adidas7fire

Well, I'm 22 and just about to graduate college and he's 19... so yeah, I see where you're coming from. I've known that but I guess I've been trying to evade it. But knowing that we are both willing to stay friends is something that I can live with... I mean, I'd rather be that than nothing, right? But thanks for your input.

I've been dating this guy for 4 months. We were friends before we dated but the time is coming where he's about to move to another state for college. Right now since it's the summer time, we are spending as much time together as possible, considering I go to class in the mornings and work until late at night. The only time we can really see each other is during the weekend or after midnight. But anyways, we have kind of talked about his moving and what effects it will have on our relationship but we never got to a definite answer on his we were going to stay together or if we were going to mutually break up because of the distance factor. Do you think I should wait and see how the LD relationship works or not even give it a chance and just remain friends? The hard part is even though we spend time together, he'll say something like, "I've got to talk to you about something" but when he gets his chance, he chickens out and it goes unsaid, leaving me to wonder what that "something" could be. It drives me crazy and I know that he regrets not saying what he wanted at that time (because he's told me). I worry constantly that it's something negative but when we are together, I don't think about that -- all I think about is him and how happy I am when we are together. I don't know... it's just this feeling I get whenever we talk online or on the phone... and when I asked him if what he needed to talk to me about was bad, his reply was "Yes, but no." Great! Now which way is my mind supposed to think?! Am I just worrying too much or should this be something I need to stay on top of and prepare myself for? My problem is that I always expect the worst of things... and 75% of the time they were nothing to worry over... but watch this one time it be the opposite. Help me out here... please. It's already bad enough that he's moving, but to lose someone I love... and to know that words are being left unspoken is eating me alive.

I'd have to agree with QTpie87. My boyfriend has one and I think it's sexy, to be honest. But if you want one or have one/want to maintain it, do it for you, not for anyone else.

No, because it was an easy class and he only had one but his best friend tells me otherwise -- saying that he was in love with me but why doesn't he tell me that himself instead of me having to hear it from his best friend?

I've been dating this guy since Valentine's Day. We get along very well and have many things in common. We hang out whenever our busy lifestyles will allow, with school and work being factors. Keep in mind that I'm 22 about to graduate college and he's 19, just starting college. Anyways, lately it seems like I've been putting more effort into the relationship than he has and it's making me start to wonder if I am wasting my time or not. I've talked to him about this but his response was that we are both busy and not every moment can be spent with me, even though he thinks about me whenever we're not together. We have a great time whenever we are together and I couldn't be happier... so I don't know what the deal is. Do you think I am making a big deal out of nothing or should I just take things slowly and play it by ear, so to speak? Please let me know. Thank you.

you're right about bringing her up.. and i do numerous times. i should have printed it out but this wasn't an issue at the time. but i shall try to do that.. and see what she says/thinks. thanks!

i have this friend (traci) that i have known practically my whole life (since kindergarten... it's been 16 years). she got married to this guy joe that she had been with for over 2 years because she got pregnant. anyways, traci and i have kept in touch a little bit but she changed A LOT since i knew her back in grade school. but guessing that since now she is a mother and married and all... things have been rough and tough for her. anyways, getting to my point, joe is a friend of mine as well now... and we all have hung out and stuff. last week he got my email addy from her and started talking to me and IMing whenever he got home. so when we have just been chatting at night, he tells me that she is getting mad at him for talking to me. i asked him why and he said because a while back he told her that he thought i was pretty (keep in mind that she is gorgeous!). i told him that was his first mistake.. to tell your wife that you think another woman is more beautiful than she (if it were me... i'd have a little more confidence in myself as well as a sense of security that my husband can look but can't touch). anyhow, i know that that must have made her uneasy and since he's only 19, he's still a little immature and was not ready to settle down. so last night we were talking and i was trying to help him with some computer issues he was having and she kept getting mad at him for turning on the lights (she couldn't go to sleep). but then i talked to him during lunch today and told me that she locked herself in the bathroom and was mad at both him AND me. she even told him that he would rather be with me than with her and all this other false stuff. i don't want her to be mad at him or at me... because i have always wanted her to be like a sister... but since she has changed so much... i don't know if that will be possible. i have no interest in joe and i guess she just doesn't buy that or understand that i am telling the truth. i don't know what to say to her to make her realize that she's overreacting and doesn't need to be jealous or worried. but if it comes down to it.. if i have to surrender a friendship, then i just might have to do it if she is going to be that way. it's a shame if that were ever to happen... but i don't know what to think from all this. please help me... i don't want to lose this friendship. how can i make her believe that nothing's going on?

