habitual_loser

I gotta agree. You've got plenty of time to run around giving blowjobs later in life. I don't think the age of consent is below 14 in any state in the US, which means you could be putting yourself and this friend of yours in legal peril if you go through with it.

For once, Star Trek has something useful on the subject. Once you've successfully acknowledged the fact that you're attracted to him, you've got the ability to do something about it. If you don't want to get involved with him and ruin his current relationship, then be extra careful not to. Maybe make an effort to spend a bit less time with him and a bit more with other friends, or making extra sure you're not making advances, acting jealous towards his gf, and making sure you two never wind up alone until the crisis is over. Even if that's as innocent as dropping him off at home after you and your friends went out for a movie!

Life is too interesting to get caught up in your parental difficulties. My advice, since they sound like understanding folks with a good spending budget, is to enjoy life with your friends and concentrate on your studies rather than worrying about being priveledged. You can't do anything about who your parents are, and you shouldn't let people guilt trip you about it. If you feel like contributing to the world, do so. If you don't, have fun and make sure it's with friends. There are three things you will remember distinctly when you're old and gray like me (heh.) Good meals, time spent with friends, and if you're very, very lucky, a few tender moments with someone you love. Having parents with loose rules right now may seem like a bad deal to you - for whatever reason - but think 10 years forward looking 10 years back at the cool oportunities you have to effortlessly go see plays, concerts, eat good food, and have friends over on a Friday night to watch a dvd on your high definition TV. Hell, you could spend an entire summer reading fantasy novels or Oscar Wilde and your parents would probably be pleased. I know you're envious of other people, but until you learn to appreciate the merits of your own lifestyle, I don't advise making drastic changes to it. As for the women: you've had a longterm crush and a spur of the moment relationship with someone interesting you met. You're 15 - that's pretty damn good for a reserved lad like yourself. It sounds trite, but you are going to do just fine at finding someone. Wrestler-girl may eventually snap out of it. 5-year crush-girl may suddenly approach you. Girl you've known for half your life but suddenly realized is really, really interesting may show up at your doorstep. You honestly don't know what the future holds, but if your past has any bearing on the future, you've got absolutely nothing to worry about. So relax and go fill up on lobster bisque.

I'm dissatisfied with the work I do. Not with working - the work that I do. I'm doing what I always dreamed about, too. I am good at what I do - really, astoundingly good - but I can't get around the fact that I don't like who I'm doing it for, don't approve of all the beurocratic nonsense I have to deal with at work ( I don't belong where I am, but I won't be ready to apply to grad schools for at least one full year from now, after which I won't actually be able to attend a school until probably the next fall. That means I'll be working where I am for 2 years. And hating it. How do you deal with the kind of profound dissatisfaction that I'm feeling for 2 full years after you've comitted yourself to quitting? It astounds me that I could make this huge a mistake. I'm already feeling the stress of my situation - I can't sleep, have lost all my appetite, and am generally displeased with where I am. I'd say I am depressed, but I've BEEN depressed before, so I know better. I feel like I'm being imprisoned by my paycheck and actively working against moving forward with my life. So the question I pose is - how the hell do you find a sustainable way to blow off steam for 2 years? My productivity outside of work seems to be propotional to how good I feel, so what can I do to leave work not feeling stressed about today, yesterday, or tomorrow?

Good relationships are built on trust. That having been said, jealousy is inevitable, so you might as well get it over with and go see your friend at his party, making sure you're up front about it with your boyfriend. Just don't stay longer than you said you would, go see him afterwords and bring a 'peace offering'. You know, a coke or a chocalate covered strawberry or something. It seems like such a small thing, but stuff like that goes a long way. On the other hand, if it's a stressful time maybe it's not the best time to do things that might break the relationship. Breaking people of their jealousy habits sounds like risky business.

Absolutely I think gay people should be able to get married and adopt and have children, subject to the same restrictions as straight folks. Marriage is about two separate things - the legal bit and the label. If they were _recognized_ as two separate things we wouldn't have a debate about it at all. For some reason, gay-marriage opponents tend to take offense at the idea that it might be clearer to think of it as just-a-contract as far as the state is concerned and let people deal with the social bit. As for kids, straight people can be monsters, as the news has shown you. When ignorant people stop thinking of gays as demons and child molesters, I think they may recognize that gays can have long, stable, happy relationships, can be financially sound, and can make excellent parents. It's kind of hard to be have family and not pick up any parenting skills during the whole 'growing-up' part of your life.

Thanks for sharing it. It's a shame that some people can't get the pronouns right, especially your friend. Everyone gets their buttons pushed from time to time, but if mine were pushed virtually every day I think I'd go nuts. Sounds like you've got a positive outlook, to boot.

