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LotusFlower

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  1. LotusFlower
    My ex cheated on me... i stayed with him aftewards for 3 more years. I as devestated... i also realize now that I was not a perfect person either. However, in trying to forgive him, and even with him trying very hard...i could not. I was angry, i imagined curb checking her and killing him too like you said. I would have loved to klobber him with a frying pan. I loved him, don't get me wrong. But I was angry and the lack of forgiveness from my part killed me, i woke up pissed everyday, faught about little things, didnt' respect him anymore and on and on... I finally kicked him out, he didnt' want to go and it was a 6 mo breakup...very painfull...but i was sick of beeing angry all the time. Now...he is gone as of 6 mo ago...i am still adjusting, but i have no one to be mad at...no one...only me now, and i am able to see things so differently. You have to do what feels good... if you aren't the type to forgive, it may eat you alive like it did me. Things happen for a reason...now i look at his cheating as a blessing in disguise, made me learn alot. good luck.
  2. LotusFlower
    hm, I feel you. I'm actually a very attractive person but I don't feel attractive. I hate it actually when people tell me I'm attractive its weird. I'm not attracted to what others think is attractive though either, so I am no expert on attraction...I am souly attracted to personalities and stuff from the inside of people. Its not the same I know...but none of us are exactly the same...we can only imagine eachothers pain. I had a gay friend and we grew up in Montana, the worst place for gays. He denied it his whole life until he moved away. I look back at when we where growing up and he was always so conscious of the way he looked. Now that he is not hiding it and we are older...he isn't the awkward nerd-hes actualy super fine!...seriously....and he has an awesome personality because he is himself... May not help, but I just know that you are not alone in having feelings that suck or that are hard to deal with. We all have things that we wish where different about ourselves, but in the long run...when we are ourselves we are more inclined to find people who appreciate us for who we are.
  3. LotusFlower
    I went through a break up with someone I wanted children with (7years). Even when he left I contimplated trying to get pregnant coverty ( I know horrible...but he would have been a good daddy!!!) I met a male friend who I love deeply who helped me through the breakup and who we still talk extensively and have a growing-loving relationship. Their are many soul mates I have to believe, and things are meant to be...perhaps there is love around the corner for you.
  4. LotusFlower
    some women mistake bad boy with confidence. I actualy like men who appear really confident and are outgoing and funny, but who also know how to feel and have some sensitive passion in their soul. Just find your own confidence and you will attract your people--and your woman-women.
  5. LotusFlower
    He wants me as both...his lover and campanion; and a reason to leave her. He claims he doesn't want to hurt her, but I know its because he doesn't want to be alone. I want him to leave her for himself, because we both know that we may not work out. We also both know that for a year...everyday kind of feels like the first. Oh, I could just scream! And then all I want is to smell his hair again...you see, we are in continual infactuation-lust-love-obsession with this long distance thing. We know so much about eachother, but yet still so much to learn etc--so there is excitement. there is also the thoughts of never wanting to take pieces of him for granted...skin, breath, eyes...sighs, because it is so desired yet so untouchable right now. Its nerve racking. He calls me sometimes 4-5 times in the morning between his jobs just to talk, or tease me, or listen to me ramble, or wake me up----so hello! how is a girl not suppose to fall for that??? I think he is equally obsessed with me to be honest with you. And for the 'born to love you thing'...thats something I would say...haha. See...I just keep stickign up for our love...and no advise seems to sink in, its weird. Maybe I was born to love him. Man love can make u feel so dumb.
  6. LotusFlower
    Ouch.."the girl you lose your virginity too..and the girl you marry"...Wow. It is kind of humerous if he was a comedian. Take a break...give him the option to stay commited and lay down your rules on fidelity adn RESPECT, or the option to MOVE OUT (if living w/ you)-withought sleeping together still. he will fantasize about it forever if you don't give him a black and white picture--he needs to evaluate the difference between love and sex.
  7. LotusFlower
    I'm with you! Happy Valentines To Mee Too!! And U
  8. LotusFlower
    I was not married or have any children but I was cheated on...I was not capable of forgiving. I was the one with the images and it turned to hate. For me, the fact that he is no longer with me is now a blessing in discuise and lessons well learned by both of us. He wanted to stay badly, I could see it in his eyes, he still cries kind of on the phone, but I need something different in a man all together, and my lessons where huge. Who I was before his affair also contributed to the affair. It takes two to tango always. if you can't forgive...it can kill you, but if you can forgive...you are an exceptional person. And people can and always will change, so can he.
  9. LotusFlower
    Today he says he thinks he was born to love me... That he and her discussed just beeing friends and not living together because they fight so much yada yada... and on about a possible future here...future there... I said you should live by yourself first...maybe we can see eachother more for longer periods of times... We both have a need to see eachother again, I guess we can't stop it. I said I didn't want to be second...but that I couldn't just move there until I knew we would really work together and do the whole family thing...so more like lifting the 'dating' to another level. Remember we've seen eachother already twice. So, I don't know... all I do know is that I love him...in many ways. Vortex...do you regret staying at all?
  10. LotusFlower
    If you feel like he is the one...we must remember relationships are also about learning...there is a chance i suppose that you can help eachother, learn and grow stronger...or...have an open relationship or take a break and see if the time apart clears some stuff up for you...spending time away is healthy sometimes
  11. LotusFlower
    men i mean..pleasing men... oops
  12. LotusFlower
    Hm, this is interesting. How long has it been going on, because if she was young then this could be really damaging to her when she is older. I don't know if its more common there...but regardless, I think they're are deeper seated issues here. He seems like his morals are in question, and her sense of self worth and confidence. Was their abuse? And for getting to know the family...I would question if she was abused and has some weird ideals around sex and pleasing women. I'd run.
  13. LotusFlower
    I'm wondering if she is into you or not? I'd not text her...it will make her wonder if you have been the one making the first move since then...let her make the next and you'll see if she really wants too.
  14. LotusFlower
    I don't like my teeth licked all the time, every once in awhile...fine. I like it when there is some teasing when things get irrisistable, like not quite touching lips and then when you do...mmm... also, i like deep, almost fast french kissing when i'm really rowdy. =)
  15. LotusFlower
    I've heard the..."you didn't give me enough attention..yada yada"...but really it means that they didnt' love you then, while they where cheating...and they are staying with you either out of convenience (money, food, house, friendship, etc)...or they are staying because they realized that the sex w/ another isn't all its cracked up to be. Either way...if they love you again, or want to stay with you then you have to be able to forgive. If you can't forgive, then leave..run fast and far, because non-forgiveness kills u. If you can forgive then you must trust that he has changed and not bring it up again. Me, I couldnt' let it go...so I ran but not fast enough....and in the end, he lost more and learned a very powerful lesson.
  16. LotusFlower
    Well... i would love to be a virgin again...congratulations. Atleast you are dating older men...men at 21, I would imagine would be hard to find that would wait a LONG time after dating someone. Older ones who have had more experience might have more patience. someone in the same situation might be good too? I imagine it also depends on where you live and the social circles you subject urself too. Always be sound on your needs though...always.
  17. LotusFlower
    Well for one, i have noticed that people get so offensive to generalizations...we all do it ...out of pain... let it go. Let her go... be her friend and give her space. She is either not interested, or she is unsure...she may be scared or something else could be bothering her. To be on the safe side...let her go and just ber her friend.
  18. LotusFlower
    I prefer fast quickies...or long slow love making...sure a little aggression is good sometimes...but borderline abusive...can get messy...
  19. LotusFlower
    Well I'll let you know what I decide to do and how it turns out. Thanks...=)
  20. LotusFlower
    It was a health magazine ... and it was not degrading to men...it was actualy helping women get their emotional needs from men by learning about the communication barriers... now come on of course there are exceptions...the brain is like a muscle, if you exercise it it works more efficiently. There are scientific differences between men and women...Thank God!!! If you think men and women communicate the same...you are crazy~!
  21. LotusFlower

