volution

Women prefer someone who can control their orgasms - they want someone to give them pleasure for HOURS - men CAN learn to control their orgasm, there are several books about it. The tingly sensations you feel are actually your Kundalini energy - few people know about this, but it is a kind of spiritual energy that rises through the spine etc., and is closely linked to sexuality. If you learn to control this energy, and if you find a woman who is willing to experiment, you can literally 'become one' with her. If you look on the Internet for info on 'Tantra' and 'Kundalini', you'll find all kinds of info, including on masturbation...

What you describe are Synchronicities, and they are real. Sometimes, they can drive you mad, and I've experienced them many many times with most of the women I have ever loved (all but 1 were unrequited). If you have ever watched the film Donnie Darko, you will have seen the strange sequence where tunnels of energy appeared to be coming out of people, and leading to objects, other people, food, things etc. What this is asking, is do we draw to us what we desire/want/long for, or does it in fact seek us out? When I loved a woman at the start of last year, I would see her name appear everywhere - in magazines, on road signs, on maps, etc. The love was unrequited, and I was so desperate to share my love with her, that in the end, I discovered for myself that my desire was so intense, and my intention so strong, that I literally 'drew' her name to me. As her name was quite uncommon in England (Alexandra), it was unusual to find so many occurrences. I have also noted that Synchronicities can happen when you feel down - when I started feeling very depressed and down that I would never be with Alexandra, then Synchronicities of her name would seek *me* out - I would suddenly look up and see her name somewhere, as if to give me hope and encouragement... On the flip side, when I had my first and only real relationship in my life in the second half of last year, I also had Synchronicities, but even more profound - I began seeing Rainbows frequently, which is a very portent sign. Because this relationship (even though it eventually ended) was part of my destiny, these were positive Synchronicities, to let me know I was on the right path... I believe that Synchronicities can be a tool both to guide us - to let us know that we are on the right path, but they also provide a mirror into our souls - they can tell us when we still are attached to someone or something...

