Jump to content

saltwatergirl

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    409

  • Joined

  • Days Won

    1

 Content Type 

Everything posted by saltwatergirl

  1. saltwatergirl
    See you later mate? Hmmmm. The pills are curious. Ok first of all, you dont tell your boyfriend of 5 years that you need a 'holiday" from each other, and pick the day you'll be back from your little vacation apart. Then proceed to have sex after this announcement? That is asinine. No, there is definitely something up here. It sounds to me like she has something planned, probably just something to "try out", probably has met someone and is considering her interest in him...thus the "holiday" making sure that if she regrets it, youll still be there; yet with the announcement of a "break" she is free to declare her intentions to leave permanently if the other thing pans out. The pre-departure and intermittent sex confirms the intention of keeping you waiting just in case. Something happened over the weekend. And it wasn't random. I wish i had some other scenario to offer up, but I really believe this is whats up. Salt
  2. saltwatergirl
    YES!!! If anything this should be face to face. I realize that is hard what with all the stop and go signals you get from her. But sooner or later, she'll get a wild hair and call or even meet up with you, and you will do this at that time. I know it's hard. Be patient. You know as well as I do that at some point, you 2 will speak again....it's the pattern of addiction between you two. Wait for that time. Dont send a heartfelt email during her "off" phase, wait and catch her when she's "on". EDIT: Oops, DONT preplan this talk. Dont sit there and try to set up a day with her for the big discussion; could be why she's tensing up. JDont mention it again===just wait til you are in her presense again and then initiate it. Salt
  3. saltwatergirl
    Agreed. Salt
  4. saltwatergirl
    I wish you well sparkle, but I think you are making a huge mistake trusting this person again. Salt
  5. saltwatergirl
    I think you need to realize that all the I Love You's and Im Sorrys and Ill never do it again's are just words. That's all they are. They arent promises, or contracts, or some crystal ball with the truth etched in them...they are simply WORDS. He lied, he cheated, and he completely decieved you, and because he was CAUGHT these words are the only thing he has to convince you not to leave. Please dont hang your hopes on them. He is saying them to get you to stay. That's all. There is no grand awakening, this is not an epiphany, it's HIM getting CAUGHT and EXPOSED for the bald faced pathologial liar and con man that he really is. That is ALL it is. Dont read too much into it. Liars lie at will, he did it before and he's doing it now. Why expect anything more? He is a liar. thereforeeee, when in doubt, assume he's lying. You have a choice here. You can choose to recognize that behind the words is NOTHING but a liar and a cheater who didnt care for you or this relationship enough to be honest and faithful. Then you can tell him no thanks, and walk away, be sad for a bit but know that you deserved to be treated better than this and that you will one day meet someone who you won't have to be suspicious of, who says I Love You and means it, and you wont be sitting here wondering if he really means that because he will prove it every day....you will be happy, not sad. OR You can take back a known liar and cheater and live in fear, doubt, sadness, anger, and worry for a while longer until he does it again down the road, probably around the time you begin to let down your defenses and trust him again....making the pain a million times worse than that which it is now because you were betrayed not once but twice. Personally, I dont see this as much of a choice, girl. And you know what you have to do. You save yourself, you stop believing in lies, you accept that you cannot change him and that he is NOT the man you think he is, you suck it up, and you walk away now. Salt
  6. saltwatergirl
    Are you older than him? I know you have spent a couple years trying to fix him. But really, I don't see the logic behind this. The world is full of men who have already been raised. You two want to spend all this time and energy trying to correct the other person and make them into someone they are not. Wouldn't it be easier to just find SOMEONE ELSE that you are more compatable with? Salt
  7. saltwatergirl
    My advice is to contact her. I usually advise against that, but your situation seems different. Call her. Salt
  8. saltwatergirl
    Great! Congrats to him for seeing your worth. Now, keep walking. Youll find someone better, who will appreciate you and not run out to check for greener grass. He will KNOW he wants you. Don't waste your time with this guy. He made his choice, wrap this thing up and move on. Salt
  9. saltwatergirl
    Wrong. Don't send that. If she asks again just repeat what you already said...busy, not online much, etc. Keep it vague. Salt
  10. saltwatergirl
    So what? Normally this would be forbidden territory, but your ex was crappy to you and has been for years. Proceed. Salt
  11. saltwatergirl
    Agreed. E, you are putting the nails in the coffin with your seriousness and selfish perspective on things. Im sorry that you cant see this,it is so clear to others. Maybe in time you will get the chip off your shoulder, and lighten up a little bit. There is nothing wrong with just going with the flow and letting things be. You were upset at how she initiated the convo...why? Who cares? You can't control everything. Salt
  12. saltwatergirl
    Please dont allow yourself to be used like this. Ick. If he wants to go off and be with someone else, show him the door and let it hit him in the asphalt on the way out, tell him you dont need his crap now, and you won't need it in the future. Come on girl, get tough, dont let him treat you like this. Dirtbag. Salt
  13. saltwatergirl
    Here Here! Either Do or do not, there is no try. Wait, did I just quote Yoda?! Salt
  14. saltwatergirl
    Agree with this 100%. He left you and is seeing someone else, probably before he left you...why are you still hanging on? Cut him loose, TOTALLY. No phone no email no visiting,no more access to your body. Nothing.. Go to the post office and mail the charger to him. Then start getting over it and moving on. He's using you. DONT put up with this crap for another minute. Salt
