volution

I went through these exact feelings just over a year ago...... ....all I can say is that, though it doesn't feel like it, you will find someone much better... as I discovered for myself...

I like these themed poems.. I used to write ones like it myself - I did a whole series on 'The Good Man' - always he seemed to be usurped by the 'Bad Man'... Back in my crazy days...

It's a shame that many children don't read fairy tales anymore - they are given Playstations and set down in front of the latest Toy Story Part 5832... Fairy Tales are what give children dreams and hopes... I still believe in them, and I'm a man, 25! Never stop dreaming... Never stop believing in Fairy Tales...

The Quick and the Shy Tired lines, practised So well - actions acted Out, no-one can tell, The difference between Honesty and deception, Nor the dark agenda; Ugly hearts find the Most tender, and woo Unending - a romantic Start, the guard has Been dropped, too late to Escape this wretched art. Guilt and fear - the Powerful captors, When finally the true Colours have shown Their cruel factors. A heavy hand, blamed On wine - tears of Crocodiles say so Loudly, "It'll be fine". What else can the Tenderhearts see, But a tinted rose Future that this final Time, it might just be. The Quick seek to Seed their desires, Abusing the dreams of Romance and passionate Fires that never fail To capture their Prisoner's love. Wailing out to Someone, anyone, To heaven above; "Please save me" From this utter hell. Yet in their soul, They know now so well, The Quick might be First - but love is Not love that hurts. Shy souls wait And wonder why They are left to Pick up the broken Tears of dreams And hearts that They wouldn't have Left shattered nor open. Always, they put them Together again, Being but a dear friend, Only to watch their Beloved's hearts Bleed once more; Forsaking their Own sanity, to Save another's core. Is this the fate Of the Quick, And the Shy? For the latter To repair the Former's lies? An unwritten law, That all must follow, Until the bizarre Triangle is broken. How does this story End - with two sorrows? The Quick have won, The Shy both will be done. Or can love true prevail In the darkness of One who can't love Their own heart? What else can the Shy Do but hope, pray For a fresh start? "Dio la luz", I say, I won't let this Wonderful light Be dwindled away, By cruel lies and Guilty sighs. My weapons are words, Not heavy hands, Disarming the fear From my beloved's glands. Slowly, friendship and Honesty will heal, The deepest wounds, and Give permission to feel, Love once more. When the Quick have been Found out at their game, When the lies have been Heard too many times, When their grip over The sweetheart is Tired and weak, Then the Shy shall Inherit the meek...

I know... I feel the exact same... It's hard, but don't give up... And you have written a nice ending...

A bit like Dr. Pepper ?

It's sad that most people seem to choose pain and suffering for the whole of their lives, even when a helping hand is offered. There's a beautiful song though I'd like to share whose lyrics relate very well to this poem - it's about a woman who has been badly damaged, and the man who came to her rescue who loves her deeply; perhaps she tries to push him away, but he won't give up, because who else will look after her? It's a beautiful song - try and listen to it if you can... Broken Things by Julie Miller ==================== You can have my heart Though it isn't new It's been used and broken And only comes in blue It's been down a long road And it got dirty on the way If I give it to you will you make it clean And wash the shame away You can have my heart If you don't mind broken things You can have my life if you don't mind these tears Well I heard that you make old things new So I give these pieces all to you If you want it you can have my heart So beyond repair Nothing I could do I tried to fix it myself But it was only worse when I got through Then you walked into my darkness And you speak words so sweet And you hold me like a child Till my frozen tears fall at your feet