i have this friend (traci) that i have known practically my whole life (since kindergarten... it's been 16 years). she got married to this guy joe that she had been with for over 2 years because she got pregnant. anyways, traci and i have kept in touch a little bit but she changed A LOT since i knew her back in grade school. but guessing that since now she is a mother and married and all... things have been rough and tough for her. anyways, getting to my point, joe is a friend of mine as well now... and we all have hung out and stuff. last week he got my email addy from her and started talking to me and IMing whenever he got home. so when we have just been chatting at night, he tells me that she is getting mad at him for talking to me. i asked him why and he said because a while back he told her that he thought i was pretty (keep in mind that she is gorgeous!). i told him that was his first mistake.. to tell your wife that you think another woman is more beautiful than she (if it were me... i'd have a little more confidence in myself as well as a sense of security that my husband can look but can't touch). anyhow, i know that that must have made her uneasy and since he's only 19, he's still a little immature and was not ready to settle down. so last night we were talking and i was trying to help him with some computer issues he was having and she kept getting mad at him for turning on the lights (she couldn't go to sleep). but then i talked to him during lunch today and told me that she locked herself in the bathroom and was mad at both him AND me. she even told him that he would rather be with me than with her and all this other false stuff. i don't want her to be mad at him or at me... because i have always wanted her to be like a sister... but since she has changed so much... i don't know if that will be possible. i have no interest in joe and i guess she just doesn't buy that or understand that i am telling the truth. i don't know what to say to her to make her realize that she's overreacting and doesn't need to be jealous or worried. but if it comes down to it.. if i have to surrender a friendship, then i just might have to do it if she is going to be that way. it's a shame if that were ever to happen... but i don't know what to think from all this. please help me... i don't want to lose this friendship. how can i make her believe that nothing's going on?

i'm not really sure what to make of this but that seems kind of rude if you ask me. i think it would have been nicer if she had just wished you a happy valentine's day and left it off there instead of telling you what HER plans were. usually they do that to make you jealous... to show you basically what you may be missing. just show that it's not bothering you and you'll be just fine. once she knows that anything she may tell you makes you uncomfortable, it may give her an ego-boost and she'll continue to do it. time will heal any pain that you may be going thru... i went thru the same situation with my ex 6 months ago (i was the hurt one) but once i figured out that i had to make myself realize that i was better off and needed to find out what i wanted, everything has taken its place nicely. and what makes things even more awkward is that i have to work with the guy every day but since i really don't dwell on anything he may say to me, it has only made things easier and i can move on. i hope that this helps... and good luck!

Thank you for responding. Yes, I know that this is a bad situation and that's why I was looking for advice. But I will suggest a counselor and see how that goes.

I have a close friend that I have known for about 16 years now. Last year she got married and now has a baby but during that time I have gotten to know her husband, just mutually because he was her husband. Since they are both really young, they have had more arguments within this first year of marriage. Just last week, her husband started chatting with me online and was telling me how much she had changed and things weren't the same as they used to be (before they got married) and how he felt like he was being taken for granted, feeling like he didn't matter anymore. I tried telling him to take these issues and discuss them with her but since I know how she is, she doesn't take controversary very well. So he has confided in me about all this. On top of all this, he is afraid of losing his son if anything should happen between the two. My concern is (1) is it alright that he is telling me all this stuff in hopes that I can help with the situation? (2) He admitted to having feelings for me but I told him various times that that was not acceptable considering that fact that he is married... so what would you say to my friend's husband in this situation? If you have any advice, please let me know. I care for both of my friends and don't want anything to happen to their marriage but at the same time I want both to be happy with their marriage. What to do?

