volution

Don't cry... you're not alone in your loneliness You sound similar to me - like you, I have very few friends, and all of them are all into the bar/club thing, and I hate it. I'd rather spend my time with someone talking one-on-one, or watching a film or having a nice old-fashioned dinner; and I feel like I'm always the one finding out, rather than someone calling me up and invite me out... I don't have any romance in my life either, and I feel that I'm going to be single for the rest of my life - I just don't know all the 'games' and the 'words' and rubbish you have to say and in what order to even become friends with someone! More than any one thing in the whole world, having someone special is the thing I dream of the most. "You can forget the things you have, but you can't forget the things you don't...". My loneliness eats away at me... I've been struggling to stay positive - every time I even see a glimmer of a shadow of an echo of a chance of something, it fades away and vanishes almost as quickly... I too don't know what to either... When I was younger I used to cry tears at night every night... But now only my soul cries... Just remember, that even though the world seems like a rubbish, crap, awful, lonely, dirty, stressful, exhausting place (it is!), remember the good things that you have inside your heart and soul. Don't let the world take them away from you! And you can always talk to me or others on here...

The upside is, if you've worked for IBM for a while, you'll probably be able to work anywhere you want afterward!

Why do many women prefer a man that is attached as opposed to one that isn't???!!!! Perhaps it's some kind of in-built drive that suggests that someone who is already in a relationship is sucessful and a more 'fertile' partner? That single people have got something wrong with them!#&*^&!

There used to be someone on here that I knew that was very much like you - they kept linking up with men that would hurt and hit them, and didn't know how to escape. She seemed to keep being attracted to men that would seem nice on the surface but treat her like crap. Yet she still stayed with them, hoping to somehow retrieve them. Did a male family member leave or hurt you at an early age?

I'm sorry for being harsh... :scramble: I can only respond to what I read on here, and I believe you do need some help, but please try and avoid tablets, drugs etc. as they are not the cure for the malaises of loneliness and insecurity, of fear and sadness. You sound very insecure, and believe me I know how it is to be insecure, and to hold on so tightly to someone because you're afraid of being alone. I see a lot of people and a lot of problems on here, and many people seem to see physical attributes as the only things that interest them, and that sexuality is the only form of love. That is why sometimes I'm harsh, because so much love and feeling goes to waste in this world...

Well, it sounds like you've found a perfectly shallow person to match your shallow self... Good luck...

The only people that benefit from most of these 'dating' sites are the owners rubbing their hands with glee at their bank accounts every month...

I agree - but where I have underlined what you said, I believe that if you always follow your heart, you will be mature enough to realise that protecting yourself is part of conscious loving. "Love yourself before you can love others" is the infamous quote (which has always puzzled me) comes to mind - loving yourself, means sometimes moving away from someone that is hurting you.

A few years ago I used to hate the idea of marriage - I thought it such a pointless ceremony, but now I realise it was because I saw so many people get married, only to break up within the first few years, or people get married and expecting it to be some kind of magical romantic spell to bind them together forever, and they wonder where all the magic went after they got married. And I was annoyed at those people who so deludedly walked into such a special and precious union. These days, to many, marriage may only be a piece of paper, but I still believe in the traditional romance of marriage - a public display of a private union, a declaration of commitment between two people. Sadly, though, few these days are conscious or mature enough to get married, and that is why so many marriages fall apart... The Pagan ceremony of Handfasting is a beautiful ritual that I discovered last year - it is like marriage, but based more from spiritual principles and promises - the two people write their own commitments to each other, and the ceremony can be fashioned in anyway they like... If only! The sad thing is that nowadays, people believe that marriage will bring this about - instead of it being the other way round! People believe that marriage will 'make' them love and honour each other more, which is a dangerously false expectation. That over 50% of marriages break up within the FIRST YEAR is a sign of a cancerous malaise infecting the state of relationships in our present times. Marriage doesn't necessarily protect children - in fact it can even damage them - seeing your mother or father fighting, or just staying together for the sake of you, but hating each others guts, can irrepairibly damage you. It is true that there are material benefits to getting married, and that indeed a small percentage of people get married for convenience or money. But I always believe that people should be secure within themselves, and be at - or beyond - a level of commitment that marriage entails. Personally, I approach any romantic relationship with the hope that it will last forever, and though that has damaged me so badly in the past, it is the only true way of love known in my heart... For any relationship to work, this must always be the case - being conscious doesn't just apply to marriage, but to all kinds of relationships in the world. If you can't work together before getting married, you are certainly not going to work together after getting married. I hear of so many tales of people breaking up, getting back together, breaking up, etc. and then get married, as if marriage will cure the problems, like a magic wand... Again, that should apply to any relationship, not just marriage. People should do this before they get married - if they don't do it before, they won't do it afterward. There is a great Zen proverb on marriage: Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood and carry water. - Wu Li How it applies to marriage is this when you get married, you'll still have to work, you'll still have to take out the trash, you'll still have to get on with everyday trivia. Marriage doesn't make the world go away, heal wounds, bring people closer or change the world - only love can do that. And love should come before marriage, always. And never the other way round... In closing, every day I dream of being married to one woman for the rest of my life. But, every day I fear there is little chance of that happening, in today's me-me-me self-indulgent 24-hour selfish materialistic live-for-the-moment shallow celebrity-following plastic artificial society...

