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cleverme123

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  1. cleverme123
    Back off of her for a while. Don't let her string you along with this other guy. She will start to see the right and wrong side of things. Be patient, waiting is so ncredibly hard but it seems like she has a lot going on right now and needs time to sort it all out. Maybe she got afraid of getting serious or something and got scared. I'd just sit tight and be patient.
  2. cleverme123
    An abuser is always threaten when the female has the upper hand. But, it doesn't really matter if she was the President of the United States, he will verbally beat her down and she will not feel any of it. For me, it's like a state of mind. Taking abuse is easier than dealing with emotions that come in a normal relationship. You learn how to block what you have to, avoid the triggers, and when it happens you just turn yourself off and then find an excuse to trigger it. My guess is that she has grown so use to the way her husband behaves that she is making excuses for him, but yet telling other people how awful things are there. I use to do it all the time. It's such a cycle, even now I still do it to a point. No matter how many times someone tells her the situation is wrong she will agree only to the point at which she returns to her abuser. For me I will tell you what happened, the abuser got to the point he was raging all the time, I had a friend of both his and mine, try to help me out of there. He pulled a knife and stabbed his friend. he then took a sledge hammer destroyed all of my things in the house including a glass table, he took his knife and the back of my shirt collar and stabbed it into the wall. Then picked up the glass and threw it at me as if I were a human dart board. I was 3 months pregnant at the time, he punched me in the stomach, I lost one baby and carried the other to term only after leaving. BUT, that day I also snapped, I was afraid for my unborn child, and I wound up stabbing him over 50 times, he begged and pleaded for me to stop but I didn't. I went to jail and by wing and prayer, did not go to prison for attempted murder. I was diagnosed battered women syndrome, he tried to kill me first and I stopped him. He is in prison now, and I hope he rots there. My point of telling that story is this, don't try to predict what, when, how or why he would snap. Usually, instead of them flipping out on someone they can't predict, they pick the person that they can predict, only assuming they will be too afraid to tell, run, or fight back. They do this over time and it makes it much easier to harm the person their with. You may think you can take him, but he will not make it that easy. She will get it first, and I hope for her sake by the time you get to her it ain't too late.
  3. cleverme123
    I am glad everything worked out for you!
  4. cleverme123
    This isn't love, he is using the fact he needs sex, as a way to manipulate and control you. Your child hood issues really need a therapists. Maybe he has his own issues of abuse and that is why he does the things he does. When sex no longer is enjoyable and you start to feel hurt and scared it is no longer a good thing. He is using your past to feed a sick imagination and using you to try to fill his fantasy. He sees you as an easy target because some times you said you just let him do it. It will continue and get worse. I suggest getting out of there. There are a lot of places that could help you get out and help you heal as well. You have already been a victim of abuse do not let it continue.
  5. cleverme123
    I think that you are being responsible thinking about all this. Yes some times abortion early on can prevent you from having children later on but, there are a lot of factors in deciding that such is how the procedure is done. I would think about adoption, look into it and see if it's a good choice for you, lots of people that are married and stable are willing to adopt because they are unable to have kids of their own. If you decide to keep it some schools actually have a mini child care for students, I know a school I went too offered kids to take their babies with them and they stayed basically all day in a nursery in the family planning class. It also taught other kids the effects of having children young. It's very tough to make that decision but make sure you don't let someone else make a choice for you as you will wind up regretting it.
  6. cleverme123
    TOO EARLY! Pregnancy test won't give an accurate result until you miss a period or are within a few days of having one. If very unsure go ask doctor for a blood test, they can be detected very early on.
  7. cleverme123
    Abusive relationship problem number one: 1) You never tell someone they are in an abusive relationship, they will deny it. 2) Even if you think it's abusive the person in it doesn't see it that way. 3) If you push the issue they will withdraw more from you. 4) Emotionally abusive relationships take place with vulnerable people that are insecure with them self and think they can do no better even if they have an army of people there telling them differently. 5) It's a cycle, it will go from great to bad and back many times and you will hit your head on the wall asking why they go back. 6) Even as friends, if he thinks someone is getting to close to her, she will pay the price. The men that do it are controlling and a huge part is controlling their victims environment. I am telling you this because you are putting yourself and her in a very dangerous situation, he finds out the depth of your feelings with her or what you share and he will not only threaten, control and abuse her, but then the abuse will get even worse and he will smooze her over and she won't see anything wrong. I am a victim of this myself I KNOW THIS TOO WELL!!! Listen to me on this I understand I have been there and I still fight hard not to let things get that way although where I am is taking strange familiarance to where I came from.