Here is one of my positive poems from earlier this year... Quite long though... Dante is quaking in his boots... The Knight His only armour, was love. His only shield, bravery. Many battles, had the knight Endured - each time, fortune Did not favour him. A pen was his sole weapon, For he knew how mighty this Was - the power of words, he Believed, would vanquish Any foe. Few knew the darkness that The knight had fought. Few knew, too, the darkness of The knight, the darkness, that Consumed him, even in the day. A crusade, that had begun, Many years ago - throughout Many distant lands, the knight Had followed an honest quest, A chivalrous quest, of love. To find a gentle maiden, And enchant her with tales Of love and ecstasy, long Gone since distant times; To be her lifelong devotee. With such sweet hope, did He set out on his journey. A fire burning in his heart, A light shining in his soul, Surely nothing could defeat him? The knight didn't know how Long and hard his quest would Turn out to be. He thought, his words, and his Honest heart would be enough... Little did he bargain with the Forces of darkness, that so Easily chase those of a gentle Nature - to dissuade them from Their quest. The darkness, of loneliness - At any time, it can descend on The souls of the honest. It's cruel face is never shown, Only ever heard, by the sound of silence. Utterly alone, not even a saddle to Carry him onward, he walked for miles, Miles upon miles, over uncertain terrains. He had nothing to his name, no currency, No possessions, all that he had, were his words. After many years of searching, And seeking, the knight was So tired, tired of the battles, Tired of the knightmares, tired Of everything. For each time, he had found A maiden, he pursued her with All his heart - he laid down his Shield, and began to fight for Her affections - with his words. Noble words, honest words, deep Words, kind words, soft words. But all the worlds in the words He gave, and all the words in the World were not enough. For his maidens did not see, Nor feel the things he so bravely Scribed... ...nor did they care that each Time his words were lost, a part of him died. And then so came the darkness - Loneliness, despair, fear, Melancholy - each a separate Battle, that a whole army Would be hard-pressed to defeat. Each time, he would have to hold His shield, so heavy, sometimes too Much to bear, and at those times The darkness managed to penetrate His armour of love, wounding him deep. Many months, it took, to parry the Crushing blows of the darkness. Each time, the armour of the knight, Was in ruins - he wondered if ever It would be mended. The knight often wondered, if he Should turn back - and go home; Yet, he had no home, for the only Home he knew, was at the side of A fair maiden. But how long, could he endure, This inquisition - might not he Pay the ultimate price, before long? Might his mighty pen be forever Stubbed - and his words flow no more? Yet, somehow, the knight held on, Sometimes with such a fine tread Between defeat and death, for the Latter often follows the former; Though no-one would ever pride his feat. To the world, he was expected to Keep his face, full of bravery. But beneath his dissembled facade, He cried oceans of acid tears, burning His soul and heart with a cold fire. No longer did he want to have to be brave. But his siren's call was too enticing To ignore - the touch, the smell, the embrace Of a maiden, was his raison d'être - he lived To fulfil his quest of love. He was tired of courting after false calls, Finding soft maidens, that seemed to Harbour such love, such wonder, such life - Yet his brave words, weren't wanted, And again and again, his unrequited heart pined. The time came, when his heart had been Mortally wounded - for the first time in His life, he had laid down his shield, Out of hope; and he had divested his Armour - giving it to his maiden... He believed, the darkness was finally Vanquished - that no longer he would Have to battle against any cruel forces, He was with his maiden, and at last, Home... His words were wanted, his tender stories Loved; and the maiden and the knight were Joined in body and heart. Betwinement, and a new life, danced on the Horizon... But something was terribly wrong. One day, he awoke, to find his maiden, gone. A heavy foreboding settled upon his heart once More - at first disbelief sparked through his Mind, but then the darkness echoed in the distance. Disbelief turned into anger, and anger into shock. His heart, was totally uncovered, totally naked. For his armour was gone, and his shield discarded. The darkness all but took control of his mind, And his being, his heart, and his soul... Inconsolable, the knight found himself close To death. Unspeakably abandoned, without his armour, Without his shield, he no longer could find Any words within him. Months passed by, his eyes almost blackened By the darkness that had taken almost entire Control of him - he could hardly see the Crazy tracks he left - circles of madness, In the dust of the earth. But by the power of a sure miracle, He still breathed - shallowly, but surely. And in the distance, an echo called out To him - at first, he couldn't Believe it - he thought he was going mad. Yet, mysteriously, an essense stirred with A special resonance within him. Weary, with the tiredness of false hope, He couldn't quite hear what the echo Was saying to him. Some weeks elapsed, and gradually, the Voice grew louder - he could hear it Calling out, a familiar song, one That he used to sing, a long time ago. Could it be real, still he wondered. Then a relief came - the darkness started To magically melt away from his poisoned Soul - though in his mind, doubts still Played an infernal counterpoint to the Hopes he started to envisage. In the distance, he saw a bridge, fading in And out of reality, like a mirage. Legends and fables, that he learned of, Many years ago, when still he was growing - They spoke to him of such a bridge... A bridge accross forever - a bridge that Only ever materialises once in a lifetime, And leads to a land of unbridled joy and love, Where shields and armour are no longer needed, Where time and space, vanish, and pain ceases. From the other side of that bridge, that's Where the voice was coming from. A tender, soft voice, singing a beautiful Song - he could hardly believe his ears, It seemed like it couldn't be real. The bridge was still a few days to reach, Though he could see it - such was the shining Brightness of it's form, and he could hear That song - such was the crystal purity Of it's melody. But, he could not help but be drawn, Almost in a daze - he thought perhaps it Was the Lorelei - such was the beauty of It's promise, and such was the transcendence Of it's nature. As he came closer, he could see a beautiful Bright haze on the other side, and a tender, Soft hand reached out from the haze, earnestly Awaiting a reply. But the knight started to tremble... He didn't understand, he couldn't understand, He did understand, but he couldn't comprehend. How was this all happening? He remembered all the battles, all the words, All the dreams, all the hopes in his life. He wanted to feel afraid - because he thought He had been here before. If he walked on to this bridge, then his life Would change forever - if he took the hand That beckoned, he would not be able to turn back... He had been here before, but only in his dreams. Dreams, long ago, of a beautiful maiden, long Had he forgotten what they meant, and that One day they might come true. It was almost as if his destiny was already cast. The brave knight came to the edge of the bridge, Enchanted by the warmth coming from the haze. Still, in his mind, a few natural anxieties Spoke, trying to grab attention from his heart. But, he didn't want to listen to them anymore... Nervously lifting his right leg, he placed his Foot onto the bridge, wondering, if this is The moment he had waited for all his life. He took a look back, at the path that had led Him here - a long, lonely, painful path. But he realised, perhaps, this was the only Way for him to get here. He faced forward, and looked into the haze, Walking forward slowly - he approached the Hand... This was it, his last chance, if he Wanted to turn back now, he had to turn Around and run as fast as he could. But, he couldn't, he didn't want to, He walked forward, and reached out for the hand... In an instant, the haze enveloped him, The dull tones of the world slipped away, And he found himself in a heavenly warmth. The song began to fill every part of his being, Every cell of his soul... The knight felt the weariness of the past Fall away, and he felt as if he were floating. The haze pulsated, and a form materialised In front of him - slowly, the outline Of a beautiful maiden began to appear. He could feel nothing but love, coming From the maiden. She took his other hand and drew him Into a beautiful embrace, and a tender kiss. All at once, he knew, truly, finally, he was home...

