steff

i um, enjoy spending time alone with the guy that i like. it makes me feel happy that i get to spend time with him alone, and talk. i mean today we went on a 2km walk together and it was great just being able to talk to him without anyone where with us.

ok, as you know, my grandmother had been suffering with cancer for the past year, and last friday was put in palliative care. early yesterday evening she died, yesterday i was crying and was upset, but not as much as i would have hoped to be. today i havent even cried once. i can say it to myself and i just dont cry, and i just dont understand whats happening... i know i said a while ago that i didnt want to cry and upset my dad, but its strange that im not having to force myself not to cry. do you think that on friday which is when the funeral is that it will hit me and i will just cry then???? when opa died earlier this year, the whole time for like a month later i was numb and crying the whole time. why isnt it the same??? i feel guilty and bad. is there something wrong, am i just a bad granddaughter.

Today, it was slapped in my face that what is happening is real. my grandmother is dieing from cancer, and today was put in palliative care (where u go to die) we went to visit her, as i walked past one of the windows to the place, i looked in and saw this frail old lifeless body lieing in the corps position in bed, it was then that i thought "wow, if thats what some of the people look like in here, granny must be really bad" we were led into her room, and to my disbelief that lifeless body was my granny. i had seen her like only 5 days prior too, and she looked so much better then. i refarmed from crying nearly the whole time that i was there. when my dad came home from the hospital, he told us that the doctors had said, that they give her 24hours to 2 weeks to live. wow what a slap in the face again. granny is my last grandparent and that really hurts me. i love my grandparents, i had my second last grandparent die in feb this year. but now im going to lose my last one. everytime someone talks about it, i just think about james, or pretend that their not talking about anyone i know. i dont really let them see me cry, i just sort of leave wipe my eyes and return. i dont know what to do, i need to be strong for dad. when opa died in feb, i still havent gotten over it. how do i cope with losing my last grandparent, and not show the emotion about it. i need to be strong, and i cant show the tears. whats the best thing to do. help me i dont want to look weak, and i dont want to cry. thank you for helping me, i really am thankful for it

dont worry, i too think i like my bestfriend, and have for the past 3 years. and i still dont know his feelings because they mixed.

i have had it done twice, mainly because of the pain, and the idea of splitting your legs infront of someone you dont know. yes it can be painfull, but once it is done you are really happy, upkeep is just exfoliating (sp) and moinsturising (sp) ive always been told to have it done every 5 weeks... hope it helps, i think its worth it, but its a personal decision, i dont do it for anyone else, i dont even have a bf, i do it for myself.

i am on the pill aswell, and my doctor said that if u miss one pill and then have sex, there is a chance that you will get pregnet, i would go and get a test done just to be sure.

hey, i just wanted to say something to everyone here... that is... my brothers friend died last night from a heart attack at age 23 she was healthy and fit and everything, she was on the beach when it happened. my brother and all his friends went in to say their good byes last night... but what i want to say is that, you may be healthy, your friends may be healthy, but we can not fore see the future, and i dont think we tell our friends just how much we care about them and love them. i was hoping that the next time you have the chance to tell your friends just how much they mean to them, because you might just leave it to late

hey, i used to shave, but had that problem, so i waxed and still have that problem, but i found that when i exfolant (sp) and moisturise (sp) its alittle better... unfortunlety not all of us girls can look great down there.

ok this is my story... i have this crush on a friend which has lasted 3 years, and at times i get so sick of always thinking about him, and wondering if he likes me and all that stuff, that during the christmas break, i all of a sudden stopped talking to him... only to stop loving him.... if he called, i wouldnt answer, if he smsed me i wouldnt reply, if he e-mailed me i wouldnt answer, if i saw him down the street, i would walk the other way... i only did this to strengthen my heart, and to try and stop loving him... maybe he is doing that to you, maybe he wants to keep the friendship but cant if he loves you... i wouldnt take it personally, wait a couple of weeks and send an e-mail or call him and say "lets catch up" go have a coffee and just take the friendship from there... do u like him??? maybe you should tell him if u do

