valiantv

5 and a half years and he suddenly changes like this? He is the one who sounds high! Nahh it's not men, it's wednesday drinkers...

I think I disagree with most people on this thread! I'm a male, mid-20s BTW I think the very concept of virginity only exists because we have a word for it. I mean if the word "Virgin" didn't exist, then no one would care about virginity. Let me leave aside religion for a moment. OK for women I can understand. There's the breaking of the Hymen and by all accounts there's a lot of pain involved with the first time. In that case, it's totally understandable that you would want to be with someone special, someone you are totally comfortable with. In that case, you are kind of giving something up when you give up your "virginity". Your body has changed slightly, you feel different. For that reason alone - the biology alone - I can understand why a female might attach a certain significance her own virginity (not why others should attach significance to hers). But males? How can you have a male virgin? Men are the exact same afterwards as they were before! OK they're a little more mature (Well some are anyway. Maybe!). You can have a man who has never had sex, just like you can have a man who has never driven a car, or a man who has never kissed a girl or a man who has never done a skydive or something. Secondly, people say they are "saving it" for someone special. Again, I can totally understand one wanting only to have sex with someone special. But saving it? This implies the ridiculous notion that you can "lose it" and that once you do lose it, you are a different person, you are no longer special, tainted goods in fact. The girl who "lost it" to a total loser at 14 or 16 or whatever, and realises she would have preferred to "save it" for someone special, will always have at the back of her mind that she has lost something she can never get back and is regretting it for years and when she does meet someone special, it won't be as special because she technically no longer "has it", which is bulls**t. IMHO - first time wasn't special this time is. Simple as that. Back to this... I don't think we have any way of knowing what God wants (if He is even there), because He won't come down and tell us... We can't even agree amongst ourselves what He wants and if we did we'd still probably be wrong. In any case I am no fan of religion as it imposes all sorts of nonsensical constraints and traditions which people have to end up following because they think God wants it. Furthermore, people are punished or looked down upon for not following these rules - the extreme being Ailec1987's example in the middle east which is dispicable - don't care what culture your from! But lots more too - Magdelene homes as recent as the 60s, Nuns taking children away from single mothers, witch-burning, (I'm sorry to say in most cases is it is the women who are being oppressed.) the idea that sex is wrong or a necessary evil for procreation, or bans on contraception. But I just don't like this idea that virginity has a sort of moral or religious significance, and that you can lose part of yourself by having sex (other than of course the biological impact to women), or that you can be in fear of "giving it away" to the wrong person. I also don't like the notion that it can bring dishonour or shame to someone (esp. women) or their families. I can understand that someone might only want to have sex with someone special, but the world would be a better place if this was done because it's what the person themselves wanted, not because of some religious or moral basis, or because of a stigma which might be associated with them. And I don't get how you can have a male virgin. (Even though I am one myself by the definition supplied).

Not what I'd call a "Serious Problem"! (subject line)

That's a good point actually... If you spend all your time together then of course you crave time apart, in which case that may be the solution... Go out with your friends etc.

I think it might have helped my relationship a bit... However I would be really embarrassed if she found out I was on it! (hence fake name, no photo, no age, no location) Mainly because of the questions I sometimes ask on it though, and what I say about her (nothing bad) and also because I don't want her to think I need advice, except from her of course! Also, most of the advice seems to be very positive, tho I've only read a few of the Forums (no visits to "Break up" or "Divorce" forums), but when giving advice people always put a positive spin on things rather than "He's cheating on you" or "She's a * * * * *, dump her!" or whatever

OTOH, could he suspect you have cheated?

Why? Keep seeing her if you like her! Just don't be all clingy or over-possessive while you still haven't gotten the help...

Don't understand the logic of that, but I suppose it is selfish, and posting about it here was selfish too as you were looking for advice for yourself... You certainly weren't doing it for our benefit! Also when you give someone a gift and feel good when they react to it with happiness, that's selfish too! One possibility with the person who called you selfish is that you maybe said you weren't going to get the pet from Animal Welfare... thereforeeee you weren't really helping the pet... I dunno

He's either selfish & ignorant or he really doesn't understand the extent of your feelings about the matter.

