itsallgrand

Yup, you are wasting your time and setting yourself up. You clearly want a serious commitment - he knows that. He doesn't want that. He's leaving his options open. These situations have a way of dragging on forever. Most likely; he won't suddenly decide one day that 'oh wow, i actually do want to commit just for her'. Doesn't really work that way. You could be Perfect and Divine; he doesn't want to commit and it has nothing to do with you. Your chance to decide if you are willing to wait around or look for someone who actually wants a serious relationship. take care

If she has already clearly very very clearly told him no., and I mean followed through and always ignored or said no, then the only thing to do now is to assume this person can not respect boundaries, and it may become more serious. She must change her number, email, whatever form he may connect with her. And if he still persists, then it is time to phone the cops.

Yeah, this is an easy one. lol. You need to sit the girl down and let her know you are concerned for her safety. Situations like this really can escalate quickly. Both of you need to take it more seriously. She is being pretty good, but she told him 'no' and he is violating her boundaries. That is WRONG. UNACCEPTABLE. She needs to take all the necessary measures to stop it. First thing: she needs to change her number, her email. Has this guy shown up around her at all? Has he come by the house?

I find it strange, but not necessarily meaning he is a freak or anything. lol. A guy once asked me, after the third date, to spend a weekend at his cabin. I liked him, but said no. I just didn't feel comfortable being out of my element and alone that much after spending so little time with someone. There were going to be other people there, but still. We hung out after that, and he was a cool guy. He had a different lifestyle tho. He was looking for something way more serious and 'fast' than myself. anyways, go with your gut. As always.

I think it would be enough. Most folks I know floss maybe once a year lol. If it bothers you though, just try to add a second brush into your routine. For myself, some days I brush once, other days twice. My teeth have always been good.

Hey. I've never been in that situation. But, what I would do is educate myself as much as possible about HIV. You would have to be extremely careful with precautions when it comes to sex. There is also his health to consider. If you fall in love with him, it could mean sticking by some unique challenges. Is he healthy and well right now? I would want to be fully informed about his condition. It's great that he was upfront with you. Best wishes.

Don't date guys/girls who have been through a breakup in the last year. lol. Ok, a little overcautious, but hey! If they speak about the ex within the first 2 months of knowing them/dating them, don't date 'em. We can't control how others feel, but we can not go for people who are obviously nursing a broken heart.

First of all, Congratulations! How exciting Yes, I do. lol. I first lived alone when I was 18. Pretty much had to learn by the school of hard knocks. My first suggestion is to enjoy yourself. I think every woman/man should live on their own before settling into a family. It is such a great experience for finding out about YOU. Your preferences, your patterns, your weaknesses. Have a plan of what you will be doing socially. It is easy to fall into a routine that can easily lead to loneliness. Decide within yourself how much time you want to commit to your friends and family right off the bat (and the bf if you have one). Practicalities: Do you have everything you need? If something needs fixing, do you know how to take care of it yourself or who to call/who will do it for you? Will you be cooking at home a lot - make a grocery list and a plan. Settle your finances. How far are you going to have to drive to get to the places you need...these sorts of things. Make house rules. Stick to them. What is acceptable in your place, what isn't. As far as dates/bf/friends: what are the 'rules'? Best to know beforehand so you don't fall into trouble. Try not to rely on others when possible. This is a time for you. But be reasonable: if you need something, it's okay to ask or call up someone. Those are just a few things. Man, it can be great living alone. It really can.

Dave, I know what you are talking about. That has been happening to me too. I find myself questioning my entire identity. It feels very ...disorientating. I feel very fragile. It hasnt been terribly long since I last saw the ex. I find myself thinking of him all the time. Even things that really never had anything to do with him..god, entire music genres and portions of life!...and I am finding associations between these things and him. It all makes me want him and feel for him. I got angry today bc a friend played me a popular song that triggered me off. I didn't want to hear it because I miss him and it made me feel like I was going to puke. The blood drained from my face. I don't know what to make of it all myself, but I just you to know you aren't going through this alone. You're pretty well my age and it seems a lot of people go through identity crisis' at this regardless of breakup or no. So, I don't think we're crazy. I hope you're feeling a bit better. Take care of you.

Well, this turned into a fun thread! You scored as Buddhism. Buddhism 75% agnosticism 75% Paganism 75% Hinduism 58% Satanism 54% Islam 50% Judaism 46% atheism 38% Christianity 33% I had a tie breaker question between three religions. I like that.

daveUK, In the end you must follow your own heart and mind on this. If this is what you want, and you think it can work, go for it and Forget What Others Say (behind your back and to your face). Of course some people are going to think you are a pervert. People love to talk, gossip, judge. You could choose to date a woman your own age and still get pervert comments. There is always something to pick at. Do you think of yourself as a pervert?

Thanks, Alabama. Sometimes it feels good to vent. I'm still learning to put myself up high on the list. take care