i think this is mainly a venting post... but if you can help, thanks. i dont understand whats going on of late. i think its connected to my last post "i was raped" i cant stand being around people right now, especially family. i cracked it the other day, i had, had enough of being kissed and hugged by my parents, but they are still forcing me too, i know its sounds horrible, but i dont want to have to kiss my parents each morning when i get up, each time i leave the house and come home, each time they leave the house and come home, and each night... it can be like 8 times a day, im sick of it, i want space, and i dont want to be touched. my dad deliberatly (sp) goes out of his way to make me angry, and i know he does, coz he tells my mum that he does and that he enjoys it. he'll make me so angry to the point that i just want to cry or smash something. like today, there is one tv program that i like to watch, only last 30minutes, but every day he has to sit there and bag every word that comes out of the actors mouth... when i just want to sit there relax from my study for exams, and watch the program.... it annoys me. all day long i just want to stare at the photo on my bedside table and cry, i dont want anyone around, i dont want anyone to talk to, i dont want to see anyone, i just want to lie there and cry. im so sick of covering the reason why im upset to my mum, when she touches me i push her away and shes always like "has someone touched you" what can i say.... "YES" i just want a deep dark hole where i can never get out of... sometimes i just want to get into my car and drive it into a tree... im sick of holding this pain inside of me, i sick of thinking about the rape every day, im sick of thinking that im never going to be good enough for my parents.... do u know what my dad said to me the other day, infront of friends... that i was a mistake, and that i wasnt planned and wasnt wanted, that he wanted a refund... wow i feel loved.... greatly.

do u have any prof of thr blackmail, i think for things like that you can go to the police about it.. i think dont hold me to it.... just tell ur friends the threat, and if they get an e-mail from him not to open it.

hey, i like this name Hailey Ann Willis... i think thats cute, and Anne is my middle name

lol dont worry its hard like that.... im trying to work out if my best friend likes me.... his so sweet, and i wish he did coz his the nicest guy... but its different when its someone else isnt it well hope i am being of assistance, and if u need me, im here.... oh by the way, thanks for writing in my post, it means alot to me that people care

wow thats really bad, im so sorry that you had to go throw all that. i dont really know what to say, but if you need to talk you can pm me any time okay... im here for you

just ask her if she would be okay with you going out with him, it wouldnt hurt to ask her would it????

maybe you should talk to the ex to find out about the break up, and whether they would be okay with u going out with him first. and then just drop some hints for him... but make sure u trust that he wont treat you badly.... hand around some of your other friends, and see what he does, does he try and still come over and sit with you? or does he leave you alone... sit in other areas and see if he still follows... bring up conversations about what u think would make a good bf, and see if he tries to fulfill them eg "i like a guy that will sit with me just to chat, or listens to what i have to say" and just see what he does

yeah, i think he does, its strange how u can never tell in your own situation, but when you read some one elses u just know... i think he does like you... do you like him????

well, to me it doesnt matter, ive been out with a guy who was really slim and worked out heaps. i had another bf who was a chief, and put it this way, u dont trust a thin chief, and i trusted him, and now the guy that i have a crush on, doesnt really work out and isnt that athletic, but is slim and still gorgouse. i dont like guys that have really strong stomachs, to me to isnt nice to lie next to .... hope it helps.

i thought i would come here, because i have no were else to go, i cant talk to anyone about this, because none of my friends will listen to this sort of stuff, and i feel like i am dieing inside of me, it hurts so much. can any one help me get through this.... this is my story. a couple of months ago, my sister came into my room and told me that the person who touched me also touched her. i never really used to think about what happened to me when i was younger. but when i found out it happened to my sister as well, i was upset, devistated, and just wanted her to shut up. the next day was my year 12 biology trial exam, during this time, it dorned on me that what he actaully had done to me was rape. i snapped and ended up only getting 22% on my exam, my end of year biology exam is tomorrow, and i am still in pain about what happened. for a while, every day i cried about it, and it was in my head the whole time 'i was raped, i was raped' it hurt, and i had no one to talk about it. it was about two weeks later, before i actaully told my sister that he also did that to me. as a result of this, i am scared about males, i love james, as you guys already know, but i am scared of other males. im scared of having kids, fearing that it will happen to them, and i wouldnt let them out of my sight, which would result in them not having a good life. my sister is dating someone that my family doesnt really like, they are getting married next year. my mother claims that if she does, she doesnt have a daughter, and my brother says he doesnt have a sister. if this is the case i will be turn between being with the rest of my family who have supported me financially for my life, and my sister who knows the truth about what has happened to me. i cant be with both, and i just dont know what to do.... of late i have been crying alot about it again, worried that i wouldnt be able to give my husband children, and that i will be desterned to be alone for the rest of my life, as i fear people being around me. i got scared when going into a class room of males, which was hard because all my business, legal and religion classes consisted mainly of men, i was scared about seeing a male teacher alone. this one time i went swimming, i did a few laps looked up and saw that the rest of the pool was filled with men who had just arrived, at that time thoughts went through my head, thinking that they were planning on ganging up on me, and that they were all evil, i had to leave the pool. another time, which was just on friday, i was in the gym and the cleaner came in, (who is male) and started talking to me and cleaning and i freaked out that he was going to do something.... i cant keep living like this, yet i cant tell my mum coz it would brake the whole family up. can anyone please help me, im so scared about it all.