Just out of interest does he know about the situation with your ex? And does he know that it still affects you? If so then he seriously needs to readjust his attitude... It sounds like he doesn't understand... But sometimes people have to be told things twice. Also, for the sake of diplomacy, I would not mention that you are disgusted or feel disgusting from the other night, you might really have insulted him. But in any case he definitely needs to be more caring towards your feelings. While the other night was not his fault, today (or is it yesterday) seems to be.

Not so! Our brains can contain chemicals that make us depressed or happy... (Seratonin, Dopamine are some of the happy ones - not sure about the depressing ones). Tears carry some of the depressing chemicals out of our bodies... Sounds to me like she got too much comfort and guidance from family members... But as the posters above said, figure out if she is being manipulative or if she is really genuine.

I'd just like to add that men and women are different, and it's a good thing too... If they weren't then 75% of the world's stand-up comedians would go out of business... Seriously tho, I've never known a guy to leave porn out in front of his sig other unless it had been establisehd that she didn't mind it... And I do hear women using "I'm a woman, that's what we do" or "Women are like that" as explanations for questionable behaviour...

Thermal Equilibrium or the Big Crunch - whichever comes first. ;-)

We're both a bit shy really. We've been going out a few weeks now - but when I'm with her it takes me ages to work up the courage to give her a compliment (You're beautiful or something) and that means that when I do it sounds so insincere. (even though it is sincere). Furthermore, the way she reacts puzzles me too. Like she covers her face or something and says, "oh will you stop" almost in a defensive manner - and I'm not sure if she is just embarrassed in a flattered kind of way, or if she is genuinely uncomfortable... I don't want to push it too much because as someone else pointed out, I don't want to seem too full-on. But I still want her to know how attracted to her I am.

Is the present for you or Luke!? You'd want to be sure he would like it - and you'd also want to be sure that you'd like that he'd like it.

That's possible... Either way, it means I am totally useless afterwards if you get my meaning. She was going to give me hand-job soon afterwards... However given the lack of response, I found out last night, she thought it was something *she* was doing wrong - the same thing happened a few nights ago, and she looked sort of angry or something, I thought she might have been mad at me and I was really extremely embarrassed - I never for a moment guessed that she had been embarrassed herself because she thought it was her fault. Until I explained the matter. At least that's cleared up. But it still doesn't help the main problem BTW a few nights before that again, we got our clothes off a bit earlier kind before all the other stuff. That time, I didn't have that problem and was able to last... And she was jerking me off and I came, and was hard again minutes later. But each time I was premature, I at least had boxers on.

I think the key is that men are not mind-readers! What may seem blatantly obvious to a woman often passes right over men's heads. And vice versa.

I'm not sure if you're sayng that that's a good thing or a bad thing... Him doing stuff for you all the time doesn't mean he can do things that upset you - it's not like a mathematical equation where every good thing he does for you gives him credit to do a bad thing... I would say you should show appreciation for the good stuff he does but if he does something that upsets you, you should let him know (in a constructive manner, of course, not nagging or anything.) such as... ?? Like annoying things, or just strange things?

It always starts as a joke...

Sounds like he knows you better than you think! And that you are a bit wishy washy... And maybe a little bit selfish...

Not sure you should say your parents don't approve... This could make him think that you still want to be with him but are being held back by your parents, and he might still try to contact you if he can think ye can avoid your parents' detection. I like Ms. Babydoll's idea a bit better. (Besides face to face is a bit more respectful)

That's the strangest smiley face icon I've seen...

I posted this before (and probably will again) - I see you are 15. Life changes so much between teenage years and throughout your 20s. When you are in your 20s, you'll look back at this and think, "What was I thinking?" and laugh at the trouble you had with the cops...

Not trying to lessen the severity of older people commiting suicide, but I think when young people do it it's especially tragic (like 20s or younger) - your life changes so much between teenagerhood and adulthood.

I missed the part where there was the problem?