willow2900

I don't think your expectations were wrong at all. Reading your post was like reading what I myself went through a few months ago. I agree that certain relationships deserve a grace, waiting period before jumping into the dating scene. But I guess that might just be me and you! For me, he started dating his current gf 5 days after I moved out. He said all the things your ex seems to be saying to you: promises to get together, talking about future, not "counting you out" in his plans etc etc. These things hurt me tremendously, try not to fixate on them. He has mentally checked out of your relationship for some time and that's why he was so ready to jump into something else. Friends? Ah...that's up to you. Do you want to be friends with him or are you hoping that in staying friends with him he'll come back to you? If it's the latter, don't be friends. You will set yourself up for a world of hurt. I had to go NC with my ex and it's been tough, but the best thing in the world. I still see him at work but it doesn't bug me as much anymore.

I am sorry you are going through so much hurt. Don't focus on the mistakes you've made in the past few weeks. Focus on you and your future. 8 days of NC, good, keep it up. What are you doing in your spare time? What are your friends doing? Are there any hobbies, sports, activities you wanted to do but never had time for? Also, if she lives so close to you think about changing some habits (since I assume changing your housing situation isn't a possibility though it would help too) like change your regular grocery store, pharmacy etc. All the stuff where you might bump into her. Change your routine. Keep busy. Eat. Drink water.

I would. Something like that would eat at me till it exploded into a huge argument later. I would try and stay calm and talk about it. And go get marriage counselling. Even if it happened when we were "on a break" it doesn't mean that some trust isn't lost. I would be constantly asking myself "if things got hard again, would she go get another man again??"

Are you the one? The one who's keeping me warm tonight!

WHAT?? I hope that's a joke?! My ex was 6'1" and 245, and NOT fat at all! Solid muscle. Muscle weighs more than fat! BMI index is a GUIDELINE not a hard fast rule. There are so many variables to weight that they are too numerous to list.

I was on aleve for a few years. Jan 2006 I went off it because my mood swings were uncontrollable. I knew I was being irrational but couldn't help but freak out especially to my bf at the time! I did not experience any of the side effects listed above, and actually had lighter periods with less pms cramping symptoms (other than being a raving b****; but that was only for a few months near the end for whatever reason.) I also was a smoker and had no blood clot complications. The only issue was for the first month or so I was on the pill I had spotting every day. After that, it was great. But remember, every single pill effects every single person differently. Check with your doctor, and their recommendations.

I'm glad that you are able to work through your issues! This site is helpful to so many to get opinions and possible solutions. Keep talking....it'll help. There are such variencies to mental illness and does not purely mean chemical imbalance. Depression can be debilitating and confusing. And yes, you can think that you are clear, and that's what perplexing about the whole situation. IMO, the key is communication. Whether you completely agree with all the points listed in this thread or not I have yet to read anyone saying that you should close the door.

As I find myself re-learning the dating scene, YES! It can be lonely! Strange - i feel like I've been in a bubble for the past 5 years. I have no clue about what's appropriate, when to call, where to go out again, all the dating rules....frustrating itsn't it!

Ok; You've got to decide if you want to continue in the realtionship. If you do, you have to do like heloladies said and give her a sorta ultimatum. You have to let her know that her behaviour and relationship with Mike is hurting you and feels unfair. Now, if you do that, be prepared for the response. It could go either way. And honestly, since it seems to me like she's using you, I don't think it'll go the way you want. If you don't want to continue the relationship cut your losses and move on. She's young (not trying to knock any 18 yr olds out there) but obviously she is not as strong and committed to this realtionship and you would like to think she is. If she were, she wouldn't allow that behaviour from her friend to continue. It looks from your posts that you are trying, but it seems she isn't. That's something to think about.

Ok. It sounds to me like Kay is using you. You state it yourself: she still has feelings for Mike; she sees no difference between you and him. You question your validity in the relationship by stating you feel you are only there because you came first - the other half of that is because Mike was taken. And now he's not. My suggestion? Walk away. A few questions though: how old are you guys? How long have you dated?

Good Post - I think a few things can be added here as well. > I think the biggest thing is that someone who has suicidal thoughts is not capeable of pure, rational thought. Just like you state, it is a mental illness, no one's fault, but that precludes people from discussing things in a rational matter. Suicidal tendancies do not allow people to organize their perspectives as maybe they would be able to do in a non-suicidal mind. It's complex and confusing and as you state, requires specific, non-aggressive communication. One of the biggest misconceptions is that should not directly ask someone who you believe is suicidal if they are. I work in emergency medicine and I am around suicidal people quite frequently; as well as those who have gone through with their intents. If you believe someone is suicidal, ask them if they are planning to kill themselves. There are stages to suicidal intentions: thoughts, plans and following through with the plan. Honest, open and continued communication is key.

eating slopily - that just turns me away, gross, messy chompy eating, talking with your mouthfull, sloppy dinner all over their hands...ugh gross

Most paralegals in Ontario will give a free assessment of your situation. From there you should get a good standpoint of everything. It does make it all alot easier if you can decide on all assests beforehand. Much cheaper. Good luck with it all.

