pappy

My 34 year old girlfriend allowed me to take her virginity two years ago. She really doesn't want to be with another man. Her family and culture are very traditional and expect the women to be with only one man in her whole life. She is begging me to marry her. I'm not sure about marrying her, but I feel a moral obligation to do so. When we first met, I lied to her about not having a girlfriend, but I did have another one. If she had known this fact, she would never have dated me. I told her about the other girlfriend after ending that relationship 3 months into the new relationship. My girlfriend was devasted and our relationship suffered alot for a year. After having a near death (cancer) experience, my girlfriend believes she's overcomed my past. Any comments? Has anyone ever married in these circumstances? I told her I don't love her deeply and my love is shallow, but she is earnestly trying to rebuilt our relationship.

I'm really lonely right now. I can't find a friend to sound out my feelings about my current and former girlfriend. I hope the kind people on this site can help me... I'm living in the US and currently engaged to a woman who lives in Asia. We met while she was studying here and we dated for three months. After she returned to her country, we had a long distance relationship for almost two years. We have met each other about four times a year travelling between here and there. We have been engaged for several months now. the first meeting between my parents and her family is scheduled in a few weeks. I'm very nervous now. I'm having second thoughts about the marriage. The main reason is that I am unable to forget about my old girlfriend. My old girlfriend also lived in Asia too and we had a long distance relationship for three years. During one visit she lived with me for four and a half months. At the time, I was reluctant to make any kind of long term commitment to her and brushed off her indirect questions about it. I had thoughts about ending the relationship, but I couldn't do it. I left my old girlfriend for a very vain reason. I wanted someone prettier. I cheated on her to date my now-fiance and ended our relationship. My fiance is pretty, but she is not as perfect as I imagined her to be when we met. After I told her that I had another girlfriend, she was very angry and hurt. She is jealous person. Periodically she felt very insecure and wondered where our relationship was going. She's 33 and I'm 28. One day she gave me an ultimatum.."what is your decision?" or else she would leave me. I caved in because I didn't want to leave her, so that's why were are now engaged for almost 6 months now. After engagement, she became more secure and I didn't have to worry so much about her ending the relationship due to insecurity. During her episodes of insecurity, I worried about being dumped by her and clung onto the memories of my old girlfriend for comfort. I have never been able to forget about her because I can't stop myself from emailing her. She does reply to my email. I fantasize about going back to her now, but I'm not sure if that really what I want and worried that might open another can of worms. Another factor is that my old girlfriend gave me a very cute stuffed animal and I loved playing with the little animal, treating it like a favorite pet. I can't bring myself to put it away. Each time I play with it or see it, I'm reminded of my old girlfriend. I feeling like crying inside on many days. I can not bear the thought of saying goodbye to her forever if I get married to another woman. I regret leaving her for vain reasons. When I am together with or talking to my fiance, I notice I don't think about my old girlfriend as much. Should I hope that I won't be troulbed by thoughts of my old girlfriend after marrying my fiance? I feel a strong obligation to marry my fiance because she gave her virginity to me early in our relationship. She was 31 and felt I was the right person for her to devote her life to. She lives in a very traditional society where virginity is highly valued. She would be considered "damaged goods" by other men now. What should I do? Why am I tormented by memories of my old girlfriend? If I were to date another woman, I worry that I'll always think about her. Does this mean I really should attempt to go back to her? I don't know my fantasy will cause more hurt in the future. I feel guilty about having these feelings while engaged to another woman. Everytime I feel like missing my old girlfriend, I call up my fiance to stop those feelings. Also I'm seeking out religon to find guidance. Thanks for reading. I appreciate any comments, religious or non-religious.