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enigmaz_Barbie

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  • Birthday 10/06/1986

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  1. Ok, Im 20 in oct and my parents cant let go! I went out with my boyfriend last night (which my parents dont know anything about) and got home pretty late. Ive never ever had a curfew, my parents dont let me out often but when they do I dont have a specific time I have to be home by. Anyway, I got home the time I always get home when I go out and now my parents are annoyed with me! I dont get it, its not like I go out everyday!!! I wanted to print of my uni stuff but my dad said no! WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THAT! I dont understand, they dont talk to me...and If I try and talk to them about it they always make me feel so small and they get me gulity and upset! The other night my mum was feeling alittle depressed so I did my best to cheer her up, I was telling her how great she is etc...then she started telling me I spend money on junk! I dont spend money on junk, i have to save it up because my car keeps going on me and I need to get it repaired constantly... I think she said that becuase the other day I was so depressed I went out and brought a pair of skates and I went for a ride. I go everyday, it makes me feel better. Anyway, when she said Im dumb with money etc, I felt so small, I cried all night! Seriously I dont know what to do! It hurts and they cant see it. Ive always been a good kid, Ive never complained about the ugly clothes my mum used to buy for me, even up until the age of 17.... its only recently Ive started wearing what I want, even then they say my bum looks big or whatever. I never got encouragment at school, I had to be a perfect A student, I remember once I was in year 3 my dad held me up to a wall and threatened me because I had afew Cs in my report Ive never once complained about the way I get treated etc, Ive always been good to them. There have been times where we have argued because I wanted to get a point accross but they wouldnt accpt it. Im so depressed when Im at home, I try and stay at uni as long as I can, I try to take my time coming home from either uni or work, I basically live in my room on my laptop. I cant wait for the day I get married and move out. I would never treat my kids the way I was treated! I know thay wnat the best for me, but there are other ways of showing they care without forcing me to get perfect marks and demanding way too much, no wonder I constantly have a headache and Im nearly always depressed and Im always thinking of taking some sort of drug, I nearly had a paracetamol (sp?) overdose Can anyone help me?
  2. yeh, he hasnt said anything like this before. It was a one time thing... I hope.
  3. I dont think he ment it, he isnt the type of person to say things like that. Im still alittle hurt over it, but I guess I could forgive him... thanks
  4. I spoke to my boyfriend today over the phone. I cut our conversation short because he said some racial things while I was talking to my mum. It really hurt me. He has no right to say things like that! I was shocked when it came out of his mouth, he then apologised and said he was only joking, but you normally wouldnt joke like that would you? I mean I dont joke about his race (Yes we come from different nationalities). He knows what he did is wrong and he did say sorry a few million times, but Im still not happy. Am I being selfish? Should I forgive him??
  5. ok, I wont contact him for a a day or two... but I know he will call me. LOL I dont know, Im really confused and worried. I dont want to lose him, but than again I dont like how he has been acting with me lately (just the really sexual stuff)
  6. he knows my history. He knew that I thought I was ready but it turned out Im not and he was ok with it. He said he understood. But I dont see that...
  7. he does know the situation with my ex. I dont know, he says he loves me etc and he really cares for me... but why would he do what he did? I dont know what to believe
  8. hmmm Im really starting to worry about this situation, I wish I knew what to do.
  9. Hi everyone!! I hope everyone is well! I wrote this last night > Well I told him that I thought I was ready but I guess Im not and I also told him that I feel alil disgusted in myself. He felt really bad and kept saying sorry, I told him thats it wasnt our fault and we should take things slow, he agreed. I saw him today, things were ok. Usually he parks his car where I park mine, but he didnt. Then he was being alittle annoying, apparently things arnt going too well at home and he was sorta taking it out on me by being crude and alittle mean and making statements which offended me. Then he apologised. Later on we started kissing etc and he took my hand and put it on his.. um... you know where. I would pull my hand away and he would put it back on it and make me rub. He then wanted to touch me but I said no, he kept saying 'oh common' so I finally said that I had my woman monthlys and he finally let me alone. But he still tried getting my hand to touch him. Doesnt he understand?? We spoke about taking it slow last night!! He is really starting to turn me off, I was scared I would lose him or something, now I dont really care. Please help!
  10. Thanks... im alittle scared, I hope it turns ok
  11. WHAT ON EARTH DID I JUST DO!?!? I went out with my boyfriend today, I really love him, he is a really awesome guy... I let him finger me (he asked me if I was ready etc and I said yes, I thought I was ... I guess Im not) and now I feel really bad! I was crying while I was driving home and I nearly had an accident!! Its bringing up bad feelings of my past, im becoming disgusted in myself again, I feel like I want to run infront of a truck or a train! I feel awful! He knows something is wrong, he kept asking me what but I kept saying nothing. I want to throw up. Im so disgusted! What do I do?? Please help me before I do something really stupid! Im going to take a really long shower first, I want to wash everything away...then I'l see how I feel, If I still feel bad... I dunoo... Ive never felt this bad in my life! The situation with my ex (attemped rape and sexual abuse) was nothing compared to how I feel! By the way this is the first guy Ive done anything with after my ex who abused me. Oh god, I feel so disgusting EDIT: Do I tell him how I feel? What should I do???? ....I feel like TRASH!!
  12. Does he really love me? Hi everyone, If someone: - followed you home from collage/uni (and you live 45min away drive) to see you got home safe - Waited for you - Told you they LOVED you (but hey, only a handful mean it) - Said that they dont care if they have engage in sexual acts with you and told you they want you to go at your pace - Call and message you often Does this mean they truly love you or is it just another word for them?
  13. When I finish my studys. Maybe I should just wait and see what how things go. If I start liking him allot, I'l tell my parents. But at the moment I'l leave things the way they are. Im just paranoid that they will find out.
  14. well my parents feel dating will affect my studys (which is not true because I feel he supports me and encourages me allot when it comes to studys). My parents also always say that when I do start dating they want me to date within my own nationality. Im not comfortable dating within my own nationality because I feel I cant show the guy who I really am. For example, I can get really cheeky and the guy will MOST DEFINALTY tell his parents or friends and then everyone would talk bad about me. Its really pathetic, when I go out to church or functions I dont look at anyone nor do I assosicate with them. I used to be a social butterfly within my nationality afew years ago but it wreaked my life, people gossiped about me and looked down at me, so I withdrew. I wish I could tell them, but I know if I do it would destory the relationship i have with my parents. Im 20 in a few months, its really annoying.
  15. OMGOSH, hey everyone!!! Ok, remember this guy > Well we were talking last night and he asked me If I liked him, I said yes. Then he said that he liked me too. He was really shy!! He said that he knows I dont want a bf but asked if I would make an exception for him! I told him that my parents are not cool with me dating just yet, he kept saying he couldnt talk to me anymore. I felt like crying! He didnt say anything to me for awhile, we were just heaps silent. He asked me if I could try and make it work like without people knowing, he said it would be our thing and that he didnt want to lose me. So yeh, we are seeing eachother but its between us. Im alil worried that my parents will find out, but he kept saying it will be ok and he wouldnt do anything to screw us ip. He admitted that he had liked me for nearly a year now but was just really shy to admit it I feel like a highschool kid sneaking around, but Im so happy. I havent been this happy for ages. Is what Im doing bad though?
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