bleeder
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Everything posted by bleeder
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My condolences to her family and loved ones. My shock hasn't dissipated. I hope that she may find peace.
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You may be right Puppeteer, but you are just covering one side of the coin here. Giving you the benefit of the doubt, yes, you could have been the one guilty of giving your wife the cold shoulder. You might not have paid enough attention to detail especially when it comes to talking or listening. But ask yourself this : If the communication link between the two of you was so bad, why did she not make a move to remedy the situation? Having an affair may be an outlet, but it is by no means a solution. Don't beat yourself up more than what you are responsible for. At least you are aware of your behavior now, so look towards the future. I am not sure if you are still together with her, but it takes a huge amount of forgiveness to overlook an affair. I wish you the very best.
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Hi Happytown, I have read your post. Although I am rather taken back with this lady's behavior, but it comes as no big surprise either. She is a rare breed of women, yes, rare; but not impossible to find. Women like these have only one objective in mind. To play and toy with the emotions of others. To compliment (to nurture perhaps?) their inner sense of self-doubt and to provide some comfort for their inadequacies. They'd love to tease, only to back out at the critical moment. Generally, people like that have a low self esteem. They may even be beautiful, but psychologically, they are one living black hole filled with nothing substantial but void. I am glad that you are off the hook. You are better off investing your time with someone more worthwhile. A lady like that will just pave the road to her own emotional destruction.
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I am quite taken aback by your boyfriend's attitude, but I guess that he has his own way of seeing things. His thoughts are along the lines of "sin now only to prevent you from sinning later" or to that effect. I am not sure if it is a foolproof solution to prevent adultery in the future, but I am very sure that it is not something which any loving boyfriend would want their girlfriend to do. From my vantage point, I see it as an excuse for him to sleep with other women as well. Like what Blue Skittles have mentioned, this is not a healthy relationship. Some serious work needs to be done. Secondly, as for things with that married colleague of yours, please do stop the hanky pankies before things really get out of hand. Your boyfriend may have certain values, but I am certain that you have yours to keep too. You would not feel guilty for kissing another man if your principles were not compromised. Hope I have helped.
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It is hard to judge based on just a simple stare for now. One thing for sure is that you still matter to him in certain amounts. Just ignore those looks he's giving out for now and concentrate on your music. If he wants to talk, he would approach you and perhaps you would get some insight on his behaviour. Till then, just leave it be.
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I would say that she has some hidden agendas. Be wary, but don't totally give up on her as yet. Give her some time, and see if she confesses to anything; for my best guess is that she is either seeing someone on the side, or is not ready for a commitment for now.
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I have the book, and I have read it. I must admit that Robert Greene's in depth knowledge of the human psyche can be a little startling, if not unnerving. Most of the advice given in the book can be larger than life, so to speak, but it helps greatly in helping one understand the different types of human persona. His tactics are good, but when it comes down to the wire, it is all about the individual and how he or she manipulates their significant other. I strongly believe that everyone falls into many categories as described in the book. No one person is truly a rake, a libertine etc. It makes manipulation much more trickier, but with the right knowledge and moves, I sure that you'd be able to utilize the book to your full advantage. Cheers!
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This is totally wrong. Incest is not a trivial matter. Tell your friend to make a firm stand, and prevent any sexual relations with his sister in future. Not only are the end results damaging biologically, it can cause some serious damage psychologically. He has to get out. Before it is all too late.
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No army of demons can march through the gates, if they weren't open in the first place. Do what you must; walk away before it's too late. Our acts are based on our consciousness and governed by our conscience. You are not helpless in this, and don't let human weaknesses cause you further misery. Cherish your boyfriend, and live a guilt free relationship.
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I do understand what you're saying. It is not an easy task trying to look for oneself. We have so many thoughts and directions that sometimes, it seems easier to understand others than to understand ourselves. But never give up. The harder the toil, the sweeter the victory. Always remind yourself that. As far as counsellors go, they can help to a certain extent, but at the end of the day, it is always the same old words. The true work lies with you. Be strong, and never give up. I am sure you would reap the fruits of independence soon enough.
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You are most welcome. I am sure that there are better men besides him who are more deserving of your attention. Don't stop looking.
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Hi Ariyadhana, There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who regard their worth based on the number of friends or lovers they have, or, those who judge their worth based on their confidence and their own accomplishments. Do not look for yourself in others, you'd never find yourself there. True, we may find good friends every once in a while, but ultimately friends would just be friends, they cannot fill that gaping hole. They are not you. Sometimes, it pays to be selfish and to look inwards for awhile. Try to understand your strengths and your weaknesses. Work doubly hard on your weaknesses and improve on them. For your strengths, use it to your advantage, whether it applies to work or making a stand for yourself in society. People would see you very differently when they know that your self-belief isn't easily broken. I hope that my little banter here helped you in some way. To be truly independent, is to believe in yourself. That's the first step.
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Hi Serena, It seems like this man is unsure of himself, to begin with. A confident man would never jerk anyone around, one with good morals intact that is. Someone sure of himself would signal a clear-cut direction where relationships are concerned, it is either a YES or a NO. No 'Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde' role playing when it comes to a man with a good dose of self esteem. To safeguard yourself from any further hurt, I'd advice you to walk away now. A relationship can never blossom when doubts and fear are always in play.