    jealousy

    LotusFlower replied to askNsee's topic in Jealousy

    Well... I agree wit Dn... however jealousy is also an insecurity on the jealous persons part...and most of us are far from perfect. If there is deliberate attempts to make others jealous...bad. If you arelooking for reasons to be jealous...bad If you notice something that makes you jealous and talk about it and address it...good.
  22. LotusFlower
    I agree w/ annie. Blessings come in disguise often, and we are here to learn. you deserve someone who wants the same thing.
  23. LotusFlower
    eriko...the reply was not to bash the opposit gender... ask any women who has had long term relationships and most will tell you that the dumb thing is a real deal. Ask most men if they think women talk to much about irrevelent things and most will say yes. You tell me then, why so many women have this problem with their husbands and significant others?
  24. LotusFlower
    That was funny Annie... If you like the guy...then you should have led on too adn maybe he wouldn't have acted dumb. If you dont', then he probably felt dumb. But still in general, men do the dumb thing allot and it doesn't always mean that they are not interested in you...it just means they are doign the dumb man thing so that you dont' know how they feel or to shut u up.
  25. LotusFlower
    I agree with Dannysgirl.. he just wants reasurance. Its possible he misses you. If you going to talk to him, don't say..."till you figure out what you lost"... tell him you aren't interested in him in that manner and if he wants to be your friend stop acting like...well...a girl. The way you say it sounds like you want revenge, which is not good either. Good luck with the new guy...
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