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Everything posted by adidas7fire

  1. well, it's good that you see that she may have been spooked by your persistence. at least you know when to back off and let her have her space. what kind of signs has she been giving to you concerning that maybe SHE may want something more than a friendship? in all honesty, as much as you may not want to know.... you do need to find out exactly what you are to her. what i have learned from experience, the longer your affection goes on with someone and you are not quite sure what feelings are involved, if something were to go wrong, the outcome may be heartbreaking. it's not fair to you or her if one party is giving more and putting forth more effort, you know what i mean? so ask her to be totally honest with you. if she tells you that nothing more than a friendship will come from what you two share, then you can either accept it or walk away, but don't stress out over it... just be honest with her and have her do the same. good luck!
  2. wow... i know exactly what you are talking about. my fiance and i had the same problem... but we ended up breaking up because he felt that he could not talk to me when i asked him what was going on and thereforeeee, i am actually happier that I didn't marry the guy. now, previous reply-ers are right... he married YOU for a reason. at least you and your husband can communicate... that's the most important asset in a relationship. but as far as controlling your anger and not getting mad at every single little thing... i don't think that there is anything that anyone can tell you that can really make you do things different. it has to be YOU that wants to change and YOU have to make the effort to do so. first of all, stop stressing! take a moment to yourself.. take a walk and just let your mind walk freely with you. find some hobbies that really spark your interest and continue with those daily, weekly, etc. the more you stress, the easier it will be for you to jump to conclusions or become angry in a moment. i wish you the best of luck!
  3. yeah, i try not to let stress bother me but it doesn't really affect how much i eat, but what i eat. i've honestly been eating lots of things with sugar because i have an extremely bad sweet tooth but i try to take it easy when i realize that i've had way too much. i realized that i was gaining not because i was working out but because i'd try to wear my favorite jeans or shirt and i was just not fitting into them as well as i used to. but to gain muscle and to know that instead of fat is better, i guess. the only bad thing about this whole thing is that i am most likely looking into buying a whole new wardrobe. new clothes are cool and all but i lack the money that must be exerted into the process... know what i mean? i'm not a meat person or a vegetarian, per se, i'm like in between. i eat lots of vegetables and fruits and the whole shibang of what is considered "healthy" but sometimes i can't help but devour fast-food and stuff put in front of me. what helped you make your decision(s)? thanks again to all that are responding to my post(s). it's greatly appreciated. (if any of you care to see what i look like, check out my webpage at link removed and click on 21st century.)
  4. at the gym, i'm just mostly concentrating on my abs and thighs but i do just about everything at the gym... treadmill, stairs, bicept/tricep machines, the whole nine yards. i also rollerblade often so muscle building could be it. i don't know but it's like, if i can't make it to the gym sometime, i feel as though that newly toned muscle will become fat in a moment. you think i'm overreacting?
  5. yeah, i have been in a lot of stress lately but what's weird is that i was more depressed when i was with my ex than now... i couldn't sleep and my focus was on different things. but now... i can't concentrate at all on anything i need to and all this weight gain or whatnot is occurring. it's just hard to adjust to change so suddenly and then one thing after another becoming evident, you know? but thanks for your input.
  6. I have noticed a dramatic change in myself but others don't seem to see or understand. One such incident is that back in August, my fiance and I broke up after a 2.5 year relationship. Then and for 3 years prior I weighed the same... about 100 lbs. This breakup took a toll on me and I have begun to realize that I have gained 10 lbs within the last couple months. But what I don't understand is I am doing everything the pretty much the same... eating the same about, exercising MORE, keeping myself active as if I were still with my ex. SO why then am I gaining weight when I should have remained the same if not less? Yes this bothers me some but I am not infatuated with my weight "problem"... I just want an understanding of what could be attributed to this. It's really depressing to know that I can't fit into my favorite pair of jeans today that I used to a few months ago. Please, if anyone has any idea on how or why this happens, let me know. Thank you.
