starbursts23

Hi Everyone: This website is wonderful! I have read through a lot of the advice on two of the forums, this one and the "getting back together" one. It has been a great help to me and will continue to be. I am going to post my story on this forum too, and see if I can get some more advice. My Back Story: I am now on Day 13 of NC. Today is difficult, because it was supposed to be the day he moved in with me and my roommates. I think about him every day, but at least my appetite is back and I can still smile and laugh at work and home. I am thinking about writing him a short note along with his part of our phone bill statement. I am going to try to be as casual as possible. He already knows how I feel about him, and how I still hold hope for a second chance down the road. I still love him as much as I ever did. That said, even if we never end up trying again, I am going to take my time healing from this and improving myself. Just yesterday, I joined the local YMCA. I want to look and feel good again. Something else about me, I have low self esteem and am often down on myself and my looks. If anyone has any advice for me, please post here. Thanks, starbursts23

Hi, Thanks to robowarrior for your advice. I will take that into consideration. If anyone else has any advice, please let me know. I'm thinking seriously about calling his mother just to see how his hand is. (from my earlier post i aid it is broken). Help! Does this qualify as breaking NC? thanks starbursts23

Hi Everyone: Anyone who needs to know my full story can check out the threads: "Wanting this love to work" and "Day 5 of NC...very sad, feel worse". Both are by me, starbursts23. Now, onto the issues. I haven't mentioned this, but my ex and I actually share a phone plan with our cell phones. We always each paid our part of it every month. Currently, I am trying to think of ways to separate his part from mine (we should each have our own). He owes me about $100 right now towards the last bill, and after the next one comes in next week, will owe me more. I am worried about the cost of separating our phone bills. I can't really afford a lot since I support myself (I live with roommates). If any of you on here are from Canada you might appreciate this when I say that Rogers AT&T Wireless rips people off when it comes it to money issues. Another factor is we just upgraded our phones and started a new 3-year plan in May. AHHHH! Any advice on what I should do about this? Also, about a week before our relationship ended, my ex broke his hand. He, as far as I know, still has a cast on it. I still love him and miss him every day, but the point here is, i am concerned about him and I hope he is okay. i don't, however, know if I can handle talking to him at this point. I just know I'll get all emotional and ask him for things he won't give me, at least right now. I have a good relationship with his mom, so I am thinking about phoning her just to see how he is. I know his mom will be honest and up front with me. That's just the way she is. What do you guys think? So far, I am now on Day 9 of NC. He hasn't called or anything and neither have I. Most days I think I will wait for him to call (to avoid my getting emotional), and other days I want to. Please advise me, anyone, about this. Thanks, starbursts23

Hi SuperDave: I just read in the thread "How to get your ex back (Possibly) with NC" that you are working on a book! I can't wait to read it! Keep us posted on how it goes. Also if you could give me any advice for my situation under "Wanting to be together again" and my latest thread about my "Day of 5 of NC" hell, that'd be great! starbursts23

P.S. Update. I am slowly getting through the day right now. I am reading this book called "How to Survive The Loss of A Love" by Harold Bloomfield, Melba Colgrove, and Peter McWilliams. I just started reading this morning on the bus to work but I find it very insightful. I will probably read it many times over until I get through this. I am still very sad, but not as bad as this morning. I have been reading more advice on this site and it is helping too. Thanks again everyone! Also, i welcome more advice and tips as I will be up and down like a lot of us will for a long time.

Hi Everyone: I am very sad today. Before I started work this morning I went into the bathroom and started crying, kinda asking why did this happen and will it ever stop...that sort of thing. I feel like I am on a slippery slope, I keep climbing but my feet sometimes won't grip. My original thread is titled "Wanting to be together again", by me, starbursts23; if anyone wants to know my story. I wish today was Saturday, because I feel so low right now, like I will never get past this pain. It feels like a rock in my chest. Today I just wanted to sit home and cry and basically just wallow. I am supposed to go out late tonight with my roommate, but at this point, I can't see myself going because I just want to crawl in a hole today. Anyone who has advice for me, message me please. I need some help. Thanks, starbursts23 P.S. Update. I am slowly getting through the day right now. I am reading this book called "How to Survive The Loss of A Love" by Harold Bloomfield, Melba Colgrove, and Peter McWilliams. I just started reading this morning on the bus to work but I find it very insightful. I will probably read it many times over until I get through this. I am still very sad, but not as bad as this morning. I have been reading more advice on this site and it is helping too. Thanks again everyone! Also, i welcome more advice and tips as I will be up and down like a lot of us will for a long time.