  15. saltwatergirl
    Agree with others..she wants to keep you with a glimpse of hope in your mind, this way you are still going to be there if her current thing doesn't work out. She doesn't want you to move on cause she might be back. If she changes her mind and decides she doesn't want to be single, she can come back because you are still there. I'm leaving, but stay here and wait because I might be back. You're the cushion for the possible fall. This is what she's doing. No doubt. What do you want to do in that case? Wait? Leave? That's the current decision for you, not what her intentions are because those are crystal clear. Salt
  16. saltwatergirl
    I agree also. Don't reply at all....the email she sent you was incredibly selfish, a way to make her own self feel better about what she did. I would be VERY angry at recieving this. I would block her emails and phone number, and have absolutely nothing more to say to her. You really don't need this crap. Wow. Still in shock that she had the nerve to send something like this. Salt
  17. saltwatergirl
    Well, I'll try. First, you have to decide if you are going to trust her or not. If you aren't, you need to really disconnect from this relationship, it will not work with no trust. I know this. If you REALLY are going to, then (as you know) you have to stop the email checking. I know this is hard, because it is only natural to make sure you aren't caught off guard again by something, or in the dark about something. You want to make sure there is nothing going on behind your back. The only problem is, this isn't "trust". Webster defines trust as follows: Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing. One in which confidence is placed. To be confident; hope. This noun denotes a feeling of certainty that a person or thing will not fail. Implies depth and assurance of feeling that is based on inconclusive evidence. So, to trust her means to stop looking for reassurance or verification...Checking for reassurance does not = trust, as you can see by the definition above. So, what to do? First, decide if you are willing to do the above. She has given reasons to doubt her, but the CHOICE to trust her again is yours to make. Do you want to risk a possible misplacement of your trust? If you do, if it is worth it to you to take a chance again, the next step is to stop doing the things that are NOT trust actions. Such as, checking emails. Every time you do it, you stop yourself from trusting. It's like a child getting into a pool to swim, but holding onto the side. If you really want to swim, you have to let go of the side. You can't swim holding on. Yes it is scary but, until you do, you won't be swimming. Same thing here. To break this habit, I suggest you tell her that you have been doing it, but you want to stop because you know that isn't trust, and tell her to change her password. this assures her that you are SERIOUS that you want to trust her and be prevented from continuing to check emails. Sort of force yourself to let go of the side of the pool. She shouldn't have a problem with what you have done because you are coming to her asking her to change it so that you will stop. Very proactive move. After this conversation, you can tell her about the nervousness and anxiety you feel over her going to this gathering with the ex. It would be beneficial to the relationship if she would 1. acknowledge this feeling of yours, and 2. Not go. The rebuilding of trust should be more important to her than this gathering---and after some time has passed and the trust has been built back up, I'm sure you will feel less uneasy and she can resume things like this. Either get out of the pool, or let go of the side. You can't just stand there holding on. I hope this helps. Salt
  18. saltwatergirl
    The slough of despond will subside in time, just don't wallow too long. Force yourself up and out. Salt
  19. saltwatergirl
    How's that gonna help? I doubt his response would be "yes, you are right and Im just in denial". He will either A. Ignore her or B. rattle off something to reinforce his position. Both will hurt. No, I don't support this move at all. Whether or not it was "true love"....This is not a debate you will win. Let that go. Better to remain silent and thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. Salt
  20. saltwatergirl
    Huh? How do you know if feelings are there unless you date for a while? What's he supposed to do, sit and do nothing in the meantime? Geez. Ever heard the words 'casually dating'? I agree with the other advice, look her up. Salt
  21. saltwatergirl
    Blahhhh Salt
  22. saltwatergirl
    I probably wouldn't sweat it. I have other friends; other things to do, and would just figure she was busy. Would catch up with her whenever. When it comes to frienships, everyone's different. Some are attentive, others less. Not a big deal really, unless you have ulterior motives... Salt
  23. saltwatergirl
    Interesting insight. Salt
  24. saltwatergirl
    You talked online til the sun cam up and slept with your cams on so you could see each other wake up??? What fantasy land are you living in? Where was your boyfriend during all this? In bed alone?? How can he show you the affection you need when you are spending all your spare time flirting and caming with some guy online? You might have a sex life again with your boyfriend if you weren't devoting time and attention to an online guy. And maybe if you got off the computer you could take care of the laundry and house so that he wouldn't need to point out to you the mess that is piling up. And by the way, the 5 hour blocks of time you spend online flirting and living it up with the guy behind the web cam---who's taking care of your daughters? Or for that matter, your boyfriend?? And you are complaining about YOUR needs not being met? God. Are you kidding me with this? Then you ask: My girls need me to be happy, right? No, your girls need you to be a grown up. Not some love sick child who sleeps by the computer so the online guy can see her wake up on webcam, while daddy sleeps in the bed. You are outrageous. Yes, I think you should break up with your boyfriend. He deserves better. Salt
  25. saltwatergirl
    LOL Greatness. Salt
×
×
  • Create New...