He's clearly not interested in a serious relationship. Perhaps he said this to put you down softly. Most men would say something along the lines "Not right now, maybe later", and I guess most women would say this too, to someone they knew but didn't want to take something further. I think perhaps he's trying to say that you aren't 'wild enough' for him - that perhaps he wants you to catch up and join in with all his 'wildness' whatever that might be. People are rarely clear and honest when it comes to issues of commitment, men being the worst offenders 8). But remember, there are plenty more people out there, even if it feels like you won't find anyone again, even if it seems like everyone else is in a 'great' relationship, don't be despondent.

The trouble is, if you're shy, and as the years go on, you have little or no experience with women, things are going to get much worse. Because the women, as they grow older, will tend to expect more out of a man in their 30s, then say their 20s, and thereforeeee, if you have no experience in the first place, your chances diminish away very quickly...

I'm sorry, but all this babble of 'mid-life crisises', and now preposterously-named and coined 'quarter-life crisises', is just to sell books, to keep analysts and therapists in business, and to fuel cheap chat shows and problem columns in magazines and newspapers. Just as drugs firms and quack doctors invent new conditions to help keep them in business and sell new drugs, the corporate world tries to segregate people into niches so that they can viciously market stereotypical products and services to individuals according to their age, race and gender. If you search 'quarterlife' on Amazon, you will find all the books to be written within the last couple of years. Surprise? People are INDIVIDUALS. The fact is, people at ANY AGE, of ANY RACE, RELIGION, GENDER, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, DISABILITY and every other physical 'condition' could feel any or all of these things that the article has talked about. Perhaps some of you might take this article to be some kind of 'fun' or 'humorous' treatise. But are you mature enough to realise or accept the bigger picture, how people are conned into thinking they have to conform to some kind of behaviour or have some petty allegiance to a stereotype, just to be accepted in the world? Or worse still, they have some kind of malaise or illness because they are of a certain physical condition, because they are of a certain age???? I will not and can not lighten up on trojan articles like this - someone has to stand up against hypocrisy and discrimination. I can but there are so many problems in the world today, that most of the time I have to be serious, because I want to point out the problems... And articles like this are one of them...

This is yet another pathetic attempt by authors, therapists and others to further drive a wedge between people by segregating them by physical age.

This sole sentence stood out in all your post and, for me, sums up the kind of person this guy might be - someone who plays on your guilt. And I agree, roses and chocolates are 'things', any fool can buy them. It is the things that are given FREELY - love, respect, support, honour, chilvery, romance that matter most - they cannot be bought at any price.... And no amount of roses or chocolates or whatever can even be a poor shadow of them...

All this 'don't call'/'call' crap is pathetic - people should be honest with their feelings, that people do this only perpetuates the game that most relationships are. If people promise to contact you, then don't, that just suggest to me they are ignorant or can't be bothered, and don't really think much about you. I go out of my way to try and contact people that matter to me, even if I'm not feeling too well or down. It's not hard to send an email or call someone (if you have already at least made contact).

Turn on: Spirituality - gives the ability to see a relationship as a means to teach, heal, share, learn, grow, create, inspire each other and others through one another's love and energy. Turn off: Silence - not replying or responding when they said they would.

Make sure you check out Eva Cassidy (some clips at link removed) - the most beautiful voice you will ever hear! These 3 are my favourites: - Fields of Gold - Somewhere over the Rainbow - Songbird [bTW, I hate people when they say Eva Cassidy is like Norah Jones - in fact Norah Jones is a pastiche of her (the record exec. that rejected Eva signed up Norah after seeing Eva's popularity in the UK several years ago)!!! .] Also, check out Katie Melua, she was inspired by Eva Cassidy, she is only 18 but she has a very beautiful voice, and she is a very beautiful person.