  8. cleverme123
    Okay, so are we thinking it's better to hide something that you did, to spare someone's feelings? A relationship is built on trust, if you start with covering up stuff, then at some point when you realize you got away with it, it could happen again. Yes you are right he will be hurt by the truth; HOWEVER; do you think not knowing the truth and him possibly finding out from someone else that may have saw it would make him hurt any less? Stick with honesty, you will have consequences to deal with either way. Either guilt, or anger from him.
  9. cleverme123
    Quite frankly, you decided to get married. You had the opportunity to call of the wedding you didn't so I think it's time you face the music and end the thing on the side. More importantly I think you should come clean to your wife and tell her why and how things came to be. It is incredibly difficult to be in this situation. I have been left for someone returning to their former wife, and also left someone for someone else. The point is that your vision is clouded when you are involved with more than one person. You have all these great things going on with two incredibly different people and what you don't get from one makes it so easy to get from the other basically making the relationship easy to deal with and very comfortable to fall into. If you love your wife that is where you should be trying to make things work. You had a shot with this other person but for one reason or another it didn't happen. You decided to get married and you chose at that point one over the other. The hard part is that now you need to make it physically happen by cutting the other woman loose.
  10. cleverme123
    She can't make a rational decision with the relationship going on between you two. She is using you as emotional support and a crutch for the things she is not getting for him. You need to remove yourself from the situation and let her deal with her emotions and her TRUE feelings toward him before you get your self involved. She will never see no reason to leave if she can have the best of both worlds. I am telling you this only because I have been there and I used someone for emotional support although I had no intention of leaving. I led him on and crushed him in the end. This is not a good thing for either of you and one of you will wind up hurt. If you do not walk away now she will continue to bounce back and forth.
  11. cleverme123
    You will eat yourself alive trying to hide it and your boyfriend will know something is wrong, you mise well come out with it and take the consequences. People don't stay mad forever if they truly love you, but honesty is the best policy!
  12. cleverme123
    I had a child with someone that completely walked out on us, he didn't want nothing to do with her or I. It wasn't that I intentionally got pregnant, but I didn't exactly prevent it either. Yes it is possible to love a child with only being a single parent, BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT!!!!!! I would consider using a donor bank of sorts, then you do not have complications of worrying if the other party will come back, show up at random, or if you will have an option to have a falling out with them over the situation. If you decide to do it on your own, do it completely, not with someone you know. A lot of people think being a single parent is the most God awful, selfish thing to do, but the reality is, lots of people do it because the threat of divorce, or biological clocks running out pose threat, or they foresee no possibility of getting involved.
  13. cleverme123
    Just have to throw this out there. I use to say that men didn't mature until they were 30 something. But the truth is that women like to do the bad boy thing until there well into their 20's. It is like a curiosity thing. The what if's. And females are stubborn and bull headed which is why we always go back into the pattern of dating the same types of men that we complain about. So like one day reason strikes us and we get the urge to want to settle down, (don't worry guys it does happen) we look for people that show some aspectes of being a good person and think of how they would be as a father/husband. If all goes well, you don't get burnt a million and a half times trying to get there and if not, you get rather bitter. In the end, we always are just looking for someone to put the pieces back together and take a lot of crap before realizing we are in love and quit dishing every emotional test we can give. No one ever said it was easy.
  14. cleverme123
    I think if you are going to wait for him to be gone to Iraq before playing around with your ex I think you are being very selfish. You got into a situation too soon if you think about your ex that much. Also, an ex is an ex for a reason, let it go at that. You should make up your mind, either be faithful or end it with your current boyfriend. Don't let him leave and then tell him oh, by the way. Sorry to be blunt but its just not the right thing to do.
  15. cleverme123
    Virtually everyone who has been in a relationship thinks they are in love young. You will change and she will change in the up coming years, where your feelings may be strong and your connection grand, don't be surprised if at some point you both change and you find she wasn't right for you.
  16. cleverme123
    I think if you are really that unhappy and she is really that unreasonable, make plans to separate for a while. Your feelings towards leaving for good will become evident, and maybe give her a huge wake up call. Once you are out you can spell out what it would take to try to fix things, and the consequences if she continues to belittle and berate you. I think that if you have exhausted every other measure this is a viable way to make her wake up.
