LONESOUL

Hey Desert~ I have not posted in a few days. I have had a cold...I hope you are better.All I can say is hang in there. I am having it rough right now too. I am going through another angry stage. I hate it that she still can hurt me and we haven't even spoken in over a month. What really makes me mad about that is that it is ME giving her the power to hurt me. I want to stop. She doesn't deserve that power~the way I feel today she doesn't deserve ****. To h*ll with her~she used me for way too long and I am mad about it today. I hope she is having a great life right about now....bitter? who me?? I usually do a better job than this a refocusing my attention away from her, I guess I need to get pissed, and get over it...and on to the next mood. NC is helping me allot, and I know it...but it pisses me off that she doesn't even know if I am dead of alive~and she really doesn't give a *hit. It's not like I was bad to her, I was actually very good to her. She is just a user and she knows she can't get anything else out of me so it is on to the next one!! That user smashed my heart!! I am reading where a couple of folks have new gf or bf and that is helping them...I have women who have made it clear they would like to date me. I cannot do it and I have told them that. Right now it is just too soon for me to even think about it. That makes me mad too~because itis true. I WISH I could just throw myself into something, with someone. I can't. I honestly loved my ex with all that I was. I had to leave, because our relationship would not have worked out...she never knew what she wanted but after 7 years~ I knew it wasn't me. Just hang in there...hang on in...it all we can do and it is and will get better. It is going to take some time, and some effort on our part...but we will get there.

Abbett, I'm glad to hear you are felling better. The meds also helped me a great deal, I am taking zoloft as well. Take good Care Lone

As I read down this newest page I am reminding of why we come here to care for and support one another as we embark on this incredible journey toward the the rest of our lives....it's good to have you guys and gals around~hope everyone is having an "up" day. Take good care~ Lone

it's strikes me as strange how this whole thing works..(the process of letting go and of no longer having any contact with the very person we were closest to. (get in wreck, thats who you call, forgot to feed the cat, thats who you call, crawl in to bed, that is who is there...) You seem to be doing the same thing I do. "WHY is she not calling?" And...doesn't she miss me? But then there is the other side, I will not call her and I am using NC for my time to heal so, I don't want her to call etc. Back and fourth, back and fourth... My ex was very posessive so she called to check up on me all the time. She would call me 20 times a day, no kidding. She would call during my lunch and ask who was with me (I have worked at the same place for 10 years, the SAME people were pretty much always with me!) Right at 5 pm my phone would ring, every single day to make sure I was on my way home...(no I never cheated, never wanted to...she had no reason to act this way and yet she did from day one~for 7 years, it got very old) So, her no calling me really blows my mind. She was (and I am sure still is) a control freak, it really pissed her off when I finally had enough of everything (there is lots and lots more) and finally left. I don't think she ever thought I would do it, EVER. But I did and my very best guess would be that right now she is living it up (she always wanted a party~me ~I like to have fun, but in moderation) Anyway, back to the point, I think I am at the point where I miss her, and I love her very much. I cannot imagine myself with anyone else, and I don't want to be with anyone else, but...I don't want to be back with her the way things were either. I want to be with her the way I imagines it could be, the way I used to always hope for would happen someday...I still have not completely let that go, but I will, just as soon as I figure out exactly how..I know I am on the right road with NC so I have begun to just think about her not calling as divine intervention so I can heal.

Sometimes when I get really down, or frustrated (I get frustrated allot... I think it is a mild mix of anger, and of unanswered questions that I know will never be answered) I just read, and read here. I go back and I find posts form some of the folks who have been through this and I read about where they were and what they felt when they started here...it helps me a great deal. I do the same thing about wanting to call my ex, and then I think the same stuff you do and I don't make the call, and I am ALWAYS glad I didn't. I really have nothing to say to someone I mean so little to, but, thats me now. Thats the new and imporoved me, I still love her but I don't need her, or her approval~and slowly I am learning I never did.

