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Tellin It Like It Is

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Everything posted by Tellin It Like It Is

  1. Tellin It Like It Is
    Don't mean to be rude, but excuse me, your current boyfriend decided he wanted to be with you. The current climate is based on someone who is erratic, and unpredictable (your ex). That isn't your fault. You know it isn't. So, if someone stepped on your current boyfriend's toes at work, is it the whole company's fault? What about if it someone at the post office was a jerk? Is he no longer going to send mail? He better grow up and realize that there are people out there who make a menace of themselves, and it's no one's fault but the menace. You also, should stop picking partners that don't treat you like the goddess you are. This guy blames you for things that aren't your fault, and I bet the last guy did too. You deserve more.
  2. Tellin It Like It Is
    Hi. Yes, you should look for love in your own age bracket...but honey, we ALL had crushes on teachers in our teens. You got all these hormones freaking out, and you're turning into a young woman. Don't make a move on your teacher....trust me, it'll just get weird. Look at him more like a father figure, and maybe he'll end up being an important part of your life in a HEALTHY way. You didn't say he's touching you. I disagree with the poster who said the hugging has to stop. Hugs are normal, and everyone should be entitled to them. If he ever gives you the indication that he wants to be romantic with you...THAT'S BAD, and he knows it. So, enjoy your crush. I was heartbroken when my homeroom teacher got married when I was 14...but then I went back to visit him when I was 18 and lookin' good...and he was bald and skinny. HA HA HA. Sometimes it's good to not get what we want. Your dad's not around? Maybe you can get in touch with an uncle or cousin and spend some quality time with an older male figure. I wish you luck. Just remember, crushes are normal, so don't freak yourself out.
  3. Tellin It Like It Is
    I have so been in your shoes. Well, the thing is...when a relationship gets older, it's so easy to crave the newness feeling. How was it when you and your wife started? Electric? Exciting? That's what the beginning of a relationship is all about. Those super charged feelings are not the lasting kind. Think about this. IF you were to leave your wife and pursue this woman, eventually your relationship with her would become "everyday" and predictable like the relationship you're in now. The only way to get out of this without hurting anyone is to realize you cannot have a friendship with this woman, and commit to channeling all of this pent up lust into making your marriage exciting. Time for some outdoor sex with the wife. Time for spontaneous flowers for the wife. Time for love letters for your wife! You won't believe what a little effort can do to recharge your current relationship. Do it. Get out now, because your whole world is about to get really yucky if you don't. Also, you'll notice that your on-line friend likes your attention, but isn't reciprocating your feelings...so stop dangling the carrot. Good luck.
  4. Tellin It Like It Is
    Hi. What if you printed out the saved conversation you found, sat down with her, handed it to her and said, "I'm not looking for excuses. This hurt me a lot. Do you want this relationship, and if so, what are you prepared to do to start working on it?" Start there. You sound like you're actually hoping to get through this with her, and I wish you the best of luck.
  5. Tellin It Like It Is
    Well, I like what Sister Lynch had to say, as well as the non traditional advice from the poster above her. Listen, she is living in some sort of escapism fantasy world. Whatever she is doing is because she's bored, or anxious. This will sound weird coming from ME, but confront her. Print the email, tell her it isn't appropriate to carry on like that with someone. "Wishing it was more" is evidence enough that her head is up her rear end, so you don't need much more. Tell her she can take it or leave it, but if she takes it, you want to work things out in counseling. It's not too late, but you guys will have to commit to alot of work to get out of this setback. Good luck to you.
  6. Tellin It Like It Is
    I'm thinking you have done all you can do. If your sister will not accept your help, you can't make her take it. That's the sad truth. Perhaps talking to a counselor yourself can give you some insight in how to deal with this. You're very courageous. Thank you for sharing.
  7. Tellin It Like It Is
    it was even excessive cheating. I happen to know. Turns out, if you marry him, you can expect more of the same. I'm serious. Nothing is worse than calling off a wedding except going thru with a wedding and realizing your horrible mistake. Take heart girl, you don't have to go through with it, and in the end, you'll be happier.