when it is erect (sp) doesnt it look the same anyway???? i dont actaully think it matters, normally it was done for religion or during the wars to prevent infection, these days i think its normal not to have it done. my mother had to fight to have my brother done, but now i dont think doctors like doing it....

ok, here is one of my little problems. for the past three years i have been having a sleeping problem, like i can sleep for 11 hours and still be tired all day. my family told me i was sleeping to much, so i tried cutting it back to 8 hours a night, and i was still really tired. they then told me that it was my diet, so i joined a gym and have lost 10kg, and have changed my diet to pretty much no junk food. but im still tired, so i went to the doctors to have a blood test, and they say nothing is wrong. but for the last couple of nights i havent been able to make it past 7:30pm and i will sleep till 6-7 the next morning. what is wrong with me??? im still tired all day. what should i do???

hey, i have liked this guy (james) for three years, i have known him for four. the other day, we had our last day of school (year 12 muck up day) so we had our shirts signed and everything, dont know if this means much but he wrote love james on my shirt, which he has never done to anyone. but anyway. latter that day i was back at his place and we continued to write little messages to each other, then decided it was best if we washed off all the pen marks on our skin. we ended up in the laundary without our tops on (i still had my bra) washing each other off. he allowed me to touch him in a way that he doesnt really allow anyone else. later on, he was talking to me as if he was joking, but did actaully care about me. his always said that he will never date anyone till after exams, our first exam is this friday. do you think he might actaully be interested in me, his not to the type to let people touch him, his very shie quite and kept to himself, but has let me get rather close to him... please help, tell me what i should do to find out if he likes me????

for a couple of years, my sister has been coursing alot of trouble for my family, u know, telling people that shes been raped (when she hasnt) that she gets bashed up by family (which she doesnt) and just generally saying some really horrible things about the family. she doesnt value the family and doesnt give a dam. also yesterday i had had fights with friends. unfortunalety last night i was really down, i wrote a suicide note for mum with my will in it, and a note to james telling him i loved him and only wanted him to trust me... i said goodnight to mum, and although i felt like i kept in controll, she saw something was wrong, ran into my room and found to two notes on my bed side table, i had the tablets in my hand. i was ready, she stopped me... i feel horrible making her watch me all the time, but i just felt that if i die, my sister would realise how much family is important, and my friends realise that they shouldnt fight... i feel so bad now

remember a while ago i questioned if my best friend james was gay.,.... well guess what, today he said to me "i feel sorry for gays because they cant have children" (im not trying to be mean to any gays.) but so happy, because maybe now i could be with him just wanted to tell u that

i went out last night with my brother, his girlfriend and my sister, we went out for my birthday, it was meant to be a great night to celebrate me turning 18 and everything... it turned out really horrible, with fighting, arguments and people stopping talking to other people... when i got home this morning, i felt so low, so horrible, and so bad, that i felt like i wanted to prove a point as to how much they should just get along, or something bad will happen, i had a thought to kill my self, as a revenge thing, i know it sounds horrible, but it was like, if i die, they might get along better... these thoughts only come when im upset, or something bad has happened, and im scared that one day im going to be so sad, that I will just kill myself. My brothers girlfriend was telling me about how one of her friends saw a guy step out in front of a train and killed him self when he got hit. My first thought, was, "that will be a quick and easy way to die" I didn't eve mean it… it just came into my head…. What scares me as well, is that when im driving with my mum, I get urges to speed up and slam into a tree… the only thing that stops me, was that I had someone else in the car. I'm going for my p plates tomorrow morning, and im worried that now that I am able to drive my own car, I might actually just drive into a tree and kill myself… im worried that will happened. Not so long ago, I brought into my room, a large bottle of water, and a packet of 30 strongest pain killers available, from when my dad had an operation… I was going to take them that night, and I don't know what stopped me… but when I woke up, and was alive, I cried so much, I wasn't meant to be here… Help me!