Redmage22, I'm sorry to hear you are still having a hard time. Have you been to the doctor yet? The reason I am asking is I felt like that earlier on, like all of the emotion just drained me physically. The thing is, it did, so I finally just went to the family doctor, who basically said I had situational depression and gave me anti depressant to take for a while. She also recomended some vitimins and explained to me how despression works, and how our body can and will do things on it's own (with a little help from us) to matually combat it. Excercise is the bodies natural way of releasing the same chemicals that are sometimes increased with synthetic anti depressants. Anyway, all of it seemed to help me. The thing for me was, the more I felt that way (depressed, sadness, deep loos, regret) the worst I got. I did have to face the fact that it was over, and that love does not conquer all. I HAD to get up and start taking care of me. I still cry sometimes, and I think about her still way too much, but I push those thoughts out and I have begun to realize I really can control my thinking. So when I find myself thinking about her, I force myself to think about the negitive stuff (she wasn't trust worthy, she was selfish, she was loud etc.) It's helping me some, I can tell. You have to FORCE yourself to do things at first, what other choices do we have? Life goes on without our ex's, and we will miss it while they will LIVE it~if we don't forge forward. I deserve to see what else life has to offer me and learn some about myself along the way, so do you.

Good posts on this site, thank you to the posters...very inspiring very helpful.

Majorslayer, I am sorry you are having a hard time. I feel the same way sometimes. I wish things would just be the way they were, but this person, my ex, was not for me, emotionally. I will be better off if I can get through this. So will you. Have you ever thought about moving from that little town you are in, you seem very unhappy there from your posts, and bored. During a break up, is a very bad time to be bored...as you well know. Take good care Lone

Danman~ Happy Birthday. I hope you take very good care of yourself today. Lone

You are not alone here sweetie, we have all hurt something like what you are going through now. It's nice here because no one judges you and you can just let it all out. Plus there are really good people who post on this sight, and they are is all stages of healing, from beginning (which is agony if you ask me) to healed, and moved on, but still here to lend a helping hand to the rest of us who are still suffering. Post often, and know you are not alone. take good care of YOU right now.

This weekend was klinda rough on me...but I am hanging in there. I found myself thinking about her allot over Sunday, I actually got about as low as I have been in about a month...(well one other time) so much so I just cried my eyes out, and went to sleep. I really seemsed to concintrate on the "why doesn't she miss me like this" I could seem to get it out. I was better when I woke up. Yesterday was a little strange too, huing with some old friends of ours who just bought a house, had some dinner, it was okay, she olny came up once or twice and nothing "new" about her was said...still the whole weekend was done is somewhat of a daze...I just need to gett through this.

You don't have nothing Desert, you said it yourself, you are 10 times the person you were 10 years ago. You have become a better man, and this lesson (although it is unfortunate that you like the rest of us will have to learn it through pain) will make you all the better for the next woman. What if the next woman is really perfect for you man? What if she just is, without the crazy fighting, or the nagging, or the fear that she will leave you. What if the best times are still to come but you can't find that out because you are stuck in this place in your head and your heart? What if she really digs who you are and what you have done with your life, and asks for nothing in return, but that you return her love? Do not cheat yourself because you cannot see the forest for the trees! I know it hurt and I know the roller coaster of emotion that keeps you reeling and spinning up and down, but it gets better...it does. What have you done for YOU this week?

She sounds very selfish Danman. I'm sorry if that is the case. My ex is very selfish. Can I ask you why you would want to go back to someone who you say yourself "strings u along" and has said she wanted you back and changed her mind. (even once, but 3 times) it would seem to me that you would not want someone like that to get another opportunity to hurt you again?

Yep same here, my one an only mutual friend who kept "dropping information bombs" has pretty much been removed, except that we work together and she is very loud~so I have to really work hard not to hear her on the phone or whatever...other than that.... distance distance distance. You will make new friends who will respect your healing. I figure if I do NC with my ex, who I used to love madly...ditching a no good double crossing two faced friend can't be much harder.

