VIRGOBLAZE

Hun, I want to point out one thing in your message that your missing, and its pretty key. When she calls she's with people, and it noisy? Well, hun, take a moment to think about this: even in a crowd, shes thinking of you, and wants you to know that she loves you. If anything I think this is a very good sign. If you're having doubts of your own about her, then that is something you need to explore, but it doesnt sound to me like shes giving you up anytime soon. -J

I really appreciate all the help. Now the hard question. I'm not happy in my current relationship and whether I was with someone else or not, my girls need me to be happy overall right? That will make me a better mom, won't it? I don't know who to choose. It seems like I'm gonna break someone no matter what I do, but I can't break myself right, meaning I have to do whats best for me? How do I choose the right path?

Okay, first some backgound. Tim and I have known eachothe since 8th gade. We tied to date a couple times in high school and once when we wee 20, but it never worked out, however, we always remained good friends. My boyfriend Jay and I have been together off and on for years. We have two gorgeous daughters together. We were separated for two years, but I moved back in in November because he needed my help with our girls (I've been in school so we shared custody and they lived with him). We were living as roommates until April when he decided he wanted me back and worked very hard to win me. About a month or so ago, Tim and I reconnected through MySpace (Jay and I moved to Wisconsin from Connecticut three years ago, and Tim and I losr contact). Lately, we've been talking alot and while originally it was the typically joke-flirting we've always done for the past twelve years. However, we've more recently become more serious. When Jay went camping with the girls this weekend, Tim and I spent A LOT of time chatting: 3 hours Saturday afternoon, 5 hours Saturday night, and 4 hours Sunday. We talked until the sun rose Saturday night and slept with our cams on, so if we woke up, we could see the other one, kind of to see like what it would be like to wake up together. It's obvious to both of us that we are developing feelings for eachother. He talks about kissing me and how much it sucks that we live 1200 miles away from eachother. I really miss him too. And the thing is, even though we can't go too far, it's almost like can't help it. To this day, even after being apart for so long, we still know eachother better than most. i should mention that though Jay worked hard to get me back, the trying has stopped. We barely have sex because he says "I just haven't been that attracted to you lately." We bicker quite often, and its getting so I dread him coming home because I can't cam with Tim, though we can chat. It's sort of pathetic I know, but I really can't help it. Jay has been putting me down recently about the messy state of our house, but no matter how hard I try it never seems good enough. Instead of noticing a room I cleaned, he'll notice a pile of laundry I didn't do, and things like that. I'm feeling neglected because he isnt showing me the affection I need, whereas Tim is always sure to call me beautiful no matter how crappy I look and he compliments me often. Most would say it's easier because its an online thing, but he's always been that way. So my question is, am I cheating on Jay with Tim because I have feelings for him? I must admit I'm beginning to think about him more and more each day and how good we'd be together if I lived in Connecticut with him (my whole family lives there too). I've also begun fantasizing sometimes too. I don't know how to stop or even if I want to. I've known him for 12 years and could never really quit having a friendship with him. I wouldn't be able stand it. Help me!!! -Jillian (PS If some words don't look right, please know that my R buttonr is mad at me and doesnt like working all the time, lol.)

Ok, here's some backround on me: I have two girls with a guy named Jay. We broke up two and a half years ago. Last fall, I was dating this guy, Dan, but, as per usual, I screwed it up by being scared and clingy and he broke up with me. It was out of the blue (6 days earlier he had been talking about how much he loved and wanted to marry me someday). After that, Jay asked me to move into his house to help out with our daughters. We were living as roommates and all was fine well and good. About two months ago, Jay started trying to win me back. He did a great job too, treating me well and making me feel appreciated (a much-lacked quality wen we were together before). The thing is that, lately, his caring and affection has majorly fallen off. I mean we haven't had sex in three weeks and my libido is definitely not the reason. I've tried treating him extra well, making myself look good, etc. When I asked him te other night what the problem is, he just said "I don't know, I just haven't been that turned on by you lately." THAT FRICKIN HURT!!! So around last week I was driving down the road and all of a sudden Dan popped into my head. I have no idea why. Granted I never really got over him. Suddenly, his face is all I see around me and I can't stop thinking about him and all the things I left unsaid when we broke up. In an effort not to cry and seem strong, I said the * * * * *iest thing i could think of when we broke up: i called him a liar for ever telling me he loved me and a coward. The thing is I was the coward because I didn't fight for him at all. Yesterday I wrote him a letter (yes, SuperDave, i know now it was wrong) telling him i was sorry about everything and thanking him for everything i learned from our relationship, which is true. i learned what not to do and i'm a lot better of a person now. The thing is i wish i knew how he felt, but i figured if i sent him this letter and e-mailed him (moment of weakness, horrible, i know) he would find a way to respond. I can't call him. that would be so wrong. But why am i still not over him? it's been over eight months since we broke up and i still have unresolved feelings toward him. how can i get over it once and for all? if he won't even call me or email and say "no, i hate you" or SOMETHING, how can i ever think there isn't somehow, someway going to be a day when there's some glimmer of hope? i mean i don't even really want to get back with him, so much as get some closure about what happened. he never even told me why he was breaking up with me. Also, i know the best thing is to be with Jay and work it out, but i don't know how to MAKE him feel attracted to me again, because i can't change how someone else feels about me. what do i do? HELP!!! -Jillian