LotusFlower

robwarrior and suprema I feel made good points. Smash the computer with a hammer and also start thinking seriously about whether the relationship is worth it. Is their any other pressuring circumstances that makes it 'easy' or 'convenient' for either of you to stay in the relationship even if the love was not all there? (Money, children, comfort, etc.) What is she seeking online? That maybe you aren't given her? Excitement? The internet is much more interactive then TV. Does she have female friends around her...hobbies, things to do? How many of your fights are about re-accuring things that if you step back and look at -- shouldn't be that hard? How much effort and respect is really there? What aren't or haven't you gotten out of this relationship. Is she happy w/ herself? Would a change in both of your diets and an exercise comitment maybe change both of your energy levels? When was the last time you took her on a 'date' on a non holiday? These are just things that I had to think about when I left my ex...I used the excape of the internet to do so. I met someone who is leaving his ex. I see him for the 3rd time here in a month. We aren't married though. Good luck.

One day men will stop getting away with the 'primal instinct' and bogus thoughts about beeing 'wired different then women', or 'more visual'. sex is a reflection of the relationship in my opinion, it is by far not what makes one.

I am single, live alone...and eating at home is hard. Just today I cooked a bunch of food for the week and froze some and just made things that are easy to throw together. I do things like lowfat quiches...oatmeal bars...salads...make my own pita chips by baking pitas lightly brushed with oil and garlic in the oven...and then premake salad mixtures with vegetables so all i have to do is add dressing. Also couscous and lentils are easy and quick. Thats what I do...but that might sound boring. Spices and variety of vegetables add alot.

Thank you for the laugh...i don't get it either. I think its fun... i may not reveal it...but i dont' get how he doesn't know...he must not have known you well to begin with?

someone once told me... 30 minutes of soul searching and you'll find the answer. I say... do what you love, get rid of what you don't fall heart first or not at all, and if your going to love, be prepared for its lessons.

It will...love is also about lessons

Well the worst thing you can do is act like a child who is not getting his candy It is the worst feeling to have someone bringing it up or wanting to 'go further' all the time if you are in a NO SEX SPACE. She doesn't want to cuddle because you want to jump in her pants so bad. A NO SEX SPACE is for several reasons--- insecurities, abuse, rape, trust issues, weird bodily things, yeast infections and stds, emotionaly instable parts of life, loss of sexual appetite due to depression, lack of exercise, anxiety, stress, diet, hormones, and dehydration. If you really loved her, you would start asking her about her needs and what ones need to be met, and stop worrying about your needs that aren't. Thats just my interpretation, I don't mean to sound like a B*&$... I just know that when i go to a NO SEX SPACE i am so sick of men thinking it has anything to do with them, or that their needs are being met and are important. Try seeing where you aren't giving her more of you--- uh... probably emotionaly is my guess.

I understand... i'm 26 and I always thought I was getting more mature. The truth is some of us just love more. I can tell that you have a very loving heart, to have not had sex yet...you are still a virgin?...shows that you respect yourself. It seems as though you know very well that Jack doesn't give you everything you want, otherwise you wouldn't feel the feelings you do towards andrew. Andrew gives you something Jack doesn't...but yes, you are more attracted to Jack, whether it be looks, chemistry, spiritualy, mentally, w/e... YOu are too dependant emotionaly on Jack it sounds, I could be wrong, but thats how it sounds. The comment the one person said about a man should add to your life not be your life...is so true, expecially since this man is leaving ... what are you going to do now if you don't get a grip!??? He came back because he loved you...also because you stood up to him and that showed him that you didnt' 'need' him. Now you need him? Why? You don't... he needs to know that you don't 'need' him... because once you start needing him to be happy and survive, he is when he will walk all over you . Just take one more weekend a month apart from eachother...hang out with your friends... get to know your girlfriends more, they are people that can definitely be around forever and make you smile incase the jerks and loves along the way leave you in their dust. Its okay to love...it is. Don't worry about whats right and wrong in love, just do what FEELS GOOD TO YOU, and never compromise the love you have for yourself.

You need friends, its not healthy that your boyfriend is your only one... computer addictions are not only physically compromising (being at the compauter etc) there are also weirdos and ... and... affairs happen online. there are poeple just like you, you just haven't put yourself out there enough. Take a class that is not art, go to meetings in your town, be a big sister with Big brothers big sisters. Trust me... a friend would be not only fun, maybe hard at first, but also might get you to like your town more and discover places where u do fit in.