  7. I know you're right and he admitted that he thinks about me all the time.. more often than he should. But I guess accepting this news is harder than I planned. And why is it that when you find that perfect someone, something just goes terribly haywire? Maybe it's just me but my luck has been off all year long. Thanks for your input anyhow.
  8. I've had quite a complicated "relationship" with a guy that I met online. For a month or so, we have talked and become really interested in one another. At the time we were both single, but a few weeks ago, his ex-gf asked him to get back together and so he did. I told him we could just be friends and I'd give him his space and all that. We continued to talk on a friend basis but feelings on both sides began to arise and by the end of this week, he was ready to fly down and see me. I got an email today stating how all our conversations and feelings are wrong and that he can longer talk to me because he feels as though it will keep adding fire to the flame. How can someone that feels so strongly about me and care about me just all of a sudden turn against me, so to speak? I respect that he is with his gf but should that mean that we can't still try to talk as friends? I mean, the chances of us actually getting to meet face-to-face is very slim. It's weird how I've never even met the guy but felt the way I do about him. Is the uncommon or just lust? Luck has run out for me... so any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  9. I have met so many awesome people online and have begun to establish friendships with them during our chats. I was specifically fond of this one guy that I had been talking to. He was even planning to fly down to meet me and see if anything went on from there... but then I received this email this morning that totally took me by surprise! He and his ex-gf are planning to get back together and he just wanted to be honest with me and not play with my feelings. But he also mentioned that he wanted to stop chatting now that he was back with his ex. I guess one question is would it be alright if we still chatted even though we have both accepted the fact that we can only be friends? Also, when guys say that they are going to call, why do we ladies always take it to heart? I hate when they play mind games with me! Is it normal to feel this way? What's your input?
  10. i would get another job BUT i'm held back for a couple reasons: my job is only 2 minutes from school; they are VERY flexible when i need to run errands and school-related projects; it pays well and I'm guaranteed a raise every year; the company is small (8 people) and everyone is close (friend-wise); and the job is easy. if it weren't for those reasons, i would so be out of here! and besides, i only have 2 semesters left before i graduate with a degree that i can use to get a REAL job! i bet my ex regrets getting me this job (we were dating before we worked together) now... but oh well. Since he is a delivery guy, i hardly have to see him which is nice. i keep my head up as high as i can everyday... one day things will be just fine.. but until then... things will just be like they are. but i will not let him get to me anymore than he already has! thank you for replying!
  11. thank you for your input. this braekup happened back in august and i have done what you have said and i did feel a little better and all but then there are some days where he'll mention something to my coworker and i'll overhear and wish that i was there to do whatever with him, like before. the feelings seem to go around and around and i know working with him doesn't make things any easier but i'm not leaving just because he becomes a distraction at times... it's just not worth it and neither is he. i try to hang out with friends and do things that spark my interests but that's only like a temporary solution. i think it's really difficult because we spend the last 2 years practically living together and doing EVERYTHING together and now we are not even friends. i mean, how does one go from being someone's everything to the person's arch-enemy? i don't know if things will ever get any better between us but i do wish that he wouldn't make things so awkward. nevertheless, thanks for your input... i do appreciate it.
  12. what is a good way to relieve the stress and anger that i feel towards my ex-fiance that i work with and can't stand to look at for a moment? he is in a band and has just found out that the band will be opening for really huge bands soon. it hurts me that he doesn't invite me even though he is talking to my co-worker right accross from me but at the same time, i can't stand him in the matter that he cheated on me and hurt me badly. do you have any suggestions that would help me go about my day without having to feel hurt and/or angry at him? we are on no-speaking terms with each other so trying to have a friendship is merely out of the question. i need your help... who ever may be reading this. thank you.
  13. man, i thought i had it bad but damn girl! you don't need that! now that you have seen and been with guys you have problems with.. at least you an idea of what you don't want. thereforeeee, when the time and right guy comes along, you won't have to worry about all that stuff because you will know what you want. but don't rush to find guys... that's hard to say but you don't want to find a guy just to say that you have one. and take this advice if you will... before hooking up with any guys, establish a friendship and then go from there... that way thruout the friendship, you will learn about their character and know whether to pursue anything further. good luck!