If your boyfriend were the praying sort of Christian, you probably wouldn't offend him from the religious content of the message. However, I would fully expect him to be bombard you with scathing criticism for your pathetic parochial attitudes. And he would be right to do so. However, your boyfriend is NOT the religious type. On top of the unreasonable, insulting content in the rest of the letter, you are also demanding he take up tha practice of praying to your god. I don't even have words to express how insulting, hurtful, and irritating hearing that from somebody he cares about would be. When you've either found a way to gather the chutzpah to break it off with your boyfriend because he ACTUALLY did something CONCRETELY unfaithful, or grown stones enough to realize that your religious convictions as displayed here are incompatible with his, or found a healthier outlet for your insecurities - insecurities which EVERYBODY has and learns to deal with (most of the time) - maybe then you will understand that love is insecurity and vulnerability, trusting somebody beyond what your rational, fearful mind says. It's about kindred spirits and different viewpoints, hot, spirited debate without fear leaving things unsaid, and learning to respect the different aspects of one-another's characters. Break up with him, for his sake. He deserves much better than this. Then find someone more compatible with you, or open your eyes and start examining your values more closely. Read Catullus's collected poems - all of it, including the ones not normally printed, Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest, some Shakespeare, Ecclesiastes (That's right - an atheist who thinks that Ecclesiastes is the most worthy part of the Bible). Listen to Mozart's Die Zauberfloete, Beethoven's Eroica, Vivaldi's Spring. Watch Casablanca, Solaris, Gattaca, Modern Times, High Fidelity, Cowboy Bebop. Learn to drive stickshift, to bake pears. Read fantasy novels. Pay attention to myth as much as history, and pay as much attention to what you're experiencing as to how and why you are reacting to it the way you are. It's a beautiful world out there and all of us are wrong about most of the things we hold to be true. The greatest adventure is in exploring life, not mandating that it conform to your broken standards. Good luck.

I still think a lot about a girl I dated 6 years ago. Some people just stay with you, I guess. With time he'll mean less to you, and eventually you'll find someone else. Maybe you'll still be thinking about this guy after that relationship ends. Best advice I have is to try and not let it interfere with you finding happiness. Don't get in any relationships if you can't be fair to the other person.

Stop defining yourself by how you think others might see you. You'll be much, much happier in the long run.

People have to adapt to changing situations. You weren't being fair to your friend or the guy when you decided to break it off because it was damaging your friendship - being a third wheel sucks but it's better than holding a grudge against a friend because they don't have faith in the strength of your friendship. And maybe this is the fallout. Now go find a way to make it work.

WTF does smell have to do with anything? Sheesh. I really doubt you need to worry about it. People have been blowing cannabis smoke at their pets' faces for a long time. If you're worried about lung cancer or something tell your friend not to do it again. It's pretty non-toxic - and people have been trying to overdose animals on the stuff for a decade or four to show marijuana is unsafe - without success. Just let your kitty chill and tell your friend not to do it again. She could get paranoid or jumpy or something, so I'd just let her be for a while.

Horror is Comedy. It takes a little warming up to realize that - I'd suggest trying to break the sissy in slowly. Army of Darkness, followed by Evil Dead 1 and 2 should cure him of his horror inhibition. Also, watch the Japanese version of the Ring ( リング [Ringu] ) when he's up to it. It's much slower, but is far better executed. After that, maybe a little Hitchcock - Shadow of a Doubt. Just be sure to try and spook him really well after the movies.

Yeah, that's right, I've said it. The challenges you had during your relationship are still going to be there after you've broken up, but at least you don't have to deal with them when you don't want to. If you can deal with jealousy, learn to identify problems, and do a good job of making sure you two don't wind up drunk and alone in your apartment, you're probably in good shape. The fact is that after 4 years you've made a lasting relationship with someone. Maybe you're not right for each other, whatever. The fact is you've integrated yourselves into each others lives. As long as you two can pursue your lives on your own, I can't see why you wouldn't want to check in with each other and see how you're doing, even hang out from time to time. It's hard, yeah, but the fact is that when you know somebody that you have strong admiration for, you're MISSING OUT on an interesting thing in life. I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not even saying it's a good idea to maintain a friendship after a breakup. I'm not saying maintaining friendships with ex's isn't going to come back and bite you in the arse someday. All I'm saying is that when you finally do accept that it's okay for you to explore the wide world of Other People, it's still nice to know that you've got people out there who know you and respect you for trying to keep tabs on them from time to time. It makes everyone feel a little less alone in the world. And from a slightly more cold-hearted standpoint, keeping a few potential mates on stand-by gives you a substantially better chance of picking an optimal mate. Think of it this way - you're driving on the highway looking for a good deal on gas, since your tank is kinda low. If you can 'cache' gas-stations [carry them around in your pocket] instead of not being able to turn around and go back to that sweet deal 50 miles back, you're going to be much more pleased with the outcome.

Hanging out, believe it or not, is a DIFFICULT activity. Think about it. You'll always find it a lot easier to chill with friends or people you don't know if you have some excuse, be it a board game, a movie, alcohol, seats to a concert, or some sort of competition. Can it work? Sure. As long as people aren't actively resisting meeting new people there's no reason to think it can't work out. Just don't force it and try to take things slowly.

Punishment hardly seems like an effective way to tackle the problems behind self-injury. If your therapist was somehow complicit in whatever punishment your mother laid on you, I would completely understand your reluctance to bring it up with her. What's the story there? Trust is the foundation of that relationship, and if the trust isn't there, and you have good reason not to trust him/her, then I would seriously consider discretely and cautiously enlisting some outside help from a friend. Either way, keep seeing your therapist. It'll make your mother feel like she's not powerless, it may turn out your therapist is not misguided or duplicitous, and you can still talk to a friend.

