freedom

hi UnBreakableSpirit, Youae going to have to. Best sit them down and say "i have something important to tell you, {long pause}, we received a phone call from sis conceller and he said that sis is trying to hurt herself in a bad way. I think u should talk to him about it soon. Now about your sister, i was there, you would not see that i was going thru a tough time but when i went to boarding school away from family and friends, it was a different environment, a stressful and fearful enviorment. Partly created by the school environment and partly create by me myself. I suppose i had to come to terms that i saw the worldin a certain way but being in my school the world went against most of tyhe things i believed in and i could not control it. I got frightened. So i self hurt understanding her perspective is important. being supportive is important. it is important that u dont look less of her. Just understand.. oped i help a little

progresss .. what progress .. things hasnt changed .. cray about each other... want to hang ot.. blah blah blah... i dont want to get married yet and neither does she... so we are as far as it can go... only that we stil learning about each other... So, wht the hell is "taking it slow about??"

What is it when someone says "LET BOTH TAKE IT SLOW" good grief... bith have been running 100miles/hours and know how crazy and emotionally attached you ar to oneanother. then all of a sudden the sentence it slow" comes up. Now dont mistake me... i dont see the mariage thing when travelling at 100ile/hour BUT i would rather travel 100miles/hour and roll with it then to have a sudden brake and pretend that everything is fine and dandy seeing and hearing less of each other. Sorry i just dont get this "Lets take it slow thing." the only thing i see is the person saying it wants more control in the relationship. That my opinion ... whats yours.

HI nurmalpickle74, Well, you have to remember that your insecurities ARE YOUR insecurities... Having him change for u does not solve any problem. DOes it?? because in the long run u still have the insecurities and trust issues. You have to understand that insecurities stems from being afraid of something. The only way u cn solve this problem is looking t yourself and finding the stem of the problem and accepting the fear or basically conquering it It is a big challenge especailly when u come out of an abusive relationship and a cheating relationship. I suggest that maybe u have to change your point of view about relationships, accept the fact that u weren't the victim in your past relationship, u choose to be in your last relationship and u made a bad choice to stay in at for as long as u did. That was our fault, The fact the the cheating and abuse that went on wasnt your fault, it was your ex's short falling. Understand that. Now about your new Bo, well he doesnt have to sms, emal call you on time, it would be nice that he does it once in a while but u are now putting requirements on him so u dont feel insecure. NOT fair is it. doesnt lead to a good relationship. U basically want him to cater for your trust and insecurities issues. He can be considerate towards you but he doesnt have to change for you because the problem isnt his, it is yours. So, my only advice to you is accept that you are going to have to face your problems yourself, he can be there to support but it isnt fair for him to have to change for u. In the end the only way out of this is you yourself making the responsible decision to CHOOSE to help yourself. Now remember, life is about choices. Love is about choices, only people that doesnt want to make choices suffer in the long run as they make themselves the VICTIM. You can help yourself by consiously making decisions in your life. As someone has said above, love is about risk that YOU take. You can choose in yourself to accept what is accepted behavious and what isnt, you can say that 'I' will not tollerate being abused and 'I' will walk away at what ever point. that is making a CHOICE. 'I' will not tollerate being cheated on and i can accept that someone might flirt with him. notice that what i havebeen saying is you have to take control of your life and not put him in the position of controlling what makes you happy. extreme co-dependency relationships leads to abuse occasionly. Sorry for being so harsh.

i am in the media industry... the question u should be asking is whether u have the passion for it... it is a hard industry to be in. what art ofthe industry do u want to be in? And i joke u not.. security and media idustry do not go hand in hand. tell me more and i will see if i can help u out.

