience has taught me more than anything else is that we MUST look after ourselves. Our bodies, our minds, our health. We must make that a priority. That being said it DOESN'T excuse the ex or the gf/bf that betrayed us or "traded up" for someone they perceived as being better. All that means is we must gear our lives towards living for ourselves, BUT that the more we look after ourselves and stick up for ourselves that the more we have to offer others. It actually works together. Instead of looking at it like if I love them more they will come around, it's a case of did I give up loving myself for the sake of them? The moment you lose yourself, you've already lost. That's why I NEVER falter and I keep myself up to my standards even if the girl I am with wants my attention. She unfortunately will have to take a back seat because giving up on myself has consistently caused them to give up on me. Proof is in the pudding my friends.
  2. I wanted your emotional support, all I got was rejection. I am made of something great, you never saw it. Everything I sacrificed, I did for OUR future. This man is no different than me, why all the lying?
  3. If If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or, being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise; If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with triumph and disaster And treat those two imposters just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools; If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breath a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on"; If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch; If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run - Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son! ~Kipling
  4. Either kindergarten or Grade 1. I don't quite remember which one came first. I had my first french kiss experience then too. It was pretty great because I had two girls I liked a lot kissing me and at the same time! sometimes in the tree house at our school, sometimes at the church (i know, we were rebels) lol ok you can laugh now That's when I was introduced to being out casted by fellow boys. Those jealous fools followed us everyone and used every teasing tactic they could to get at us, eventually I crumbled and lost the both of them. Ah yes, the first of many times I chose others beliefs and ideas over my own.
  5. ------------------------------------------------------ With rings so blue, they captivate the sky and a darkness that shines bright. Blossoming like an Epiphyllum Oxypetalum in the shadows of the night. We watch our step, to cracks that form. Treading carefully by where we stand. An incandescence for which, I am not afraid this first time stride I have ever made. This knight, armour broken; exposed, naked. Finds strength to fight in a sea of arrows. Knows not which cards will be dealt to him. Fate is a path best left to the rulers of the heavens. Out of the sand a flower doth grow. These roads take us to where we have to go. Love is I see you, you see me as it stands the tests of time for all eternity. ------------------------------------------------------ This is a work of progress. Let me know what you think cheers
  6. Well from what I've observed growing up I know I came from a broken family and there were a lot of things that were not ideal. It was pretty easy to be envious of others even though I chose not to be. Anyways when I was younger much younger I was THE MOST outgoing kid on the block. I talked to everybody and got to know them in ways that touched them. I made an effort and I was just a kid so people knew me. Now what's shocking and still surprising to me is who I have become since then. I struggle with being outgoing for a myriad of reasons, but I DO know that my behaviour was not approved of by my mother as that is who I was raised by, but my dad promoted and encouraged it; only he wasn't around long enough to help it flourish. I felt because I was influenced by my environment , I began to feel insecure about who I was being and question myself and I soon after became more and more self-conscience and by the time I hit first grade, I was already seeking out the approval of others. I basically learned to keep quiet and say nothing. To not be noticed and to not stand above the crowd while I personally had a lot going for me. I later found that my outgoing, charming, opening personality was sought as something to be squandered as I was told to believe the world was a dangerous place and your best off living in your own little bubble than be the person I felt I should be.
  7. You know what I realize? Hardly anyone looks within to ask if maybe they pushed their ex away through insecurity, manipulation, detachment, conditional love, obscurity, obsession, emotional dependability, negativity, aggression, abuse, etc. Its all about "omg this person left me! I feel so horrible!" and hey what shocks me is that when I say this I'm accused of NEVER being in that situation. I can't help but shake my head and roll my eyes when I hear this because I almost off'd myself when mine left me. Then again I always felt something was "missing" from myself and that I wasn't happy with who I was either so I took it out on her a lot. I never meant to and it took some time, but I feel that even to this day that despite how far I feel I've come. My ex doesn't need me in her life. I've always been tempted to call her and ask her how she's doing, but to do so I would feel would be to go against her want for me to just leave her alone and stop causing the emotional turmoil I put her through. She simply had enough and after it all I really don't know how she stayed with me for as long as she did. It took a lot of time and a lot of work, but I've worked out a lot of emotional issues that I have had and I feel I no longer go through bouts of depression like I used to. I'd still like to contact my ex again so we could hang out and have a healthy friendship as I honestly really truly believe that letting me go was very hard for her, just her mental health was more important and I totally don't blame her. I probably would have driven her mad. I think the difference here is between admittance and those that are so negative and think of themselves like victims or will say "omg its all my fault! I'm SUCH A LOSER!!" like that line of thinking isn't a red flag that indicates what the problem REALLY is.