Ode to a beautiful lady Nightly in my dreams, I have seen you shine bright, Your undraped frame, natural, soothing, a delight From the firmament, a gift from God's hands, To walk alongside me on time's shifting sands. First I observe your shining eyes – golden brown, Windows to your soul, in which I wish to drown. A sea of passion ignites the unmistakable sparks, Of a heart and soul unbounded, tearing apart The mundaness of my life, and my despair, A dragon breathing not fire, but love's tender air Upon the brow of my aching head, Without you, I would be dead. Next, your flowing hair glimmers in the wind Of paradise's warm flows, my body stands akin, Waiting and wondering to feel the unwaitable touch, Of the strands of the fountain of my one truest love. Oft I have reminisced the fragrance of your tresses, An unspeakable yearning wishes me to undress The last remaining traces of my gender's rough Features – are my soft skin, my mosit lip enough Limp to be worthy to embrace your lips – as onward I discover the harbour of your mouth; and as I stood With an aching body and creeping need, I beg of you, beautiful goddess to take the lead. And then, you come closer, and offer your hand, So little, so precious, so tender, I am fanned Down by desire's undeniable grasp, To go forth and take it with devotion is my task. My body comes close, and kneels silently down, At your feet, looking up, to humbly worship the crown Of your angelic beauty, and so instinctively I take The lily-white palm, so warm, so small – you make With this instrument come to birth the dreams Of the world – verse of desire, art of scenes, And the good deeds of a kind heart flow Through the tiny digits that few will ever know, But still be touched afar by the notions they inspire, From a need, an urge, a deep-seated fire, That holds on to the truth, and holds to account the lies Of the worldly deceptions, and soothes the cries From gentle souls, and the forgotten few, That will glitter out streets with hope anew, Because what you gave will live on forever, For a faithful deed can die never. These are the hands that I jealously wish would Hold me every night of my life, how I could Be inspired, by their inspiration, every day; They can steal my warmth from December to May. But from May to December, I would feel Their tender coolness – so fully real, Not because their blood's chambermaid was cold, But for it was my time to warm and to behold. Hands joined, fingers clasped, I rise to meet you, And slowly I gaze into the eyes that drew Me all at once from afar, to give myself whole, To your singular embrace – my dreams once told Me of a lady so fair, so slender and beautiful, Where my needs and yearnings would be plentiful Fulfilled, day after blessed day, this is my calling, Never would from your arms would I find myself falling. Heads touched in an unspoken bond, I trace your beauty from top to beyond, Downward along your fragile neck, The breasts of love seek to wreck My disintegrating composure with enticing surprise, And so upon their peaks do fall my eyes. Slowly, oh slowly, our hands fall away, So that upon your bossom mine might pray. But not before I see the feet that grace the land, The legs that carry you far, and home, along sand, Sea, mountain, path and stream, They take you wherever your dreams Command them to follow, whether near or far, You were born under the most blessed star, To have been embued with a soul and shape, That both posess the radiance of God's agape. I will walk beside you wherever we shall go, For it is where you are, my dreams also follow. They are the same, they are the exact, No need for unsureness, or shallow acts. From my brief praise, I return to your face, I stumble accross elven ears – soft as lace, Whisper will I the most beautiful of things, Upon your fingers, I will place rings Of my love's token, to join those already there, Thought, word and action is how you know I care, And so it will be that I will return, As a mystical creature to make your fires burn Again, with an unbridled need and measure, To lead one day to our wondrous Treasure. You are a lady, beautiful and pure, No more of this world I wish you to endure. Always I will be here, to soften the blows, Of the demands, the lies and the harrows. You don't belong here, my sweet dear, It is surely heaven, that is clear. Once more I return to admire your form, Your features more than perfect, adorn The figure that God himself intended To be known as 'female' – wedded Eternally to the splendour of your spirit, There is no affection that is beyond your limit. And so I stare at the chests of nurture, My lips hope to be worthy workers Of bringing ecstasy, delight and extol, To harden your mountains and melt your soul, So that pliant, my body may join with yours, Underneath the sounds of celestial encores. And union of two bodies and one heart, This is only but the start, Of a lifelong duty to love's highest mission, To show the truth to all men and women. Beautiful lady, these are but words, And this is to you but an ode, Come soon will my deeds, And then you'll know…

The 3rd one is so true - often I have believed that the people I had fallen in love were truly was the 'One' - I just couldn't love but with my whole being. But now beyond every doubt, every fear I have found her - the one that everyone in their heart looks for, but few find... The one that so many pass by... The One that is the true other half of your soul - this is not codependence, but the two halves create more together than they can do by themselves... The One who writes like you do, whose features almost spookily match yours, the one whose dreams hopes beliefs and deepest feelings are your mirror, the one who can set you always at ease, the one that you came to earth from heaven to find again...