Why, why, why do women stay with men who treat them like scum? Please, help me here, this has been a recurrent theme in my life - several women including my most recent diabolique have stayed with men who have abused them. What they don't realise, it hurts other people too, to watch them be defaced and degraded by unworthy pieces of poo. It makes me feel like only the Evil get Love....

Its a truly pathetic world that we live in, my friend, but 95% of people are age prejudiced (when it comes to relationships, anyway). It's sick, it's wrong, it's evil, it's cruel, it's stupid... But there isn't anything you can do about it... I believe age prejudice is worse than racism - because you can't change the colour of your skin, but you do get older, and then people take you more seriously - what hypocrisy...

Any words that I could write, would only ever be poor shadows of how much I found inside this woman. I don't think that the deception was intentional, but still, it hurts me deeply. It is useless to try and explain how deeply I felt about this woman, but I know that I could never feel so deeply again (Such a cliche I know). People here will only try and offer empty words of how 'better people' will come along and 'love will find you' and crass hope. I found my 1 in 6 billion. I found my soulmate, my twin flame. And it is true - that soulmates and twin flames don't always stay together in each life time. But in this lifetime, I chose total and unconditional love, but what use is it to me, now that I have no chance to share it? There are so few people that feel as deeply as I do about love and the soul - that is perhaps all I know anymore... Now, I feel so dead inside. Life has only ever shown me disappointment, hurt and pain, and no matter how hard it has been, and how much of a struggle it has been to hold on, just in the 1 in infinity chance that something good might happen, I've held on, but I've been rewarded with utter crap each and every time. For over 10 years I've been depressed, and being abandoned by 2 people who I know were soulmates in the period of less than a year is destroying me. I have nothing left inside to keep me going - I want to kill myself, but I can't because I do still love my family and it would destroy them. That is the only reason I can't and won't kill myself. I have to endure a living hell until my physical heart gives out (I was born with a heart defect). Spiritually, and physically, my heart is broken. Love used to be the most important thing in the world to me, but now there is nothing. I cannot even begin to imagine the horrible darkness that I must again walk into, alone, without any hope, or light . I'm not strong enough to have 5 and more Purgatories in my life - even Dante struggled with his 1. I don't really think I'll be able to trust a woman ever again. I will never be able to forget how badly I was let down. Always, I've been so open and unguarded, but I have given my heart away, openly and unconditionally so many times, and every time, it has been stabbed, thrown into the gutter, wasted, useless, and somehow I have to retrieve it and carry on with the burden of utter uselessness and zero self-esteem for months or years before I even feel hopeful again for one whole day. There is only so much a soul can take - and I've reached my limit. I only know one way of loving, totally, unconditionally, with all my heart, mind, body and soul, to the depths of unimaginable connection, two souls joining through sexuality, a merging so profound and far-reaching that the creator can be touched, and the whole of existence known as one. I feel that no-one is left, that feels like this. I cannot falsely love a glorified prostititue wife who has nothing in coming with me and stays with me out of financial convenience. I've tried, so hard, to be brave, but I stand, so alone... I have no-one, no friend, no family who understands how profoundly I feel and love, and I suffer in utter silence. I'm so broken, I don't care anymore if I live or die...