Hi Everyone: I am very sad today. Before I started work this morning I went into the bathroom and started crying, kinda asking why did this happen and will it ever stop...that sort of thing. I feel like I am on a slippery slope, I keep climbing but my feet sometimes won't grip. My original thread is titled "Wanting to be together again", by me, starbursts23; if anyone wants to know my story. I wish today was Saturday, because I feel so low right now, like I will never get past this pain. It feels like a rock in my chest. Today I just wanted to sit home and cry and basically just wallow. I am supposed to go out late tonight with my roommate, but at this point, I can't see myself going because I just want to crawl in a hole today. Anyone who has advice for me, message me please. I need some help. Thanks, starbursts23

Great advice, guys! I am now in the middle of Day 3 of NC. The toughest times for me is in the middle of the night (usually turn on the TV low at that point with anything comedic), and the morning when I wake up until I get to work and am able to find distractions. I am happy that you guys are sympathetic to me, trying to get me to see that I shouldn't waste my time with him as long as he is seeing someone else. I appreciate that because I am just not there yet. I am still very sad and wanting to work things out BUT ONLY IF HE CAN PROVE HE WANTS ME AND JUST ME. That's not going to happen for a long time, if ever. Boy, is it hard to those two words "IF EVER." I just want things back the way they were, but with us actually working through our problems. Thank you for the advice again and wish me luck on continuing NC! Right now, I am going to let him come to me if he wants to talk. Everythign I've read here says that is the best way. starbursts23

Hi Everybody: I just wanted to say that a lot of you have been very helpful to me, even at the early stages of my situation. I have been reading through a lot of threads on here, and right now I especially am reading through this thread. There is tons of great lessons in here. I am going to continue reading through them and others to help myself. My heart is full of pain right now, and I can't help the hope that we will be together. After all, I am posting on this forum because I want him back right now because of my still-very-strong love for him. Today, after reflecting on the conversation we had just yesterday ; I realize today that I laid all my cards out yesterday and I asked him for the same. Even though I am very sad and my heart yearns for him the way we were...it's not gonna happen right now. We both need time to figure things out. Do I want him back? I am not lying here, yes I do. But he would have to prove to me that I am the only one in his life and he wants to be with me and only me. Right now, I can't, really I can't think about it never happening. I can't help it, right now I need that hope. Yesterday, at the end of the conversation, I told him "I love you very much" and he said, "I love you, too." I was happy and I said "You still love me?" and he said there were still feelings there...he just needed to explore his feelings and sort out things. I hope one day we can work throught his and be together again. I love him to the bottom of my soul. Right now, I am just surviving through each day. A lot of the posts and threads on here say that NC is needed and necessary, and almost all of the threads also strongly suggest that chasing, begging and crying for them to come back will only serve to push them further away. So, I have now been NC with him for 25 hours. He can come to me. I am determined not to chase him...because he is not going to give me different answer now. Anyone who has any more advice for me or wants to talk, please post on my thread. I think it would help to have a group of possbile friends on here that know exactly what I am going through. Thanks

Hi Everybody: I just wanted to say that a lot of you have been very helpful to me, even at the early stages of my situation. I have been reading through a lot of threads on here, and right now I especially am reading through the thread titled "You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!" There is tons of great lessons in there. I am going to continue reading through them and others to help myself. My heart is full of pain right now, and I can't help the hope that we will be together. After all, I am posting on this forum because I want him back right now because of my still-very-strong love for him. Today, after reflecting on the conversation we had just yesterday ; I realize today that I laid all my cards out yesterday and I asked him for the same. Even though I am very sad and my heart yearns for him the way we were...it's not gonna happen right now. We both need time to figure things out. Do I want him back? I am not lying here, yes I do. But he would have to prove to me that I am the only one in his life and he wants to be with me and only me. Right now, I can't, really I can't think about it never happening. I can't help it, right now I need that hope. Yesterday, at the end of the conversation, I told him "I love you very much" and he said, "I love you, too." I was happy and I said "You still love me?" and he said there were still feelings there...he just needed to explore his feelings and sort out things. I hope one day we can work throught his and be together again. I love him to the bottom of my soul. Right now, I am just surviving through each day. A lot of the posts and threads on here say that NC is needed and necessary, and almost all of the threads also strongly suggest that chasing, begging and crying for them to come back will only serve to push them further away. So, I have now been NC with him for 25 hours. He can come to me. I am determined not to chase him...because he is not going to give me different answer now. Anyone who has any more advice for me or wants to talk, please post on my thread. I think it would help to have a group of possbile friends on here that know exactly what I am going through. Thanks