  8. Wow my god I didn't think it was true, but men are pigs! lol jk but really I had no idea so many guys couldn't just CHILL about it. Its like even hearing "no, i'm not interested!" isn't enough because they manage to logically convince themselves that "oooo she's just playing hard to get! that cheeky girl" Honestly I will notice that a lot of women aren't upfront enough, but I'm also sure its because they hate hurting their feelings. Then again men REALLY do it to themselves. Heck its rather sad and pathetic when you have guys trying to one-up you for your gf or make you out like a chump. I seriously lose my faith in them when I bring my gf around as they ogle her like she's a goddess and I have to step in and tell them their drooling embarrasses me even. The simple answer sometimes is for women TO get overly angry because sometimes that's what it takes. I feel sorry sometimes because I get it easy. All I do is approach and hear whether she's interested or not and walk away. I don't deal too much with girls following me around or harassing me(trying to ask me out all the time and say weird creepy things). SO I guess what I'm getting at is that you may hate having to say "no, get lost!" but guys need to hear it. And not be a bunch of sore losers about it too and start hating women because they're too weird about dealing with it. thanks for the insight. really it helps when painting a picture on understanding what its like for women.
  9. CynicalGuitarist, Hey man by reading through your posts I can say that the part I feel we connect is the desire to want to end it. Man there is so much greed, corruption, hurt, pain, loss, manipulation, control and hatred in this world. Its sickening to know what goes on in this world and how we as a society ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN! We sit idly by and go "ok I know what's going on, but there's nothing I can do about it" so we let every leader and industry out there dictate what's expected of us. How we look, act, are, etc. Basically we're told how to conform and if we don't do it, we're stuck with the scraps or left with the option of either killing ourselves to get out or to become slaves through blue-collar work. Now what does this have to do with anything? Well nothing exactly but when you put everything that goes on in this world together you get a pretty grim picture at times. In fact its a wonder to me how people continue on with their lives sometimes when its heart breaking to know what goes on. But we do it. We hang on and we continue to strive for something that never seems to come because we care more about the fact that we have a dream even when we don't obtain it. One thing that starts to come to mind is evidence that is presented to us in daily life. When we get seemingly attacked from multiple areas and feel like someone is invading our personal space, well it feels a lot like a wound that gets bigger and bigger each time with us feeling closer and closer to feel dead on the inside. Pair that up with the fact that we seem to meet with failure or problems on a regular basis and we start to come and expect that is what will happen to us. We basically expect things to end horribly and for things to go poorly and well when you're that uncertain about yourself, its no wonder things don't work out. Life is tough and sure others have it harder than we do but that doesn't make it any easier for what the rest of us have to go through. People can say what they want about you man and make it out all they want about how selfish you are and how hateful you're being towards others as a result of your behaviour, but I know I was more wanting an out or a way to relieve myself of the suffering I was going through. It seemed like I was doing it intentionally to get attention from others when the attention I was seeking was really a guide to help me find what I was looking for only I didn't know what that was. Eventually though man if you want things to get better or if you want your life to change you gotta stop wishing for things to change and start looking at what you want changed. When you can take a moment to say you've had enough of everything and work to not deal with it anymore instead of looking for a way out to not deal with it, well then you're ahead and will eventually be capable of focusing on things you didn't think were possible before. I found people were often very self-absorbed in their own little world that all they could ever do was get mad at me and never see fault in their own behaviour. It wasn't necessary for my growth, but to change my mind I had to change myself and how I dealt with who I was. IT wasn't easy and I still felt very lost at the beginning, but I started looking for what I really wanted if I was alone in this world with all the time I could ever spend and enough money to never worry about running out of it again. When you begin asking yourself what you'd really want, start figuring out how to get it instead of being tempted to ask the question well how do I do it because our minds do better at finding solutions when we consciously try to figure out how to get it as opposed to just hoping the answer will come to us. I really can't expect my words to change your mind about anything, but I truly hope what I've said has spoken some truth and at least has done enough to help you open yourself up a bit and look at an aspect of you you may not have even had known was there after all these years.
