AntiLove_SuperStar

If hes addicted at this age, it is indeed a problem..I suppose it all depends on whether he can kick it or not. Give him a month or two, keep encouraging him when he manages to not look at it and it might be OK, but addictions are tough...dont get too hopeful.

Forgot to add, YOU may love him but to do all that to you...he doesnt love you. Sorry. But come on..would YOU do that to someone you loved??

Yes, leave him. Absolutely. He lied for over a year, broke your trust and I dont think youll ever get it back..and why should you?? If hes done it once he'll probably do it again, leave him, you are young and have LOADS of time to find someone better.

Ah yeah...porn. I had a massive thinking-out-loud post on that in Emotions and Feelings lately. It makes me feel inadequate, in fact this thread makes me cry as well. I think the best/only way to handle it is to get your sense of fulfillment elsewhere. .. by that I mean that as guys cannot really be stopped looking at stuff like that, your best bet to make yourself feel valuable is not to compete with any girls but to develop yourself socially academically, intellectually and spiritually..then you wont need to feel more attractive than XYZ and dont depend on your boyfriend for validation. Im trying this approach...heh. good luck

I think Shy is right, that you are really just going to have to talk to him, and if he cant listen to that, its not a good sign. Just tell him that lately you wonder if hes as happy as he used to be, keep it general and non accusing.

Now, forgive me if Ive read this wrong, am I understanding this right? Youve been with this girl a year, and and now you are going to have an open relationship where you can go with other people but will end up back with her unless you find other people you love?!? Thats insane..if you two really loved each other youd be togerther and not want anyone else! Sounds like shes using you to be honest - like, she wants to go out with other guys but always have the feeling that youll be a *backup* if she doesnt find anyone else, and you're doing the same. It seems quite dumb. You two cant be into each other that much if you are doing something like this, why not just split up and go after other people? You and your girlfriend have a long distance , hardwork relationship anyway that clearly cant mean that much to you, its amystery why you are still together. Split up and find people you DO care about. Cos you dont love this one.

When I was 17, (younger 17, as I still am 17!) I was with a 14 year old. Now, he's 15. And Ill be 18 in a few weeks. Im not saying it's wrong, just often...inconvenient. You dont know about pushing sexual stuff; it's very difficult. His parents won't be wild on it. My boyfriend was very much in control and mature and I dont feel guilty at all. My own story ended badly as I fell in love with him and he with me but we couldnt be together, my heart was smashed. That was about 10 months ago and I still cry over him sometimes.

Hmmm...I looked at some myself yesterday, adding more confusion! I think Ill get my sense of selfworth from other areas rather than relationships, so I wont mind so much. Or, Ill try to.

Thank you for all replies. Well yes..Id be entitled to civilly bring it up in a discussion with my boyfriend and explain how it makes me feel. I really dont think hes addicted, just a casual user. HOWEVER Isnt it his right as an adult to do as he pleases? If I were him, Id feel quite hacked off that someone was telling me what I could and couldnt watch, or was trying to tell me, etc. I just feel very sad, really. Sad that I care so much! Iin an ideal world I wouldnt mind it, thatd be easier, but as I do Ill just have to get the heck over it..heh.