  14. thanks to all that posted. i think i am ready... i mean, like i said, i have been on a few dates and have not regretted any of them. i enjoy having fun and not worrying about if that person is going to be cheating on me because none of those dates were serious, you know? but as far as my ex, it's still hard to to think about all that he did to me or the history that we had because we work at the same place. there will be times when i just want to say hey but then again... i don't want to be the one who gives in... because i should be furious about this whole ordeal. does that make sense?
  15. i'll be straight to the point... my fiance and i of 2.5 years broke up a couple months ago. since then, i've found out that he started dating one of our friends even before we were broken up. i work with him and ever since i found that info out, i've held it against him. so i've kept myelf busy with hobbies and things that i like to do.. without having to worry about someone else. but my question is .. is it too early to date someone else? i've got a lot of guy friends and we do things.. in a group as well as individually but i don't really consider those dates. i have met a few people online and even plan to meet some of them in person but i don't know what to think. i still have some feelings for my ex because he was my first true love and at 21, it's hard to picture myself without the person that i was going to marry. so is there really a specific time that a person should wait before they start dating or is it just up to me and how i feel?
  16. Hey there... wow... it's amazing how many people are actually going thru the same things you are going thru. I experienced this bakc in August when my fiance and I broke up. For a couple months I had (like you said) a gut feeling that something wasn't right. I tried to get him to tell me what was up but the reply was always "nothing." But as August drew nearer, I could see that we were becoming more distant with each other and other things began to show. There was a mutual friend that we had.... and come to find out a few weeks after the breakup, he was dating her.. but that wasn't it! He had been talking to her a while before he broke up with me... via text messaging and whenever I was at home not near him. But anyways, what I was going to say to you is that before you go to his friends and relatives, try asking him to be perfectly honest with you about his feelings and things that you want to know. It may not be the best things in the world to hear... but at least you will know and not have to spend months wondering like I did. But if that goes nowhere, then try secondary sources. I hate when guys can't be honest with their feelings.. but let me tell you one thing that I had to learn and it still hurts til today.. DO NOT make your boyfriend that center of your entire world.. because if by some unfortunate cicrumstances things do not work out, you won't be hurting as bad and moving on will be easier. But don't worry about any of that stuff yet... try to talk to your bf and see if something is bothering him or what's up and then go from there. Good luck to the both of you. Peace.
  17. I definitely agree with Mar and Dino-prime on this issue. Why??? Because I was just there not too long ago.. try 3 weeks ago! Yeah, I didn't know why my fiance dumped me... all he said was that he always thought I was checking up on him but I had true reason... I found out (by instinct and then by proof) that he was cheating on me with one of our friends! Yeah, so once I was let go, I was totally devastated.. sleepless nites, couldn't eat or do anything that was in my normal routine. But then at some moment I woke up and realized that I was so much better off. Like you, I went out to try to meet people but for a while that just didn't work for me because all I could think about was him... and how I still loved him. But I had to kick myself to come back to reality and one day I went to chill at a pool hall by myself... only to meet some guys that came up to me and asked me if I was alright because I was there alone. (This was a military base hall). It was then to my surprise that I had met the guy that I am still seeing right now... and he cares for me for who I am and not how much money I had in the bank (my ex thought I was his personal ATM). Basically what I'm getting at is that love, if it's meant to be, will find you... you don't need to go out looking for it. If you do that, you may be fooling yourself and messing with your emotions to think that you have found love but what you have relly found is just a temp solution. But what I did find is that this site helped me out a great deal, just being able to talk to people and hearing their comments... and then helping myself to utilize what people say and now I couldn't be happier. I have realized that I should have dumped my ex a long time ago... I was hurting myself by staying with someone who used me. In your case, you definitely need to get out of that relationship and stay out... no woman deserves to have a hand hit upon them. Keep an upper lip, be strong, and do what you like... do what you wouldn't have done if you were still with him. Find yourself and then find what you want in that special guy you seek. And I promise you... at the oddest moment when you're not expecting it, he'll be standing right there in front of you. Good luck, sweetie.