  17. cleverme123
    First off, I was in your shoes as well. I grew up with a verbally abusive mother and a sarcastic father that only ignored things that happened to me. Relationships with people can make things better but if you aren't happy with your self you won't get to a relationship with any one else. First off, I took to writing as a way out if you will. I wanted to be a writer, I went to college 4 years then dropped out, before I failed out. You can't get to acting school without a job, and you can't get out of your situation with your mom without a job either. You have to decide what priorities in your life are most important. Yes you may want to act and write, but you will need to be able to support yourself first. It's a long and bumpy road that is ahead.
  18. cleverme123
    Well I have been wondering. What makes men cheat when there is nothing wrong in their relationships? My man hasn't cheated, although I question it to death, and some things he says and does make me wonder. Is there a way to know for sure someone is not cheating, and if you love someone should you forgive them? Or if you think its going on do you just ignore it and wait to see if you catch them, or do you try??? I am so confused. Is it also true if you keep pushing the issue if they have been unfaithful, it will make them cheat?
  19. cleverme123
    Holidays throw in bizarre twist to every thing!!!
  20. cleverme123
    Some times it isn't the fantasy of being raped. It is the idea that someone over takes your body and physically pushes you to another state of mind. Rape fantasy is common, some times after a rape, but people can learn to make it a controlled thing and yes it can be fairly exciting. Like I said it is the idea behind it, having no control while someone else controls you.
  21. cleverme123
    It's more than PMS it could be the worse form PMDD. It basically is hormones that make you act crazy before your period. You do things you usually wouldn't do. The good news is you can get medicine for it, the bad news is she has to go to the gynocologist. Breasts are very sensitive at that time of the month. And just to be on the safe side make sure she isn't pregnant. That can do it too.
  22. cleverme123
    I went nuts, everyones family was invited, but none of them went. I couldn't see dragging my kids to a party full of adults who got toasted and winded up passed out at their bosses house. He marched in at 1:30 am knowing he had to be to work at 6:30 then went back over to wake everyone up. He even cleaned her freakin house up before he came home! I was furious and told him I will not tolerate it again! I told him he should have been with me and his excuse was he would have liked to but realized everyone was too drunk and stayed to make sure they passed out then he hid their keys. Consequently the excuse he gave for going back this morning. I didn't go either because this girl he slept with before we got together was there and I fore saw myself getting into a huge fight, she tried to break up my marriage to him with some lies.
  23. cleverme123
    So I been having this problem with my husband, and tonight is our 1 year anniversary. Instead of being here he went to a party, two problems he left at 8 told me he would be here by midnight, never showed. He has one girl there he slept with previously and another that he flirts with avidly. So I am wondering obviously going to a work Christmas party at one of thems houses who happens to be a female, is it wrong to assume, something else is going on????
  24. cleverme123
    I agree with all, if you are not happy in your marriage you should have first stopped it then moved on. Maybe you and your wife don't get along and yes you have been married a long time, but there is a deeper under lying reason. If she is selfish and spoiled then stop spoiling her!!! Stop giving her what she wants and see how true she is to you. Losing someone always hurts, I was with my ex husband 4 years before realizing that he was a mommas boy and nothing was going to change. I moved in with someone less than 4 months after getting served with divorce papers. When you are unhappy with your partner the grass always looks greener. And once I was here the reality of what I did set in. Now I am a spiral of emotions and feeling like I did the wrong thing. My point being that even if everything looked perfect with this other girl, maybe it wasn't. It wouldn't have been so easy for her to go if she truly loved and cared about you. If you are hurting people will try to manipulate and use you. I am much younger than 45 but I have learned a lot in my time about relationships. Nothing is ever perfect, and when it is, usually something is being hidden. Take it in stride and learn. If you decide you marriage isn't worth it, separate before getting involved again. It will give you time to heal, and you won't be hurting yourself or any one else.
  25. cleverme123
    I am not judging you but you took vows to one person and you are in a relationship with another. Obviously you were having some kind of problem in your marriage which is why you went astray in the first place. If you took all the energy that you are putting into chasing down a girl who has clearly made up her mind and put it in your marriage what are the odds things could be great there also? Having a relationship with two people at the same thing is never a good thing. If you had intentions of leaving your wife for this other girl then you would have. Plain and simple. I understand where she is coming from because I sat around and waited on a married man that fed me every line in the book why he couldn't leave. Oh, the kids, house, money, wife, feelings....it was a never ending thing. No one will wait for ever for someone else to make up their mind if they want to stay or go. I suggest not only do you cut the relationship out with her, but you need to work on a way to tell your wife what you have done then find a marriage counselor. She deserves to know the truth and why you did it. As for you, I think it would help you a great deal. Sorry if sounds harsh.
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