Awe, that's always a hard thing. My birthday is not until the end of November and I have already thought about that myself. I myself do not want that call. Try not to think about it, and if she does call, you can tell it is her and you will have the option not to answer, right?

Chatty~what is said is very true about people not wanting people to get back together for their own selfish reasons, My ex and I have a friend like that. (well, now my ex HAS a friend like that~I'm dumping the friend, or have or whatever)

Welcome Chattymcchatterson~wow what a name you have there!

Yeah, the holiday has me feeling a little strange too Desert..I figure the best way to deal with it is the same way I have dealt with just about everything else concerning this, I will allow myself to get sad for a little bit, then I will get mad because I am allowing ANYTHING about her to get me upset, and then I will give myself the ole "crying in your beer lecture" (see TBD's post the other day on this thread) and I will find something, something to do with my mind other than sit around sulking. The thing is, I have wasted so much time being unhappy. I was unhappy when I was with my ex because my ex is such a selfish person. We had good times, do not get me worng, some of the best times I have EVER had were with my ex. But we had bad times too and some of the WORST times in my life were with my ex as well!! Those are what I am teaching myself to think about, when I think about it all. Right now ~I just want to get to the point where I am happy with myself.

I quit 5 months ago...I'm with mbinsf on this, hang in there, a cig is not going to change anything, but if you can stay a non smoker, (keep your quit) that might help boost your self esteem. NOTHING is about your ex, it's about YOU, right? Take good care Lone

Joyce1412, you are not weird, me either, not for months. I feel the same exact way you do. In fact I don't even turn on the stereo in the car, AT ALL. And I love music, I really do! Thats when i will know for sure I am healing, when I can listen to music again

Ah yes, a child makes NC not possible. Is there anyway you think you could limit the contact to things which deal directly with the child only? We that cause things to be more difficult on the child, because we sure wouldn't want that. I know this is tough, maybe at least now you know that right now you are very sensitive to the things she says and make sure sure you are in a safe place (like home and not work) when you speak and maybe have someone (a friend or sibling...) with you for support? Just suggestions, but the main thing is that the focus does need to be on you. I'm sure some of the other poster here with small children could help with some advise on that, my ex has a son but he is 17 so it's really not an issue for me in THAT way. (still an issue but not for those reasons) Take good care Lone

Spader~it's hard when you are still in contact. Have you tried going NC? My healing honestly did not even begin until I did that. It does feel like torture, hearing these things and feeling these thing that hurt us so deeply. Good to hear you have a busy weekend planned, that should help you some to keep your mind off of her! Work on you, and try instead of thinking about what would happen if the two of you got back together, to think of what the next woman will be like that you become interested in, and about the things you would like to do together with her. It's hard I know, but we can do this. Take good care Lone

From Mars! Welcome aboard! I agree with mbinsf, you made a good post. Lots to think about. I think your are doing very well. These times are tough but you have the right idea I think! Welcome again.

Oh and Redmag22 I forgot to say STAY ON THIS TRAIN!

Red, I follow your posts some...you are like the rest of us, up, and then down. Maybe you needed to break down yesterday, and get it out. My relationship was also emotionally abusive so I totally understand what you may be talking about there. (of course every one is different, but) It's hard coming out of that. I have been left with so many "self worth" issues. (before this realtionship I had some, but not like this, nothing like this.) You must take care of you. It is the most basic rule right now. Shower, brush your teeth, take any and all meds (if that applies) excercise, because excercise is the bodies natural way of fighting depression..(and it makes you look and feel better for the next partner on down the line) Eat right. Get dressed, and if you find yourself wallowing around in your pj's on your day off, then shower and get dressed even if it is to sit around. (chances are if you do that you won't want to just sit in the house anyway) You must take care of you, you must you must. I hope your friend was sympathetic, if not I feel they should have been. What you have been through and are going through is difficult, but not impossible. Take good care Lone