Say hi. Then start babbling. Dont worry about the fact you've now made a complete idiot of yourself. A complete idiot is probably like three or four steps higher than someone who doesn't talk to her. And if you did better than 'complete idiot' - well, congratulations! Now next time you talk to her it won't be so awkward. Listen to Weezer's El Scorcho once or twice and then go talk to her at the bus stop. Should put you in silly-enough but hopefull mood to grow you a couple of testicles. Not that mine have done me any good or netted me any delightful bus-stop girls.

If you're just looking to have some senseless fun and part ways, sure. Physical attraction is the end all and be all - but even then it's not all asses and tits. You gotta look at the WHOLE picture. If you're looking for something more long term, and you're an arrogant bastard like i am, you gotta look for something a bit more elusive - someone who impresses you, who you can live vicariously through without squashing her goals in life. Someone with an amazing ability to read people, or absurdly smart in some way you're not, but not so much in areas you like to consider your strong point that you lose your confidence in them. When it comes down to it, if you can respect someone, you're more willing to talk. If you're more willing to talk, there's a higher expectation of trust. I guess there are lots of pitfalls, but those are the biggies. As far as 'spiritual beauty' goes, that's crap. Find someone who challenges your beliefs and who makes you want to be a better person - whatever that means to you. And who you can be with without feeling guilty. Either way, you sound like the harmless fun type of guy. In 6 months you'll probably be several times better informed than me on all of this stuff.

You should take UTI's seriously. Just because you don't experience symptoms anymore doesn't mean you're free of infection. A friend of mine has had something nasty for a while and wound up with a kidney infection and was in very poor shape. Took two rounds of antibiotics to knock that one out, she told me. I myself got a prostate infection after more than a year of inactivity. That was on and off for two months before the antibiotics kicked it to the curb. Just cause you got a UTI doesn't mean you got it from sex, oral or otherwise.

Nonsense. No such thing as the right path. Evaluate where you are in life, where you might be headed, how you might get there, and decide if that's good enough that you expect to be happy. If so, great. If not, then you're either on a 'wrong' path, or hard to satisfy. When it comes down to it though, life throws curveballs and has a mean left hook. You're the best person to ask what's right for you. Tomorrow you could meet a girl, a guy, a puppy, and it could change your outlook on everything. If this 'gap' you speak of bothers you, either ignore it or worry about it till you no longer care or have come up with a something to blame for your dissatisfaction. If you think chasing that will improve your life and is more important tthan your comfort, go for it. Otherwise, try to lean back and enjoy the scenery.

This is kind of a bizarre one, but I'm sure we've all thought about it and I'm sure some of us have done it. Instead of just finding some excuse to talk to someone, get to know each other, and eventually ask him/her out, or asking for her number, or buying her a drink, or paying a compliment, has anyone here ever really gone off the deep end to impress a girl or guy? And I guess this also covers random acts of kindness, and failed attempts. Like, serenading a girl loudly and in public. Walked purposefully up to a random girl and given her a flower in a smooth sort of way. Invited a complete stranger to Madagascar [the country, not the movie]. Hell, you're only young enough to live dangerously once. And whereas I am a total wimp when it comes to theatrics, some people at there are made of far sterner stuff. What's your story?

Find something that can hold your attention, like Anne McCaffrey novels or Harry Potter or Doom3, creative writing, Latin, or a sketchbook. It's not just escapism; you'll come to better understand the stuff that bothers you when you stop worrying about them so much. Find outside interests that ditzy, vapid, little harpies like those people who bullied you before won't be drawn to. Don't attempt revenge if you start to get bullied again. The result is never good. Find some new friends. Don't be quick to judge people, the lamest group of people around often turn out to be some of the best friends you could hope for later in life. In my 23 years, finding that group of friends rather than dealing with obnoxious crap from other, cooler kids when I was about your age is one of the best two choices I ever made. As for dealing with the issues, talking with a shrink is always an option. If that's what'll make you feel the most comfortable, find a way to make it happen on your own terms. A parent who turns down a 13 year old girl's request to see a shrink about self-esteem and anger issues is a bad parent. Nobody has to know, either... to this day, I don't think anybody knows that I was seeing one once a week for a while around your age.

The light, sustained contact thing [here: knee-to-knee] has only failed against me once, when the girl who did it was dating a friend of mine. If he's a lonely shy type it's like shooting fish in a barrel, he'll definitely get the message, but he may not act on it. Of course, you need an excuse, which is probably pretty easy in a bar. You could always sort of go halfway and invite him out for coffee or to do something with you has some personal significance - running (feel free to leave him in the dust), community service (if that's your thing), baking cookies... The personal space that you normally keep other people out of is like a currency. It's not as safe as a movie, but if you have real issues with confronting the guy outright, this could get you some headway without sacrificing your desire to be asked out. And if he's not into it, screw him, because a guy who can't let you be you and at least feign interest in the things that mean a lot to you isn't a guy you should be wasting time on.