It stinks, she thinks less than nothing about me. And unfortunately I'm going to have to leave this forum because of her. I was so tricked, I can't even begin to imagine it. I can't even get to sleep, now at 3am here. All the words, all the poems, just a wretched scam to use me as some kind of crutch. I hope that at least some of my advice has helped out some in my brief time in the forum.

I like Bryan Ferry - "More than This" is one of my favourite songs from the album Avalon... You're not alone in your loneliness....

Do you think it is wrong that if you fall in love with someone, they don't reveal they are in love with someone else? I've just lost 6 months of my life waiting for someone, who didn't reveal they loved someone else...

Tell her that she's your first girlfriend (if she doesn't already know). Tell her that you're nervous, and don't know what to do. Tell her that you care about her, and would like to get closer. Being honest is the most attractive thing to a woman (and sometimes for men too). Be yourself, and things will flow naturally. Just don't rush, or be afraid. It's OK to be shy - false confidence is one of the biggest turn offs.

I've heard that SALSA dancing can be a good way to dance with women - there are usually Salsa classes in most every city/country in the West! You get to hold onto a woman tenderly, and so by that nature the women there will not be those frightened to get close. It follows that you could probably develop a relationship with a woman there. Finding the confidence to actually go to one and not feel like a total reject is another matter (like me

It makes me so angry inside, when I hear people even think of cheating when they claim to love their 'girlfriend' to pieces. Some people don't even get ONE girlfriend in their lives, yet some are quite willing to give up something special just for the heck of it. In the end, comeuppance will find you if you two-time. It's not fair to waste people's time and feelings if your are half-hearted - some people out there don't get a chance to share their love with someone... and some people kill themselves because of being so badly hurt by someone who cheated.

You came along, in my darkest Hour, and gave me hope. Abandoned by another, your words Brought comfort and warmth. I was the Lady of Shallot, drifting Away in the boat, down a river of Death, drowning in a sea of depression, An unwanted soul, lost, useless. Dead inside, I thought the end Was nigh - yet from the depths You pulled up my wastrel soul, And told my heart it was not alone. Sonnets from dead poets, and Brushstrokes of lovers entwined, Words and pictures that came From our hearts we shared. Every day, and every night, we Would tell that which was Inside of each other - how Could I dream that you'd beguile me? I found some of myself in you, And I thought my time had come. That the pain was over, no more Waiting, for you are my one. Too good to be true - I would Offer you my life, my body, My soul; but the hands of Another owned your care. Faithfully waiting, night and day, Whilst you shared our dreams With another who broke them. What did I do to deserve all this? You chose that which destroyed You, and now look what it Has done - destroyed me too. You let me fall in love with you, Yet you never even told me how You truly felt. With great anxiety and trepidation, I tried to prise the feelings from your heart. But they were empty, hollow, shallow. In the start, perhaps you did feel something For me, but now, whatever it was, Is gone. Am I but just a crutch, a petty friend? To nurse your wounds - you drink from My heart, but give yours to another. How could you treat me like this? I will never know your touch, nor your Embrace - though you keep me hanging On with your silences, and never really Answering my questions or requests. I don't know what you wanted, But I can't give it anymore. My heart is dead again, wounded For the final time - I cannot trust again. Now my soul is sicker than Ever before - filled with the Contempt you hold for me. How could the universe betray Me like this; How could, you?