Any site featuring a 'real' sexual violation is illegal under most jurdistictions. There are many porn sites out there that 'claim' to be something they are not - I believe many men get turned on by 'taboo' practices with regards to sexuality - be it incest, rape, lesbianism etc. Many of these 'rape' sites are in fact just 'snuff' sites - ie: they are all still consensual. However, that someone would deliberately search for such material could be quite disturbing. You are worried about it, so you *must* tell him that you *are* worried about it. Ask him more about it. He might be a bit worried/scared about your reaction, but if he truly loves you, then he will be able to confide in you. It is not uncommon for men, even married with children to look at porn. Remember - much sex is based on fantasy - and these rape sites are fantasy sites. The vast majority of them are not real. (They would be closed down if they were). However, even I think they are a little 'extreme', and I'm a very liberal and accepting person. Of course, I would consider real footage sites abhorrent, my sister was raped when she was younger. Some men have a very potent sex drive, and have to release their energy perhaps daily or several times a day. Porn is an outlet for this - usually it is harmless. Often, the woman in a relationship might not be 'up for it' as much as the man is. And many men 'have' to get their energy out - some men do it via affairs, but most men do it by porn (though not many would eagerly own up to this!). However, if he starts to prefer masturbation via porn over having sex with you - then this signals a possible problem in your relationship.

It's a shame that many families don't sit down and talk around the dinner table anymore - instead they let the TV do the talking - the true meaning of TV Dinners! The quality of programs has deteroriated quite appallingly - the channels go head to head on the basis of getting viewing figures now more than ever. And that means pumping out lowest-common denominator rubbish (Reality TV, Soaps, Celebrity carry-ons etc.). Even the Kids programs are absolute crud compared back to the 80s even - some were even educational then! I know some people who 'have' to watch the soaps each night otherwise they almost get withdrawl symptons! For anyone who's ever seen the John Carpenter horror-satire "They Live", well perhaps that's starting to happen! For many kids now, artificial people they see on TV are starting to replace their parents or traditional heroes as role models. This is quite disturbing. Many parents will just dump their kids in front of whatever rubbish is on the TV just to keep them quiet. I believe TV can be an educational and entertainment tool, but people are watching it too much these days. They are starting the lose the ability to read, write, and most importantly, think for themselves. They just let the TV lifestyles lead the way...

"To The World You May Be One Person But To One Person You May Be The World" "They Say Love Hides Behind Every Corner, I Must Be Walking In Circles" "Just Because Someone Doesn't Love You The Way You Want Them To, Doesn't Mean They Don't Love You With All They Have" "When I First Saw You I Was Afraid To Talk To You, When I First Talked To You I Was Afraid To Like You, When I First Liked You I Was Afraid To Love You, Now That I Love You I'm Afraid To Lose You" "If You're Asking If I Need You The Answer Is Forever, If You're Asking If I'll Leave You The Answer Is Never, If You're Asking What I Value The Answer Is You, If You're Asking If I Love You The Answer Is I Do" "I Do Believe That God Above Put Me Here For You To Love. He Picked You Out Among The Rest Because He Knew I'd Love You Best" "It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone - but takes a lifetime to forget someone" "Without you, I have nothing. But with you, I have everything." "I can live without any friends, any family and any money but I can't live without you." "Late at night when all the world is sleeping, I stay up and think of you. And I wish on a star, that somewhere you are thinking of me too" "Would you be my angel to have and to hold? Would you be my rose to cherish more than gold? I love you so much. I wish you were mine, but all I can do is wait till that time." "I don't want to lose this feeling. If I could choose a place to die, it would be in your arms." "Lovin' you always is like a dream come true, and someday I hope to become a part of you. But until that day comes, I will pray that one day you will love me in the same way." "There's a smile on your face that lets me know that you need me, there's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me, the touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall, you say it best....when you say nothing at all." "I cannot show you I love you. Time will show you I love you." "I miss you most when I'm sad. I miss you when I'm lonely. But most of all, I miss you when I'm happy." "Look into my eyes and hear what I'm not saying, for my eyes speak louder than my voice ever will." "If I know what love is, it is because of you." "You know you truly love someone when everyday you meet is like the first time you fall in love." "You're always there when I close my eyes." "You give me something no one else can, a reason to live." "Touch my mind and I will think of you... touch my heart and I will never forget you." "When we get close, I want you to know that I get all weak and want to hold you forever." "I love when my heart smiles, but the best of all, it smiles because of you." "I never knew what love was all about until I started looking at you; no one ever tried to tell or show me, so I finally figured it out for myself. What you need is someone who without you can't breathe." "Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, falling in love with you was beyond my control." "When you finally find someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start right away." "You're the reason I believe in love and you're the answer to my prayers from up above. All we need is just the two of us, my dreams came true because of you" ~Shania Twain "Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting them not to" "I wish I could be your tear drops, for what more could anyone ask for then to be conceived in your heart, born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips " "Because the distance between us is so great, my arms cannot reach you, but because my love for you is just as great, my heart does" "Every step I took since the moment I could walk was a step toward finding you" ~Message in a Bottle "I know that you are not perfect and nor can I claim to be either, but please believe me, when I say that I want to be by your side, to hold your hand, to treasure you in the morning and in the noon-tide, to be next to you, to be held close to your heart now and for the rest of my living years, to comfort you, dry your tears and calm your most frightening fears, to fight your battles and show no shame to scream my love for you out loud all over the land" " I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves washed it away. I wrote your name in my heart, and forever it will stay." " If I count how many times you've crossed my mind in my entire life, I'd be lying if I said it was too many cause you only crossed my mind once, why? You never left ... " " A boy love this girl but the girl didn't mind. One day the boy got sick and was about to die. Then the girl asked, "Why are you leaving me?" then the boy answered, "so I can be your angel and love you forever"" " When you look into their eyes and you see the sun, then you know it's the ONE. " " Dreams only last one night but love can last forever " GOD puts a certain person in our Lives for a Reason, And whatever Reason that GOD had in min for putting you into mine... I don't mind... I am just thankful HE did.