Love heals, love teaches, love inspires, love learns, love creates, love muses, love can last forever; love goes beyond time, distance, death; love is sweet, gentle and kind; love is the most important thing in the world Infatuation usually lasts for a while (6-18 months) - love must follow to keep the passionate feelings alive... Infatuation is mostly on the physical level - there are chemicals that are responsible for our butterfly feelings, but I still like to believe the soul plays a part (the soul feels all that we feel so it does)...

I'm doing OK - perhaps I should say "I'm doing absolutely fantastic and have never been happier in the whole of my life because all my dreams are coming true and the deepest of love is on it's way to me forever!", and then so it will be... As it is said and believed, so it will come to bear in the causal world... I dearly hope with every fibre of my being, that my true fairy tale has a long and happy ending...

I feel terribly lonely... I always have done... Never really experienced real love in my life... That is what cuts me deeply, and though perhaps it can spurn all kinds of impassioned poetry and music, what is the point, if late at night, an empty bed has but a freezing pillow to hold... I'm one of those that no matter what (and I have tried) I cannot dissemble the loneliness. It is a constant companion. When I look around at the seemingly happy couples that go about, I can't help but feel bitter or frustrated inside. I used to cry inside because I was so soft, but it has gone on for so long now (almost 15 years since the first inklings of my romantic feelings), that my heart has hardened, and I've become blocked. I feel sad, because I might miss out on love if it ever did occur now, because I couldn't open my soul up enough because of this long affliction. One thing is for sure, though: Loneliness Kills... eventually...

I have had trouble finding a woman that want a soft, gentle man who would give all his heart forever and eternity, wants to have children, wants to get married, wants to change the world as an equal, wants to learn, teach, grow, heal, help, laugh, cry, run, walk, scream, tickle, touch, muse together .... Perhaps I should have been born a woman???? BTW love your sig ShySoul... Why is it that all the good women get taken by filthy, abusive men? No matter what happens afterward, they are almost too damaged to believe someone as gentle as ourselves could exist, that we are not real, that we'd abandon them because that is what they have come to expect from all the bad experiences they have had with the bad men.....

I know nothing of love =================== I used to think I knew deeply of love, Yet it seems all that my heart believed Was a lie. To want to hold someone, because they Are beautiful; to want to love someone Because they are gentle; To want to be with someone because They bring out the best in you, and You in them; To write with passion verse inspired By their heart and their soul, from Your same depths; To want to hold this person close To you forever, above all others, Unconditionally; To want to change the world Together – through love's glorious Mirror; To weave symphonies of sound Because they are your Muse; To bring enlightened souls For gentle keeping through Passionate union. The years have proven my naivety, With long, cold nights, without end, Save for the briefest of glances. My heart is a bitter wasteland, Consumed with loneliness, and Frustration's dark disease. I would give all to one, Yet they might not even Know of my heart's beating. I would wait night and day, Faithfully, without regret, yet With cold's increasing visits. I would pine as I saw the Beloved stolen away by Impure hearts. I would despair at the Efforts that I made – worse Than futile. Perhaps love is not enough In this world? Perhaps romance matters more. But isn't love more important? Romance's year-lasting wrenches Don't survive beyond without it. I don't know much of this brutal World, save that I thought I knew what love was. But perhaps I was all wrong, Perhaps love is but an Illusion to keep us all sane, To keep us from madness's Grip at the realisation of The meaninglessness of life. Fate's cruel hands seem never Failing to snatch away the love That the gentlest hearts need most. So they are left standing Alone, abandoned, aware Of nothing save their solitude. Their only remaining duty, To wait for the dark reaper's Imminent arrival. I used to think I knew all Of love – how innocent And stupid I was. Then I met you, and Found that perhaps, I know nothing of love… But will you teach me?