  8. Tellin It Like It Is
    Alcohol is a tricky thing. People drink it for a variety of reasons and the fear your mom has is that you will get into trouble. (Obviously). Since you are just starting to drink, may I suggest that you teach yourself NOW what your limits are. If you feel like you want to have two beers, then have them. If you say two though, stop there, if you can't stop there, then you shouldn't drink until you have some self control. Do you want to spend Prom puking? Do you want to remember Prom? (Drinking can cause some of your precious memories of this night to vanish). Easy does it, always. BE CAREFUL NOT TO FALL INTO THE MOST COMMON TRAP OF ALL, to drink to have fun. That's total B.S. and half of my friends (ages 21-35) cannot for the life of them have a good time sober and that is sad. Really sad. You will experiment, but is Prom the right night? It's up to you, but be the smart girl that you are.
  9. Tellin It Like It Is
    Pengui has all the right moves, read his post over and over again. I just have one thing to add. The french kissing part needs to start out as just soft little pecks, please don't just shove your tongue in there. A few pecks (3 or so) and then a gentle tongue. Also, how does one really spell tongue? I think I need a spell check, jeez!
  10. Tellin It Like It Is
    Maybe she doesn't want to be with you because you are hostile and angry. She has picked up on the fact that you are able to conceive of hurting her, and she is outtie. I would like to congratulate you on not actually "busting her in the mouth" but you need to deal with the fact that you would even CONSIDER hitting a girl. When you turn yourself around, you'll get a good woman.
  11. Tellin It Like It Is
    Um, I don't dig the fact that he won't be honest and apologize for what happened. You are rightly angry. IF he shows some remorse, then MAYBE you can hear him out, but until then, as hard as it is, stay away. This sounds lame and I know it, but girl, so many other guys would love to have you. Also, hang ups and stuff sound like it was a little more involved than what either of them are admitting to you. PLUS, HER boyfriend would not have called YOUR boyfriend out just to make his day more exciting. He was pissed, and you should be too.
  12. Tellin It Like It Is
    Well my dear, let me start off by saying, any decision you make to honor your feelings is valid. HOWEVER. You need to take into consideration that you have made promises before and have been unable to follow through. This girlfriend, or the old, could you just have a problem with commitement? I know that sounds obvious, but you seem to make up whatever excuse you can at the last minute. Not pretty enough. Worrying about old girlfriend. These could be variations of your fear. Regardless. You gotta let the old girlfriend go. You used the word "fantasy" and that is very true. It is a fantasy. You don't remember what you were uncomfortable with in the relationship when you were in it, and even if it WAS great, she's different now. Namely, because time has elapsed, so how do you know you want to be with the girl she's become since you've been apart? Secondly, don't guilt yourself into staying with the now non virgin. She made her decision based on the available facts at the time, and facts change. That is a really lame part of life, but it's true. If you need to not be with her, fine, don't. But if you think the reason is because you might be able to rekindle something that is past...you may want to evaluate it further. Good luck. Don't end up pining for THIS girl.
  13. Tellin It Like It Is
    Baby girl, I wish I could relieve your pain. It's hard. You'll do your brain wracking, and then, hopefully, you'll start to heal. (Of course you will!) I've had plenty of boys tell me sweet things like houses, and children, and sometimes it's because it's what I wanted to hear. I dunno. I didn't mean to be harsh, it's just that such a sudden change means SOMETHING is happening. I'm really sorry. Seriously, I know what it feels like to cry your guts out, get some new kleenex, and start bawling again. Good luck.
  14. Tellin It Like It Is
    It's the smile. No fuggly teeth.
  15. Tellin It Like It Is
    It is clear that this man has some sexual issues. Has it occurred to you (this is awfully blunt, so don't read on if you're gonna freak out-I'm sorry in advance) that he might be gay? It happens. A lot. To my neighbor, my friend, and my boyfriend's buddy.