Lately I realize that I hear alot of things about people in their 20-30s getting sick. I have many friends with endometriosis, colon growths, cancers, or I hear of other poeple's friends goign through weird stuff at young ages. Is there something terribly wrong in the U.S. right now? We know that red meat causes uric acid which cause the PH to go off, which lends its hand to irregular cell growth and changes. We know that processed and Genetically Modified Foods also lack nuturients and throw the alkaline off balance. We know that sugar, tobacco, and alchohol are not good. Is the FDA someone we should be looking at more closely... are they killing my friends? In some countries fast food is a luxury and more expensive then healthy food...not here... organic healthy food is, and way too expensive to incorporate into your diet. In a poluted world where our food system is as corrupt as our government, why when I pay alot in taxes and have health insurance, I can't have a mamogram in my late twenties????? My grandmother and mother had cancer. What is that about? And since when is it okay for my uterus to be a political and religious debate???? We have a possible vaccine for HPV which causes cervical cancer, and America is debating whether it is a 'go free' pass to sex??? HUH? Anyways, I'm getting tired of us just thinking our health is okay and that these stupid people running this place our actually out for our best interest???? My friends are getting sick because we aren't doing anything together...we are all to busy, and lazy, just like they like us.

Yeah i just had a man recently shy away from me playing with his nipples... i think some are more ticklish maybe... cuz i too like nipples. The ball playing seems a bit awkward, what can you do to them that turns you on? .

Flowers in the Attic all over again. Its weird, and probably not healthy. I would never feel safe having children around him or his family.

You should have the conversation with him though,

this is a fun topic. I personally think it would be great to have a faithfull man who never looked at another womens body, and was emotionaly satisfied with em as well as mentally... and then to also have a close female friend that I can kiss when ever want. I have female friends that when we drink we get flirty, we are also like sisters in the sense that we go up to bat for eachoter and love eachother unconditionaly. It was considered cheating to our men...and brought up this very conversation. We are not necessariliy bi, we just like an occasional affection from a female friend that loves u. I think its possible that these girl-kisses can be harmless, back in time women held hands and kissed eachother all the time and it was innocent. It is I believe kind of natural.

you should be using condoms if you are scared of pregnancy. Yes you can still have your period. if there is blotting afterwards that is also something that can happen. If she is concerned aobut it and gets morning sickness or bloating etc...she should just get tested. She should get tested for the fact that there was no condom.

There are lubrications for dryness, I believe that is common. Low sex drive can be caused by stress, depression, etc. etc... I was prescribed once an HErb called MACA, its natural and is usualy taken as a prenatal herb. So it does increase fertility in the sense that it increases your sexual organs and in turn making you more sexual...It actually worked for me, but please ask your doctor or read about it to make sure its right for you.

I have a similiar problem, I never orgasmed, even with my seven year relatioship...well i thought i had baby orgasms. Pulses, sensations, etc...but not the dropping off a cliff, blood rushiong to your head, knees shaking, screaming kind. nO. Now that I'm single, I try to get my self there, and I have much better luck =) I think now that we don't know exactly what to feel we are to concerned about what it should or should not feel like. I suggest trying to get ur self off more. Men often don't have a clue what they are doing in teh bed...they are just doing what feels good to them or what they THINK feels good to you.

I would be carefully of very hard sex and also depending on the size of the man and the lubrication...sex should be comfortable. If it is hurting you while you have sex, you should adjust whatever you can to try and find where it feels good. Some times this means they can't go all the way inside. Or you may have simply pulled a muscle during sex. Also I would get a pap test if you haven't recently and talk to the doctor about it. If you have other changes like irrecular bleeding or blotting, or heavy periods, you want to mention these to your doctor as well.

I personaly think we need to wire radars to mens heads if we honestly think we can have a faithfull relationship with them, that and get use to them constantly looking at boobs. He may not have cheated...YET, if you where in love. He is howerver, I believe, getting bored and now looking curiously at other women. He could be not sharing the same feelings as you. He is taking you for granted and seeing if he can keep you their as a crutch while he plays over here for a while with some other girls...um... I'd say... its obvious you are falling out of love with me...so I'm out. Bye.