No problem

Gentle Lady Gentle lady, I am here to wipe away your tears, Gentle lady, I am the one who will quell your fears. Gentle lady, I have seeked high and low, Where you are, my heart will always follow. Gentle lady, full of light and grace, In my soul, your image will always have a place. Gentle lady, others stamp on your dreams and hopes, But my dear, I will only give them lease to elope. Gentle lady, eyes full of golden brown, No longer, my sweet love, do you have to frown. Gentle lady, soft and gentle of voice, All my life I will give you the choice. Gentle lady, no more loudness, no more pain, No more empty arms, no more restrain. No more disenchantment, no more cold, At night, at day, for my arms will hold You for as long as you wish the world at bay. Gentle lady, creature of heaven, Take my hand, for it will never chasten The furthest depths of your thirsting soul, Drink deeply, from my love's well-hole. Gentle lady, come away with me, Together we can leave the world, And all at once, be free. Gentle lady, rest your weary head on mine, I'll be your comfort, in every way for all time. Gentle lady, your wants and needs are safe With me – tell them every night until late. Gentle lady, I am here for you, because I must Be – my heart feels only love's truth, And I know I can never forsake such a Precious, tender creature from God's own palm. Gentle lady, let my lips be your balm, To soothe away the memories of the past, Put your elegant hands in mine, With a sweet taste, away will go fast The troubles all around us, My presense will always be near, So my gentle angel, don't shed a tear, I won't be gone long – for you are my home, No longer do I wish to be without you, Gentle lady, because I feel so alone…

Remember, she is a woman first, Chinese second... Don't assume anything! And don't fall into the traps of saying stuff like "Do you like Chinese food?" - it's easier than you might think! BTW - she probably might get interest all the time if she is pretty, so unless you are good at holding your words and not afraid to take a chance, you don't have much of a chance... Good luck, though...

It's called Synchronicities.... Follow them, follow your heart... You might even be lucky to see Rainbows too...!! You are on the right path...

I have experienced this a lot of the last few years... I hate exercising, and believe that this is part of the reason to blame - I have had hardly any exercise in these past few years, and in the rare times I did lose my breath, I did feel slightly better for a short time afterward. Perhaps you should go for a run? Listen to some music on the way too...

Far Country ============ Empty streets and empty skies, No-one stops, they just walk on by Those who have fallen along the way, Too busy to care, except for their day. A day of work, of worry and stress, Why oh why have I become part of this mess? Tenderness denied to all but a few, No-one really means anymore "I love you…" Passion has been replaced by anger and fear, As the weak and the feeble many jeer. Living to work, is the only life for most, In prison-like apartments and offices we roast, Burning ourselves out, to pay more and more Bills - what do we have left at the day's door? Someone's body hangs as a chair falls to the floor, Too many just can not take it anymore… No room to breathe, no time to think, We mindlessly the lies in our world drink Into our bodies, with poison abound, Creation and freedom are rarely found Anymore in this world of consumption, What more is life's sole function? No-one asks or wonders like a child, The human spirit is slowly being defiled, By the mistruths, pretences and masks, And daily mundane meaningless tasks. Trains are full of sweating bodies, Cattle enjoy better service than these dummies. But it is not at all their fault, How can one know, if their soul not revolts, Against the injustice, the bitterness and pain, "Will I be but a robot for people's gain?". Strangers come and strangers go, Few, even the bravest will even say 'hello'. Youths take over the streets night and day, So most people in their homes stay away From the life that should be taking hold, Stopping us from dying and growing old Before our time - this is such a crime - Few stand up any longer and say "I'm Alive and I won't stand it anymore, How can one live like this, how long for?" We sadly settle with a heavy heart, For anything that's wrong, for the cart We wish to not upset, "Keep your head down" and "Just Forget About it", are the rules of this age, Few people read more than a TV page, Or obsess the emptiness of famous lives, Because theirs are even duller, and wives Stay at home, desperately seeking romance, No knights shine anymore, nor dance With them except maybe in a Boonful book, No wonder people for infatuation mistook Love eternal, even though that's all we seek, Distrust, anger, disinterest are of what most reek. As long as we have a body no matter how cold to share, We feel this empty, meaningless life we'll be able to bear, But it's a lie with which we'll cheat ourselves more, Until our heart's dead - nothing left but stone at our core. Metal beasts run riot in narrow roads, More and more park at smaller abodes. Health and welfare are for the privileged few, The rest are left to survive and stew In the melting-pot of political whims, Lives are but figures, nameless limbs. We try and battle for what's right, But few ever can keep up the fight. Green hills and castle walls, Shed tears for such a sad fall Of a once great country, famously free, Lovers initials carved in the bark of a summer's tree… Now the only initials are sprayed on fences, Buildings and lampposts - first offences That harbour no fear, nothing to deter, Leading most youth to a life interred Inside broken institutions, cells and homes, They'll never think about anything save their own Self, the money they need for all their habits, To get them through life's vacant transit. Making a living becomes more futile each year, People are told to keep inside their tears. Living alone is becoming the common way, Finding the funds in the ever-hardening day, To keep the in-joke of independence alive, Is for most all that they will strive. What a waste of potential talent and love, What is God thinking in heaven above? A flower opens, the birds begin to sing, Precious few take the time to listen in. Instead the hum of a depressing news item, Is one sure way that their day will lighten! Oh yes, how can I write with such glee, In this land, of such irony. I am but a lone voice, dying here alone, Heard only by you, in a far country - my true home.