I feel for you... My father is quite ill, and it is only a matter of time before he is gone. We have never seen eye-to-eye, always fighting, arguing. I live on edge as I wake each morning to the sounds of geese and ducks by the river where I live, and they sound like my mum crying - each time I awake I'm afraid my dad has died. And the poo that has filled my life these past months - betrayals, abandoments, being used, they all add to the depression and stress that is ruining me. It's so hard, I know, how I know... Life stinks, and it feels like someone stands upon our heads, face down in pig slurry. But somehow we must find strength, from within, to face another day. Talk to someone, a friend, or relative - it seems pointless talking at first, but it does help - I have been there. Find someone to hug, to hold, to let your emotions out - someone, who understands. It is so healing to hold someone, the touch of another can help so much, to give hope. Be strong, in this dark time, don't let the negative thoughts overtake you, and remember there are many on this forum who will listen, if you need to talk...

Each day comes, and my soul becomes more clouded with fear and rage. This is how I feel tonight, utterly alone: Eternal Loneliness We come into this world, Alone, a naked soul, a Naked body - innocent of Vices, ignorant of devices. But throughout our brief acts Upon life's stage, never do We really quell the aching Heart of blackness that Consumes us from within. A cancer of the soul, that Devours the shy, and inherits The meek under it's fateful Wings. We are angels fallen into Purgatory - corrupted slowly By the temptations of flesh. Some rage against the living Of the dark, but in the end, All we find is the dying of the Light. Tragedies and betrayals, Abandonments and deflowerings. We desperately reach out, with Shaking hands, to clutch onto Something, someone, who might Love us, and not leave us. We endure torments of the day, And of the night, but We find, mostly, that our paths Are trodden alone; and we fall At our weakest times, our Spirits broken, our hearts bleeding Onto the sands of time. No-one to pick us up, no-one to Break our fall. We might love with our best, And cry with all our might, No-one really cares of our plight. Into the abyss we stare, and how we fight, But no kind law makes things alright. The devil smirks, as his plans Have accorded - a hell on Earth for every living soul, No escape from the fiery cold. Icy blue flames consume all hope, Faith, and love, from within. Prayers go unanswered, but Not unrewarded - for degradations Are found for those who need Them most. When will this nightmare end, When will this punishment cease. Life is a test, a trial, a tribulation, In the end, the struggle for a meaning, Is all we have left - but no-one Can find the answer to this godforsaken Abomination. We leave this world, naked, and Even more alone. Where we go, no-one knows, But one things sure, forever, and Always, Eternal Loneliness follows....

I went to an Art Exhibition on Thursday, and I felt so ambivalent there - there were some of my favourite works of art, but I just felt nothing inside. There was no-one to share the experience with, it was almost like a waste of time. I'm just one of those people who is useless, and feels useless on their own. It riles me when some people try and force their preachings of enjoying their (supposedly self-chosen) singledom down my throat.

Isn't the utterly worst thing, if you have found yourself, and are ready to merge your path with another soul, you bear all your innermost desires, hopes, dreams, feelings - but they just are indifferent, or kick it back in your face? The falling apart, the depression that follows - it undoes all the work you did, you don't know who you are anymore, or what your dreams are. You can't enjoy things like you used to. You wonder if you will ever feel the same again... You wonder if ever you will *feel* again... BTW, I just wrote this poem on this topic.. I just wrote this: Because I fell in Love... When I was younger, I used to see the beauty In a sunset - the etheral creams Dripping into the horizon. When I was younger, I used to smell the beauty Of a flower; watching enrapturedly A life bloom from a seed. When I was younger, I found joy unbridled in Hours of playful fantasies, Of honest stories and noble tales. When I was younger, I used to know the power Of a smile, and the healing Of an embrace. When I was younger, My heart was innocent, And my thoughts were pure. Hope filled my soul. But then, I fell in love... I found that the beauty In all these things only Meant something when It was shared with another. I fell in love, but the love Was not returned - all The things that I found Beautiful, became worthless. No longer could I feel the Same again - sunsets were Only filled with grey, tears Of rain from a uncaring god. Flowers blossomed, but They only appeared to me In black and white, and Even up close smelled weak. Stories and fantasies became Distant echoes - the hallway Of my soul filled with a Suffocating mist. Embraces, touches, kisses And smiles only happened To other people - I felt Like a ghost in this world. The pureness and dreams, Crumbled away, replaced By a bitterness, and aching Heart - broken, soon fading. Because I fell in love...