Can't say for myself but my father had it along with multiple friends - great success and little side effect. Everyone I've met loves the no glasses/contacts thing. I say if you can - go for it.

First off - breathe! I know it's stressful (been there) but breathe. Even when you take the pill regularly, stress is certainly a factor in these situations. It's similar with women who desperately want to get pregnant, their periods can be late for a considerable time (lasted 45 days late for a girlfirend.) Yes, you can take a test too early, but usually that is within the first 5 days after getting pregant. It sounds like it's been a bit longer than that for you. There are lots of pregnancy tests out there, and of lot of them come in 2 packs just for those concerns. Go buy a test and take it. You might find that after reading the result, your anxieties decrease. Then you will be able to evaluate everything a little bit better and decide the next course of action you'd like to take.

I agree with sophie. Go make an appointment with a counsellor. Not that ena can't help but they can help in different ways. I know that you are trying to help your mom and your brother and rationalize it all but it's too close right now and too much information right now is a bad thing. Let your parents figure this out and talk with a counsellor about your feelings about possible outcomes: what if they stay together? what if they separate? What if there is a relationship with the other woman that ends up being long term? How would you feel about all that, and what can you do to try and prepare yourself for that? I went through a similar thing. I was 12/13 when my parents split and it wasn't until college and looking back that I realized what occurred. My mother had an emotional affair, and most likely physical with our minister from our church. Yup. Crappy. It's a difficult thing when you realize that one of your parents is doing things that hurt you. You feel like asking "why would you do this when you know it hurts me and our family?" My parents made the mistake of not putting us in any counselling, and I was too young at the time to think of it. But I have been since and honestly, it does help. Think about taking you and/or your brother (if it comes to that) to something. Even though this is a horrible situation, it is happening. And you need to make sure that YOU are ready to deal with everything. **big hugs** all the best lostit123.

You know there is nothing wrong with the cliche date! I just went on one and it was wonderful! I really enjoyed it....even if it was a classic And yes - make a move, she is giving you signs all over the place. Kiss her.

That love is complex and amazing - but sometimes not enough. That I shouldn't give myself up in order to please others. That losing a best friend and a lover is excruciating; but can be worked through. That I need to put myself first, happy and healthy. And to trust my gut.

Wow, If you read nothing but this sentence that's fine GET BETTER!! GIVE IT TIME!![/b] If you read any of my posts I broke up with my ex in October, left the house in December and was devastated when he had a new girlfirend in 5 days. Time does help. I've had a LOT of ups and downs but I feel so, so good right now! I realized that I truly can't see myself EVER trusting him again. Maybe one day, maybe not. But right now, I'm not even interested in him. I am happy that he is happy (or believes he's happy.) I just realized 2 weeks ago that if I couldn't trust him, anything future with him is certain doom. I deserve better than that. I deserve affection, love, support and happiness without so much being drained from me. I have been slowly dragging all the pics on the computer into the Recycle bin of him and tonight I erased everything. It felt great! Not that I don't want to remember, but I don't need the constant reminder! I didn't think I would EVER be ready to do that, but magically, tonight I was. I haven't felt this happy with myself in a long, long time. I think back and it was probably when I first started dating him 3 years ago. Not to say that it was all bad but I think I sacrificed a lot of myself for him, and with that, I lost touch of myself a lot. I truly feel good. And I never thought I ever would. I thought my despair and anguish was going to be with me forever. Now I am not disillusioned to the fact that there still might be some hard stuff to deal with but for the first time in a long time I feel like I can without completely losing it. And for the first time in a long time as well I can honestly say that I don't want to be with him. And I don't know if I ever will feel that again. I am happy. And I am happy with myself for being happy. It's such a good feeling! I just had to share the news. There is life after love!

some people believe that if you commit suicide that you re-enter the world as a new person. thereforeeee, until you work through your issues, they will continue to follow you

Wow - that's a horrible story. I can empathize very well as I was there about 5 years ago. I met a "great" guy through work, separated, and we hit it off wonderfully. 6 months later, the day before he was to move in with me, he tells me that his estranged wife is pregnant!! Ah!! It was the worst feeling EVER! My entire world just sunk when he told me. He did the stupid hurtfull things tooL brought the pregnant wife to work events, flashed around the baby photos, emailed me the day the baby was born just to tell me....what a * * * * * Good on her for doing NC so quickly. It took me about 2 months to do that effectively! Keep it up. It will get better. I so, so, so understand that hurt. Big hugs!!!! Get out there and smiling! Not necessarily dating, but just out with friends. It helps!