Many older men / men in power seem to have an in-built radar to find gentle and sensitive women who shine brightly, and so these women draw many unsuitable people to them. It's a shame that most younger men haven't yet realised to see women are more than just a pretty face, and they have beautiful tender souls with romance and love inside, waiting to be requited, and so they don't really know how to please these women. From my experience listening and watching, many older men have experience in the 'eternal lines' and 'words' that capture a romantic lady's heart, and so they use them relentlessly until they capture the lady in their spider's web of unspeakableness. But most of these men are unsavoury and also just want a quick satisfaction of their carnal impetuses, but they are more likely to get that if they decietfully 'promise' to marry/love forever/treat tenderly the lady. These words usually come from experience, and so it is by default/nature the older a man is the more words he will be able to use to cheat them, and the more experience he has in using the human innate ability to see beyond someone's surface to their beauteous inside... And so the most gentle and beautiful of women end up in abusive relationships, and those that truly care about them suffer too...

I had a relationship last year with a woman 14 years older than me, and I thought it was true love - but I was mistaken. I was led along down the path of losing my virginity to someone who would eventually abandon me in the cruellest way possible - after treading on my dreams of love, marriage, children, altruism and everything else. I wanted to kill myself. There is obviously some kind of karmic link between you and this woman, and though it will probably be hard, you must sever your link with her, otherwise you will end up exhausted, spent and hurting for many years to come... BTW, I've always hated the term 'Toy Boy' - it is a crass and offensive term that demeans relationships that don't fit in society's pathetic rigidity. It always seems alright when older man is with younger woman (though that is usually worse, because the man is usually taking advantage or abusing her), at least most men will realise IF an older woman just wants them for fun (shame I didn't - as most men are interested in the physical side of a relationship!

Trust me, the number one rule is YOU MUST LOVE WHAT YOU DO. Otherwise the business will eventually go down the pan no matter what money or anything else you have. It will take up a large part of your life, and if you don't love it, then you will end up not putting in enough effort to keep it afloat. (Trust me on this). It is so easy to get disillusioned and disenchanted even by doing something you love, so you have to make sure that you are dedicated to it wholeheartedly, otherwise it will fail...