flipping games

Hi all, OK here is my vent. people being indecisiive. You know what?? There is always going to be a better one out there, the aim is to find one that suits you, and that you and your partner can live togethr and be happy. Shopping for a better one doesnt mean that u will do better, relationships are not about shopping, it is about choice. When people look at relationships and keep looking fo the better one then you are basically going to start hurting ppl that u care about and you will hurt the ppl that care about you. I suppose what i am saying is this, when you go into a relationship u make a decision, stick it or leave it, dont stick in it for the sake of being in a relationship, that just frigging hurts. As soon as you know the person u are with isnt the one let it go. Dont wait for something beter to come along first. Frigging decided and be responsible, you are not messing wih your life only, you are messing around with someone that cares about you, so have some frigging respect for others and then have respect for you self!!!. And anouther thing, having someone wait for a decision isnt frigging fair, it is extremely unfair to put someone through that. The only person that is not going through any torture is the person that is making the decision, whilst the other partner self esteme is going thru crap. Can't you people out there understand that??? It is a sick game to play!!. indecisionl really does damage that will take along time to heal if ever! PLease PLease people out there, stand up, do the right thng,make a decision! after all,if you can make a decision to go to bed and to have a 'relationship' with someone then be matured enough to be able to make to decision to END it if it needs be.

Thanks for the reply, Yes i can say it is a self esteme thing, I hate the fact that the "virus" has been passed to me! When i talk about virus i mean that when relationship is distroyed by someone elses insecurities and that insecurity is somehow it is passed on. I got to somehow shake this off, it isnt good for me, my relationships current and in the future.

ok .. if it is a bad experience thing, such as betrayal of trust, how do u get over it? And no she doesnt know striaght out, i think she suspects it though, and i am not going to say it striaght out as i would see it very unattractive to the opposite sex. I would see it as unattractive... Maybe later.... but not now.. any ideas on how to control it? time of date less then 6 months.

Hi, Have a question, i have realized over time that i am getting obsessed with my relationship. It takes up all my head space and pulls at y insecurites. In my previous relationships i have never been so insecure in my life, but only resently i developed insecurities towards women. I will be prefectly fine around women, even in the initial dating periods, but as soon as it start to get a little more serious i get really insecure and very bloody sensitive. Does anyone have any ideas why? is it an age thing? is it a gender thing? Wht is it? I have been hurt badly before my current relationship so maybe that is what scares me... I actually break out in cold sweat in the middle of the night.

Hey this may sound a little stupid to some but here is my story, I have been in the relationship with this women for some months now and when she did decide not to have the relationship it torn me apart, but then here comes the cruel part, she wanted to be friends, so we bounced on and off again for a few months later. It farther ripped me apart till i had to go see a shrink cause i developed suisidal tendercies. Anyway, i had a really hard tie getting over it, i am still on contact with her. To the point, emotionally i have been battered to the ground, i have nothing left, not even my self worth and self esteem. I had nothing, i advice many has given you of NO CONTACT is a good one, but to really get over it you have to do some self reflection. For me i took me a rough camping trip to see a waterfall, the journey was 9-10 hours one way in a mini bus, it was a long journey, we climb a small mountain to see the sun rise with 12 other men, (no romanic at all and probably the last thing i would have wanted to see), we were on a truck on a rough road for 2 more hours and reached my base camp. Setup the 4 men tent and the kitchen tent. We then went for a hike to search for a smaller water fall and got lost, another 2 hours, we ended up finding our way back to base camp where i said forget it i am soaking in the river, which i did. Dinner, long slow process, the camp leader wasn;t experience. Tent poles broke and it rain so i got wet. i had no sleeping bag so i slept outside where i was attacked by mosqitoes ad sand flies. 7am wake up itching frm hell, 8am hike to the main falls. 2 hours later i expected to see the HUGE torrid stream of water falling from the top of the cliff, instead i saw a spit of water. Very disapointed. 2 hours later after a swim the bottom of the water fall we headed back. I was way ahead and very disappointed with this trip. I made it to the bottom of the track and sat in the river, it then dawned upon me. Life is not about the expectations, it is about the journey. I had the expectation the first fall was going to be a fantastic and we got lost, i expected to the a huge fall, i saw a spit. the journey was 39 hours of travel and lost hiking and sleep out of a 50 hour trip. That mean i spent only 11 hours at location. Now that was a HUGE disappointment! i then applied the theory "life is a journey it has it ups and downs but focus on the journey and not the expectations". It hit me, it was an exciting trip with disappointments but it was a trip that brought me to this journey. It was an experience. Dont take things to heart, accept that life is a journey with it's ups and downs, just accept that life is a journey and yuou will feel much better. i know that it is easily said and extremely hard to do, but accepting life as the way it is with ups and downs, enjoy the ride and not try to control it. COntrolling it is basically tryig to get your ex back or controlling your actions around him. Stop the controlling and life is already enjoyable, accept that life is a journey, then you will see happiness.

that she has moved on and wants to rub it in your face. I would say, keep acting like a friend but dont give her a chance to continue rubbing it in your face. Talk to her if you bump into her but don't allow her to come to your work place or your home and rub it in. It only makes her feel better and possible make you feel like shiiieeet. You doing the right thing by not reacting, just remove the other opportunities for her to make you question your emotions or confuse you.