hey there... i was in the same situation 4 months ago with my fiance. but when i found out that he was cheating on me with a mutual friend of ours, it started to drive me crazy. he ended up dumping me and getting with the girl but at the same time, i am glad that he did, otherwise i would have been miserable knowing that he liked someone else. what i am trying to say is i don't think you should give her another chance just because who's to say that she won't let it happen again? i mean, if you can't trust the person 100%, then why continue? it's not fair to you or to her to continue a relationship that you know will only end up worse. this is just my opinion and i hope it helps.

hey there... let me just say this... do not stress out over this. i went thru the same ordeal back in august and it has taken me up to this time to be completely over my ex. but during the time since then, i have done things that i have wanted to do... hung out with friends, travelled places, even met some people. all this helped me cope with the "loss" of a relationship. but as i found out, having time to myself is what really helped... it gave me an outlook of what i don't want in a relationship and thereforeeee, when i find another person i want to share a life with, then i'll know the good and the bad. what i am trying to say is take this time for you. it won't be easy but you have to be willing to look past the past and move on... no one can tell you to do so. keep an upper lip and i hope everything works out for you. i hope this helps!

Hey there VickiRose... I am in the same boat you are... I'm a junior as well and it just feels like I'm never going to graduate. Especially with this year being the worst I have ever had in college, GPA-wise, and with all that has happened within my life since August, OMG, there have been many days where I have jsut wanted to say, "Forget it! I can't do this! What's the point?". I know how you are feeling. And like you, I spend the afternoons behind a cubicle, answering phones and trying to please other people when I see myself head of my own company in the future having other people doing what I am doing. thereforeeee, with that, what I'm trying to say is... in order for me to get there (future), I have to keep going and strive to do my very best. Great things come to those who wait, just remember that. It may seem like it's the end of the world and that school is dragging you down but press on! Don't be a quitter. Keep an upper lip and just remind yourself that you can do anything you put your mind to! Good luck!

Well, first off, I'm sorry for the unfortunate breakup. However, I think that if you were not happy in the relationship, you did the right thing to finally end it. I am always told to trust my gut feeling and I think that 99.9% of the time, it's true (the other .1% is usually in the mind). But you shouldn't feel sorry or blame yourself at all. If he was not willing to give his 50% of the relationship, then oh well... you are better off. You will find someone that will treat you the way you should be treated. Don't settle for what is there right now. Believe me, I know that being with a person for 8 years brings with it a lot of history, but think of it this way: you have found out what you do not like in a relationship. Just take this time now for yourself. You are just in shock of the recent situation but time will heal all wounds. Don't believe for a second that it's your fault. Conversation is the key to a relationship and since he wasn't willing, neither should you be at attempting to patch things up. I hope this helps. Good luck!

thank you justagirl. many people just don't understand but then there are those few, like yourself and the others that have replied, who say just the right things. i appreciate all your help in alleviating the pain of my loss. with all your help and my own too, i will be just fine. knowing that he is in a better place and no longer hurting makes me know everything will be alright.

Thank you very much. I would definitely go to the funeral if I could but he's in Indiana and I'm in Texas. Distance is quite a hindrance at the moment but he is always right here with me in my heart and thoughts. But yes, you're right... only time can make this better. But I do appreciate your post and thoughts... thanks again!

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I did until this morning when I got news that a dear friend of mine was killed by a guy that ran a red light yesterday (Friday). He died at the hospital a few hours later due to complications. He was a great guy and so full of life that I can't help but cry now that he's gone. The weird thing is that we had never even met! He and I had started talking online since the end of September and the last day I spoke to him was on Thanksgiving Day. When I got the news that he had been killed, my heart sank into my throat and I just broke down into tears. Do you find that weird considering that we had never met but had strong feelings for each other? If you have any advice to help me get over this big loss, please let me know. Thank you.

Don't fret it... it takes a while to get over the one that you love even if the feelings aren't mutual. I can totally relate though because my fiance and I broke up back in August but I still think about how things could be different... but then I realize that I don't love the guy that I broke up with -- I love the guy I fell in love with. What I'm trying to say is yes, you may second guess yourself on whether or not you should be with him but just like it's often said, "Everything happens for a reason." Give yourself some time to heal.. do things that tickle your fancy... it's all about you now. Go out and find what you want without having to worry about other people. At least you have it better than me.. how?... because I still work with my ex but as times passes... I stand my ground and keep my chin up because I realize that it wasn't meant to be. I hope that helps you somewhat. Good luck!