Are you having these feelings of love due to the lack of feelings in your own marriage? Are you confusing the comfort of your friend with the lack of comfort and closeness with your husband? I think you need to really examine your true feelings of your own marriage and whether you have looked for that love and support elsewhere. Friends are awesome, and maybe it is a romantic love between you and her, but you need to be honest with your true feelings and see whether or not you are clouded. It's tough, but I think you need to figure that out. At first glance from what you wrote it looks to me like you are happy to find support and love from your friend and may be mistaking it for more that it is. But I am not you and don't know all the details. Only YOU can truly be honest and true with yourself. Don't hate yourself, try and see if you can work through this; no matter what the outcome. Life is challenging, in so SO many ways. This is a major trial for you I am sure, but try to do some inner examination.

Thanks friscodj. Your response is very helpful. The only thing is that he met this new girl for the first time 7 days after I moved out. Not before. And the only way I know that is through my friend (she told me about the relationship and her disapproval of it - trying to be honest to all parties as she is friends with us all!) I do see how this is a pattern for him now that you lay it out. I just can't get over him. It's hard when his family, parents, friends are all saying "you guys were meant to be, the perfect couple, you'll work it out, just give it time..." and more. I find it hard that he is in such denial - but maybe that's where he needs to be. Sprialing to the bottom to REALLY find out who he is, and what he feels and believes. I do want to be back with him, but only in a healthy way. And right now, he is not healthy. Thanks again for your thoughts....I am going to be reading them over and over.

Hi everyone. Here's my scoop: I dated J for almost 3 years. We've known each other for about 8 years, met in college. Our relationship was really solid. Infact, when we made the decision to split every one of our family and friends (and still to this day) say how surprised they were and shocked that we would split. We decided (and I do mean WE) to break for a few reasons. 1) Money. It sounds selfish etc but it was a huge reality. I supported him the past three years in every way. I was so trapped in debt that after months of trying to figure out a solution we decided that I needed to get myself back on track. Also, J wanted to feel more independent and a contributer rather than dependant and I agreed. 2) He wasn't divorced. His first marriage was a "trying to do the right thing when your girlfriend's pregnant" type of deal. It was weighing on me heavily that it took almost 4 years for him to get divorced (which happened 2 weeks after we split) We decided this mid October and I moved out the beginning of December. We said that we would make no promises except that we would be honest if we were dating someone else and that we would remain friends. He told me in tears as he hugged me goodbye that we were working this out and he would marry me someday. Then the **** started. I found out mid December that he had been dating online since October. 7 days after I moved out he began dating a friend of a friend regularly and still is. I found his myspace page the other day and he has links and pics of the new girl. I tested positive on a pregnancy test, told him and he said he would be there for me 100%. Then two days later I tested negative. In those two days we had a HUGE crying talk etc etc. I went over to give him and his child christmas gifts and we ended up having a big talk and he told me that he loves me but needs his single time right now. He feels he missed out on it being married before so young. He works with me and I have to see him regularly. I have not talked with him since Dec 29th. I am really really struggling with all of this. I have talked to a counsellor a few times and it did help but he is pretty much telling me just to move on. I am not ready. I can feel that there is still so much there. I have to talk to him at the end of the month to arrange a payment plan for him to pay me back. He doesn't just owe me a few thousand, it's a lot-a-few-thousand. I don't know how to have that conversation. I had a big talk with two of my friends today as I am feeling really suicidal. I know that that is not the answer; I see the immediate results of that everyday (health care worker.) I just can't seem to get past this. I have had serious relationships in the past where it nearly resulted in marriage but nothing like this. How can he be over me already? I know he is shutting a lot of things out (ie. mutual friends which are all work friends too) and pushing all of what he feels for me aside. Is this a rebound relationship for him? I told him in our last conversation exactly what I wanted: to be with him and I let him now that I love him, and that I am in love with him. I just can't get through this. To end all this pain and hurt; I would give anything to have that happen.

Well what I am learning is that the ONLY way ANYTHING will happen in the future is if you give her space. TIME TIME TIME It's the only cure. It's incredibly hard (I am having MAJOR issue with it myself in my break-up) but it is the only way. If she loves you, she needs to see you happy and strong, just like the person she fell for in the first place. DON'T go down the path that is so easy to go down; begging, obsession etc etc. Give it space space space. It's so hard and very wrenching but No Contact is the only way to go. As I am learning the only way to move forward, with our without the one you love, is to make sure YOU are the strongest you that you could be. You need to be 100% happy with yourself and your life. And - cliche's suck but if it was meant to be, it will. Take the time and heal. And as I am writing this I am smiling because I know it's the exact thing I need to do for myself as well!