I feel so alone right now. I've found this lady, someone so utterly the same as me, yet like every time in my life, my heart is imprisoned in a dark wasteland of unwanted love. At the start, reading her words, were like reading my own. There is a connection I have to her that is so strong, undeniable, spiritual. I feel she has been damaged, as have I, yet she is drifting away from me, and my life is already full of unbearable stress and pain. I already want to kill myself, and I honestly can't take this again. I have been worn down by over 10 years of unrequited love - pain and crying at night inside, my heart is worn out, I have beaten my physical body up quite badly - I feel like 80 inside and outside. I'm going to pieces... This world is so unfair. I've tried to get professional help, but I've been let down badly. My family is hopeless - they don't understand and just have a go at me. I can't let go of this lady - much as I have tried to. I thought perhaps I was just clinging to someone, because I feel so alone and depressed, but the depth of my feeling is far beyond that. I'm utterly convinced she is my soulmate, perhaps even twin flame. I'm the sort of soul who can't 'live' without loving someone. I feel lost, without a light or guide when I don't have anyone to love - I just meander aimlessly around, wondering what the hell is going on. I know some of the more romantic people here might understand what I'm going on about. To live, I *have* to love, someone. Many times, she has said she wants to meet me (it is long-distance you see), we have talked a few times on the phone, but she keeps saying that she needs to be alone, to heal. She seems to be depressed and detatched - she was hurt badly by a much older man who seemed to stalk her over the last year. I've tried God's best to be patient and understanding, noble and loyal - but even saints couldn't take this much longer. I love her so much, and would give my whole life to her, yet I don't know how much longer I can last, waiting, before I meet her in person - to find out if our connection is indeed meant to be... All I know, is if I let her go, I will regret it for the rest of my life - because I swear on my soul and my life, this is not just 'another fish the sea' - this is my One .

A list of all the things that cause you anguish when single... Feel free to add your own! Perhaps it will make us feel a little bit better pouring out some of this pain... * Waking up, cold in the morning, tired, exhausted. * No reason to get up, no reason to go to work. No reason to work. * Throughout the day, nothing to keep you going. * Stress unending. * Nothing to come home to. No reason to come home. * In fact, no 'home' for home is where the heart is. Just an empty house, dank, cold and uninviting. * Facing the night with trepidation. * No warmth, no light. * No-one to ask how you were. * No-one to hold, to kiss, to be comforted by. * No-one to talk to. * No-one to dream with. * No-one to offer help or suggestions. * No hope. * No future. * No point. * No reason for living. * Can't go to cinema. - You feel like a sore thumb, sticking out for miles around. * Can't go to museums, art galleries, exhibitions, etc. - You are the odd one out, and feel everyone will avoid you as a sad lonely loser. * Can't go on holiday. - No point going on holiday as they penalise single people with 'single supplements' and all kinds of rubbish. - No-one to share the experiences, sights, and sound with. * Can't rest or ever relax properly - stressed out, wondering if and when someone might ever not come. * Your dreams, hopes, fade away.

Hey ShySoul - I also long for that 'electrical' kiss with a woman - though I have shared a couple of 'drunken' kisses with girls in the past, and I did kiss my ex of course - there was nothing special, nothing spiritual, nothing meaningful. I despise those guys that seem to go out every weekend, to the clubs and bars, and try their best to kiss all the girls on the dancefloors. I just can't bear watching them steal a touch, making something so sacred and special, so profane... A kiss can be a declaration of love, a reassurance, an apology, a thank you, a promise, a healing, a revelation... - not just a prelude to a good rogering later in the evening... I'm one of those guys that lies awake late into the night, aching, and dreaming of a woman that is beside me, holding her, and kissing her so tenderly. I place so much value on those little tender things that bring two people close together - holding hands, tight embraces and of course kissing - things that most men find repulsive or just 'obligatory' to keep their woman happy. It makes me laugh sometimes how crazily sad and pathetic this world is getting Here's a great poem on kisses I found: Thomas Lux - A Kiss One wave falling forward meets another wave falling forward. Well-water, hand-hauled, mineral, cool, could be a kiss, or pastures fiery green after rain, before the grazers. The kiss -- like a shoal of fish whipped one way, another way, like the fever dreams of a million monkeys -- the kiss carry me -- closer than your carotid artery -- to you. I saw that too! You must be in the UK... They had the last one in the series tonight - about love in marriage, and people staying together. They had that couple on there, that had been married for over 70 years!!! I thought that was great - you could see in their pictures that they really loved each other, unlike the 'newer', younger couples. Over half of all marriages split up, most within the first year - something I've known for years! And that the #1 reason was affairs. It always saddens me how few people really know or understand what love really is...