Find it difficult to accept kindness? Since my break, yes, I have been so raw. It's as though my shell has been broken. It's scary. It's odd. It is usually easy for me to extend a hand. I don't mind if people cry in front of me, if they get angry or malicious, if they are sad. I like giving what I can. I feel like I can take it. Bounce, bounce, easy to repel these things and do what needs to be done. I've even made a living out of it. Being the one who speaks for others. I never consciously decided it. If I did, I can't remember when it became autopilot. I have no trouble speaking my mind. My heart is a whole other matter. It is no so easy to speak from the heart. Mind and heart integrated: uneasy balance at this time. The pieces are shifting. I watch myself lately. I am like some weird loner. I can socialize fine. Some people even find me charming. So why do I avoid companions. My actions speak of a person who wants to be left alone. I will show up for you, but don't you show up for me. I don't quite get it. I do want others to show up for me. I know I need to do something about this. Fragile. Since I last saw the ex, I have felt like a raw bud that has been exposed. I'm not too comfortable with this bud, nor do I know what to think of it. It feels much easier to sit alone and understand this. In the presense of people, it doesn't take long for autopilot to switch on. I watch. It doesn't take a lot before I shut down. I'm wondering what to do with myself. I can't just hole up not interact with people. I feel like I could write a thousand pages and still go on. Just being slow, noticing, not speaking. It feels like such an effort to speak out loud right now. It's not how I normally am. I have been talking much slower. More deliberate. People will look at me funny, as though impatient that i have not reacted. I'm not sure how I feel without going super slow. Can't say I enjoy it too much, but neither do I dislike it. My question is: How do I take care of myself and not neglect those around me? what needs to be done? I find myself not wanting to answer the phone. I reply late. I can't bring my self into time with the world. It seems so fast. Speed dial. ahh if only i could retreat to a monastery or something right now! lol. If you've read this far, thank you. Any comments, tips, or tales of experience welcome! mainly needed to say that without saying it

I'm learning *Holding a guard is pointless. Love deeply and without reservation *Love is not about sacrificing oneself like a lamb to the slaughter. It is sharing all that we have. *All we have to share is our selves. To give anything else is delusion - it is not ours. *I am a spiritual person who didn't know it. *No love is a waste. *Forgetting and forgiveness is an art worth practise *Heart is more important to me than ideals.

How about staying with a friend for a while? So you can decide what to do. IMO, NC is important. Have you ever lived alone before? If you choose to live alone right away, it might become very tempting to get back in contact with the ex. You would need to have a 'safety plan' in place: full schedule, keeping busy so you don't get too lonely or pine over the ex. Suddenly, he'll be coming 'round to your place to pick you up. Then that turns into hanging out. Next thing you know he's staying the night. On the other hand, living alone can be an extremely liberating experience. You can do whatever you please. With roomates, you'd have some buffer and it would be a situation you are familiar with.

My opinion: Run! It doesn't bode well of him to be with you in front of his son. His son shouldn't even know you exist (nothing against you, it's about putting his kid first). Kissing you in front of his son. Whoa. I don't know the entire deal, but this smacks of a man who is not putting his child first. I find that unattractive and unfortunate.

I would pick to love. That way, even though the pain sucks massively, at least I learn something and can be happy in the opening. It's way worse for me to feel like i can't love another.

lol SxyLady ...that's the magic I was talking about I thought of another thing about dancing: The fact that is you and him out on the dance floor..with people looking on or watching or merely the fact of it being public. Public display of affection and sexuality. Public display of the man being proud to be seen with you. And when a man dances well, it can be really exciting to watch the other women staring at him. lol. This could be just me. There's also the rush of seeing a man so involved with his physicality, expressing himself so freely...the is beautiful.

haha that's funny. I'm going through my crisis right now, but luckily no one has to bear the brunt any longer. Flying high..over and out.

I love it when a guy will dance with me bc it is sexy! Have you ever seen any of the cheesy chick flicks 'dirty dancing' that sort of thing? Dance can be a form of foreplay that can not be achieved in any other way. It can be so intense. I think the saying about how good a lover someone will be based on how good a dancer they are is grounded in this idea. But the thing is; it's not even the technical skill that is the huge turn-on. It's the level of intimacy and closeness you can reach while dancing with someone. grrrr....! BTW: I adore dancing. No big surprise, right? There have been instances where I've 'battled' against men on the dance floor....and that was crazy sexy in a very unique way. Almost like a competition of who is hotter! lol. All dancing is good - and dance lessons are simply crawling with females that would fall all over any guy with enthusiasm to learn and dance. You get to touch each other within socially acceptable terms; in intimate ways.

He may very well be attracted to your soft spoken nature. I often see old married couples where one is a gabber and the other one is a listener. Seems to work for a lot of folks!

That's great that you ended on a good note. Leaves things open for the future, if that becomes a possibility. You seem to be doing really well. It's a painful spot to be in. It's like...the control is out of our hands...and we just have to live our lives and see what happens. I had the same attitude as you. You never quite know what your feelings will be until it happens. In the meantime, enjoy yourself. i sincerely hope things work out for you in a way that brings you happiness

haha. Well, in 4 months she will be 18, so that would be legal right? As for the lying, it was fairly minor. Still, she wanted you to believe she was of age for a relationship ....which she is not. That would make me a bit leery. That's an immature move right there. I don't have much raahraah for situations like this. It's your choice. Obviously though, there will be complications. I think to when I was 17-18. I was mature *girls mature faster*. Still, the notions in the head of a girl that age are very different from what you may believe. She's still a girl. good luck

No, I haven't done that. I've had it happen to me tho. The ex came back after NC saying he made a mistake. You're doing right by going NC. She is obviously confused as to what she wants. I personally hate when people do this - I mean, with good reason. It's not fair to expect 'us' to be there for them while they figure things out. If it was space asked for, like if they stated 'i need time to date other people and find out what i want', it would be kinder...at least, i feel. anyways, sorry to rant. Yes, the ex could come back. Then the question would be "do you want her after what she done?" best wishes

Sounds like you're confused and not sure what you want? The girl may not want your friendship now, and if that is how she feels, you need to just let that be. I'm betting she was starting to care for you and was hurt by your rejection of her. If she 'hates' you, you need to find a way to be cool with that. So, don't worry about that. Consider her basically out of your life - at the very least until you figure out what you want and if you are going to be with ex/ or available. tc