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LONESOUL

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  1. LONESOUL
    John~I'm sorry you are hurting today. I truly do understand that deep hurt. The holidays are hard, I agree. But we can get through this. I'm trying to focus on the other holiday memories I have, the ones before my ex. I'm also allowing myself to "daydream a bit about what my life will be like once I am healed and whole again. I'm trying to stay in the postive mode." I have allot to be thankful for this year, so so many things. My health, my family, my friends. We all have things to be thankful for that have nothing at all to do with our ex's. Those are my focus. I'm also trying to focus on with less than myself. If you find yourself with extra time, or cash, so many places our in need this time of year. Give of your time, it does wonders for the healing and for the humbling. Remember that keeping busy helps. Keep posting. Take good care~ Lone
  2. LONESOUL
    Hello Cynder~I agree with the others, it would be cheating. It could be real bad. And bring the guys...? I don't know about that... Walk away from temptation. Take Good Care~ Lone
  3. LONESOUL
    I'm sorry you are hurting but I truly believe this to be bad situation for you to be in. Don't give her the gifts, in fact dispose of them. This woman is in need of some counciling. Better that you hurt now and get through it, then to involve yourself and your heart futher into this unhealthy situation. Take good care~ Lone
  4. LONESOUL
    It's a process John, thats for sure, and everyone goes at their own pace. It took me several months to begin climbing down that fence, I wish I had started my desent sooner, but I guess I felt I wasn't ready either. I think I felt like if I climbed down I would be giving up on what was the most important thing in my life. I found out later I was actually taking care of the most important thing in my life, me. You'll get there, you will. Take good care~ Lone
  5. LONESOUL
    Mystery~letting go is never easy. It's called "letting go" because that is what you do. You release your hold on whatever it is you have. In this case you have a woman who clearly has made some choices that don't include you. You have a woman who has chosen to have a sexual realtionship with a sibling. Thats not healthy~ thereforeeee she is someone that you know does not make healthy decisions. It's going to hurt to walk away. You will have to endure pain and sorrow, but you will over come that and someday because you let go of the woman who was not good for you~you will be free to love a woman who will be good for you and who can make healthy decisions. Take good care~ Lone
  6. LONESOUL
    Camber~good story great moral to learn. I understand sitting on that fence, believe me I am still pulling barb from my nether region.. but to me it still comes back to choices and we all make them. We all make them for ourselves. We choose to accept or reject everything in our lives. Your ex did it, as did mine. We can't change the choices that they made, and would we really want to? Are they destin to slam head first into a wall because they chose to leave us? Maybe so~still, the choice is theirs. They must continue to become who it is that they are on their journey. Now, with them having made their choices (action~reaction) so to shall we be free to make ours. To me it really has little to do with love. What my ex and I shared, I will share with no one else until the end of time~ I loved her, I love her still. But we are not together anymore. Life comes in chapters, that chapter is over, but don't we write the book? This is my journey. Perhaps my ex will come back in chapter 12 or 13, or maybe never~but for now I choose to climb down from that fence I have been sitting on for too long, and be good to myself. I need to eat and sleep and spend time with friends and family who know and love me. I need to meet new friends, who have been through what I have been through. I need to find out who I am again, without her and celebrate that person, because that person is good to me and will never let me down! I need to finish this book, page after page, its too good to put down. Celebrate yourself ~all of you, look how wonderful you are! Take good Care Lone
  7. LONESOUL
    Hi~I agree with Raykay, really very disturbing. You need to walk away from this person. This is a very confused woman, I see only hurt coming to you from this situation. You really must consider yourself in this "mess" You must want better for you. Take good care Lone
  8. LONESOUL
    Hi Iron. Welcome. Good for you for taking a stand for yourself ! You are doing great. Keep busy~ Take good care Lone Ps. months with the bad realtionship 5 months without the cigs 7 feeling better about myself as a person....priceless
  9. LONESOUL