I'm very shy - I always have been, and believe I always will be - that is just my nature, and to compromise who I really am, would to be deny my true self, to put up an aritifical mask, and isn't that exactly what people don't want - to know a mask? I will not put on an act, for the sake of other's reserve; I refuse to put forth a fake self and compromise my integrity. The problem is not me, I have worked out that much - it is the world. Our world isn't geared up for shy, gentle people - it's all about trickery, masks, shields, acts, chauvinism, surface beauty. Unwritten rules command us to 'fit in', 'to go with the flow', 'to deny creative impulses', 'to follow the crowd', to be a 'fashion victim', to alliege ourselves with brands, films, TV programmes and newspapers... Most shy people, I have found, are creative, gentle, deep souls, with so much to give, but the harsh world wants 'loud', boisterous, proletarian people who know their place. I've found that most shy people have been bullied much at school (and sometimes at home and work), because their uniqueness is unwanted, their genius unrecognised and even feared. Some people tell shy people to change, but perhaps those people are really uncomfortable with themselves - so they want the shy people to change to fit in. No... the problem is confidence. Shy people often have little or no confidence. You can still be shy, and have confidence - that is what I have been learning. You don't have to put on an act - true confidence, is just being the best 'you' you can be - putting forth your true talents and gifts, and not wearing a fake cloak to impress and awe people. To just be 'you' - to let your true self, your soul, shine through - and that just might make you irresitably attractive to the opposite sex...

It can also apply to us that have experienced little or no relationships - we almost grab hold and smother anybody that passes by and shows us a little love or affection. Sometimes, we can find one in a billion, and they don't want us, they'd rather stick together with some evil scumbag that treats them like poo, and beat ourselves up over it - like I'm currently doing with someone...

It's truly pathetic the way some people carry on with regards to love and relationships - the way that this woman 'loved' you must have been some very shallow or empty kind of love, to just go back to some But, from what I've read, heard, and seen, this is not an uncommon scenario - it seems unbeliavable, that anyone would go back to a scumbag who treats them like scum, and it really does hurt like hell for the person that is left behind, hurt and ruined by the mess. From what you've said, though, it seems she really is a messed up individual, and doesn't really know what she wants. The daughter must be very confused and upset too over all this. The way she has treated you is totally unacceptable, and you really could never have a long lasting relationship with her, after all that has happened, and the way that she is. Perhaps you still love, maybe even a great deal, a part of you still waiting to be the knight in shining armour, to rescue your fair maiden from the unworthy scumbag... But it will never be... This maiden is far from fair... It might be hard, but if I was in your position, I would stay away from her, in this lifetime. My ex was slightly abusive to me - she sometimes exploded and accused me of all kinds of things, like being unfaithful and lying, and no matter how much I tried to tell and show her I wasn't, she couldn't believe it - she was so insecure, and often insecurities like that stem back to people's childhoods, and most people aren't able to overcome them... In the end, my ex kept contacting me, and I told her to stop, very harshly, because it kept hurting me very much, hearing from her, with part of me still believing in the smallest glimmer of hope of she coming back to me...

Perhaps we should have some kind of signal or logo people could wear to indicate their marital/relationship status - a badge or sticker or something - like Indian women wear on their foreheads! It would certainly help avoid sticky situations, and wasting hours or years of people's times!

I promisssssse you that was about decades before that awful film!