I never thought I would be the kind of woman to have an affair but I did. 2 years ago I befriended a married man. I too am married, he for 6 years me for 12. He's 2 years my senior. We are both from the same social dance club, meeting about 3 times a week. We started out as simply good friends but the sparks flew and 6 months ago we started the affair.
Even before I came into the picture he was having problems with his wife, both financially and romantically. Many times they almost headed to the divorce courts. I know this to be true as his wife confided in me intially too. But she and I had a major falling out back on new year's day.
Ever since then she stopped accompaning her husband to the dance sessions. She kept feeling pangs of jealousy and felt hurt that her husband would choose to go out with his friends, a group of about 6 of us, and esp me, rather than spend time with her and they have not been on talking terms for about a month.
Just last week things exploded. She and I had a major confrontation and had a shouting match with all kinds of nasty name calling in PUBLIC. Since then my lover started acting cold towards me. Normally we would talk for hours over the phone everyday but suddenly he stopped for 4 days, no msgs, no calls, nothing.
I confronted him a few days back and we too had a shouting match of our own. He said that he felt scared of me and that he couldn't trust me anymore. He felt that I had purposely picked a fight with his wife so that she would leave him and he would choose to be with me.
That is completely not true. I have my own family and would never go to him even if he split with his wife or me with my husband. We had this agreement right from the start. I felt so hurt and betrayed that he could think this of me.
After tempers cooled we managed to talk for about 1/2 hr and agreed that we should stop being romatically involved. We also agreed to stay friends.
The problem is this - We still will meet every week and my heart hurts so bad it feels like its going to burst. I've gotten so used to talking and messaging every day I feel so lost without it. Also I don't want to avoid him when we go dancing then everyone who saw me arguing with his wife will know it's true I slept with him. There has never been any proof because we never dated, only meeting occasionally in hotels. We have denied and denied and denied every rumour and I have to keep up the charade.
How do I go on? How do I keep up this charade and not fall apart completely? I can't not go to the sessions then MY husband will get suspicious because he knows I love dancing too much to ever just stop for no reason.
I hope someone can make sense of what I'm feeling but I think the main reason I'm posting this msg is that I can't talk about this to anyone. I think I just need some release. But if anyone can help, I'd be extremely grateful.
Thank you for letting me get everything off my chest.