I too have read Conversations with God - they are actually filming it at the moment. I understand it is important to try and live in the moment - to be just be, like in Jonathan Livingstone Seagull, it's the being not the doing that counts. But we also have dreams, and dreams are what make us who we are - if we were to have no dreams, we would have no future. Dreams and hopes give our lives meaning and something to hope and strive for. And this lady's and my dreams converge on a level even I thought couldn't exist in this world. It is not wrong to want a fairy-tale type of romance and love, but it is because so many people in this world become disappointed and disenchanted by the negative experiences or lack of experiences surrounding what they believe to be love, that they give up hope often during their teenage years. A great point in question was when I watched the film 'Cast Away' with the director's commentary on DVD. (*** SPOILER ALERT ***) Tom Hanks' character stays on a desert island for several years after a plane crash and his dream of getting back to his fiancee Helen Hunt is the only thing that keeps him going. Eventually he beats all odds, sails out far enough to be rescued by a passing ship and returns to a hero's welcome. Finally he discovers his fiancee gave him up for dead and has married someone else and has children. Still, he can't face not seeing her again and goes back to her - the connection is still there and cannot be doused, but yet he heartbreakingly knows he'll never be with her again in this lifetime. The director's commentary said when they showed the film to various audiences - the greatest shock was from teenage girls - because they still believed that somehow the woman would still love him, and how could she possibly give him up? The women in their 20s had 'accepted' and 'understood' why the woman would do this... (*** END SPOILER ***) Summarising, I believe we all do believe in fairy-tale love, and IT IS POSSIBLE - it is just hard work, a hard work that 99.9% of us just don't see worth bothering with. But the work becomes a blessed work, helping not just each other, but others... Our ideals of love and romance make live worth living - we can go through life loving everyone, or loving one person. We can go through life loving everyone THROUGH one person - and I believe that this is the grandest type of love (altruism) - that two people's love can heal and inspire others, and this is the kind of love this beautiful lady and I both dream in and hope in with all our hearts. I want to change the world through love, but yet I cannot change it on my own... Two deeply-aligned people when they become one, become more than the sum of their parts... There was a great story once of the miller and his wife - they made simple grain for their town, but because they truly loved each other, their work was made transcendent, and the grain had the energy of their love, and so the whole town was blessed with that energy when they ate it. That is the kind of love I believe in....

