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Shorty, I would ask him straight out, "what feelings do you have for your ex?" Any problems I've ever had, the solution was to always ask straight out, no fear. Two possible outcomes: A) He says yes. Now you know. You decide where to go from here as opposed to being oblivious to the fact, something that could come up and spoil things in hte future. B) He says no. Your worries are gone, and you can continue the great relationship without a worry. If he is kind of iffy about his response, just try to ease him into telling you if you can...if he can't actually answer, you can lean towards A, but at least you'll know a little more. Good luck.

RayKay, Coming from a guy, (yes, me!), this is pretty normal, unless your boyfriend is really open in front of his friends. I'm in absolute love with my girlfriend, but you still wouldn't catch me dead talking lovey dovey in front of my friends unless it was really necessary. Another thing, if I'm with a group of guys and one of them gets lovey dovey, the guys WILL give him crap for it. It will all be in good humor, but few guys like to get that "sensitive" image in front of their guy friends. As long as he can show it when his friends are not around, then he does care for you. You have NOTHING to worry about.

One thing to note is I asked the information out of her...I knew somewhat of her past and being human, was curious. Since I'm in love with her, I guess I want to know everything about her. I'm also glad that I did ask and that she did tell (and can trust me enough to tell me things like this). I think it builds our relationship, rather than having little secrets that are hidden from each other and lets me understand her better. So, things are good. Thanks for all of your help.

Thanks. I trust her and am fine with what happened (at no time did I reject her or tell her she was wrong, etc.). Time for me to move on with her. Thanks again, jeff

Ah, what I was getting at is "I completely trust her, even though I typically question my girlfriends" meaning I'm objective enough to tell obvious signs of distrust, infidelity, etc, despite being in love with her.

Thanks for the responses. I never questioned her fidelity and fully trust her, I was just stating that I typically do and am able to tell whether someone is fooling me or not. I'm also fully capable of learning anything about her past and accepting it, however each piece of information I take, I like to understand why it happened and whether it's good, bad or doesn't matter for us. I guess the outcome here is, based off of other comments: a) she can make her own decisions b) as long as she isn't hurting anyone, there's nothing wrong c) I shouldn't care what other people's views on her are (I might if it escalated to a huge number of people with a negative view) d) don't be a hypocrite I think that does it. Thanks for all of your help...I'll still be reading additional comments if there are any. Thanks, jeff

behappy, This is the same exact scenario. You don't even know, in this case, whether he was dating someone else or not. He told you he wasn't. If he was, is it your fault for continuing with him? Of course not, it wasn't your decision whether HE was in a relationship with someone else or not. The only way YOU could be at fault is if YOU were dating somone else and cheating on them. If he did have a girlfriend, you weren't hurting her, he was and even if he absolutely did NOTHING with you, it would still be HIM hurting her as he was the one going behind her back, not you. You have not done anything wrong. Other people's relationships aren't your problem. It's one thing to be the one to interject one, but you weren't doing that, the guy was straying from his own relationship (if he even had one!) You have nothing to feel guilty about.

I can accept this and never bring it up again to her, that doesn't bother me. I just want to know what to think of it. Is what she did wrong? Is it just a mistake she made? Is it something that should be okay and accepted or not? How big of a mistake is this? This is all, of course, opinion, so I'm looking for some more logical conclusions of how I should take it if anyone has any ideas...

behappy, because you knew it could have hurt someone else, however that had nothing to do with you. It was his agenda to cheat on his wife, not yours. Think about this, she would be just as disappointed to know that her husband even though of cheating on her, with anyone. If someone I was dating "wanted" to cheat on me and pursued it but didn't, that would be just as bad as doing it. Whether you did anything or not, it was his decision and the status of their relationship and problems didn't involve you. It would be another story if you aggresively went after a married man, despite him not wanting you...make sense?

Thanks for all of your responses, I would love to hear more. One things I'm trying to determine is whether what she did was really a "bad" thing. If I were her, would I do the same thing? As a guy, I wouldn't mind two girls, most guys wouldn't. I obviously wouldn't do this while dating anyone and neither did she, but females typically don't tell their boyfriends all of the things they've done so I don't think we're really used to knowing all of this type of information...but still hard to take in. I can live with it and I don't believe it will eat me up inside. She hasn't done anything wrong in our entire relationship so there's nothing bad there. I feel a little bit like this is out of Chasing Amy...I can accept what she did, but is what she did bad? good? normal? I guess it depends on your views on sex, casual sex, etc...I'm still developing and adjusting these views, but want to do it objectively which is why I'm here. Thanks again.

behappy, these are other people's problems, not yours. You haven't done anything wrong, they have. They were the ones straying, not you.

Tell her she's going to date you, or not. If not, then you're over her. If you don't, she'll know that she can walk all over you and at any time pull the same thing when there's another guy she might be attracted to but isn't sure. There are two possible outcomes to this situation: 1) She says yes, you're golden. 2) She says no, then why would you want her anyway? If you didn't ask the question, she would just continue to lead you on until some other guy comes along for her to mess with. This is the short-cut to the same final result. Chicks dig confidence. Exude it. Otherwise, you will get walked over like you are right now. Good luck, jeff

Guest, I am a guy and I know what he's thinking. If he didn't hold your hand in public places, didn't want to do long distance, went for a closer girl, and now just wants to be friends with her, it's because he couldn't get her and wants to get you back. Should you go back with him? You decide, but I'd say no. He doesn't like you as much as he likes other girls, not because they're any better, but because they're something new. I used to be this way, not doing the public displays of affection with my girlfriends, wanting other girls, not being very fair to them...but I'm over that life now, and that wasn't a good guy, and neither is he. Good luck. Hope you find someone who cares for you as much as you do him.

Yup. All resolved.