Hi Everyone: I continue to thank you for all the great advice you guys are giving me. It is great to have the support when I feel the need for it most. He came over to get the majority of his things this afternoon. We talked for close to three hours about everything. I asked for total honesty, and I gave that back to him as well. He told me that he had been having doubts about us for quite awhile, but that he was afraid to say anything because a lot of him still wanted to try as well. He said he would be dating somebody else, but if that didn't work out in the future, we could build something again. (Keep in mind that I still am very much wanting to work on this right now, so I took it as face value). I honestly hope the day comes when we can try again. I am at a very low point right now and I just want to try again from the beginning...which is what he said he would do if this didn't work out. If anyone has any advice or helpful hints, I would love to hear from you. Thanks

Hi everyone: I appreciate the advice I have been given so far. This is so hard on me, I don't know what's going to happen. I am very emotional, always have been about a lot of things. All I want right now is for us to try again. Part of me knows that would be bad right now anyways. If this is going to ever work, than I need to figure how to keep going on and doing other things for now. If any of you have any advice on some of the ways i can get through this, it would be great. I know I will drive myself crazy if i think about how long it will take for him to want to try again, but right now I can't help it. It's all I can think about. This is still very fresh for me. He is also saying that he has been having doubts about us for a couple of months but he was trying to fix it. WHAT IS THAT!!!? Why didn't he tell me so we could fix it together? 'Cause, right now, I really wish I could turn back time and fix things when they started if I had known. And yeah, I also wish someone could tell me when he is going to come around and actually try. Please give me some advice. Anything is great, as long as it is honest. I need that, i know. Thanks,

Since September 2004, I have been in a wonderful relationship with a guy I quickly fell in love with. In May of this year, he told me he wanted to move into my apartment with my roommate, me and my younger brother. Up until this week, we were making plans for this. On Sunday, July 2, he told me he was not ready to move in with me. We discussed this and I told him that if he truly wasn't ready, then he shouldn't move in. However, I finally spoke to him on Tuesday, July 6. He told me at that point he wanted to take a break from our relationship because he was really confused and didn't know what he wanted anymore. I am very upset by this and feel it is coming out of left field. We do have our problems, he doesn't speak up sometimes when things are bothering him, and sometimes I can be a bit controlling... (I know this is me too, but both my parents are the same way). We spoke again on Wednesday, and we agreed to take some space. We want to get together every couple of weeks and discuss how we might be able to fix this relationship. I am 100% for wanting to fix this, and he is on the fence, because he thinks he has feelings for someone else. I told him that the kind of love we have doesn't just disappear. I have spoken with his mother, and she is very supportive and wants this relationship to work for us, but she agrees with the space thing. I, however, am very torn. At this moment, I wish for us to be together, but take things very slow and see each other only once a week or even less, and we can work on things then. I left him a message on his cell phone Thursday night saying I had some new ideas about the situation and that I don't think any of them are unreasonable. From my perspective, you can't just go from wanting to move in together to wanting a break. Maybe we are too serious, but I feel there is common ground we can reach. Now, the latest happened last night (Saturday). He finally called me bak and we talked for more than an hour. He told me that he would be seeing this other girl. I asked him flat out if he honestly wanted to work this out and after soem persuasion, he finally told me no. I told him that it wasn't fair to leave me hanging around all summer or longer if he wasn't even going to try. It would just destroy me even more. He is coming over today (sunday) to get his stuff. He said he will always care about me, and if there is a chance in the near future for us to be together, and we were both not with other people, we could try again, and both of us would work on it. Meanwhile, it is over for now. Please give me your advice on this. I am afraid of this not working, and of not being able to move on and find someone else, because I still really want this relationship. Signed, Confused yet hopeful