  16. Tellin It Like It Is
    My love, I believe he may have found someone else. I only say this, because it's clear he loves you, but whether he is terrified of his love for you, or he is newly infatuated with someone else, he has consistantly acted as though he loves you. Cruelly, it is quite possible, that it is just over, and that sucks.
  17. Tellin It Like It Is
    Hi, it's me again, I'm new to this, so forgive me if I seem insistant, but your second posting (this one I am replying too) interested me. Please really listen to me. I'm 28. I have had about a dozen girl friends get messed up with guys who are abusive. Physically. They all started with just "little things". Hollaring. Shoving. Throwing things. Then, ALWAYS, it got worse. ONE KEY CLUE to someone becoming abusive is behavior like you described. This person you are with, really likes to feel in control, so he says these mean things because he KNOWS it makes you feel little, and if you feel little, he can feel big. YUCK. My good friend Katie in High School at 18 was shot in the head and killed by her boyfriend who she was fighting with. You absolutely MUST NOT accept that anyone treat you in this manner. I know about a million guys in California that would bow down at your feet and read you 246 pages of Shakespear while holding on to your angelic ankles with gratitude. F**K this guy. Put some Nair in his shampoo and be done with his @ss.
  18. Tellin It Like It Is
    Okay, you said be blunt. Are you possibly a little dorky or weird? Maybe watch someone you think is very smooth and do what they do. Be aware of your dress. Girls like to laugh, so work that funny thing out. And even if you are dorky or weird, yes, someone will love the heck out of you and walk the ends of the world for you, they just haven't gotten to you yet. Life is long, don't fret.
  19. Tellin It Like It Is
    Yes, you have to keep up the charade, because you are not allowed to hurt him, you made your bed secretly, keep it to yourself. You will have to "suck it up" when you see your lover. Your mourning the loss of this relationship is normal. It was someone special, and it was something intimate...HOWEVER, you need to find a private, SOLITARY way of mourning and then move on. Now, actually marvel at all of the negative feelings this brought for you, and realize why a lot of people do not engage in extra-marital affairs. I know you didn't plan it, and well... $hit happens. Be thankful for the sweet moments, and realize that yes, you will have to suffer through this ending. I'm sorry you're hurting. You need another hobby in addition to dancing. Something that requires alot of changes (not knitting, you'll sit and think too much) and all of your attention. That will help.
  20. Tellin It Like It Is
    Listen, if its a fling, it's a fling. That means one brief thing. If it's a continuing thing, believe it or don't, that's a relationship. You wrote a lot for someone who just wanted a "fling". On top of your misleading offer of just a fling, you hunted his past down to find out if he was married BEFORE you divulged your marital status! You're funny. You had your fling. He's over it. You should get over it too, and find someone who is willing to provide what you want. (Which seems to be sex on a continual basis).
  21. Tellin It Like It Is
    You want to know? Well, lets see. I was married. To an honest man. We had known each other our entire lives. We had two children. He was in a band. The guys came over to practice. Matt was fun. We got along. Sometimes he'd stay late, or come over early. I chalked that up to us being friends too. He showed me his work from college. I was impressed. I said so. We had some lingering looks. But what was I going to do? I figured it was just healthy attraction. Months of surprise connections. We liked the same everything, and were in constant awe of what the other could write, sing, play, say, debate, create.....Then a random, unplanned, kiss. Then...an affair. I fell in love with him before the kiss, and once it happened I was conquered. I divorced my husband after Matt and I broke up (Matt wasn't quite the stand up guy I thought he'd be. I thought he might stay with me and I'd leave my husband, but oh no....that was too much) but we divorced after counseling resolved that affair (it's never really resolved). I was being faithful when we split. In fact, Matt had been three years gone when I left the husband. I just wasn't in love with him the way I had been with Matt. Ironically, it taught me how love really felt, except for the end. Nevertheless, now I have a man that's incredible, and I will be loyal always. That's my side of the story.