Im 17, female, and overall Id say I have a fairly liberal outlook. From about the age of 13/14 Ive used pornography/erotica to use as part of masturbation, and never really thought much of it. I always used it pretty much only when I was single though. However...when i went through a manic phase (im manic depressive) last year, I had many a relationship, and when I came out of that phase, I started to question a lot of my life, my beliefs..a miniature, very early midlife/teenage crisis, I guess. I did watch some more hardcore porn, and I also researched a bit about it. And thought about it. And its the following that disturbs me: -over 60% of women in the sex industry are victims of childhood abuse -isn't pornography visual infidelity? -if you are in a relationship, shouldnt you focus your sexual desires/the side of you onto your boy/girlfriend? -isnt it somewhat insulting to your significant other...I thought, maybe Im old fashioned, that sexuality was something kept between two people as something semi-sacred? I mean this in a committed relationship context. Fair enough if youre single; but if you are in a serious partnership, isnt it saying *you arnt enough to fulfil the sexual side of me?* -isnt it somewhat hypocritical of people to say to their boy/girlfriend *no dont worry about your stomach/breasts or whatever, I find you PERSONALITY hot*..and then get off over images featuring people with massive breasts and tiny waists? (I know thats a generalisation, of course there's variation, etc) -I feel bad for being, these days at least, anti-pornography..like I should just be a more liberal woman or whatever and get over it, blah blah. But it sickens me and I cry when I read about some workers in the sex industry; its so sad that sexuality can now be packaged up like that. And the final bit is that my boyfriend watches it occasionally. I almost feel..well, you can have that, whats the point of me? I dont know. If people see orgasming etc as something you can reach just by looking at strangers, then I guess that devalues what we have. Im not about to dump him over it or suchlike because he is a great boyfriend, and lets face it, most guys use it anyway. I did use to go with the argument that *its just catering to sex drive, and is an outlet for young guys*..well, fine. So what did we do before the internet/magazines? Yee-eesss.... My usual tactic when faced with such an issue is to have an affair and thereforeeee hurt him more than he could ever hurt me, but Ive grown up a bit since then and now I just want to work through feeligns properly. I dont want to talk to him about it; he thinks Im fine with it, and I dont want to be a dumb nagging little .. yeah. Just venting.

A few weeks ago, my bf was fingering me for quite a while, I was about 80% of the way to orgasming..and I almost passed out as well...weird, huh? This hasnt happened since, maybe it was because I hadnt eaten anything for ages and because it was a very intense physical sensation..sensory overload?

No...it wasnt love. At least, not from his side! You dont hurt someone you love like that. You wouldnt say you wanted to be with them forever, then change your mind just a few hours later.. Hes young and has poor judgement, move on.

A lot of it is to do with insecurity, usually over things like appearance and success with guys. Depressingly shallow, aint it!

There may be a large part of you that thinks you arnt worthy of a decent relationship, hence your self sabotage?

Id say I prepare mentally..for about 3 minutes! Its just the way I am, I can just start thinking of stuff like that, and the whole episode lasts about 4 minutes. Its better to take longer sometimes though (kills more time if nothing else)

Completely. It seems selfish, but when I really want to end it all, someone telling me I have so much to live for doesn't really work..if I believed that, I wouldn't have a problem!

Right on. I'd put a lot of money on this friend being right, unfortunately. If people are into you, they contact you.

Oh dude.. Its not about having a significant other, Ive had over 12 in the last year or two, and Im still in treatment for suicidal urges. Look elsewhere for the source of your unhappiness.

Some people DO have their first one at 8 or 9. I was 9 - but I really want to emphasise that I had no real ideas about *sex* or anyting, I just accidentally discovered it, kept going with it and found out that one thing lead to that particular result! I know its odd but there are advantages, I can cum in 43 seconds now. .. yes, I have timed it. I am a freak.

If you dislike it, you can leave.

He really does need to be evaluated by a psychiatrist, because he is having psychotic symptoms. Don't wait until a suicide-attempt crisis.

Ermmm...Id find that very hard to believe! Think about it...didya ever hear a doctor say "and here's a health tip, always pee after sex or else you'll probably get an infection?" No, its not true. For one thing, the uretha and that area etc where urinary tract infections occur is separate to the sexual organs, so that makes no sense!!

I can relate to that, I have come cloes to being OK through religion and the like on a couple of occasions though..Buddhism is a good one. And well...if there is nothing after this life, then you wont care when you die. But there is plenty of reason to think that there is something else after we go..study Philosophy a bit, youll see what I mean. Although, the thought that Ill never end even after death seems alittle derpessing in itself some days.

I do at least 2 hours excercise per day because I have a compulsive problem with that as well - it ties in with my anorexic/bulimic tendencies. So I appreciate that advice but TOO MUCH exercise is one of my problems. I am doing as much as I realistically can today, Ive done a lot more than I thought I could. Thank you for both replies.

That's all true. Im a walking ball of regret at only 17! It's making me think that my thinking is my problem, not so much what's given to me.