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Hi Dopeysgirl, I would advice you to be on your guard. Him having sex with you doesn't prove anything much at this point in time. There are a few possible reasons I can cite, but take it with a pinch of salt, for I am not him definitely! One, he may be seeking you out for convenience sake, since you did mention that he is not seeing anyone at all. Two, he may be searching for feelings for you, thus engaging in sex to see if there's any true substance for him to go on with. Boricua did state something true, and it is mostly true for most men. They can have sex without any emotional ties involved. In your case, I am sincerely hoping that it isn't. Whatever it is, be careful of how much feelings you are investing in him, till you are absolutely sure of how he feels. Talk to him soon, that's the best solution for now.
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There are no hard fixes for that. A quick exit is the best solution. When it comes to luck, we make our own.
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Well said Octopus. Relationships either work, or they don't at all. We have different scenes from different crimes. People getting stuck in a bond due to the fear of loneliness, due to the fear of being seen as single, the list goes on. Sometimes, the amount of abuse they put up with can be rather startling. When it comes to making the call, breaking up might not be such a bad thing afterall, and yes, it must be permanent. The trick to survival in relationships is to recognise which are the ones that work, and those that don't. Too much compromising on both sides is never a good thing. I can't stress this enough, but NC is mandatory. I never believed in 'being friends with an ex'.
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I understand your questions there Contento. The answer actually lies with her, and not us really. If she is able to face up to it, which she already did, and state that it was a mistake, then it is one. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to sex, it will always remain dependent on an individual's opinion. Speak to her, and arrive at your own conclusion based on her reply. I hope this helps.
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I do respect what you are saying too, Behappy. To say that you can forgive someone is easy, but sadly, it doesn't equate to the fact that you can forget the act and carry that burden for the rest of your life. My point is, either one is able to love their partner for what he or she is now, or one would always be bothered by their past acts. I know that it is unfair, but forgiving someone and most of all, forgetting it totally, requires more than we'd like to know.
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I understand your dilemma Contento. You would have to be subjective with your decision. What you need to ask yourself is, are you able to let go of her past and appreciate her for what she is now? If her past actions weigh too heavily on your mind, then let her go, for demons such as these have a way of finding their way back to haunt your relationship. It is not easy to love someone for what they are now. Then again, I won't say that "doing 2 guys at one time" is something trivial which can be discarded easily. Being human, we would let that occasional doubt creep in, causing more havoc than is needed. True enough, loving someone means to forgive and forget, but even so, how much can we forgive and how much can we forget? Bottom line is, if her past is catching with you, then go your own way. No amount of love, trust nor sweet nothings can resolve those doubts.
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Dating a single parent...where do i fit?
bleeder replied to loneranger's topic in Relationship Advice
I am glad that you have built up trust between the two of you, Loneranger. Now that you have overcomed the first part, the second stage of the journey should be easier for you. As with what Vandgsmom has stated, give her more time to get used to you being in her life. I can only see the best for you to come. All the best! -
Dating a single parent...where do i fit?
bleeder replied to loneranger's topic in Relationship Advice
Sometimes, the feeling of guilt might overwhelm single-parents that they choose to give up dating altogether. This normally arises when they see dating someone else as an act of "unfaithfulness" to their child. On your part, you need to help her overcome this gradually. Like what ariyadhana mentioned, it is best to speak to her personally about this. In the meantime, try to engage her as a friend first. Things would definitely improve once she sees that you mean no harm to her or to her child. Trust would always be the building block. -
Men are from Mars: Women are from Venus. Good?
bleeder replied to Bigbilly's topic in Relationship Advice
Hi Bigbilly, I read the book some years ago, but I wouldn't say that it is thrash. John Gray, the author, covered some pretty good angles when it comes to the differences between men and women. You need not take it as a bible where relationships are concerned, but the book serves as a good aid in judging how women tick when different situations arise. The bottom line of the book's message is, more often than not, neither the man nor the woman is wrong, but it is the differences in our way of thinking and communication which lead to conflicts. Hope this helps with your decision in getting the book. -
Hi Dusinthewind, I have to agree with you. You're definitely not paranoid in this situation for his behavior seems very odd indeed. I feel that the best way to nip this is to speak to him. Try not to use an accusary tone or sarcastic choice of words, but ask him nicely as to why he is so "protective" over his cell? See what he has to say for himself. I am sure that your built in 'woman's radar' is sharp enough to detect if he is lying through his teeth. If his answer isn't good enough, then perhaps drastic measures need to be taken. I am not advocating that you breach his privacy, but checking up on his call logs as well as text messages might give you a better picture. In my opinion, there is something stirring and it is time that you found out about it. Keep us posted.
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Thanks for elaborating Jessy. Now that I have a better picture, I won't rule out pride as a factor, but like what Melrich mentioned, it could be due to the boundaries which he sets. Everyone needs their own space and privacy. Thus in knowing so, it's best to ask him personally about his reasons. Once you have the answers, it would be easier for the both of you to work your way from there.