  10. Well what I'd really want is not fully necessary as I want to feel desired. If I had to choose what I'd really like to see would be for her to be more intimate with me yes. I feel like when we kiss its not something she enjoys doing or what have you. Yet when she gets a little drunk she's making out with me. We've seen each other in our underwear, but nothing past that. Personally I don't have problems waiting for it as its already been nearly 4 years since the last time I got sexual with someone. So ya I'm impatient because of that lol but no its not like I am trying to push for it with her but more so that I'd like to, as I said, feel desired more intimately by her. To know she even considers me in that way because otherwise ya what AM I wasting my time for. The thought that she'd NEED drugs or booze just to get intimate with me is a scary thought and I'm not consider that as what's going on here. The way I see it is that she's not quite there yet for that and is needing time to relax a bit into it so not to ruin things by jumping into things too quickly. That's what I feel is the case and its only because I'm used to girls being all over me that this one has me self-conscience about it.
  11. joiseygrl, you got me laughing pretty good! how bout these: You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear. There's just one thing your eyes haven't told me yet....you're name. Will you play army men with me.. so I can blow the hell out of you? Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I? Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want? I lost my teddy bear will you sleep whith me? Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway. Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas? You ain't the HOTTEST guy here tonight, but beauty is only a light-switch away! You wanna come over to my place and play battleship? You can sink me with your submarine. You wanna play bakeshop and stuff my chocolate eclair with your Venetian Creme?
  12. Hmmm alright well I told her I'd drop it and I suppose I will. What makes me laugh though is that I was bugged so many times by ex's to "open up" and express myself and yet now it seems I'm the one having to ask THEM to open up and express themselves and they're the ones having a hard time with it lol. Personally I never discuss intimate details with friends, not even best friends I've known for most of my life. I make that a choice out of respect for the girl because hey she MIGHT be embarrassed about telling people and I don't want to assume I can just go out and tell everyone what me and ___ did last night like a bunch of wild animals. It's never been my style, but I joke around with them about other girls even though I'd never act on it while I'm with my current gf. As for this I had wondered if two months was early and maybe it is for her, I know that most of my ex's seemed to be ready for sex within 20minutes of being alone together lol and my first ever real girlfriend took a long while before we had sex, we were both 17 at the time and were doing lots of french kissing and dry humping before it lead to sex. With this one she's the first one I make an effort with. And maybe she sees it that way too and is trying to do the same thing by not jumping on things too quickly or ruining it by revealing too much. She's dated a lot of losers and she's had bad experiences with sex and I can't tell all the same if her attitude toward it now is that she's closed up about it because any chance at leading to it will bring up those experiences or if she's just not sexually attracted to me or something.
  13. By sexual history I meant her with her past partners and me with mine. I've only had sex with one person my entire life and I told her this. She was surprised by it as she figured I'd have ended up with way more than her. She said its been 7 guys. And when I asked her why its weird she went to "alright fine let's talk about you and (insert girls name)" I told her I had no problem doing that and told her it never went anywhere with her because I reserve intimacy for someone I truly care about. This girl I do care about. In fact she still remains the one girl I've ever cared so much about in my life. I've had no problems forgetting about other girls and even my ex had aspects of her personality I really couldn't stand even if we did get the chance to be together again. Its that she's entitled to her life and if she feels she has no need to be loyal in the realm of sex then I need to be ready for that. I'm only preparing myself in case it turns out SHE doesn't care about me, not the other way around. She told me that she had sex with her past partners within a few times of hanging out with them and this was AFTER I already made attempts to kiss her and see where things go. We barely do anything intimate and I don't quite get why she had sex with them but has such a hard time even kissing me let alone talking about the subject.
  14. I remember my first time. I was pretty nervous despite being really comfortable with her. It helped me to focus on bringing her pleasure and working on doing everything I could to fulfill that. What I didn't do was focus on the things that WOULD cause problems, you know: thinking about size, how good you are, how attentive you're being and anything else that involves any type of wondering. I find its MUCH better to just DO what you feel will get results and seeing how she reacts. Then when it comes time for her to work on you, enjoy it. Don't think about it and remember to BREATHE. That energy has to go somewhere and its better to circulate it throughout your body instead of having it come out in a spluge of semen. Also I find going slow helps (during foreplay and initially) for both of you. Girls like the gentle touch and it'll help you to get a hold of any nerves or anxiety you may be feeling at the time. As well as the chance to remind yourself to focus on giving and receiving pleasure as opposed to worrying about it all. best of luck mate and sex is something to experience with your body open to receiving its greatest pleasures.
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