Here is my problem for a change, i have been attracted to a woman for quite a few months. We both have said that we were interested. But unfortunately, she just came out of a long term relationship and decided that she was not interested in a relationship. She just wanted tobe single. So for a few onths we went thru a on off relationship that she could make her mind up. We unfortunately have a communication level that far exceeeded hat of both other previous relationship. She people said that we were soulmates. Anyway, this went on for months and i coldnt take it, in fact i went into depression. I decided that this could carry on and deicdied to move on with my life. I et a new group of people and eveything startt o pull together gain. i realized my problem and accepted that i ws the way i was and could live a life of someooe elses expectation and i could have expectation of this woman. So dicided to have no realationship, get a new group. Everything ws oving along fine. Only probem is that i invite a mate that know this girl for clubbing with a few friend from the new group. Next minute, this women wss there with us! she infilrated my new group. I just can't get rid of her in my life!!! i want to move on but this is becoming rediculus! I cant get her out of my life!.. Bloody helll everytime i see her i am in pain. Why cant i just not see her anymore. Every new friend i make she is there and becomes her friend, it was not by introduction. it is just the way it is. i am so fustrated that no matter what i do i cant get rid of her, she quincidentally join my new group. WHat the???? Fustration o having spend time wih an ex. DOes this look like fate.?

ROFL.. hey good to hear that you are completely over him and still Laughing!!! It usually takes something like a article on MSN to realise that you have done something really stupid. For me, i realised what the person i liked started really acted suspicious and asked me what i was doing at certain time to make sure that i as not in the same area as her. MMMWAAAHAHAAHAHAH! The thing about it is that i wasnt even stalking but the whole incident slapped me accross that face and made me realise that there is a fine line between have a huge crush and stalking! now i look back, i cringe but i still grin

did i call you weak?

This is a hurt game. No one wins, everyone losses. You care for him much more then he cares for you. Love is never equal. That you will evenually realise is true. The question is this, "When is it time to pull out? The answer, when the balance becomes so Tilted that you only do damage to yourself emotionally and physically. My friend, that is something that you have to figure out and draw the line out for yourself of how much abuse you can take. Remember this is emotional abuse. You have the method now go figure out your answer.

It is not whether i am ready to be selfless. It is to share with others out there which have been through this and see that is it not the ex's fault all the time. But to look within and realise that we all have short fallings. There are relationships that we put ourselves through. We use the term "losing ourselves" when in reality we didnt lose ourselves, we gave it up because we werent selfish enough to build and groom our own character whilst in the relationship. We grew lazy and assumed that the 'other half' character will suppport us as a couple. Not so.

Here is something for you to think about. When is there a need for one to choose selfishness over selflessness? As we have always been taught to be selfless, to be good, considerate, loving to the ppl that are important to us and to put others before ourselves, we (in general) have been conditioned by our elder generation to limit our self growth. I, as many of us have given ourselves to the person we love with no holds barred only to be rejected and tossed out without a thought of what we have given up. OURSELVES. People that receive love like this does appreciate it, Love just becomes taken for granted. I was told somewhere that being in love with someone requires you to accept that you will be taken for granted. So the question is, When is there a need for one to choose selfishness over selflessness? My theory now is that you should never give yourself up in any relationship. Who you are is why the other person is attracted to you. You have to build your character and hold on to it and never give it up. Be selfish not selfless. Never compromise as it is there where others will take you for granted. NOW, why do i sound like a real selfish bastard after saying that? I have gotten 'lost' by not giving myself up but by living someone elses life other then that of my own. My character was not at fault but my wellingness to hld on to what i believe was right and wrong. I suppose it simply says that i have a weak character and that i have to build who i am before i can be selfless. So to conclude, to be able to handle love with its responsibilities, one needs to be selfish with their character. They must never compromise their character to be with someone that doeesnt appreciate their character at face value. Strenght with ones character is what the attraction is all about, if ever the character is lost the relationship is lost.