    Hi John. Sometimes it comes down to choice. We choose either to do the things we must do to overcome our sorrows, no matter how difficult~ OR we live in pain. For me now, it is just knowing that no matter what my ex and I had together,the good (the times when we were so connected and each others best friend)and the bad (oh Lord...) it will never be the same. Sure in my case maybe I could return, but it would never never be the same. Would it be for you if she returned? Or has this changed things. I would guess it to be the latter. I would never want to go back to someone who hurt me so badly and I would not be able to trust that they would not do it again. Period. Sometimes that though alone is enough for me to slam the door shut again when the winds of change begin to blow in my mind. I asked the same question as well, how could someone do this, be so cruel? Someone I knew, someone I loved? I don't know the answer except that people do things for many reasons. Who knows why? The thing is, it happens, and when it does it hurts like hell. It's scary to think we will have to trust again, but it's good to know all people are not going to hurt us. It's called "hope" and as dark as it seems ~it is surrounding you, even now. I see that you have been posting to try to help others. That is so wonderful~sometimes we all just need to know someone understands what we are feeling, even if we don't have all the answers. Helping others is one of the very best ways to help yourself. I'm very happy that I can see you taking those very important baby steps. Take good care~ Lone
  10. LONESOUL
    I am so sorry you are still hurting Anotherday. I had a begal, Kayla, for years. 13 years. I left the back door open when I left one night, she got out and was hit by a car. I still blame myself, but it was an accident. I have no children, at the time she was like my child...its a horrible guilt. But I know in my heart I would never have done anything to hurt her and I gave her 13 wonderful loving years. You have to forgive yourself and let yourself greve the loss. It does seems our pets do love us unconditionally~she did not blame you I am sure. Take good care~ Lone
  11. LONESOUL
    I understand, in fact I feel the same way, but we will heal...and then who knows?I find myself missing her a great deal this week, it's the holiday for me I think. I don't know why though, I guess just because we aren't together for the first time in 7 years...but hey, considering my ex I should be glad! You hang in there Take good care- Lone
  12. LONESOUL
    right, wrong or whatever, I'm back in the bashing mode. It may not be logical, but I feel it to be justified and it makes me feel better for now.
  13. LONESOUL
    Hi John~Glad to see you are still posting and that you are hanging in there.. Going to the doctor is a good idea. Keep busy...as busy as your physical self will allow. Don't send that letter. Take good care~ Lone
  14. LONESOUL
    Hi Sandyv~I just found this thread, sorry you are still having a hard time. Breaking up just sucks, plain and simple. Somedays I really have to fight to keep my ex out of my thoughts, I have to push her out. Make myself think of other things, almost like quitting smoking or something, ehhhhhh. But it is getting better, and it will for you too. Hang in there. You will find someone who will really love that you love them to the moon and the stars. Take good care, Lone
  15. LONESOUL
    You are setting both of you free. Your life can be whatever you want for it to be now~even.... "wonderful" Take good Care~ Lone
  16. LONESOUL
    It is very difficult to understand it gets better. I remember thinking WHEN??!! when the folks here would tell me that, but, time worked her magic, and with a allot of help and some good advice from the people here about how to help myself feel good about me again~it did get better. I thought at one time my life was over, but I kept plugging alongand pretty soon I began to realize that it was not over, not nearly over and that I could find happiness again, and because of what I went through (am still going through) I am somehow stronger, better for it all. Yeah, you should post here at night too if you need someone...people are always here to give support...you really are not alone. These are tough times~very tough, but you are hanging right in there~you hold the key! Take good care~ Lone
  17. LONESOUL
    Hi John. Sorry you had a bad day yesterday. It can be so difficult when you are in NC and hear little tibits of their life. I totally understand. It sometimes doesn't take much to feel that wave of depression hitting once again. But hey~ you made it through last night, and now you know that you can make it through a difficult night...even if it isn't much fun. It will get easier with time. I'm really glad you picked up the phone and called a friend (even if they weren't home) it shows you know people care and that you understand you should keep your mind busy. It does take some time for the anti depressants to kick in. I take zoloft myself and it help a great deal. I am now on a very low dosage, because after breaking up 5 months ago, I am feeling so much better we were able to cut it way down. The first few months I was mess! Can you post in the evening? ~because someone is always on here, there are so so many people on this sight helping one another...24/7 seems like. I'm guess right now that may not be an option for you. (posting at night) One other thing I did when I was way down was I began writing in a journal, it helped somehow for me to release my feeling there on paper and it also helped me later when I felt a little better to go back and read so I could see how much progress I had really made. Force yourself to eat the things you can stomach right now, even if it is just bland food, a little toast. Drink lots of liquid. This will not last forever, it feels it, but it will not. Take good care~ Lone