It gets tiring hearing that your to young I imagine. I was mature at 15, and was probably ready enough as any other 15 year old around me. However, I slept with the wrong person for the wrong reasons. He was 18 and he was not a virgin. I wish I had not slept with him, because I didn't get the romantic virginity experience like you where talking about... All he would be if you slept with him at this point is a disappointment. If he really loves you he'll wait...and thats not a bunch of bs either...make him wait, your worth it. Take it one month at a time and see if you are still in love with him as much...and then wait just a little longer. Eventually the drug that secretes from our brains when we fall in lust starts to fade away...atleast give your time to really know if he is worth it. Resenting losing your virginity too early and to the wrong person, sucks.

Thats funny cuz I am a total dream analyzer. i have found that my dreams let out my emotions by replaying situations in a very exagerated way so that i feel that emotion more intensly and let it go... like guillt, fear, etc... I have also found that my dreams do relay symbolism at times. I think that we have the ability to witness life differently in our sleep...but only after much practice and an open mind. I recently have been not sleeping well, partially this dang computer, my job is stressfull, I am in a love triangle, my father is sick, and I just left a relationship. Even on sleeping pills I dream outragiously vivid dreams and can remember every detail down to the color of flowers and how many. I was recently given the suggestion to build a place in your mind every night that feels safe and is your creation...like a house somewhere. To feel comfortable in that house and then write down on a piece of paper for yourself or for your guides what it is that is droubling you. Ask for guidance, or ask to only have peacefull sleep. Perhaps we can chose what we are willing to dream about. perhaps we can also learn not to dream nad have peacefull sleep.

the next step should be whatever she wants it to be because you are obviously anxious to get in her pants. I think the next step is to buy her flowers or get her a card, to ask her questions about her life and try to learn how to admire her female qualities. When you know someone and love them...its easier to take steps together...the next one...and the next one... Baseball isn't the right analogy, because there are more then 4 bases and its not really a sport...its an art. Sounds like you are doing pretty good if you have the respect at your age to communicate with her about what she is comfortable doing.

I think electra is right, he doesn't want people to know about you... red flag number one. If he was desperately in love with her he may not be over her, and even if he was he still has a right to keep his possessions. I still have pictures of my exes, and I wish I had seen my moms. The age, it sounds like both of you have doubts about it. so thereforeeee there is a problem. And yes, divorces are tough. I agree you are best to take some time away or try to detach more.

Shadow Light, I hear you! They aren't married. I am not necessarily on hold, I have lots of other things in my life consisting of jobs, friends, family, art, travel, and I am only 6 months single now. I am more selfish then anything, stubborn and I need love in my life for inspiration. I am also an unconditional lover and friend. Red flags as in lies? No. Red flags from the universe,as in pay attention? Yes. Not run, but pay attention, there is a deeper force here at work. As for him always making up excuses, no...he has been honest with me from the start. Its not time for me to be in a relationship, obviously or I would be. I am actually still slightly disappointed in the male species in general and find it hard to be around men. I feel objectivied or else misunderstood around them. I know this story sounds so dramatic, and it is. There was some thrill and excitement for us in the beginning, now there is obstacles and random acts greater then us. It is a time for me to heal and re-discover myself. I have actually been doing pretty good and there is alot of change and opportunity around me. I guess, I just wanted...him. I found him, and I then I made it so we met, we both learned how to open up to someone again. And here we are, in this place I put us in, we put us in. In a place I want to be, but in a place where I have no controll. Its ironic. I learn from this daily though. I learn about friendship, about the spychology of the mind as I listen to myself. Also it has taught me about fait, because I honestly in the bottom of my heart know that we where meant to meet, and to have held eachother. What I am unsure of and scared of is that it might not happen again. I am prepared to walk out of this thankfull that it happened, as I think he will too. That is if we ever walk apart...again in this life. He is framiliar, if you know what I mean. Anyways... Maybe I'll start a new post about work and the stresses of insomnia!!! Just kidding.

First I want to thank you for even having interest in my little love affair. Its crazy...the feelings.. like you say...love, man what is that. And yes, being the other girl having an affair with another womens man is weird, and not a position i feel i chose. Again I feel their is lessons "karma" if you will that we are learning in this together... if that makes any sense to u. Get this... so they finally break it off, he has been telling her they shouldn't be together and then feeling frustrated that nothing is happening. Well she folds and says okay lets end it then. 4 days later...she is diognosed with cancer. He is emotionaly leaning on me...I am forced to be his friend. His friend. I guess thats what I am beyond anything else. I can't do the NC i tried, and he just lost his mother to cancer...so imagine what he feels like... i understand this changes everything...I feel horrible for her and for him. Thats my update. And again thank you for caring and sharing your thoughts.