I can totally relate to you in this situation. My fiance of 2.5 years and I broke up back in August and yes, it has been one of the hardest things to deal with but to be honest, I'm glad that things worked out the way they did. Why? Because I wasn't being myself when I was around him... it's like I had to put on a show just to please him. But after I found out that he was cheating on me, I was really thankful. What I'm trying to say is give it some time... you have not healed yet. I mean, if you really think about it... it's better that he go his separate way now than if you two were to get back together later on in the future and do what he's doing now, right? But don't let yourself get down in the dumps... do things that you want to do... take some time for yourself. This is the perfect opportunity to find out who you are and what you want in life, in guys, etc. As for trying to contact him... just chill. The more you agitate him, the less likely he is going to want to hook back up. If you established a friendship before you two were together, then my guess is that things will work out. But don't rush things... only time can tell many things. Be patient, alrighty? Like I said, tho, find some hobbies, hang with friends... give you YOU time... I wish you good luck!

I've been under a great deal of stress for the past 3 months and now there are signs of it showing. Such signs are gaining 10 pounds in such a short time, visible signs of cellulite forming, inability to concentrate, etc. I've done everything to stop stressing out but I have found my intake of sugar increasing considerably. I work out at the gym often but it only makes me think that this is making matters worse. I've never had cellulite before and feared it ever appearing but tonight I was in shock to see it after I thought I was doing everything that woudl prevent such a condition. Do you have any advice on what I could do to get rid of it?

you are experiencing what i went thru just a few months ago. it's like you want to move on and get your life back without that person in mind but no matter what you do or who you hang out with, your mind ends up thinking about your ex... am i right? but at least you don't have it as bad as me. i still work with my ex and it's extremely difficult to move on. i've dated a few guy since our breakup but like you, it's just not the same. but what i have found out to be true is (like others have mentioned) if you keep yourself focused on things, as far as keeping busy, you will find it better for your mental well-being. i started going to the gym, hanging out with friends, and picked up new hobbies that sparked my interest. also, posting on this site was another good thing because i got a lot of great advice and today i'm doing a whole lot better than if i were moping about wanting my ex back. and like one person mentioned, it sounds like the guy was in her life before the two of you split... that's what happened to me... it was a friend of ours and i saw the signs of it being something more than strictly plutonic and it blew up in my face. knowing that my ex was a cheater not only makes it a bit easier to see that i am not missing anything but also knowing that there are millions of other people who are far better than that only makes things clearer. basically what i am trying to say is even though this feels like the worst thing in the world... just know that it isn't. you will find someone who treats you the way you deserve and will look back at the situation and laugh. remember, the best things in life are those unexpected and worth waiting for. good luck!

Yes, i totally understand what you mean about people not understanding that you'd rather not have something that comes with the sandwhich. and you are right.. i am a bit health conscious (lol.. bit...) and with the advice from you as well as some close friends, i've realized that i'm going through a lot of changes. i'm only 21 but i figured that if i want to start living my life healthy, what better time than now when i am active and such instead of waiting when i'm like 40 and don't have all the energy i possess now, you know what i mean? as far as meditating and all that... that's so not for me. i can't concentrate in class... and i know for sure that i wouldn't be able to concentrate on myself! lol! but like you, i have learned to try not to please others so much... most of the time it comes to kick me right in the butt later on so why go through all that, you know?! my meditating is pretty much writing my feelings on paper, either in a journal or poetry. anyways, thanks again for responding. i'm trying little by little to do things differently but i know this stuff doesn't happen overnight. maybe i'll keep this on my list of new year's resolutions! hahaha! j/k.

i agree with kitty gadol... the best things are definitely worth waiting for. in the meantime you are certain to hit rough spots but they are all part of the life and learning process. but at the end, something great awaits you.

i agree with the last reply. just give chris some time to cool down and then later on try to explain what happened. if he is understanding, you'll know. but know that for anyone that has been cheated on, it really cuts deep no matter what you say to the person to try to fix things. but i wish you the best of luck... and if it's meant to be, then he'll come back and accept your apology. good luck!