  18. LONESOUL
    NCTuskie, I remember you too...thanks for posting an update! You are right, time is the key, along with acceptance and self love. I try not to look back to much, forward is the way to go. Came out of NC with the ex, only to figure out the ex is still exactly the same and then I recalled why I left. (some people only learn the hard way...thats me I guess) I'm glad you are doing ok. Good luck with the new you~ sounds like you have put a plan into action. Thanks as well for your military service!! Take good care~ Lone
  19. LONESOUL
    Hi John~once again Camber is on the money. (I need that money Camber..by the way..can you get up??lol) You have to fake it for a while, push yourself, force yourself into the "zen" like condition Camber speaks of. It's "auto pilot" but, it flying. You'll do this for a while and then one day you will realize, you're smiling, or your laughing~and you are not forcing it. I know for me no matter how busy I made by body (not sitting home alone, working out...) my mind kept going back to the relationship. I kept playing that same old movie over and over again in my head....asking the same questions and "what if's". That went nowhere for me. Although it is important to sort out the aspects of your relationship...eventually for me, it became a harmful way of just spinning my wheels. I had to FORCE the realtionship out of my thoughts completely, everytime I thought about it for a while... Also, as I believe Camber has suggested, find ways to enjoy your new freedom. My ex hated action movies...one day I went out and rented 6 of them, ones I had not seen and had wanted to for years. It felt pretty good. It was just one little step...but it was one of many...and hopefully many more.Keep posting~ keep reading! Take Good Care Lone
  20. LONESOUL
    Congats Spugly Fuglet and family!!!!
  21. LONESOUL
    Bravo Camber! Bravo! John~it make take every little bit of strength you have inside of you to fight for happiness, but it is your happiness! You can get through this, it will not be easy but you can do it. Focus on you, focus on the man you were before, focus on the man you want to become. Its about you now! Someone out there is deserving of your love, but you need to be a complete person so you are ready when you meet her.
  22. LONESOUL
    We all make mistakes, the key is to learn from them. She is also responsible for the things she has done~you have to move past blaming yourself. She walked out because she wanted to. You deserve better!
  23. LONESOUL
    I agree. You need to to show that you deserve to be treated as an adult who can make his own decisions. It's about respect, I think. You need to earn it. Can't say I blame your folks too much right now. Maybe it's not as much about being with another guy as it is showing you are a responsible adult? Take good care~ Lone
  24. LONESOUL
    Hey John. I am so sorry to hear you are still having such a hard time. Splitting up is such a hard thing to do. It's a painful process, and it stinks. The bad news is, because it is a process, it sometimes takes a little time. The good news is, you can get through it~and when you do you will be better and stronger for having done so. I know that it is hard to see right now. You meantioned that you are still eating very little. Thats pretty normal, but you will to make sure that you are trying to eat as much as possible of things you can tolerate. Make sure you drink plenty of water and if you can excercise that might help. Do you feel like you need to see a doctor for some possible relief in the form of an antidepressant? Or even because of the weight loss? Your doctor maybe be able to help with some of these things. The most important thing is to try to re focus all of the love and energy you are still pouring out toward her, back toward yourself~because you are the one who is worth it. Post often, read often, there are allot people here on this site that really truly care. You have take care of you, thats the key. Don't give in to that darkeness, you are the one holding the light, you truly are, give yourself a chance to find out all of the wonderful things that are on waiting for you in your life once you get through this. You can do it. Take Good Care Lone
  25. LONESOUL
    I agree with Desert~shes not even worth tears at this point. William55... 100% watching karma do it's thing will be worth sticking around for, but I bet life will have a funny way of getting better while he waits!! While we all wait ~for that matter!
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