Nice! It reminds me of Pabulo Neruda's poem "Saddest Poem" - (see here: link removed ).

That reminds me of the great quote from The Shawshank Redemption: "Get busy living, or get busy dying..." I have had a couple of portent dreams like you, one last year I heard a huge voice say to me "Don't forget Page 301". I woke up with a start, I wasn't frightened, but I knew it meant something, but I've yet to discover what it means...

Perhaps I didn't make myself clear enough... The depression etc. that I have been suffering for a long time is due to the fact that I'm unable to even get a friend, let alone something more. I've been to the hospital... I've been to the counsellor... I've been to the doctor... I'm just so at my wits end I don't know anymore, and I don't care about anything anymore... I can only see the same thing continuing on and on until I die or take my own life. Each time I try my best to get out of my depression, and try and have a little hope, I'm kicked right back into the gutter...

It feels like I get my heart broken on a weekly basis now... Last night I went to pieces again, cutting myself, smashing up some of my things. I had been conversing with a lovely spiritual woman, an artist, who believes deeply in the same things as I do, but I don't think she even wanted to be friends with me, she already had enough. I can't understand this, but I tried to tell her about my problems with continual abandoments and betrayals by people and how it affects me, but she says 'I have to be alone' to heal. It is true that I have things to resolve within myself, as I have been deeply hurt, and continue to be so by things like this happening. But I would have dearly loved to have even just a friend, but it seems like even that will not happen now... I don't have any friends to talk to, other than a couple of token work-colleagues who most are quite arrogant. I have no-one I can confide in who understands and believes in the things I do. It is so incredibly lonely, most people can never understand what I'm going through... And people keep saying "Oh, you're meet someone" and all this crap, but the fact is, I'm cursed. I don't know how or why. Each time I try to reach out, I've failed - I've been betrayed or cheated. If I can't even get a FRIEND - what point is there in bothering with life at all?

It's fine for people to say "The 'RIGHT ONE' won't mind about your age" - but it's limp comfort for those who believe that compatibility is based on interests and beliefs rather than just physical age. For example - If you're 20, but you don't give a damn about partying, meaningless sex and all the stereotypical traits associated with that age, and instead prefer commitment, old films, real music, old buildings, the countryside, etc., then you've got little chance of having a relationship AT ALL for a long time (until those of your age mature, but why should you have to wait for them, or have to put up with prostitutes or 'fun' unserious relationships?) Let me say that around 90% of people think Age is a factor in relationships (AT ANY AGE - eg: 90% of 20 yr olds and 90% of 40 yr olds will think age matters). So you've got 90% less chance than people who just settle for someone of their own age, even if they are totally incompatible with them. The only communication I have ever received from older women has been rude, insulting and downright humiliating with regards to relationships. I've been told "Oh I thought it was a misprint... I thought you were 32 not 23...", "I'm older than you, but I have a young heart and like partying and stuff", "Oi... I think you're too young for me, but I'm still sending you this message...". This really does my self-esteem and confidence the world of wonders...