Yesterday was my 25th birthday, but the previous 2 weeks have changed my life forever... In those 2 weeks, I met the one person in the whole world who means everything to me; and during that time I lost someone who I thought meant nothing to me and they thought nothing of me... I had always believed there was someone out there, someone so exactly like me that it hurt, hurt to be near them, hurt to be far from them. From an early age I had always believed instinctively in such divine ideas of Twin Flames and Soulmates. I have always believed in the purest, grandest and most deepest experience of love and romance, and yet all the world around me proved to me that it seemed everyone else had abandoned those ideals so long ago, having been left disappointed and disenchanted by the material world from a young age. But I knew I could never give up what I felt inside, my yearnings or my longings. For they made me who I was, and if I gave them up it would compromise my self and my soul - so I never have. I have fallen in love perhaps about 20 times, always with unobtainable people. Suffice to say my love always stood unrequited, and I would pine away for periods of several months to several years. I used to just 'find' someone to love - because I thought that was how it was supposed to be - to just love someone enough, and somehow, one day they would love you too. I was so naive, and I believed in this kind of fairy-tale of love until around 20. Up until the start of this year, I had only experienced one relationship, and that was with someone who was just seducing me for her physical gratification. I'd never had a walk with someone holding hands, never embraced someone properly, never known a real tender kiss, never read poetry to someone, never seen the private words of someone's heart... But all that changed when earlier this year, I was trying my best to recover from the dreadful abandoment of the only relationship I had ever had... I was almost left to 'die' by a woman last year - I did go insane for a while, I wanted to kill myself on several occasions... And then I found 'her' - the One that everyone seeks all their lives, yet few ever find. Her words were like reading my own - everything that she believed in, I did too. It seemed like everyday we'd find out something new about ourselves that was exactly the same. The same songs, the same films, the same poems, the same places and times, the same hopes, the same dreams, the same beliefs, the same knowings. There was an almost psychic connection - we often thought the same things at the same time, and felt when each other was feeling down. I really feel I had met my Twin Flame - my other half that was created in the same moment of eternity as my soul. One soul, two bodies. Two souls, one heart. Never before had I encountered someone so profound, so deep, so soft, so gentle, so hurtable, so tender, so more myself than I was... I was a man with a gentle soul, but she was lady with an even gentler soul. Her dreams and hopes that she shared so fully and innocently had been cruelly torn asunder by many men, yet she could only ever see the best in people - I could only tread her dreams with the softest of footfall.. In the words of a Mike Oldfield song, "She breathes the air of a Far Country...". But I was not at all unfazed. All my life I had dreams of this country, I felt like I belonged there, one day that I would end up there against any obstacle, against any problem. So it came to pass, that our two souls would share a time of communion together - to talk of our dreams and our hopes, to share secret places and times, and to give each other healing and consort in our strange times of life. From the moment we shared our first messages to each other, serendipity, deja vu and synchronicity flirted with us at every step... Names, places, songs and signs would appear... And they would only get more profound... "She takes the rain, and turns it to sun..." - as I listened to the song with her as we drove down a long highway, I knew all at once how peaceful I was with her - from the moment we met, all reminiscences of my life before began to fade away - in fact, it felt like I had been dead before, and now my life had truly begun... Finally, I felt home, and home was now not a place, but a person, this person... The night I first met her, was truly my 'incipit vita nuova'. Almost the moment we started talking the signs came that we were following our true path, a path I believed was to be trod together, forever... We talked of visiting somewhere, and in the next instant, an advert about that place came on the radio! We watched a film, called 'Deja Vu', one of her favourite films, and it was almost beyond belief that someone who was a spitting image of her was in the film and she hadn't noticed it before. On our last night, I said a prayer in her presense, to ask that we would be blessed by God, so that our paths might join in this lifetime, and that we be sent a sign. A little while later we walked down the street and stumbled accross some money with the writing "To whoever finds this, God loves you"... We talked to one another almost in disbelief, our souls tingling, knowing that no-one could write this story, our story, any better... But all great stories are twinged with a sadness - it was about the third day I was there, I checked my mobile phone and received an urgent message from home. I phoned my mum, and was told the sad news that my father had passed away. I felt strange, in fact I didn't know what I felt, and even now, about 10 days later I still don't know what to feel. My father and I had never seen eye-to-eye - many of our conversations were in raised voices, and ever since I could remember he had always seemed to put me down, and ridicule anything I ever said or did. For much of my life, I hated him for being so cold, so detached, so seemingly unfeeling. For me, emotion is crucial to relating to someone, yet I could never really sense much emotion from him (except anger and bitterness), and that scarred me deeply. All I knew is that I felt he didn't really love me, but looking back I did realise he loved me in his own way. It is so easy to resent someone who doesn't seem to return or acknowledge your beliefs or feelings, and even moreso when it is someone close like a parent. He had been ill for quite a while - smoking for so many years. He was taken to hospital a few days before I was due to leave, and so many things ran through my mind - should I stay, should I go, what will happen if I do, what will happen if I don't. But when I last saw him the night before I left, he told me I HAD to go, no matter what. All he ever had wanted for me, I realised, was for me to be happy - he let me follow my heart, and I believe that is the greatest love someone can show to anyone... And so even though I was far away for much of the time, I tried my best to remember him the best I could - by having the best time I could have, being the happiest I could be at a sad time... With my lady, I visited some of the most breathtaking views, and I experienced so many things that never would I have experienced if I had never met her. My life changed forever, both for the good and for the bad... We shared many words, and many experiences... If you've ever seen the film 'The Notebook' - another film we watched together, you could probably identify me with the male lead - no matter what happened, I would stand by my lady, even if she was lost. Loving someone with all my heart and soul is enough for me in my life, it always has been and always will be. And at this time, my lady is lost - so lost, sometimes it almost kills me inside to see how such a beautiful and poetical lady had been so badly hurt, so badly treated. But she is only guilty of the same crime as me - loving someone with all your heart soul. I will stand by her for the rest of my life, and give her all that I can, even though I am a poor man in money, my heart is full - and I believe that is all that really matters. Now, I am back at home - well that's not quite true, because I am not home, I am in a house - for home is where the heart is, and my heart is with this lady. These two weeks have changed my life forever...