  18. my ex and i broke up a month ago today and i started feeling better maybe the 2nd week after everything happened. i agree that there is no specified amount of time it takes for a person to feel alright with what happens. so, as long as you realize that that person you were with was not treating you right, then you are already doing fine. i did the same thing as you.. gave more than i received and i was just not happy... i'm glad that things worked out the way they did because i have met someone now that would do anything for me... which is more than i can say for my ex! good luck and congrats for doing as well as you are!
  19. I was in a similar situation a month ago. Breaking contact with my ex was prolly the best thing i could do because i wasn't worrying what he was thinking about me or whether or not he was with someone else (but i did find out there was someone else). this is a good time for you to find out exactly what you want... in a girl, in a relationship, in life. this is your time to just worry about you. don't dwell on the past because you cannot change it... just try to do things different in the future (if you feel obligated) and keep your head up high. there are plenty of other people out there that are wanting the same things you want. just give it time. take care cand good luck.
  20. wow... that's kinda a hard situation to deal with. i totally understand. but as much as you don't want to, you MUST let him figure out for himself whether this new job is what he wants or if it's a mistake. it's something he must do on his own. from what you have said, he sounds like the type of guy that won't forget about you and is willing to continue a relationship if he does realize this is a mistake. don't try to smother him and make his decisions for him as far as trying to manipulate his decision to stay or go. i recently broke up with a guy who told me that he needed to find out who he was before he got into a serious relationship and my dumba** kept trying to hold on. but now i see that it is for the better... and that i want a guy who knows exactly who he is and where he wants to be in life. but unfortunately i found out more than that. anyways, just be supportive of his ideas. who knows.. maybe something good might come out. good luck!
  21. yes you do need to tell him because this is important and he needs to know. even though he may not like what he hears, it is pertinent to at least just know that his child exists. good luck!
  22. yeah, i agree.. it's not cheating but it could definitely lead to things. make sure you tell this guy that you have your limits and hope he respects them. but don't get into the habit of this happening because it won't be fair to your or your bf. but as long as nothing else happened, no, i don't think it's cheating.
  23. guys are messed up in the head sometimes. don't you worry about it because you will drive yourself crazy, even worse, make yourself sick. don't dwell on the past. there may not be a true reason why they do this (since it happened to me too) but i figure it happened for a reason and i'm not going to stick around and find out why. i've moved on and useed this time to find out and realize what i really want in a guy... this attitude and behavior my ex (and yours) had is not what i want, definitely. i hope that helps.
  24. i don't know what all went wrong in your relationship but from my recent experience, i tried to talk to me ex and he acted the jerk so i said i din't need that and began to stick strong and ignore him. you have to show that whatever you are feeling isn't bothering you because otherwise he will feel that he had/has control over you and that will only make his ego get bigger. i did just that and come to find out, my ex was cheating on me and didn't have the balls to tell me and now that we don't speak to each at all... it makes things a whole lot better. we work together and avoid each other as much as possible because otherwise neither one of us would be able to get our job done without wanting to kill each other. so, keep an upper lip and take this time for yourself. you will find someone out there who will treat you right and like you for who you are. whatever you do, don't keep trying to tell him how you feel because it wil show him that you are weak and vulnerable and unable to be yourself without him being part of it. good luck!
  25. my ex and i have basically stopped talking to each other but we have to work together. we have cut off all ties with each other outside the workplace and things just seem to be easier that way. when i found out that he was cheating on me, that was the end of that. there was no reason for me to keep in contact with him because it wasn't worth my time, you know. so, i'd say no need to explain why or what for... just don't respond to anything and blockage is good. hope that makes sense and good luck!
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