  22. Tellin It Like It Is
    Darlin', Don't fall in love with someone's potential. You deserve more, and you can have it too, from somone better. Trust me. I chronically cheated on my husband. I loved him, but I loved what I wanted more. I was an immature slut, and I wasn't going to change with him because he put up with it. (Thats not how it went while it was happening, it was all this..."I'm so sorry.....it'll never happen again....I'm sorry it happened again....I fell in love with someone else, but I'll work it out with you....) so, you see, I'm a woman that has been in your man's shoes, and you're gonna have to cut him loose if you want any sanity.
  23. Tellin It Like It Is
    Listen, my best friend (who is SUPER HOT, believe it.) lost her virginity last year at the age of 24. She liked making out too. She did it when she was ready. I was a teenager when I lost my virginity, but then I got pregnant. (Oh yeah, that). DO NOT SLEEP WITH ANYONE WHO GIVES YOU ATTITUDE FOR YOUR SELF RESPECT!!!!! I know you love him. I have loved some boys that could have given a poot about me, and that's the sad, re-occurring truth. You are beautiful. Sweet, intelligent. Having sex for the first time is a gift to someone that should not be wrestled out of your hands. Please keep waiting, you will be so stoked that you did. (Do you want a baby? An STD?) Those questions need to be looked at. If you are prepared for the risks AND the consequences, then do it when YOU are ready.
  24. Tellin It Like It Is
    Well, you sound like quite the eloquent and kind person. I hope you can see what a valuable human being you are to begin with. It seems as if you and your partner were very close, and, in a domesticly intimate situation. This is the part about love that sux. The part you are experiencing right now. I hate to say this, but I wonder if your partner is weaning herself off of you while enjoying her new found confidence. Basically, as much as you have shared and loved, if she truly wants her space, she can't expect you to pander and be strung along. (Can't tell her parents she sees you??? Regardless of what happened (unless things got physical) it's nobody's business....even mom and dad...and she should get around to cutting the umbilical cord). I have to say, it seems inappropriate for her to sleep with her 12 year old son. He may be immature or protective, but he is still a child who should be taught boundaries so he can grow into a self respecting person. You sir, are awesome. I can tell. I lost someone who I loved so much I had a nervous breakdown. Then, I met someone twice as wonderful as I would have ever thought two years later. What an exchange. For my old love to have a great life. For me to have a great life, and for us to not cause each other any more damage? Beautiful. It will happen like that for you too. If you're a glutton for punishment OR you really believe it would be healthy and good for everyone involved to "patch things up" then go to counseling IMMEDIATELY together. Go alot. As a matter of fact, I hope you're seeing someone in the counseling capacity for your own well being. I believe it may lessen your burdon, my friend. ALL PEACE.
  25. Tellin It Like It Is
    So, I'm 28. I thought about suicide for the first time at about 9. My whole life, it's been there. Here's the deal though...I finally realized that the problem is my mind isn't "hooked up" the way other people's minds are. Not a defect so much as a difference. Stay with me here. When I finally told my mom, that I was so sad all of the time, it was such a relief, because she got me a counselor and a physician. My anti-depresants are literally the best thing in the world. You wouldn't be embarrased to say, "Hey, I was born with no legs Mom, and I'm having trouble with stairs." Of COURSE you're having trouble with the stairs! So many gifted professionals can help you. You just have to be willing to take your medicine (and not jump off because you "feel better"). Be prepared to maybe try one or two different kinds to see which is right for you (there are literally hundreds of medicines for this common thing we call depression). Also, Sarah, YOU can ask your mom for a doctor's appt. (make something up if you want) and tell your doctor that you are feeling so sad, and confused. Be honest. Tell him you WILL NOT hurt yourself if he will help you. (By law, if you say you are going to kill yourself to him he must contact police, HOWEVER, I've been to lots and lots of doctors, and they just want to help you get better, so one way to get good help is to say that you are very depressed, having scary thoughts and need immediate help.) Sarah, I hope this helps you. Hang in, we met for a reason. You were meant to be in this world. Love, Mak
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