i understand the you feel Jaded by his family, but it is funny how people can start to make up things just to justify their actions. In all reality they dont have anything to dislike you about. Yes you havent changed so people will have to somehow justify their action. How stupid does it sound, "i dont like her cos my brother doesn't like her anymore.." sounds stupid doesnt it? I suppose that is human nature to protect their loved ones and at the same time try not look too stupid doing so. Ps. I know that i am sometimes a little blunt but i do hope you feel better, just vent to us.

blood has always been thicker then water. You cannot expect them to remain your family. They are his family. They have to support him. If they support you it would be a conflict of their family interest. Some people are able to get past it, but that is up to your ex to get past it and it is up to your ex to tell his family to get past it. They were never your friends, they were part of your family that just had a breakup. You will have to build your friendship with them if you want it. Sorry if i sound harsh.

ok..this is my 2 cents worth from what i have read. you are young and not ready to settle down. You dont want the burden of having a child right now. You dont want to be caught in a situation of your child and you not having a family unit..ie husband/father. You dont want the responsibility of a family unit right now. BUT you enjoy sex with your partner. I think by approaching this from knowing what your issues are you might solve your problems. 1. abstain from having sex (which i understand is not what you really want to do) 2. Both of you sit down and talk about responsibilities. like what happens IF you get pregnant? Will he stay round? Will he be responsible? will you guys get married? is abortion and option? Having safer sex? him using a condom and you taking the pill. etc The whole aim of the discussion is about you feeling secure that you will not fall pregnant at this point of your life. It has to be a trueful discussion. And you will have to find out within yourself what you are fearful of, and finding ways to avoid or minimize the risk. Also have a discussion about what happens if you do get pregnant. It WILL scare you and HIM but i think that is something that you want to know yourself. hope this helps

yeah i would agree...

NC = no contact

self respect. gezz even i have problems with that one. people talk about bounderies, borders etc. for me i think it is not so much about setting bounderies for someone else. it is setting bounderies for yourself. Knowing what is important in your life and listing them down. Knowng that, ask yourself questions that will challenge what is important to you. You will quickly learn what is important to you and know what you won't compromise on, because it compromises your family or self worth.(let me tell give you a hint, NOTHING should be of greater value then YOUR SELF WORTH.) Questions like will i sell myself to prosititution? will i let other abuse me? will i let my Bf talk down to me? etc You will also learn that you may put certain bounderies on yourself so you don't cross it. That is called self control. I think by knowing your self worth your self esteem will grow and then you will understand what self respect means. There will be times that ppl challenge your self worth, you then have to step back and reasess and simply say YES or NO. That maybe the hard part, I think that if you can say, "no what you are asking from me is not what i agree with, sorry i would like to help but it is against my principles" People will respect you more if you can stand up and say what you think and what you stand by. my 2 cent worth

Funny thing about relationships as a whole. At the point of moving from a friendship to a deeper relationship there is much confusion emtionally, there are times when the head takes control and realises that it won't work. Thus the saying, "i want to be good friends with you and not more", further expanding on that senerio, when one person falls in love whilst the other logically and mentally doesn't causes an emotional tension between the 2 ppl. One which knows the boundaries and the other (which is in love) is searching where the borders are set and trying hard to not cross them. From the perspective of the border setter the obligations of the relationship is clear. From the perspective of the foundering lover everything has become confusing and blurred. Some may say that NC is the solution, I would agree with that as it is a clear cut way to move on with ones life. It also allows there to be an opportunity for the friendship to heal so that it can continue on a later date. Whilst I on the other hand have tried NC so many times that I have given up, and continued to try be her friend. It has reached a point where we have hurt each other that she and I don't really care anymore. No friendship and no relationship. Another person out there that she and I don't care for. It isn't a removal of a load, it is just putting a different load on your shoulders. So, learn from this. NC not only gives you an opportunity to heal but also gives the friendship time to heal, it also avoid putting another unnecessary load on your shoulder.